满分作文展示3

满分作文展示3 【2011重庆卷】--现场作文4 姓名________班级__________ 某国际动物关爱协会面向全球中学生招募“动物代言人”，希望申请者选择一种 自己喜欢的动物，为之代言(speak for)。假设你是重庆新华中学的学生李华，有 意参与该活动。现请你用英文在线填写申请表(仅需填写“申请陈述”部分)，内容 如下:1.表示有意参加; 2.说明自己富有爱心、关爱动物; 3.打算为何种动物代言，并说明理由; 4.希望申请成功。 Application Form (申请表) Name(姓名) Sex(性别 ) Age(年龄 ) Li Hua F/M 18 Email Add.(电子邮件地址) lihua@xinhuaschool.com I am a student from Xinhua Middle School in Statement of Application Chongqing,China. ____________________________ (申请陈述) _________ 注意:(1)请在答题卡规定区域内作答; (2)词数100-120字; (3)“申请陈述”的第一句已经给出，不计入总词数。 I am a student from Xinhua Middle School in Chongqing, China._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ 【2011重庆卷】--现场作文4 可进行修改再创作 某国际动物关爱协会面向全球中学生招募“动物代言人”，希望申请者选择一种 自己喜欢的动物，为之代言(speak for)。假设你是重庆新华中学的学生李华，有 意参与该活动。现请你用英文在线填写申请表(仅需填写“申请陈述”部分)，内容 如下:1.表示有意参加; 2.说明自己富有爱心、关爱动物; 3.打算为何种动物代言，并说明理由; 4.希望申请成功。 Application Form (申请表) Name(姓名) Sex(性别 ) Age(年龄 ) Li Hua F/M 18 Email Add.(电子邮件地址) lihua@xinhuaschool.com I am a student from Xinhua Middle School in Statement of Application Chongqing,China. ____________________________ (申请陈述) _________ 注意:(1)请在答题卡规定区域内作答; (2)词数100-120字; (3)“申请陈述”的第一句已经给出，不计入总词数。 I am a student from Xinhua Middle School in Chongqing, China.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ 【2011重庆卷】--现场作文4 满分范文 某国际动物关爱协会面向全球中学生招募“动物代言人”，希望申请者选择一种自己喜欢的动物，为之代言(speak for)。假设你是重庆新华中学的学生李华，有意参与该活动。现请你用英文在线填写申请表(仅需填写“申请陈述”部分)，内容如下:1.表示有意参加; 2.说明自己富有爱心、关爱动物; 3.打算为何种动物代言，并说明理由; 4.希望申请成功。 Application Form (申请表) Name(姓名) Sex(性别 ) Age(年龄 ) Li Hua F/M 18 Email Add.(电子邮件地址) lihua@xinhuaschool.com I am a student from Xinhua Middle School in Statement of Application Chongqing,China. ____________________________ _________ (申请陈述) 满分范文1: 旁批 I am a student from Xinhua Middle School ?使用be greatly interested in 表in Chongqing, China. I am greatly interested in becoming one of the spokesmen for animals. ? 达了强烈参加招募的愿望，非常 得体。 I think I’ve got what it takes to be a perfect ?这句话句式比较复杂，包括了spokesman for the reason that I am a caring boy with a loving heart.? I intend to? be a what引导的宾语从句和reason后 接的同位语从句，且同一句话就spokesman for pandas. As is known to all, pandas are not only cute but also friendly. ? 准确地道地表达了要点的内容。 是一句佳句。 However, there are few of them left because of the destruction(破坏) of their habitat(栖息?intend to do sth.“想要做…”， 地). To make matters worse, some of them end 短语选用恰当，比want to do更 up in zoos, leading an unhappy life. ? As a big 正式。 ?该句使用了as引导的非限制lover of pandas, I think I should do something 性定语从句， as is known to allfor them. “众所周知”，并且使用了短语I’d be so grateful if you could give me a not only…but also。 chance to serve your organization and the precious pandas. ? ?to make matters worse “更糟 糕的是…”，衔接词使用恰到好 处，比what’s worse更加有新意。 ?结尾处用非常委婉的句式在 此表现作者注意语言的得体性， 并在此重申申请的目的。 满分揭秘: 本篇习作格式正确，语言地道，覆盖了所有要点，众多的高级短语及结构被作者运用得恰到好处，如:be greatly interested in, intend to, to make matters worse, 及lead a …life。另外，针对申请书的特点，作者能够从头至尾时刻注意语言的礼貌，真正验证了英语所要考查的学生实际应用能力。本篇文章可称得上是英语申请书中的典范。 满分范文2: 旁批 I am a student from Xinhua Middle School in ?I was wondering/I was Chongqing, China. I was wondering if you could thinking…是很好的委婉表达方give me a chance to be a spokesman for animals. ? 式，显示出作者考虑到正式问题的 I am an animal lover who has a loving heart.? 特点， 注意使用礼貌得体的语言。 ?此处使用了定语从句，该句表达I hold the opinion that animals should be treated nicely by everyone of us.? As I like elephants the 准确到位且简练自然。 ?该句中opinion后接了同位语从best, I’d like to be a spokesman for them. Known 句， 使得文章句型丰富，同时作as a useful animal, elephants play a very 者也注意到不同语态的搭配使用。 important role in people’s lives in some parts of the world.? Worryingly, ? in recent years the ?此句使用了过去分词作状语，属 于高级的句子结构，且句子中使用number of them has gone down sharply because of 了play a role in “在……起作用”这illegal hunting. I think people should know the 个短语，使得句子在结构上和词汇importance of protecting them before it’s too late. 的使用上都较为出彩。 I sincerely hope I can be chosen so that I ?worryingly是一个副词，起到了can call on more people to protect elephants. ? 很好的转折过渡的作用，自然引出 了另外一个原因。 ?结尾强调自己想被选中的愿望， 在内容上首尾呼应， 且本句使用 了so that引导的目的状语从句，完满分揭秘 美结篇。 满分揭秘 本篇习作从语言上来说正式得体，长短句结合读起来一气呵成，准确自然。文章注意各种句型的搭配使用，如宾语从句，定语从句，同位语从句以及目的状语从句。另外，作者在选词方面也十分考究，如用as, worryingly等进行内容的自然过渡，使得文章紧凑有序，丰富的短语如play an important role in, go down及call on sb to do(号召人们做某事)也为文章增色不少。