疯狂农庄剧本

疯狂农庄剧本 Barnyard scriptAll right now.Im just heading to the fields Duke. Ill be back.ClearHey Jerry hows your mamaOh yeah its a beautiful day. Well time to go to work.Morning Ben.Thanks Miles.Let me know if you see Otis.Im staying out of that one.-Okay meetings in five minutes. -Okay boss.And I want everyone present.Duke have you seen OtisNope I havent seen him.Now where was l Oh oh yeah.The Jersey cows.-Hey Benny boy. -Hi.Hey you seen Otis aroundYes I know exactly where Otis is.You boys just steer clear of Otis all rightAnything you say there Ben.Well take a rain check on the meeting though.-Yeah rain check. -Yeah that. Check.Hey.Hey I stepped in something. Whats on my hoofEtta-Otis -Oh Ben dont worry.Im sure hes heading for the meeting right now.Okay let go. Let go. I got it.-He said Let go. -All right. Hes okay.All right boys heres the dealio.Its a little creation of mine I like to call hill surfing.-Watch your hoof. -Ill spot you. Ill spot you.Are you sure this is safe OtisPeck Come on safeIts completely safe Since when isnt surfing safeHes got a point.Okay salt lick.-Its go time -Ill try it. Im down.-Shotgun -PiggybackNever You are all gonna die.-Freddy -Nothing.Wait a second. Photo op.Okay get together-Hey Pig -What-Whered you get that apple -This appleOh well it originally was attached to this.OtisWhat What What happenedYou know its times like this when I really like to say...Oh cacaYou didnt do thatOkay okay Look this is bad enoughPlease no one scream TreeTreeLets surfHang on now boys Yeah Hang hoofOtis Are we supposed to not yell RockWe got a gusherChicken farmOh I get it. We cant yell Tree or Rockbut you get to yell Chicken farm.Morning everyone.Okay before we get started we have a birthday.Everett the dog turned 1 3 today.Boy those dog years are rough huhAlso remember its...WhassupHey Pop. Look I know youre probably looking for an explanationregardingthe exploded chicken on me and the sticky black... The oil stuff.You are gonna love this Ill tell you... You the most becauseyou my friend are a laugher. And every...-Didnt we all know that Right -Just take a seat.Ill... Ill take a seat.Cool.Oh sorry about that.Little tight.As I was sayingremember tonight at the hoedown its free cider night.Hey. Hey Pig I think theres a dead bee in your nostril.Thats not dead.Okay the first matter at hand: gray market goods.As if I needed to say it again.The purchase of human articles from the gopher undergroundis strictly prohibited.Hello MotoHey Otis. Yeah listen I think your Nikes are...Yeah this really isnt the best time.Yeah this really isnt the best time.Hang on a second. Frankie come here. Frankie come here.No Im not... Come here. Im not gonna hurt you. Frankie come here.I told you never to do that again as long as I liveNow put it over there NowSorry about that. Frankies out of hand.Oh the Nikes. Whats the make againYeah. Yeah I really should go Mr. Jordan Air.Wrong number.Thank you.Second item.Lest I remind you this is coyote season.Thats right.These are ruthless and desperate creatures.Rule number one: stay in groups.Rule number two: stay inside the perimeter of the fence at all times.And number three: be careful out there.Okay lets hit it.And leaving quickly. Walking out. Walking out. Step step step wider...Otis why dont you stick around for a minuteHes scary. Bye.Okay Miles. What do you thinkI think youre lucky.Most cows only have four hoovesbut youre gonna have an extra one right up your...Okay thats nice. Dad-Sit. -And Im sitting.Okay. First offI dont even want to know who was on the other end of that phone.-lt was the gophers wasnt it -Well l...No I dont want to know. Was it the gophers-Heres... -No dont. I dont want to know.Why do you do this to me How do you think that makes me lookSo this... This is about youWhere were you this morning OtisI was having a little fun. I mean you should try it.It starts with a smile then slowly builds and...You promised to help me with the brush around the fence.You know its coyote season.Geez coyotes. I dont get it. Whats the big deal Theyre coyotes.Them tiny us big What are they gonna doYou have a lot to learn.And you know what I dont get the fence thing.Really it cant keep them out.That fence defines our space.And as long as Im still kickingno animal will be harmed inside that fence.Okay thats what you do. You.Okay if youre trying to groom me to be the big leaderjust give it up. Its not me Pop.I mean if I were in charge things would be different.Every animal for himself. Thats the way it should be.Otis.A strong man stands up for himself.A stronger man stands up for others.Oh shoot. You know I forgot my pen.