英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事 The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 　　老正在学生上生物:师师师“师师师师”在,我将要你看我袋子里的只青蛙。接着,他把手 伸口袋,却拿出了一份肉三文治。老困惑地看了一眼,沉思了一会儿,道:师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师“师真 奇怪。我明明得我已把午吃掉了。师师师师师师师师师师师师” During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. 　　在二十世六十年代,美国和正于太空的白化师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 段,美国航空航天局决定研制一珠笔,以便在太空重力零的师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 境下仍然可以写。大量的研工作,花了大一百万美师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 元的成本,太空笔于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 写,在回到地球后,作一新奇的小玩意儿也确吸引了一些师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 目光。 　　而面着同的,了一支笔。师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don't do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative. When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing. When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets. 我做事情花了,是效率低,师师师师师师师师师 老板做事情花了,是深思熟。师师师师师师师师师师 我没有做完事情,是惰,师师师 老板没有做完事情,是太繁忙。 没有人告我的事情我做了,是自作明,师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 老板做了同的事情,是首。师师师师师师师师师 我取悦老板,是献媚, 老板取悦他的老板,是合作。 我干得好,老板从来不会想起, 我干得不好,老板从来不会忘。师师 An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师一个老人独居在北,他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里些土豆,但不知道 可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事,儿子回信道:师“看在上帝的面上,千万不 要翻松花园的泥土,我把埋在那儿了。师师师师师师师” 第二天凌晨4点,一英国士兵出在老人家中,在花园把土师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 地翻遍,但并没有找到任何支。师师师” 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师老人写信告儿子件奇怪的事情,到底生了什事情, 下一怎做。步师师师师师 “师师师师师师”儿子回信道:你只管土豆好了。 One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework." 　　一天,小女孩从学校回到家里,:,今天在学校里我因一件我没师师师师“师师师师师师师 有做的事情而受到。师师师” 　　激地:师师师师“师师师师师师师师师师师师那真是太可怕了:我要跟你的老好好一,了,你没 有做的那件事是什,师师师师师师师师师” 　　小女孩回答:我的家庭作。师“师师” While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den，私室,,师师师 . What is the big brass gong，,师师 and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work? Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning! 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师一个学生他朋友参他的新公寓,甚是得意。那个大 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师和子是干什用的,他的一个朋友他。那玩意儿 害了,那是一个会的,学生回答。怎工作的,他的朋师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 友。看着,眨眼了,那学生走上前一把操起和师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲。突然,他听到隔壁那有人师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 狂叫,敲了,你白痴:在是凌晨两点了:。师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师” There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own,on which he bestowed the name of Paddy,and loved mightily,He was very saddened by the fact that he could not take his pet away with him on his holidays,which he was spending with some relatives in the country, Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor,The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return,she broke it very gently,therefore,and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed,Later,however,she heard him weeping lustily in his bed,He was inarticulate with grief,but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”, “But,” said the mother,“I told him about it this morning,and he did not seem to mind:” The brother explained,“yes,but he thought you said Daddy,” 师师师师师师师师师从前有一个小男孩,他得到了一条完全属于他自己的小狗。他小狗取名 帕蒂,它万师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师分。他要到下一些戚家去度假,可又 不能师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 上他的物,此他很心。 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师他不在家的候,帕蒂在一次不幸的中失去了年的生命。男孩的母怕他回家听 到个师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师消息太,因此她相当小心地把个消息透露他,而令人惊的是小伙 子看起来并不怎在意。可是,后来师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师她听他在床上哭得死去活来。他心得不出来, 但是他的哥哥解师师“师” 帕蒂他在痛哭。 “”师师师“师师师师师师师师师师师师可是,位母:我今天早晨告他了,他好像根本不在乎 啊:” 师师“师师师师师师师师”他哥哥解是的,可他以你的是:爸爸。 Mr,and Mrs,Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat,Now Mrs,Taylor was expecting another child, Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too, One evening Mr,and Mrs,Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival,“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,”said Mr,Taylor, Pat came into the room just then and said,“What are you talking about,”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,”his mother answered, “ It's no use,”said Pat hopelessly,“ He'll follow us there,” 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师泰勒夫有一个七的男孩,名叫帕特。在泰勒太太 正着第二师师师师师师 胎。 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师帕特在人家看儿,他不太喜他,所以他自己家 里也将有一个儿的师师师师师师师师师师 消息感到不。 师师师师师师师师“师师师师师师师一天上,有了儿,我泰勒夫正在个儿的降生划做安排。泰勒先生: 的房子就太小,不师师师师” 住了。 师师师师“师师师”师师“师师师师师师帕特恰好在个你在什,他的候走屋,他:母回答:我在我 在得搬家,因儿师师师师师师师师师” 就要生了。 “”师师“师师师师师师师”那没用,帕特望他会跟我到那儿地。去的。 Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation,and the doctor,somewhat nettled,said:“Landon,you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject,You seem to lack ambition,Why,at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world,” “Yes,” said Landon,“he couldn't help it,for you will recall the fact,doctor,that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher,” 师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师 登作了一次不成功的朗。老有点不悦,他道: “师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师登,你在上好不大,你好像像缺乏志向步。山大大 帝在你个年可已师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师” 征服了半个世界。 “”师师“师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师师是啊,登,他没法不那。博士先生,您回想一下史, 山大大帝有里士师师师师师师师师师师师”多德做他的老。