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首页 101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (Th…

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version).doc

101 The One Where Monica Gets a…

静来静往517
2018-09-10 0人阅读 举报 0 0 暂无简介

简介:本文档为《101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)doc》,可适用于文学艺术领域

TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilotTheUncutVersion)Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethereMonica:There'snothingtotell!He'sjustsomeguyIworkwith!Joey:Comeon,you'regoingoutwiththeguy!There'sgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!Chandler:AllrightJoey,benice SodoeshehaveahumpAhumpandahairpiecePhoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk(Theyallstare,bemused)Phoebe:Just,'cause,Idon'twanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarloh!Monica:Okay,everybodyrelaxThisisnotevenadateIt'sjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerandnothavingsexChandler:SoundslikeadatetomeTimeLapseChandler:Alright,soI'mbackinhighschool,I'mstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,andIrealizeIamtotallynakedAll:Oh,yeahHadthatdreamChandler:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizethere'saphonethereJoey:InsteadofChandler:That'srightJoey:NeverhadthatdreamPhoebe:NoChandler:Allofasudden,thephonestartstoringNowIdon'tknowwhattodo,everybodystartslookingatmeMonica:Andtheyweren'tlookingatyoubefore!Chandler:Finally,IfigureI'dbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutit'smymother,whichisvMonicaturntolookather)bluebellsandsleighbellsandsomethingwithmittensLalalalasomethingandnoodleswithstring TheseareafewRachel:I'mallbetternowPhoebe:(grinsandwalkstothekitchenandsaystoChandlerandJoey)Ihelped!Monica:Okay,look,thisisprobablyforthebest,y'knowIndependenceTakingcontrolofyourlife Thewhole,'hat'thingJoey:(comfortingher)Andhey,youneedanything,youcanalwayscometoJoeyMeandChandlerliveacrossthehallAndhe'sawayalotMonica:Joey,stophittingonher!It'sherweddingday!Joey:What,likethere'saruleorsomething(ThedoorbuzzersoundsandChandlergetsit)Chandler:Pleasedon'tdothatagain,it'sahorriblesoundPaul:(overtheintercom)It's,uh,it'sPaulMonica:OhGod,isit: Buzzhimin!Joey:Who'sPaulRoss:PaultheWineGuy,PaulMonica:MaybeJoey:WaitYour'notarealdate'tonightiswithPaultheWineGuyRoss:HefinallyaskedyououtMonica:Yes!Chandler:Ooh,thisisaDearDiarymomentMonica:Rach,wait,IcancancelRachel:Please,no,go,that'dbefine!Monica:(toRoss)Are,areyouokayImean,doyouwantmetostayRoss:(chokedvoice)That'dbegoodMonica:(horrified)ReallyRoss:(normalvoice)No,goon!It'sPaultheWineGuy!Phoebe:WhatdoesthatmeanDoeshesellit,drinkit,orjustcomplainalot(Chandlerdoesn'tknow)(There'saknockonthedoorandit'sPaul)Monica:Hi,comein!Paul,thisis(Theyarealllinedupnexttothedoor)everybody,everybody,thisisPaulAll:Hey!Paul!Hi!TheWineGuy!Hey!Chandler:I'msorry,Ididn'tcatchyournamePaul,wasitMonica:Okay,ummumm,I'lljustI'llberightback,Ijustgottagoah,goahRoss:AwanderingMonica:Change! Okay,sitdown(ShowsPaulin)TwosecondsPhoebe:Ooh,IjustpulledoutfoureyelashesThatcan'tbegood(Monicagoestochange)Joey: Hey,Paul!Paul:YeahJoey:Here'salittletip,shereallylikesitwhenyourubherneckinthesamespotoverandoverandoveragainuntilitstartstogetalittleredMonica:(yellingfromthebedroom)Shutup,Joey!Ross:SoRachel,what'reyou,uhwhat'reyouuptotonightRachel:Well,IwaskindasupposedtobeheadedforArubaonmyhoneymoon,sonothing!Ross:Right,you'renotevengettingyourhoneymoon,GodNo,no,although,Aruba,thistimeofyeartalkaboutyour(thinks)biglizardsAnyway,ifyoudon'tfeellikebeingalonetonight,JoeyandChandlerarecomingovertohelpmeputtogethermynewfurnitureChandler:(deadpan)Yes,andwe'reveryexcitedaboutitRachel:Wellactuallythanks,butIthinkI'mjustgonnahangoutheretonight It'sbeenkindaalongdayRoss:Okay,sureJoey:HeyPheebs,youwannahelpPhoebe:Oh,IwishIcould,butIdon'twanttoCommercialBreakScene:TheSubway,PhoebeissingingforchangePhoebe:(singing)Loveissweetassummershowers,loveisawondrousworkofart,butyourloveohyourlove,yourloveislikeagiantpigeoncrappingonmyheart Lalalalala(someguygiveshersomechangeandtothatguy)Thankyou(sings)Lalalalaohhh!Scene:Ross'sApartment,theguysarethereassemblingfurnitureRoss:(squattingandreadingtheinstructions)I'msupposedtoattachabracketythingtothesidethings,usingabunchoftheselittlewormguysIhavenobracketything,IseenowhimguyswhatsoeverandIcannotfeelmylegs(JoeyandChandlerarefinishingassemblingthebookcase)Joey:I'mthinkingwe'vegotabookcasehereChandler:It'sabeautifulthingJoey:(pickingupaleftoverpart)What'sthisChandler:Iwouldhavetosaythatisan'L'shapedbracketJoey:WhichgoeswhereChandler:Ihavenoidea(JoeychecksthatRossisnotlookinganddumpsitinaplant)Joey:Donewiththebookcase!Chandler:Allfinished!Ross:(clutchingabeercanandsniffing)ThiswasCarol'sfavoritebeerShealwaysdrankitoutofthecan,IshouldhaveknownJoey:Heyheyheyhey,ifyou'regonnastartwiththatstuffwe'reouttahereChandler:Yes,pleasedon'tspoilallthisfunJoey:Ross,letmeaskyouaquestionShegotthefurniture,thestereo,thegoodTVwhatdidyougetRoss:YouguysChandler:Oh,GodJoey:YougotscrewedChandler:OhmyGod!Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaandPaulareeatingMonica:OhmyGod!Paul:Iknow,Iknow,I'msuchanidiotIguessIshouldhavecaughtonwhenshestartedgoingtothedentistfourandfivetimesaweekImean,howcleancanteethgetMonica:Mybrother'sgoingthroughthatrightnow,he'ssuchamessHowdidyougetthroughitPaul:Well,youmighttryaccidentallybreakingsomethingvaluableofhers,sayherMonica:legPaul:(laughing)That'soneway!Me,IIwentforthewatchMonica:Youactuallybrokeherwatch Wow! TheworstthingIeverdidwas,IIshreddedbyboyfriend'sfavoritebathtowelPaul:Ooh,steerclearofyouMonica:That'srightScene:Monica'sApartment,RachelistalkingonthephoneandpacingRachel:Barry,I'msorryIamsosorryIknowyouprobablythinkthatthisisallaboutwhatIsaidtheotherdayaboutyoumakinglovewithyoursockson,butitisn'titisn't,it'saboutme,andIju(Shestopstalkinganddialsthephone)Hi,machinecutmeoffagainanywaylook,look,IknowthatsomegirlisgoingtobeincrediblyluckytobecomeMrsBarryFinkel,butitisn'tme,it'snotme AndnotthatIhaveanyideawhomeisrightnow,butyoujusthavetogivemeachancetoo(Themachingcutsheroffagainandsheredials)Scene:Ross'sApartmentRossispacingwhileJoeyandChandlerareworkingonsomemorefurnitureRoss:I'mdivorced! I'monlyandI'mdivorced!Joey:Shutup!Chandler:Youmuststop!(Chandlerhitswhatheisworkingonwithahammeranditcollapses)Ross:ThatonlytookmeanhourChandler:Look,Ross,yougottaunderstand,betweenuswehaven'thadarelationshipthathaslastedlongerthanaMento You,howeverhavehadtheloveofawomanforfouryears Fouryearsofclosenessandsharingattheendofwhichsherippedyourheartout,andthatiswhywedon'tdoit! Idon'tthinkthatwasmypoint!Ross:YouknowwhatthescariestpartisWhatifthere'sonlyonewomanforeverybody,y'knowImeanwhatifyougetonewomanandthat'sitUnfortunatelyinmycase,therewasonlyonewomanforherJoey:Whatareyoutalkingabout'Onewoman'That'slikesayingthere'sonlyoneflavoroficecreamforyouLemmetellyousomething,RossThere'slotsofflavorsoutthereThere'sRockyRoad,andCookieDough,andBing!CherryVanillaYoucouldget'emwithJimmies,ornuts,orwhippedcream!Thisisthebestthingthateverhappenedtoyou!Yougotmarried,youwere,like,what,eightWelcomebacktotheworld!Grabaspoon!Ross:Ihonestlydon'tknowifI'mhungryorhornyChandler:Stayoutofmyfreezer!Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaandPaularestilleatingPaul:Eversinceshewalkedoutonme,I,uhMonica:WhatWhat,youwannaspellitoutwithnoodlesPaul:No,it's,it'smoreofafifthdatekindarevelationMonica:Oh,sothereisgonnabeafifthdatePaul:Isn'tthereMonica:Yeahyeah,IthinkthereisWhatwereyougonnasayPaul:Well,evereveversincesheleftme,um,Ihaven'tbeenableto,uh,perform(Monicatakesasipofherdrink)SexuallyMonica:(spittingoutherdrinkinshock)OhGod,ohGod,IamsorryIamsosorryPaul:It'sokayMonica:IknowbeingspitonisprobablynotwhatyouneedrightnowUmhowlongPaul:TwoyearsMonica:Wow!I'mI'mI'mgladyousmashedherwatch!Paul:Soyoustillthinkyou,ummightwantthatfifthdateMonica:(pause)YeahYeah,IdoScene:Monica'sApartment,RacheliswatchingJoanneLovesChaciPriestonTV:WearegatheredheretodaytojoinJoanneLouiseCunninghamandCharles,ChachiChachiChachi,ArcolaintheboundofholymatrimonyRachel:OhseebutJoannelovedChachi!That'sthedifference!Scene:Ross'sApartment,they'reallsittingaroundandtalkingRoss:(scornful)GrabaspoonDoyouknowhowlongit'sbeensinceI'vegrabbedaspoonDothewords'Billy,don'tbeahero'meananythingtoyouJoey:Greatstory! But,Iuh,Igottago,IgotadatewithAndreaAngelaAndrea