814 The One With The Secret Closet

814 The One With The Secret Closet [Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monica’s door.] Monica: (opens the door wearing a robe, but leaves the chain on) Hey, what’s up? Phoebe: Well, I left my guitar here again. Monica: Oh, okay. No problem. Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.) Monica: Okay. Phoebe: Oh. Monica: Here you go. Phoebe: Okay. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: Great! Umm…(Monica closes the door again and Phoebe knocks again.) Monica: What?! Phoebe: So do you want to hang out or something? Monica: Phoebe! You kinda caught me at a bad time. Phoebe: Oh are you and Chandler… Monica: Yes! Exactly. Phoebe: Okay. Do you guys want me to play for you? Monica: (laughs) No. (Closes the door as Chandler walks up.) Chandler: Hey Pheebs, what’s up? Phoebe: You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing. (Chandler lets her into the apartment and reveals that Monica is getting a massage from another woman.) Phoebe: Oh my God! You’re getting a massage! You never let me massage you!! Monica: Phoebe, I can explain! Phoebe: You told me you hate massages! Chandler: Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning…Don’t let Phoebe in. Phoebe: I can’t believe this! How long as this been going on? Monica: Well umm, Alexandra has been… Phoebe: Oh, it has a name? Monica: Phoebe, don’t get upset! Phoebe: Okay—Oop! Too late! I’m leaving! Come on Chandler let’s go! (She storms out.) Chandler: Well, Phoebe I thought I’d—(Off Phoebe’s look)—Yeah, what the hell. (Exits with Phoebe.) Opening Credits [Scene: Joey’s Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.] Joey: Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, we’re almost there! We’re almost there! Rachel: Oh Joey, I’m so happy things worked out for us that we’re having this baby together. I love you so much. Joey: Oh, I love you too. Rachel: And I hope it’s not an inappropriate time to say this but, you’re the best sex I ever had. Joey: That’s always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push! (Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.) Doctor: Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations! (She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Ross’s face where the baby’s should be.) Ross: (crying) I hope you’re a better father than you’re a friend!! (Cries again and Joey wakes up in horror.) Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey! Joey: What? What’s going on? Rachel: Come feel this! Come feel my belly! Joey: Aaaah… Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?! Joey: Really?! Rachel: Yes! (Joey starts to get up but stops.) Joey: Oh, y’know what? Maybe uh, you…you should come to me. I’m a not, I’m not wearing any bottoms. Rachel: Oh, okay! (She goes over to him and he feels her belly.) Joey: Oh my, oh my God! Rachel: Aw, it’s unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, she’s like umm…oh…who’s that kind of annoying girl soccer player? Joey: Mia Hamm? Rachel: Mia Hamm! Joey: Oh that’s amazing. (Drops the sheet.) Rachel: (looking down) Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe! Joey: Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has opened another wedding present as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey babe. Monica: Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they don’t like us do they? (They gave them a pok-a-dotted punch bowl.) Chandler: Who says you can’t get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back? Monica: No, it doesn’t say where it came from. Where would we return it? Chandler: How about to the street say from the balcony? Monica: Why don’t we just find a place for it? Chandler: Okay. How about in that cabinet? Monica: No! That’s where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation? Chandler: How about the closet by the bathroom? (The secret green door by the bathroom.) Monica: Oh, okay. Here, why don’t you let me do it? Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) It’s locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked? Monica: No reason. I-I keep private things in there. Chandler: Oh y’know, I’ve been living here a while and I’ve never seen what’s inside that closet. What is, what is in there? Monica: Feminine stuff. Chandler: Don’t try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff! Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-you’ll let it go. Chandler: Fine. Monica: Thank you! (He tries the door again and Monica glares at him.) Chandler: (walking casually away) Love you. Phoebe: (entering) Hello Chandler, lovely day huh? (To Monica) You! Chandler: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.) Phoebe: Why won’t you let me massage you? Monica: Well it’s…I mean I’d just—I’d be self-conscious. You’re my friend; I’d be naked. Phoebe: Monica! We lived together for years! I’ve seen you naked! Monica: That’s different, we were roommates! And when?! Phoebe: I’m curious about the human body. Monica: Hey, come on Phoebe, you can understand why this would be weird for me. Phoebe: But I’m a professional! And I’m really good! Look, if you’re uncomfortable we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay. Please? Monica: Okay, if it means that much to you… Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldn’t share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn’t teach us about dragons. Monica: Dinosaurs. Phoebe: Potato, potaato. [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey! Joey: Hey Ross! The baby’s kicking! Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachel’s belly.) Rachel: It’s not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again. Ross: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened? Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joey’s room and he was sleeping… Joey: A dreamless sleep. Ross: My God, the baby’s kicking. That’s great. Although I…kinda wish I-I would’ve been there to feel the kicking for the first time y’know. Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel. Ross: Look, I-I don’t want to miss anymore baby stuff. So…Here. Here’s my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! I’ll be there! Okay? I don’t care if it’s three in the morning and all you want is ice cream. Joey: Wow! Can I get a copy of that? [Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Monica is lying on the massage table waiting for Phoebe.] Phoebe: (calling from her room) Are you under the sheet? Monica: Yes. (Phoebe turns on some music and grabs some oil.) Phoebe: (in a soothing voice) Great, let’s begin. (She starts the massage.) How’s the pressure? Monica: Nice! Wow Phoebe you are good! Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And it’s not weird is it. Monica: No. Ooohh… Phoebe: That’s right, you just enjoy. Monica: (in a sexy voice) Oh. Oh yeah! Ohhhhh! Ohh! Oh yeah! Phoebe: (getting uncomfortable) Okay. Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh that’s it! That’s it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh… (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.] Chandler: I wasn’t trying to open your closet! I wasn’t trying to open your closet! I swear! (Running into the kitchen and sees its Joey.) Joey: Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing? Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she won’t let me see what’s in it. Joey: Why not? Chandler: I don’t know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can’t see?! Joey: I don’t know. Ooh, I bet it’s Richard. Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here? Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she’s having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or! Chandler: And here we go… Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Y’know it wouldn’t kill ya to respect your wife’s privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs! Rachel: Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don’t—Whoa!! (Winces in pain.) Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, don’t worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing. Rachel: Really? Joey: Absolutely. But, we’re gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? I’ll page Ross on the way. Come on. Rachel: Okay. Oh God—Ow!—Oo! Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everything’s gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones! [Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.] Joey: Hey! So? Dr. Long: She’s fine. She’s experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall. Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it you’ve had one of these Braxton thingies? Joey: So but everything is normal. Dr. Long: Absolutely. Joey: And-and there’s no danger to her and the baby? Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you don’t know what they are, but she’s fine. Rachel: Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm. Joey: Calm?! I wasn’t calm! I’ve never been more scared in all my life! Rachel: But wait you said everything was gonna be okay. Joey: Well what do I know?! I’m not a doctor! Rachel: But I—But everything is okay. I’m fine! Joey: You sure?! Rachel: Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctor’s uterus though. Mild discomfort, what’s he talking about? Joey: (seeing Ross) Oh hey-hey! Ross: (rushes in) Is everything okay? Rachel: Yeah, everything’s fine! Ross: Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened? Joey: Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions. Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don’t even feel them. Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion. Joey: Hey uh, what’s with the candy? Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater. Rachel: Oh you went to the movies by yourself? Ross: No I—Mona! Rachel: Oh, I gotta go back in there. Ross: What? Why? What’s wrong? Rachel: No, everything’s fine. I just gotta go back… Ross: No really, you tell me what’s up. Rachel: I-I forgot my underwear. (Ross lets her go.) Ross: (To Joey) So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital. Joey: Oh hey, don’t worry about it man. Don’t worry about it, no big deal. Ross: Yeah but still, I mean it should’ve been me. I’m the dad. Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, here’s some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. You’re gonna make a wonderful father. Joey: Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! (Grabs Ross around the shoulders.) He brought Twizlers! Commercial Break [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.] Chandler: There has got to be a way! Joey: Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin? Chandler: Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, I’m not an nine-year-old girl. Joey: Then why do you throw like one? Chandler: Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. Joey: Sure. "Monica." Chandler: So, how’s the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming? Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I just—I wish I didn’t feel this way about Rachel anymore, y’know? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think…I think Ross feels left out. Y’know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God… You should’ve seen the look on Ross’s face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what I’m doing here. For all I know I’m just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card? Chandler: That’s a good idea. Joey: Yeah. Chandler: Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh? Joey: Oh, I just…I feel terrible. Chandler: Well, it’s not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Y’know? You’re doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if you’re in there, could you pass me my credit card? [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.] Monica: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. Monica: I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good! Phoebe: No-no, I got that. Monica: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment? Phoebe: Okay. Okay but you should know though, I’ve raised my rates to $200 an hour. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: I mean $500. Monica: What? Phoebe: 600. Monica: What’s going on? Phoebe: Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged! Monica: What? (Laughs.) Phoebe: Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on. Monica: What?! You’re crazy! There’s nothing sexual about the noises I make! Phoebe: Really? There’s nothing sexual about this? (Sexily) Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. (Some cute guy is watching closely.) (To him) What are you looking at?! (Pause) I mean hi. Monica: Oh my—This is so embarrassing. Oh my God, I’m never gonna get massaged again! Phoebe: No, you can’t let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do! Monica: Really?! Phoebe: Well not clients, lovers. But let’s just y’know, try it again. Come back and-and we’ll work through it. Monica: Are you sure? Phoebe: Yes. Monica: I guess. Phoebe: Great! Okay, if you’ll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked? [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.] Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick! Ross: Hey uh, I brought you some lunch. Rachel: Ohh! That’s so sweet of you! Oh yum! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich and starts to get sick.) Did you put pickles on this? Ross: Well yeah! Rachel: Oh Ross!! (Runs to the bathroom and closes the door.) Ross: What?! What?! Rach what?! Joey: What’s going on? Ross: I made her favorite, tuna salad with pickles. Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad. Ross: (to Rachel) I-I’m sorry Rach, I didn’t know. Are you gonna be okay? Rachel: Yeah, I’ll be fine. But could someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there? Joey: I’m on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.) Ross: I can’t believe this! I shouldn’t be the one making her throw up! Joey: Dude relax! It could happen to anyone. Ross: Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I don’t know any of it and I’m the father. I wish I’d be more involved y’know. Rachel: (entering) Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna. Joey: Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second? Ross: Yeah. Rachel: What’s up? Joey: Uh, sit down. I wanna talk about our situation. Rachel: (Gasps) Are you breaking up with us? Joey: The thing is…’cause I live with Rachel I’m here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross…Ross is missing everything. So… Rachel: Yeah? Joey: Maybe you two should live together. Rachel: Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here? Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that…if you’re gonna have a roommate, y’know it might as well be the father. Rachel: But Joey, I don’t think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean—(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)—Or he does. Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis. Rachel: But Ross, its you and me! Ross: So? Sure! But it-it wouldn’t be anything romantic. And I’m-I’m dating Mona—Damnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?! Joey: All right now, so? What do you think? Rachel: I don’t know. Is it crazy? Ross: No! No it’s not. Joey, this is a smart idea. Joey: Well, I was due. Rachel: Okay, let’s do it. I’ll move in. Ross: Really? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Oh Rach that’s great. That’s great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.] Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself…using my wife’s tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see what’s behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God! Monica: (entering) (Gasps) How did you get in there?! Chandler: (laughs) You’re messy. Monica: Oh no! You weren’t supposed to see this! Chandler: I married Fred Sanford! Monica: No Chandler, you don’t understand! (Chandler starts singing the theme for Sanford and Son, an old TV show starring Redd Fox.) Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? I’m y’know…I’m sick. Chandler: No, honey you’re not sick! Look, I don’t love you because you’re organized, I love you in spite of that. Monica: Really? You promise you won’t tell anyone? Chandler: Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet. Monica: Well…it’s just umm…I’m afraid you might mess it up. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey. Joey: Hey. Chandler: So Rachel’s all moved out huh? How are you taking it? Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn’t stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, it’s a couple weeks past it’s expiration date, so it’s got a bit of a kick. Chandler: Are you okay? Joey: Are you kidding me? I’m great! Yeah, I’m uh; I’m better than great. I am good. And now that she’s gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldn’t do before. Y’know? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Y’know? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Y’know? I like being on my own, I’m uh, better off this way. I’m uh, a lone wolf. Y’know? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. What’s a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.) Closing Credits [Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Phoebe is giving Monica another massage.] Monica: Ohhh. Phoebe: That’s it. Just relax. Monica: Ohh. Oh! Ohh! Phoebe: Come on more! Monica: Oh God! Phoebe: Yeah, you like that don’t you? Monica: Oh yeah right there! Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby! Monica: Uh Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what she’s doing.) And now I’m going to cover you back up, and umm we’re never doing this again. End 814 神秘的储藏室 怎么了？ 我把吉他落在你这儿了. 好，没问 题 快递公司问题件快递公司问题件货款处理关于圆的周长面积重点题型关于解方程组的题及答案关于南海问题 . 好了，给你. 什么？ 你想聊会儿或干什么吗?？ 你来的时机不对. 你在和 Chandler...? 对. 我能为你们弹上一曲吗? 不. 嗨, Pheebs, 干吗呢? 你问了一个有趣的问题, Chandler Bing. 噢, 天哪! 你在按摩? 你从来都没有让我帮你按摩. Phoebe, 我可以解释. 你说你讨厌按摩的. 买邮票. 拿干洗的衣服. 别让Phoebe进来. 进行多久了? 这个, Alexandra 已经-- 她有名字? Phoebe, 别伤心. 好吧. 噢, 太迟了! 我走了. 来吧, Chandler, 我们走. 哦, 我想我要.... 好吧, 该死. 再用力. 来吧, 我们快成功了. 我很高兴我们之间有感情产生, 我们就要有宝宝了. 我爱你. 我也爱你. 我希望现在不是一个不适合的时间说... ...但是你是我所遇到的最好的性伴侣. 这在什么时候说都合适. 好，来.用力，再用力 好了. 你们漂亮的宝宝. 恭喜. 希望你做爸爸比做朋友更成功! Joey! 怎么了？ 快来摸我的肚子. 宝宝第一次在踢我. 真的? 是啊. 你知道吗？也许你-- 你最好走过来. 我没有穿底裤. 哦，天那. 不可思议! 喔， 她踢得真欢. 她像.... 那个恼人的女足球队员是谁来着? Mia Hamm? Mia Hamm! 难以至信. 提着床单, Joe. 不好意思. 嗨，宝贝. Bob和Faye Bing送了我们结婚礼物. 其实他们不喜欢我们, 对吗? 谁说6块钱不能买到漂亮的潘趣酒杯? 也许我们应该把它退回去. 退到哪里? 大马路上, 从阳台丢下去? 何不找个地方放起来? 放到那个储藏柜里? 那是放罐装物品的. 难道你忘了你从东方带回来的东西? 那浴室旁边那个小房间呢? 算了. 