-And your shift tonight -Ill be there.Otis youre gonna have to grow up one day.Youll never be happy if you spend all your time goofing off.No Just watch me.ManabungaFreddy is this great or whatOh yeah. I could just eat your head right offI mean... You know its fun up here.PipId go with the wood on this one.Thats what Im talking about Sweet mamaHey theres animals over thereNice shoes.Oh doctor What a game we have here todayYeahHe got the ball on the 30. Hes down on the 20. Lifts it up...Its a touchdownYeahBaconHamburgerChorizo-Filet -What are you doingIm naming the kinds of cuts of meat to the animal Im jumping on.MachacaPork chopsRump roastYou know what You dont need to be doing this.Oaty-oaty Oaty-oatyHi Oaty.Hey Maddie. Looking good over there.Chubba Face you crazy cow.Say Im smooshy.I am smooshy.Okay now you.Say Boy is it windy.Boy is it windy.My turn my turn.-Okay chick. Just run along now. -Bye Oaty.All righty.Hey who is sheThey just showed up. Farmer took them in.Thank you Farmer.Yeah something happened with their herd.Theyre the only two that made it.She needs a friend.Wait wait waitExcuse me but I couldnt help notice you over there.Hey Oh look at you. Youre all...-Pregnant -Yeah sure. I mean...Really Cause I mean it isnt that noticeable you know.I mean especially when you stand straight onand you dont look at it.You know when you turn to the side it gets a little lumpy.I mean glowy. Glowy. Its a glow.Im... Im Otis.Back off Daisy. Theres an L on that boys forehead.No thats just me the contortion mouse.CXN-Q -Oh man youre killing me dude.Look I just wanted to welcome you to the barnyard.Im sure that you and your...Not looking. The key word not.Work with me. Not looking.This is my friend Bessy.Yeah shes a cupcake.-lt was nice to meet you Otis. -Yeah too you.You know what Switch those.Oh boy.Theres nothing for you there but I kind of like her friend.Hes outAll clear SweetNow every heifer every cow Hold tight to your udders nowFarmer Brown is bedding down Lets turn this barn into funky townChickens on the left Dance with your neighborHogs dont slobber on the pool tableHogs dont slobber on the pool tableTry to go easy on the manure Its a dance floor not a sewerHere we go do-si-do Here we go do-si-doPut this thing on hotBetter hold on tight When we go hitting the hayYou better hold on tight and prayYou better hold on tight When we go hitting the hayDarling you better run Cause I wont hold back them horsesHitting the hay Well go hitting the hayWe will rumble and tumble Night and dayHere we go again Come grab your friendShake him up shake him down Try to get a good blendHere we go do-si-do Here we go-First you hold on tight -Hold on tight- Then you dance all night -Dance all nightHit the hayBetter hold on tight When we go hitting the hayYou better hold on tight and prayYou better hold on tight When we go hitting the hayHitting the hay Well go hitting the hayWe will rumble and tumble Night and dayWell go hitting the hay Well go hitting the hayWith our backsides shaking Well go hitting the hayWow This is amazing.What you looking atWhat You want some of thisOh yeah I didnt think so.Sit right here honey.The flowers are beautiful.See On time just like l...Right.Cramp Thats a crampOh its crampingAnd release.-Hello Son. -DadIve been thinkingand Im willing to accept your apology.-Really -Sure. I mean its only right. I mean...Okay.I dont mean to let you down Pop. Im just out trying to have some fun.Its a beautiful night.I remember when I used to sit out here with your sister.-I dont have a sister. -Oh yeah.That was you wasnt itThank you all right.So are we okay-Were okay. -Great.See cause I wanted to ask you something.My friends are all going to the barn tonightand not that it matters either way to mebut evidently Im needed.Im a sort of an integral part of a musical number.Yeah I tried to tell them no you know But they were just so...I told them My dads not gonna wanna cover my shift.l mean its my shift not his. It isnt his You knowl dont want to be selfish. Whats mine is mine and...What do you thinkOtis...I never thought I was gonna amount to much.I certainly didnt think Id be in charge of anything.But that all changed one day.It was the day you showed up.I head out into the meadowand I see this little baby calf all alonestumbling around.You know before you became a nightmare.Well I took you home that nightand I know it doesnt sound possiblebut I looked up into the skyand I would have sworeI saw the stars dance.At that moment I knew my place was heretaking care of things.I guess you helped me realize that.I love you Son.