Ohman,(lookstoChandler)Chandler:Angela'sthescreamer,AndreahascatsJoey:Right Thanks It'sJune I'mouttahere(Exits)Ross:Y'know,here'sthethingEvenifIcouldgetittogetherenoughtotoaskawomanout,whoamIgonnaask(Hegazesoutofthewindow)CuttoRachelstaringoutofherwindowCommercialBreakScene:Monica'sApartment,RachelismakingcoffeeforJoeyandChandlerRachel:Isn'tthisamazingImean,IhavenevermadecoffeebeforeinmyentirelifeChandler:ThatisamazingJoey:CongratulationsRachel:Y'know,IfigureifIcanmakecoffee,thereisn'tanythingIcan'tdoChandler:IfcaninvadePoland,thereisn'tanythingIcan'tdoJoey:Listen,whileyou'reonaroll,ifyoufeellikeyougottamakelikeaWesternomeletorsomething(JoeyandChandlertastethecoffee,grimace,andpouritintoaplantpot)AlthoughactuallyI'mreallynotthathungryMonica:(entering,toherself)Ohgood,LennyandSquigyarehereAll:MorningGoodmorningPaul:(enteringfromMonica'sroom)MorningJoey:Morning,PaulRachel:Hello,PaulChandler:Hi,Paul,isit(MonicaandPaulwalktothedoorandtalkinalowvoicesotheotherscan'thear TheothersmoveMonica'stableclosertothedoorsothattheycan)Paul:Thankyou! Thankyousomuch!Monica:Stop!Paul:No,I'mtellingyoulastnightwaslikeumm,allmybirthdays,bothgraduations,plusthebarnraisingsceneinWitnessMonica:We'lltalklaterPaul:Yeah(Theykiss)Thankyou(Exits)Joey:Thatwasn'tarealdate!WhatthehelldoyoudoonarealdateMonica:Shutup,andputmytablebackAll:Okayyy!(Theydoso)Chandler:Allright,kids,IgottagettoworkIfIdon'tinputthosenumbers,itdoesn'tmakemuchofadifferenceRachel:So,like,youguysallhavejobsMonica:Yeah,weallhavejobsSee,that'showwebuystuffJoey:Yeah,I'manactorRachel:Wow!WouldIhaveseenyouinanythingJoey:IdoubtitMostlyregionalworkMonica:Ohwait,wait,unlessyouhappenedtocatchtheReruns'productionofPinocchio,atthelittletheaterintheparkJoey:Look,itwasajoballrightChandler:'Look,Gippetto,I'marealliveboy'Joey:Iwillnottakethisabuse(Walkstothedoorandopensittoleave)Chandler:You'reright,I'msorry(Burstintosonganddancesoutofthedoor)"OnceIwasawoodenboy,alittlewoodenboy"Joey:Youshouldbothknow,thathe'sadeadman Oh,Chandler(StartsafterChandler)Monica:SohowyoudoingtodayDidyousleepokayTalktoBarryIcan'tstopsmilingRachel:IcanseethatYoulooklikeyousleptwithahangerinyourmouthMonica:Iknow,he'sjustso,soDoyourememberyouandTonyDeMarcoRachel:Oh,yeahMonica:Well,it'slikethatWithfeelingsRachel:OhwowAreyouintroubleMonica:Bigtime!Rachel:Wantaweddingdress