首页 910 The One With Christmas In Tulsa

910 The One With Christmas In Tulsa

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910 The One With Christmas In Tulsa 910 The One With Christmas In Tulsa SCENE: Monica and Chandler's Apartment Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle; and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas t...

910 The One With Christmas In Tulsa
910 The One With Christmas In Tulsa SCENE: Monica and Chandler's Apartment Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle; and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!" Joey:(impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that? Phoebe:(smiling) Uh-huh. Chandler:(coming from the bedroom) Say goodbye elves, I'm off to Tulsa. Monica: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas. Ross: You're really not coming back? Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired. Monica: It's so unfair, you don't even like your job! Chandler: So, who does? Phoebe: Oh, I like my job. Joey: I love my job. Rachel: Yeah, I can't wait to go back to work. Ross: I can't get enough dinosaurs! Chandler: I'm sorry, I won't be here. Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand. Chandler: Thanks. (they kiss) I'll see you New Year's Day. Monica:(shocked) You're not gonna be here New Year's Eve??? Chandler: Did I not mention that? Monica: No! Chandler:(thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment) Opening Credits SCENE: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's no call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler. (Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.) Wendy: Hey! Others: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Where've you been? Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.) Chandler:(to the others) You hear that? You may not be with your families, but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here. Claudia: My kid's in a play right now. Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order. Ken:(reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet". Chandler: Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks! Wendy:Now it feels like Christmas. Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to. Ken: You can come to my house! Chandler: Haha, no thanks! Wendy: That was a nice pep-talk. Chandler: Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker. Wendy: So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing? Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional... SCENE: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song. Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No, don't sing along. Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!" Happy holidays, everybody! SCENE: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet. Chandler: I can save you time ladies, I'm right here. Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you. Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica. Chandler: What? That's terrible! Phoebe: No-no, we do it every year! Chandler: Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible. Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx. Rachel: Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK? Chandler: No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents! Phoebe: Oh no, we have to! Chandler: No, you don't have to, and you can't because I, I live here too. Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us. Chandler: Why? Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas? Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her. Phoebe: Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah. Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why? Chandler: If I help, we can find 'em faster! Rachel: That's right! (Phoebe looks under the couch) Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one! Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag! (Phoebe tips it upside down, and a shoe falls out) Rachel: Oh. Phoebe: Ooh, who's it for? Rachel:(Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you." SCENE: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents. Joey: Rach, these are for you. Rachel: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car. Joey: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do. Chandler: OK, Pheebs, your turn. Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas? Joey: Uh-huh. Phoebe: You guuuyys. Joey: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth. Ross: You got me a cola drink? Chandler: And, a lemon lime. Ross: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater. Chandler: And last but not least. (Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.) Joey: They're ribbed for your pleasure. SCENE: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo. Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights? Ben: Cool! Ross: Yeah! Monica: Come on Ben. (Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.) Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees... Chandler:(entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him) Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.) Ross: What are you doing here, Santa? Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man? Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember? Chandler: What? Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say. (They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices) Ross:(to Chandler) What are you doing? Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work! Ross: Thank you, but, but you, you gotta leave. Chandler: Why? Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it. Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly. Ross: I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me. Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back. (Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.) Monica:(to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.) Chandler: Santa? Really? Monica: Yeah, is that okay? Chandler: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa? Monica: No. Chandler: Then it's okaaay! (They kiss.) SCENE: Back in the conference room in Tulsa. Chandler: You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your families. It's bad enough that we're working New Year's Eve. (All others are looking up, surprised) Chandler: Did I not tell anyone about New Year's Eve? -- Alright, look, go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go. (All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.) Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go? Wendy: Naah... I couldn't leave you alone. Chandler: Ah. Thanks. Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some pissed off insurance people looking for that ham. Chandler: Ah. (The phone rings; he answers it) Chandler Bing. Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler. Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Others:(simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...) Phoebe:(simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh! (All the others look at her, stunned/incredulous) Chandler: Ahh, Merry Christmas; I miss you guys! Monica: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard? Chandler: Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy. Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name. Chandler: It is. Did I... not tell you about her? Monica: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else? Chandler: I sent them home. Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty? Chandler: Uhh, uh... Ross:(in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster! Chandler: I don't know! Ross:(in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better! Chandler: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague. Monica: What does she do there? Chandler: Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me. Monica: She did WHAT? Chandler: BE-LOW me! Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma? Monica:What??? Chandler: Well, she... she didn't win... Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work. Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably... Rachel:(interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking! Chandler: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about. Monica: Okay. Chandler: I'm serious! Monica: Okay! Chandler: Merry Christmas. Monica: Merry Christmas. Chandler: Merry Christmas, you guys! Others:(simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...) Phoebe:(simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab. (Again the others just look at her, silent, puzzled.) SCENE: back in the conference room in Tulsa Chandler:(hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!". Wendy: Ah. Fun conversation? Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen. Wendy: Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.) Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie. (She's getting closer to him, the scene fades to black.) SCENE: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.) Wendy:(laughs) ...Missy? Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma? Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.) Chandler:(flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married! Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.) Chandler: I'm happily married. Wendy: Oh. - What's that like? Chandler: Right. So, I'm sorry... Wendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy? Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us. Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me? (Chandler starts to think about it...) SCENE: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking Chandler: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight! Monica: Really? Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.)(Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out? Monica: Well, not anymore. Chandler: But we don't do that. Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun. Chandler: How drunk are you? Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. Chandler:(thinks) That's the perfect amount! Monica: Okay! (They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.) Monica:(breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird? Chandler: What? Monica: This doesn't feel weird! Chandler: I know. Monica: You're a really good kisser. Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers? Monica: Hm-hmm! Chandler: Okay! (They do so and they take off their clothes.) Monica: Wow! You are really fast! Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. Monica: We're gonna see each other naked. Chandler: Yep! Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time? Chandler: Count of three? Monica: One! Chandler: Two! Monica: Two! Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.) Chandler: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined. Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway! Chandler: Eh! (They start making out again) SCENE: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking. Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man? Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him. Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this. Monica: I think you're better than you think you are. Chandler: Really? Okay, so... Monica:(interrupting) Know when to stop. Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay? Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance. Chandler: Right! SCENE: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering. Monica: I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new. Monica: You're so efficient. I love you! Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.) Monica: No-no-no, wait! We need something old! Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve. Monica: That'll work! Chandler: I don't think so. Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed! Chandler:(looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.) Monica: That's stealing! Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress. (She does so and it makes her look pregnant.) Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.) Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.) SCENE: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters. Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that. Chandler: Ehh. Monica: Eh, you work for that. Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. Monica: You do?! Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do. Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff? Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college. Monica: You thought about that? Chandler: Yeah. Monica: How many kids were we gonna have? Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy. Monica: What else did you think about? Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old. Monica:(laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding. Chandler: Sure you do. Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage. Chandler: You sure? Monica: Uh-hmm. Chandler: I love you so much. Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) SCENE: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're opening their presents Rachel:(opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I love it! Ross: Really? You're not gonna return it? Rachel: Well, not this second! Phoebe:(at the window) Hey look, you guys, it's snowing! (The others all get up and go to the window.) Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful... Ross: Wow, it really is! (They all stand a moment in silence, staring out of the window.) Monica: "Wendy" is a fat girl name. Phoebe: Aren't we done with that? Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine? (Shortly after that, Chandler enters.) Chandler: Hey! (Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.) Ross: Oh my god... Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle! Monica: What are you doing here? Chandler: I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much. Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most? Chandler: Monica. Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye) Chandler: I never want to leave you again! Monica: But I thought if you left, you get fired. Chandler: Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit. Monica: What? Ross: What, you, you really quit your job? Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he really wants to do? Rachel: What do you really want to do? Chandler:(realizing) I have not thought this through! Monica: Oh my god! Chandler: I know, I, I should have talked to you first about it. Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great! Chandler: Thanks! Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined. Chandler:(flattered) Ahh... Phoebe: Now give me my real gift. (Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica) Phoebe:(to Chandler) Thank you. Chandler:(to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others) (Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.) Ross: Oh, hey... (They all open their envelopes.) Ross:(reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." -- How did you know? Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this. Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys. Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers. Chandler: I don't have a job! Closing Credits SCENE: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper. Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen)(to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. You are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man! Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow? (Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...) END 910 在Tulsa过圣诞节 他跳上雪橇一声口哨 队伍如离弦之箭窜跳 远远的听到他高叫 圣诞快乐!欢乐今宵! 哇,真棒 真是你写的? 嗯 道别吧小精灵们,我去图萨了 难以置信,你圣诞节不在这里 你真的回不来吗? 是的,所有的文案都要在年前归档 完不成会被炒鱿鱼的 真不公平 你都不喜欢你的工作 谁喜欢自己的工作? 我喜欢我的工作 我爱我的工作 我迫不及待要去上班 我对恐龙怎么也看不腻 抱歉我不能回来了 周末见不到你就够痛苦的了,何况圣诞 做你该做的事情吧,我能理解 谢谢,新年见吧 大年夜你也不回来? 我没说过吗? 没有! 大伙儿,晚安! 各位 今天是圣诞夜,我知道 人人都想回家过节 可那也不能在我椅子后贴 你大爷的宾!的纸条呀 顺便说一句,以后叫我钱德勒就行了 嗨 嘿,你去哪儿了? 我...