-You still want to go dont you -Yeah I really do.Not that your stuff... You know the stuff youre saying isnt nifty andeverything...No one says nifty.I say nifty. I do and sometimes even swifty. Ill say that.Very impressive.Go ahead have fun. Ill cover your shift.Thanks Pop. Youre the best.-Otis -YeahBe the stronger man.Yeah. Yeah thats that saying thing rightA strong man stands up for himself.A stronger man can bridge the gap between...Got it locked in the vault.See I learn.Mr. BoombasticWhat you want is a boombastic Romantic fantastic loverShe call me Mr. Boombastic Say me fantasticTouch me in me back She says Im Mr. RomanticCall me fantasticTouch me in me back She says Im Mr. Ro...SmoothWhos here Moo Its me MooWhassup Milk meHey babe.My barn. Thats right my barn.Youre late. Come on.Hes a real winner that one.Oh stop. I think hes kind of cute.Lay down in my Jacuzzi and get some bubble bathOnly sound you will hear is the beating of my heartAnd we will mmm-mmm And have some sweet pillow talkIm Boombastic really fantastic Mr. Boom Boom Boom BoomGive it up for the one and only Biggy CheeseWere gonna have some fun tonight yall.Hey Buck. Get your hooves off the stage.You aint in show business.What were you raised in a barnWell youre a good horse. Okay...What you looking at TurkeySomebody pass me the cranberry sauce.Dead turkey walking.We all gonna die but we dont know the date.We know your date ThanksgivingOkay to kick things off tonight I got a special treat.Back by popular demand.Ladies this ones for you.Our own Otis and the CrewWell down on the farmWhere they all ask for youParties all hours of the night.What is that farmer up to You know what-Im gonna call someone. -Oh leave him be.Well Ill just call whoever I want whenever I want to.Thats exactly what Ill do.Because I know what a rave is Mr. Lump.Im going to sit and watch TV and be a lump.Okay Mr. Lumpy. Its just not right.They all ask for youThey all ask for youDown on the farmThey all ask for youIll check it.Its all right. Calm down. Its just the pizza guy.Im on it.Watch out. I got it. I got it.Pizza pizza pizza.Thanks. You want changeNo keep it.So you really ordered a lot of pizzas.Well yes. Were having a big human party.Just a party. A big one.With us celebrating our humanness.-Dude I love parties Can l... -No.Okay. Well then Ill see you.OuchMy arm fell off.My fake arm I mean.Wow I am so sorry about that.-Do you need any help -No I dont like help.Its just against my religion. Im a Nohelpian.Cool Im a Lutheran.What about thisYou know what You keep it. Its dirty now.Really All right.Dude I got a armYeah RighteousWell I wont back downNo I wont back downYou can stand me up at the gates of hellBut I wont back downGonna stand my groundWont be turned aroundAnd Ill keep this world from dragging me downGonna stand my groundGood evening ladies.Sorry to call on you so late in the eveningbut we did have a previous engagement.Now were gonna take six of you.Anyone makes a sound we dont mind the extra company.Boys take your pick.You wont be taking any hens tonight.And youre gonna stop usIs that whats gonna happen Are you gonna stop us henHow are you gonna do thatNo he is.Ben. How are you BenWe wouldve said hello had we seen you.Put the hen down Dag.Sure Ben. Whatever you say.Were just doing a little courting thats all.You know how much we like the hens.You know me ladykiller.You have us at a bit of a disadvantage here Ben.Theres six of usand only one old fat you.Oh baby Party timeOtisOtisOtis OtisIts Ben.Oh no. No no.Yeah. You hang on there buddy.All right now Otis. Just lift.Ten and two. Ten and two.Not like that. Now lift and two.You dogCome here fisherman.What do we do now Whos gonna protect us from the coyotesAnybody got a pistolOrder here Hey am I bothering youLets get this meeting started.-Duke whos gonna run the meeting -Thats what the meetings about.The meetings about finding someone to run the meetingIs that a good ideaWe should take a meeting about it.Someone has to do this. We dont have Ben.Therefore I would like to nominate myself.Dogs are... Listen to me.Dogs are watchful theyre loyal and very protective.And they lick themselves.I dont want a leader who licks himself.-Me neither. -Thats nasty.