HardlyusedMonica:IthinkwearegettingalittleaheadofselveshereOkayOkayIamjustgoingtogetup,gotoworkandnotthinkabouthimalldayOrelseI'mjustgonnagetupandgotoworkRachel:Oh,look,wishmeluck!Monica:WhatforRachel:I'mgonnagogetoneofthose(Thinks)jobthings(Monicaexits)Scene:Iridium,MonicaisworkingasFrannieentersFrannie:Hey,Monica!Monica:HeyFrannie,welcomeback!HowwasFloridaFrannie:Youhadsex,didn'tyouMonica:HowdoyoudothatFrannie:Oh,Ihateyou,I'mpushingmyAuntRozthroughParrotJungleandyou'rehavingsex! SoWhoMonica:YouknowPaulFrannie:PaultheWineGuyOhyeah,IknowPaulMonica:YoumeanyouknowPaullikeIknowPaulFrannie:AreyoukiddingItakecreditforPaulY'knowbeforeme,therewasnosnapinhisturtlefortwoyearsScene:CentralPerk,everyonebutRachelisthereJoey:(sittingonthearmofthecouch)Ofcourseitwasaline!Monica:Why!WhyWhy,whywouldanybodydosomethinglikethatRoss:Iassumewe'relookingforananswermoresophisticatedthan'togetyouintobed'Monica:Ihatemen! Ihatemen!Phoebe:Ohno,don'thate,youdon'twanttoputthatoutintotheuniverseMonica:IsitmeIsitlikeIhavesomesortofbeaconthatonlydogsandmenwithsevereemotionalproblemscanhearPhoebe:Allright,c'mere,gimmeyourfeet(Shestartsmassagingthem)Monica:Ijustthoughthewasnice,y'knowJoey:(burstsoutlaughingagain)Ican'tbelieveyoudidn'tknowitwasaline!(MonicapusheshimoffofthesofaasRachelenterswithashoppingbag)Rachel:GuesswhatRoss:YougotajobRachel:AreyoukiddingI'mtrainedfornothing!IwaslaughedoutoftwelveinterviewstodayChandler:Andyetyou'resurprisinglyupbeatRachel:YouwouldbetooifyoufoundJohnandDavidbootsonsale,fiftypercentoff!Chandler:Oh,howwellyouknowmeRachel:They'remynew'Idon'tneedajob,Idon'tneedmyparents,I'vegotgreatboots'boots!Monica:How'dyoupayforthemRachel:Uh,creditcardMonica:AndwhopaysforthatRachel:UmmyfatherScene:MonicaandRachel's,everyoneissittingaroundthekitchentable Rachel'screditcardsarespreadoutonthetablealongwithapairofscissorsRachel:OhGod,comeonyouguys,isthisreallynecessary Imean,IcanstopcharginganytimeIwantMonica:C'mon,youcan'tliveoffyourparentsyourwholelifeRachel:IknowthatThat'swhyIwasgettingmarriedPhoebe:Giveherabreak,it'shardbeingonyourownforthefirsttimeRachel:ThankyouPhoebe:You'rewelcomeIrememberwhenIfirstcametothiscityIwasfourteenMymomhadjustkilledherselfandmystepdadwasbackinprison,andIgothere,andIdidn'tknowanybodyAndIendeduplivingwiththisalbinoguywhowas,like,cleaningwindshieldsoutsideportauthority,andthenhekilledhimself,andthenIfoundaromatherapySobelieveme,Iknowexactlyhowyoufeel(Pause)Ross:Thewordyou'relookingforis'Anyway'Monica:Allright,youreadyRachel:No No,no,I'mnotready! HowcanIbeready "Hey,Rach! Youreadytojumpouttheairplanewithoutyourparachute" Comeon,Ican'tdothis!Monica:Youcan,Iknowyoucan!Rachel:Idon'tthinksoRoss:Comeon,youmadecoffee! Youcandoanything!