我来吧. 不,我来. 你最好休息一下，让我也偶尔做些事. 锁上了. 你要帮我. 为什么会锁上呢? 不为什么. 我在里面放了些私人物品. 我住在这里有段时间了, 我从没有看见里面有什么啊. 里面有什么? 女性用品. 不要企图借口女性用品 让我觉得不安! 里面没什么与你有关的. 假如你爱我的话, 就让它去吧. 好吧. 谢谢. 我爱你. 你好, Chandler. 天气真好, 是吗?你. 假如能补救的话, Alexandra只是帮她按摩了三年而已. 假如! 我是说, 假如还有救. 为什么不让我帮你按摩? 我有点多虑. 你是我的朋友. 我必须裸体的. 我们住在一起很多年了 我看过你裸体. 那不同. 我们是室友， 什么时候? 我对人体很好奇. 你应该理解这多古怪啊. 我可是专业的 我很不错的. 假如你觉得不舒服，我们可以停啊. 给我一次机会. 求你? 假如这对你很重要. 是很重要. 假如你不能与人分享你的厨艺，你会怎么想? 或者说， 如果Ross不能教我们龙的知识，他会怎么想. 是恐龙. 马铃薯, 土豆. Ross, 宝宝在踢. 什么?真的? 不是现在啦. 尽管我们很喜欢你再来一次. 什么时候? 到底怎么了? 昨晚. 我去了Joey的房间, 他在睡觉. 没做梦. 天, 宝宝踢了. 多好. 真希望我当时在那里， 感受到这个第一次. 假如你想感受什么，我这有. 我不想再错过任何有关宝宝的事. 这是我的传呼. 任何时间，任何和怀孕有关的事情, 发传呼给我. 即使是夜里3点我也不介意. 或者你想吃冰淇淋. 我能抄一下吗? 你盖好了? 是的. 好的，我们开始吧. 力道如何? 刚好. 哇哦, Phoebe, 你真的很棒. 显而易见, 还是要谢谢你. 这并不古怪, 对不对? 没错. 对, 你只需要享受它. 哦,耶! 哦,耶! 好了. Oh, 天, Phoebe! 就是这样!对, 就是那里! 我没有要开你的储藏室,我发誓. Monica 把一切都弄的很妥当, 对吧?你在干吗? Monica有一个秘密的储藏室. 她不想让我看. 为什么不? 我不知道!她藏了什么? 不知道. 我打赌里面是Richard. 她为什么要把Richard藏里面? 突发奇想... ...也许她正拿着她的蛋糕，而且正在吃. 你就是那个“蛋糕” Richard 就是那个“而且” 或者.... 得了. 我曾看过一部电影里面有这样一道门. 谁也不知道里面藏了什么. 最后当他们打开它的时候, 成千上万的虫子涌出来... ...他们吞噬着人肉! 尊重你老婆的隐私又不会杀了你! 愚蠢的满屋子的虫! Joey, 有些事感觉很古怪， 而且是不好的那种. 我没-- 我姐姐怀孕的时候... ...他们也曾有古怪的感觉， 可最后总是没事. 真的? 白分之百. 但是我们还是要到医院确认一下， 我来给Ross留话. Rach, 看着我. 会好的. 相信我. 拉着我的手. 我们走. 骨头要碎啦! 我们去医院正好. 怎样？ 她很好. 她是有点希氏阵痛. 子宫壁轻度不适. 轻度不适? 你要不要试试这个阵痛? 一切正常? 是的. 没有危险? 没有. 阵痛可能会导致不适, 不过她很好. 谢谢你, 医生. 谢谢你这么好这么冷静. 我不冷静! 我一辈子都没这么害怕过. 但你说一切正常 我怎会知道? 我又不是医生. 但没事. 我很好. 你确定? 是的. 我还有注意那个医生的子宫呢. 轻度不适! 他说什么呢? 万事ok? 是的. 你留言说, " 来医院. "怎么了? 那个叫什么 希氏阵痛. 那不要紧. 多数女人感觉不到它的. 没有子宫, 别发表意见. 拿着糖果干吗? 我刚才在排队看电影. 你一个人去看电影? Mona! 我必须立刻回去. 怎么? 我只是 不, 真的, 告诉我. 怎么了？ 你瞧, 我忘了我的内裤. 谢谢你带她来医院. 别担心，没什么大不了的. 话说回来，带她来的应该是我. 我是父亲. 这是有关希氏阵痛的一些信息. 谢谢. 带她来这里，你做的对. 你会是一个极好的父亲. 嘿, 没这家伙好. 他带了糖果来. 一定有什么在里面. 容易着呢, Kirk将军. 你有没有发夹? 对啊. 哦, 不, 等等. 我不是9岁的小姑娘. 那你干吗那样抓? 也许Monica有发夹. Oh,当然, "Monica. " 那么，你迷恋的Rachel怎样了? 很好. 我应该时刻准备着-自杀. 啊，你当然能这么快就找到了. 我真的不想那样想 Rachel. 我希望一切照旧. 我喜欢和她住在一起, 而且帮着照顾宝宝也很了不起. 但是现在我想Ross觉得自己被遗忘了. 当我带Rachel去医院的时候, 那个医生以为我是爸爸. 你真应该看看Ross当时的表情. 我不知道我做了什么. 我所知的, 我把它锁得更紧了. 试试用信用卡开开看? 好主意. 所以Ross象是乞丐, 是吗? 我觉得很糟. 不是你的错. 你打算怎么做, 不带她去医院? 你没有做错什么. 除了把爱情寄托在一个 怀着他孩子的女人身上. Richard,如果你在里面, 可不可以把我的信用卡递给我? 我必须告诉你, 昨天太棒了. 按摩太棒了. 不, 我知道. 我们可以预约每周做一次吗? 好. 但你要知道, 我涨到200块一个小时了. 行呀. 我是说500. 什么？ 600 到底怎么了? 按摩的时候，你发出了做爱的声音. 让我受不了. 过了一会, 我试图弄痛你. 你倒更厉害了. 你疯了. 我没有. 没有? Oh, 天! 看什么看? 我是说, 你好. 这很尴尬. 我再也不按摩了. 别因为我就不做按摩. 我有很多顾客也发出一样的声音. 真的? 好吧, 不是顾客. 情人. 我们再做一次. 重头来, 我们一块克服它. 你确定? 是. 我想. 太好了!现在, 假如你只是…… 不好意思. 有没有听到什么你感兴趣的事情? Hey, Ross,快来看! 我学会了一个小把戏. Hey, 我带了你的午餐. Oh, 你真好. Oh, 美味啊. 你是不是放了泡菜? 恩, 是的. 什么? 什么? Rach, 什么? 怎么了？ 我在金枪鱼上面放了点泡菜. 泡菜? 泡菜会使她恶心的. 给她吃泡菜就象让我吃萨拉一样. 对不起, 我不知道. 你还好吧? 我没事,有人能在我出去之前解决它吗? 我正在做! 我真不应该带这个让她吐的来. 每个人都会这样的. 但不是你 你知道这个的. 我还是爸爸呢，什么都不知道. 我希望被牵涉在里面, 你知道吗? Well, 假如有人在 记录 混凝土 养护记录下载土方回填监理旁站记录免费下载集备记录下载集备记录下载集备记录下载 的话, 我再也不吃金枪鱼了. 我可以和你们两个说句话吗? 可以啊. 什么事? 坐下. 我想谈谈我们现在的情况. 你要和我们决裂吗? 事情是... ...因为我和Rachel住在一起, 我在这里，所以遇到很多事. 同时Ross也错过了每件事.所以.... 什么? 你们俩应该住一起. 你是不是要我搬家? 你不想我在这里? 不是的,我喜欢和你住在一起. 只是看起来... ...假如你要有一个室友的话 他最好是孩子的父亲. 但是, Joey, 我认为Ross并不想 我搬过去打扰他的生活 或者他愿意. 我喜欢围着你和孩子转. 我们可以试一试, 就象在临时基地那样. 但那是你和我. 一点都不会浪漫. 我在和Mona约会.该死的, Mona! 我应该在一小时前见她的. 我这是怎么了? 那么, 你认为呢? 我不知道. 疯了? 不. Joey, 绝妙的好主意. 怎么说那,应该的. 好吧,我搬. 真的? Rach, 太好了. 太好了. 不太坏. 我自己也能成... ...用我老婆的工具. Oh, 我的天. 你怎么进来的? 你真乱. 不!你不应该看到的 我娶了个Fred Sanford. Chandler,你不明白. 好吧, 好吧, 好! 现在你知道了. 我很病态. 不,亲爱的,你一点都不病态. 我不是因为你按部就班才爱你的. 除了那个以外，我爱你的一切. 真的？ 保证不告诉别人? 我保证. 现在我知道了, 假如我还有别的东西要放， 可以用你的储藏室吗? 呃.... 只是.... 我怕你会弄乱了. 所以Rachel已经搬走了? 你怎么度过痛苦? 我想来几杯啤酒... ... 但是我已经戒了 因为Rachel不能忍受那种味道. 我暴喝了很多富含钙质的橘子汁. 过期两个礼拜了, 还有一点后劲儿. 你还好吧? 你在开玩笑? 对, 我很好. 非常好. 我很好. 现在她已经走了, 我可以在这里做以前不能做的事了. 比如.... 我又可以不穿衣服来回走. 我可以.... 我可以在屋子里看色情录像. 对我不错. 我喜欢一个人呆着. 我这样更好一些. 我是一匹寂寞的狼. 孤单的人.寂寞. 永远的孤单.永远. 这匹狼怎么才能得到一个拥抱呢? 好了,放松. 就这样, 再放松些. 哦, 天! 你喜欢,是吧? 耶,就是那里. 哪儿?那里, 宝贝. Phoebe? 对,说我的名字.说啊. 现在我还是帮你盖上吧. 以后几个礼拜我都不和你说话了.