我去瞅了眼保险公司的 圣诞晚会,哦,真是太漂亮了 高大的圣诞树装饰的五光十色 我只能告诉他们 我们必须加班 所以...我偷了那儿的火腿 听见没有,虽然不能回家 但在这儿至少能闻到火腿香 我的孩子们正在玩耍呢 我知道怎么给你们鼓劲儿了 给纽约的家伙们去个电话 说说咱们进行的伟大工作 还有相应的圣诞奖金呢 以您的名义捐献给纽约芭蕾舞团 跟把钱放你兜里一样的 好吧,你们想听我说: 混蛋,真他妈混蛋 这工作真混蛋 哈!这回有点圣诞气氛了 抱歉,至少你们今晚还能 回家与家人团聚 我只能在空荡荡的酒店 独守空房孤枕难眠 而且,你们明天还会有个 圣诞节早晨呢 对了,你们可都没请我去 你可以去我家呀 哈哈,不,心领了 刚才说得不错 谢谢,你听出我话里的 别有用心了吗? 那么,要是你们在家 现在会做什么? 做圣诞节该干的事儿呗 我们过节很传统的 这首特别的圣诞歌 是写给我最重要的朋友们的 那店铺你可去过 圣诞老人腿上坐 让他别忘给礼物 不管礼物有多破 说你要写一首歌 他们还未曾听过 不要独自唱这歌 不要独自唱这歌 莫尼卡莫尼卡 光明节你快乐 圣诞老人那家伙 要对罗斯说快乐 记得跟乔伊说 圣诞有雪飘落 瑞秋和钱德勒 都有格兰得 (glanders=鼻疽病(兽)) 节日快乐 大家伙 菲比你查厨房,我查壁厨 省点时间吧,女士们,我在这儿 钱德勒,你干吗不去散步? 这事儿跟你无关 我们在找莫尼卡给 我们的圣诞礼物 什么,太可怕了 才不是,我们每年都这么干 哦,那就还不算可怕 可不是,我们从没找到过 她老是棋高一着儿 这个狡猾的女人! 别担心,我们只找一小时 然后我们去乔伊那儿找 不行,你们不能找莫尼卡的礼物 不,我们必须得找! 不,不用也不能这么做 因为我也住在这儿 那...你跟我们一起找吧 为什么 钱德勒,你从不担心 送莫尼卡什么圣诞礼物吗? 当然,我的礼物很棒 噢,是吗?很棒? 钱德勒,理由不充分 要是她给你一件大礼物 两件中礼物和一堆小礼物呢? 你只给她准备了一样棒礼物 她还是会伤心的 你为什么要这么对待她,钱德勒? 为什么?为什么? 如果我帮忙,能快点儿找到吧? 对呀! 呜!呼!抓到个活的! 哦,梅西百货的袋子! 给谁的? 小笨蛋,你以为我会把礼物 藏在沙发底下吗? 另外,钱德勒,我知道 你被她们收买了 瑞秋,这是给你的... 雨刷,我连辆车都没有... 不,你闻这新车的味 你会觉得你有车呢 菲比,轮到你了 噢,马桶垫儿 我去加油时买的吧? 你们俩呀! 给罗斯的,甜食先生... 你们送我一罐可乐? 还有一罐柠檬橙 这礼物太重了吧 我应该再送你们件毛衣 最后还有一个最棒的... 加纹让你更有快感~~~ 哦,嘿本,想不想听节日犰狳 给你讲光明节的故事? 酷! 好! 坐过来, 本 在很久很久以前, 有一家人叫做马卡比... 嚯!嚯!嚯! 圣诞快乐! 圣诞老人 嗨! 你来这儿干吗,圣诞老人? 嗯,我来看我的老伙计 本 你在这儿干什么,奇怪的...忍者龟? 我是节日犰狳 你的犹太朋友 你让我来给本送礼物的,记得吗? 什么? 本,为什么不去打开那些礼物呢? 圣诞老人,犰狳,还有我去厨房聊聊 真没想到我会说这种话 你来干什么? 你讲东讲西的抱怨找不到 圣诞老人的服装 所以我就跟同事借了一套! 谢谢你,可你必须离开 为什么? 因为我好不容易才让他对光明节有兴趣 可...可你却跑来搅局 挺着个一坨果冻似的肚子 我是为谁啊我? 抱歉钱德勒,可这对我太重要了 好吧,我还是把衣服还回去吧 嗨,你能把它再留一夜吗? 圣诞老人?真的? 行吗? 你爸爸曾经穿的象圣诞老人吗? 没有 那就能留 这样吧,各位 回家吧,你们该去陪家人的 新年前夜加班就够糟的了 我没说过新年前夜的事儿吗? 走吧,回家去。圣诞快乐! 圣诞快乐! 圣诞快乐~~ 世界和平!bye! 上帝保佑好人 你不走吗? 不,我不能撇下你一个人 噢,谢谢 另外,楼下晚会结束前我不会走的 那些卖保险的一定为丢 火腿的事儿发狂呢 钱德勒 宾 亲爱的,我们都在这儿 我们祝你圣诞快乐 圣诞快乐!! 圣诞快乐,我想你们! 难熬吧?大家都努力工作呢? 哦不,就剩我跟雯蒂了 雯蒂,象女孩子的名字呀 是呀,我没跟你提过她吗 嗯,大概是说新年前夜加班 的时候提到的吧? 其他人呢 我让他们回家了 你真是个好领导! 她漂亮吗? 嗯, 呃ˇ 快回答,快回答! 我不知道! 别说错,别说错! 我不会往那方面想的, 她只是个同事 她是干什么的? 她是地区副经理 只比我低一级 她在干什么?!! (below发音似blow) 职位比我低! 哦,等等,雯蒂是俄州小姐选美 的亚军吧? 什么? 她,她没能赢 好吧,我该让你和俄州 第二美女好好干活儿了 哦,那年的第二 俄州那么多女孩子,她也许... 钱德勒,住口! 亲爱的,没什么可担心的 好吧 我很认真的! 好吧 圣诞快乐 圣诞快乐,各位 圣诞快乐! 老婆打来的 谈的不错吧? 她老胡思乱想,你看 就咱俩在,她以为会出事儿 哦,真的?要是... 真那么糟吗? 根本不用担心这种事儿 可是,你快挂在我领带上了 哦哇,停下,小姐 小姐? 我不知道!我不习惯 让女人搞的晕呼呼的 等等,我在俄州变性感了? 我觉得是 不会吧,不,我已经结婚了 怎么,我也结婚了 我婚姻幸福 哦,怎么幸福法? 好吧,我,对不起 真是?幸福婚姻? 刚才那通电话就算幸福? 刚才那电话不能代表什么的,你知道 她有资格有点小小的偏执 在这种情况,还有钱方面上 她非常好,漂亮,又聪明 她要是现在在这儿 一定会踢你屁股的! 看,你这个人不错 当然偷窃和通奸...除外 但我跟我妻子真的很幸福 咱们之间不会发生什么的 好吧,我问你 既然你跟你妻子那么和谐 为什么你要跟我共度圣诞 你是今晚这屋里最美的女人 真的 开玩笑,跟哪屋比你也是最漂亮的 噢,噢,出什么事儿了? 你和我刚刚做了! 你和我做了? 不可能呀 那就不会那样儿 我知道,我就是觉得好玩 喝多了吧你? 喝的正好有胆知道要干什么 没醉到认为你该 为占便宜而内疚 我喝的恰到好处! 你知道哪点最奇怪吗? 什么? 这样做感觉并不别扭 我也同感 你接吻真棒 我吻过四个女人呢 咱们到床单下面吧? 哇,你还真快呀! 忍耐留给我,快感献给你 我们马上要见到对方的裸体了 是呀 想同时做到吗? 数到三? 一! 二! 三! 现在可以自信的告诉你 我们的友谊已经被毁了 嗯,反正咱们的友谊也没多深 你真打算跟那个男护士约会? 反正咱俩也只是玩玩而已 我为什么不能和他玩玩呢 我不知道你查过字典 “玩玩”是怎么解释的吗? 你看,我查过,精确定义是... 两个好朋友间互相关心 而且有美妙的性关系 同时愿意花更多的时间在一起 你的新版字典要是另有解释 而让你讨厌我的话 我看,还是以我的原版 字典为准吧 我搞砸了 我倒觉得你比你自己想的要好的多 真的吗?那... 适可而止吧 我也觉得该适可而止了 我们和好了? 是呀 别跳这个舞! 好的 我们必须有旧的、新的、借来的、蓝色的 这四样东西才可以结婚 好, 好了,好了 你看这儿,蓝色的还是新的 你真能干,我爱你 我们走吧 不不,我们还要一些旧的东西 好吧,我钱包里有个避孕套 我12岁时它就在那儿了 正好可以用! 我可不这么想 好了, 我们就差一些向人借的东西了! 这里,拿着 这算偷 不,我们会把这个拿回来的 快塞到你衣服里面去 嗯 好,贪多嚼不烂 看,我一直在想, 让你把所有的存款都花在婚礼上 是不公平的 你辛辛苦苦工作挣来的钱 呃 呃,你工作挣的 我也想过了 我很抱歉 我想,应该把钱都投在婚礼上 真的 是呀,我坚持这么做 我求婚时答应过你 要做一切让你幸福的事情 如果一场完美的婚礼能使你幸福 我就会这么做的 哦,你太好了... 可,慢着,那我们的 未来那些事情怎么办 忘了未来那些吧 我们只要两个孩子就够了 然后挑喜欢的那个供他上大学 你想那么远了? 是呀 我们会要几个孩子? 嗯,四个,一个男孩,两个女孩,另一个男孩 你还想过什么了? 象咱们住哪儿之类的那些,就像... 例如郊外的房子 这样咱们的孩子就有地方学骑车之类的了 知道吗,咱们会有只脖子挂铃铛的猫 它每次从门洞底下跑过咱们都会听到 当然,车库旁边有间屋子 乔伊可以在那儿养老 你知道吗,我不想要 又大又花俏的婚礼了 真的 我想要你刚提到的那些 我想要婚姻生活 真的? 嗯 我真爱你 我爱你 啊,哦 我爱这个 真的,你不会退回去吧? 这会儿不 嗨,看呀,下雪了 噢,哦 哇,真漂亮 哇,确实是 啊 雯蒂听着就象胖女人 还没完没了的? 好吧,我们赏雪吧 我老公正在复印机上嘿咻的图萨 也在下雪吗? 嘿~~ 天呀 嗨,嘿 这就叫圣诞奇迹! 你干什么呢? 我想跟你们在一起 我太想念你们了 你最想谁呀? 莫尼卡! 哈,看透你了! 我再也不想离开你了 我以为你离开图萨 会被解雇的 恰恰相反,他们不会解雇我的 因为我辞职了 你,你真辞职了? 是呀,反正是份傻差事 我忍受不了离开你 为什么我要做那个 不能随心所欲的人呢 你真正想做的是什么呢? 我自己都没想通呢 我的天呀! 我知道我该先跟你商量 不,这是你真心要做的 我想这很好 谢谢 钱德勒,你能回来 就是最好的圣诞礼物 给我真正的礼物吧 谢谢 递过去 哦,以您的名义捐给纽约 芭蕾舞团的 你怎么知道的? 开玩笑吧,我都没法不接受 我认为圣诞节是我们 想想其他人的时候 另外,这礼物也说明我爱你们 我这张是给丽丽和麦尔的 我已经失业了! 保险精算师? 不 图书管理员? 嗯,不 脱衣舞男? 嗯... 知道吗,我刚意识到 你是精神领袖 你 是一家之长 嗨,不用做任何事 我是个罗嗦的小男人 你还真是! 给你20块钱 为什么不出去买件漂亮衣服 明天找工作的时候穿?
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