(ChandlerslowlytriestohidethenowdeadplantfromthatmorningwhenheandJoeypouredtheircoffeeintoit)Ross:C'mon,cutCut,cut,cut,All:Cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut(Shecutsoneofthemandtheycheer)Rachel:Y'knowwhat Ithinkwecanjustleaveitatthat It'skindalikeasymbolicgestureMonica: Rachel! Thatwasalibrarycard!All:Cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cutChandler:(asRacheliscuttinguphercards)Y'know,ifyoulistenclosely,youcanhearathousandretailersscream(Shefinishescuttingthemupandtheyallcheer)Monica:Welcometotherealworld!ItsucksYou'regonnaloveit!TimeLapse,RachelandRossarewatchingaTVchannelfinishesit'sbroadcastdaybyplayingthenationalanthemMonica:Well,that'sit(ToRoss)YougonnacrashonthecouchRoss:NoNo,IgottagohomesometimeMonica:YoubeokayRoss:YeahRachel:HeyMon,lookwhatIjustfoundonthefloor(Monicasmiles)WhatMonica:That'sPaul'swatchYoujustputitbackwhereyoufounditOhboyAlrightGoodnight,everybodyRossandRachel:Goodnight(MonicastompsonPaul'swatchandgoesintoherroom)Ross:Mmm(Theybothreachforthelastcookie)Oh,noRachel:SorryRoss:Nonono,goRachel:No,youhaveit,really,Idon'twantitRoss:SplititRachel:OkayRoss:Okay(Theysplitit)Youknowyouprobablydidn'tknowthis,butbackinhighschool,Ihada,um,majorcrushonyouRachel:IknewRoss:Youdid!OhIalwaysfiguredyoujustthoughtIwasMonica'sgeekyolderbrotherRachel:IdidRoss:OhListen,doyouthinkandtrynottoletmyintensevulnerabilitybecomeanykindofafactorherebutdoyouthinkitwouldbeokayifIaskedyououtSometimeMaybeRachel:Yeah,maybeRoss:Okayokay,maybeIwillRachel:GoodnightRoss:Goodnight(RachelgoesintoherroomandMonicaentersthelivingroomasRossisleaving)Monica:SeeyaWaitwait,what'swithyouRoss:Ijustgrabbedaspoon(RossexitsandMonicahasnoideawhatthatmeans)ClosingCreditsScene:CentralPerk,everyoneisthereJoey:Ican'tbelievewhatI'mhearingherePhoebe:(sings)Ican'tbelievewhatI'mhearinghereMonica:WhatIIsaidyouhadaPhoebe:(sings)WhatIsaidyouhadMonica:(toPhoebe)WouldyoustopPhoebe:Oh,wasIdoingitagainAll:Yes!Monica:Isaidthatyouhadanicebutt,it'sjustnotagreatbuttJoey:Oh,youwouldn'tknowagreatbuttifitcameupandbityaRoss:There'sanimageRachel:(walksupwithapotofcoffee)WouldanybodylikemorecoffeeChandler:Didyoumakeit,orareyoujustservingitRachel:I'mjustservingitAll:YeahYeah,I'llhaveacupofcoffeeChandler:Kids,newdreamI'minLasVegas(RachelsitsdowntohearChandler'sdream)Customer:(ToRachel)Ahh,miss MorecoffeeRachel:Ugh(Toanothercustomerthat'sleaving)Excuseme,couldyougivethistothatguyoverthere(Handshimthecoffeepot)Goahead(Hedoesso)Thankyou(Tothegang)Sorry Okay,LasVegasChandler:Okay,so,I'minLasVegasI'mLizaMinelliEnd试播没什么好说的!他不过是我的同事!少来了你和那个人一起出去!拜托和你交往的男人一定有问题!打住乔伊嘴下留德。他驼背?既驼背又带假发?慢着他吃粉笔吗?我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。各位别急这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐而且不做爱。听起来好像是说我的约会。记得中学时代的梦我站在自助餐厅突然发现自己全身赤裸。我做过那样的梦。我低头一看看见有一支电话……在那儿。而不是……?没错。我没做过那样的梦,没有。那支电话突然响起而我不知道怎么办每个人都开始望着我。他们以前不看你吗?!终于我认为我应该接结果是我妈打来我感到很奇怪因为我妈不曾打过电话给我!嗨。这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。你还好吧?我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙抓起我的肠子从我的口中取出然后绑在我脖上……饼干?卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。我帮你泡杯咖啡谢了。不要……别清理我的灵气。可是……别碰我的灵气就是了。好吧保持晦气!我会没事的真的我祝她幸福。不你不会的没错我不会的去她的她甩掉我!而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者。没有!!行了吧?!为何大家都围着这个话题打转?连她不知道我怎会知道。有时真希望自己也是个女同志。我刚刚大声说出来了吗?昨晚我告诉我父母他们好像还挺好。真的吗凌晨三点我接到一个电话一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉“我不能抱孙子了我不能抱孙子了。”那是什么?打错了?对不起。别闷闷不乐了罗斯。你现在很痛苦。我一肚子火,心如刀割。能告诉你解决之道吗?脱衣舞酒店。你单身有性需求。我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。我只想要一百万!瑞秋?!天啊莫妮卡谢天谢地!我到过你的住处你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿结果你真的在这儿。想来杯咖啡吗?无咖啡因的。各位她叫瑞秋另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人。这位叫钱德勒菲比乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗?当然。嗨。你想现在告诉我们还是等伴娘来再说?婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的房间里看着船形卤肉盘非常漂亮的船形卤肉盘突然间……有没有代糖?我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”我自己都吓了一跳巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他很眼熟。总之,我必须离开。我开始想我为何这么做?我为谁这样做?于是我不知该走往何处我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你是我在这个城市认识的唯一一个人。好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人。这件事就甭提啦。我猜他送她一台管风琴她肯定不喜欢金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉?快决定!我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。爸我不能嫁给他……对不起我只是不爱他。对是我的问题!如果我没了头发还不如去死。她不该穿那条裤子。我建议推她下楼推她下楼!推她下楼!推她下楼!爸你听我说……大家这样评价我这一辈子:你是一只鞋……今天我倒想看看如果我不再是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当皮包呢?或是帽子呢?不我不需你帮我买帽子。我说我是一顶帽子。爸这是一种比喻。你看他也有些问题。爸这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住在这儿。我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。等一下等一下……我说的是或许!!深呼吸就这样。试着想着美好的事物……玫瑰上的雨滴猫嘴上的胡须门铃和雪橇之类的。啦啦啦……还有手套……我现在好多了。我的功劳。或许这样最好要自立决定自己的事情。有任何需要找乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就住在对面而且他经常不在家。乔伊,少趁虚而入了今天是她大喜的日子。什么?有规定不能吗?别再这样声音很刺耳。我是保罗。天啊:了吗?让他进来!保罗是谁?调酒的那个保罗?或许吧。等等,你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧?他终于开口约你了?对。终于被你等到了。瑞秋等等我可以取消。不用了你去吧我不会有事的。罗斯你没事吧。你要我留下来吗?那样最好……真的吗?假的去吧!是保罗调酒师耶!什么意思?他是卖酒的喝酒的还是评酒的?请进!保罗这位是…………各位各位他就是保罗。保罗……调酒大师。抱歉我没听清楚你名字。保罗是吗?我马上就好我去去……神魂恍惚啦?换衣服!请坐两秒钟。我刚拔掉四根睫毛不妙。嗨保罗!嗯有何指教?一个小秘密莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方反反复复直到那里开始有点发红。乔伊你给我闭嘴!瑞秋你打算如何渡过今晚?我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中因此没了!我懂你没去渡蜜月。虽然阿鲁巴在此时……有很多……大蜥蜴如果你今晚不想独处乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组合新家俱对我们都相当兴奋。谢谢但我今晚想待在这儿我折磨了一天。好吧当然。菲此想帮忙吗?我可以去但我不去。爱情似炎炎夏日中的阵雨般美妙loveisawondrousworkofart,butyourloveohyourlove,yourloveislikeagiantpigeoncrappingonmyheart啦啦啦啦啦谢谢。我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面但我没看见托架和蜗杆而且我的脚好麻。我想我们做好书架了。真漂亮。这是什么?我只能说这是个“L”型托架。是哪儿的?我也不知道。书架做好了!终于做好了!这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒。她总是不用杯子喝我早应该看出蛛丝马迹。嗨…………如果你再这样我们就走了。对啊请不要破坏这里的乐趣。罗斯我问你一个问题。她分得家俱音响和好电视。你分得什么?你们。天啊。你昏头了吧。嗯天啊!嗯天啊。我知道我是个大白痴。她每周看四五次牙医时我就该了解我指牙齿能有多干净?我哥正承受着这种痛苦一副失魂落魄的样子。你是怎么熬过来的?你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西如她的……她的…………腿?这样也不赖!我……我砸烂了她的表。你真的砸烂过她的表?哇!我做过的最坏的事情是我撕碎了男朋友最喜欢的浴巾。嗯,机智脱身。对啊。巴瑞真是对不起。你一定认为此事与我那次说的话有关关于你做爱时穿着袜子其实不是问题出在我身上我……答录机又把我挂断了。不管怎样……瞧瞧瞧瞧我知道某个女孩会不可思议的成为凡可•巴瑞太太但那不是我不是我。而我现在连我自己是谁都不知道但你还应该给我一个机会向你……我离婚啦!我才岁就离婚啦!闭嘴!你还是停下来吧!我才花了一小时。看啊罗斯你应该理解我们认识不是太久但你和一个女人相爱已经四年了四年的封闭和分享最后她把你的心都麻醉了这就是我们为什么不这样做!这还不是最重要的!你知道最可怕的是什么?万一每个人一生只有一个女人怎么办?我的意思是如果你只有一个女人时该怎么办?不幸地我唯一的女人爱的是……她你在说什么?一个女人。那就像在说你只能吃一种口味的冰淇淋罗斯告诉你吧冰淇淋的口种有千百种。有各种点心糖果冰淇淋……你可以加上小糖条或是核果或是奶油这是你一生中最美好的事。你八岁时就结婚了吧?欢迎来到世界!抓住勺子!我真的不知道自己是饥渴还是欲火焚身?那么就别碰我家的冰箱。自从她甩掉我之后我什么?…………什么你打算边嚼面条边讲?不这就像是”第五次约会真情告白”有第五次约会?不需要吗?需要我想需要的。你刚才想说什么?这个……呃……自从她离开后我就一直无法……没做过…………性方面的……天啊,天啊,对不起,对不起。没关系……你现在需要的应该不是让人吐口水吧。多久了?两年了。哇!真高兴你砸烂了她的表!你还想要第五次约会?……当然想。我们今天来这里参加乔安妮•路易丝•坎宁安和查尔斯•恰棋恰棋恰棋•阿可勒的神圣婚礼。喔……看……乔安妮爱的是恰棋。差别就在这儿!抓住勺子。知道我等着“抓这把勺子”等了多久吗?你对”此尔别逞英雄”这句话有感觉吗?非常对不起!但我要走了我有个约会和安德里亚……安吉拉……安德里亚……嗨安吉拉喜欢尖叫安德里亚养猫。对。谢谢。六月份了。我走了。是这样的。就算我鼓起勇气约女人出去但我要约谁呀?神奇吧?我这辈子从没泡过咖啡。真神奇。恭喜了。你看我觉得只要我会泡咖啡就没有什么不行。如果能侵入波兰就能征服一切。如果你兴致大发想做蛋饼老实说我不太饿……好啊Lenny和Squigy来啦。早安。早安。早安。早安,保罗。你好,保罗。嗨,保罗,是吗??谢谢你!太谢谢你了!好了!不行我要告诉你昨晚就像我所有的生日毕业典礼和谷仓收获季节加在一起一样。晚点打电话。好。谢谢。那还不叫约会?!那你真正的约会到底干些什么?闭嘴,把桌子抬回去。好吧!孩子们我要上班去了。如果我不输入那些数字……也没什么关系……你们大伙儿都有工作?对我们都有工作。这样才有钱买东西。对我是个演员。我见过你吗??大概没见过吧。我大部份都是在地区性的节目中演出。等等除非你看过小木偶的重播。这也算是工作吧?瞧盖佩多我是个活生生的小男孩。我不会理睬这种羞辱。你说得对,抱歉。我曾是个小木偶……小木偶……告诉你们他死定了。嗨钱德勒?今天感觉如何?睡得还好吧?和巴瑞通过电话吗?我无法停止笑。我看得出来。你这样子像是昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉。我知道他是那么……还记得你和东尼戴马克?记得。就像那样。那样感觉。你惹上麻烦了。大麻烦!需要婚纱吗?几乎没用过的。我想我们有点不知所以了。我要清醒去工作。整天都不想他或者只是清醒然后去工作。祝我幸运!为什么?我要去找工作。嗨莫妮卡!法兰妮欢迎回来!佛罗里达如何?你们上床了对不?你怎么看出来的?哦我恨你我推着我的洛兹阿姨经过帕罗丛林你却在做爱!和谁呀?认识保罗吗?保罗那个调酒的?对我认识保罗。你认识保罗像我认识他一样?爱说笑他还得谢我呢。遇到我之前他已有两年无法入道。显然他是骗你的!为什么?为什么会有人那样做?我想答案比”设法骗你上床”更复杂。我恨男人!我恨男人!不别恨你也不想把他们丢出宇宙吧。问题出在我身上?难道我有特殊气味。只有狗和感情有严着问题的男人才闻得到。过来脚给我。我以为他是个好男人。我无法相信你不懂这是骗局。猜猜看?你找到工作了?开玩笑?我书都白念了!今天的十二个面试全泡汤了。不过你却异常兴奋。换成是你你也会一样。如果你遇见JohnandDavid的皮靴打五折。你真是太了解我了。这是我的新皮靴我不需要工作不需要父母因为我有新皮靴!你怎么付钱?信用卡啊。卡费谁费?我爸。天啊好啦有必要吗?我是说我可以随时忍住挥霍的。成熟点你不能靠你爸一辈子。我知道所以我选择结婚。饶了她吧第一次独立并不轻松。谢谢。不客气。我记得我第一次来到纽约时的情况当时我十四岁我妈刚自杀我继父再度入狱我在这儿人生地不熟。最后我和患白化症的男人同居。他为港务局的人清洗车窗。后来他自杀了。然后我找到芳香按摩治疗的工作。所以请相信我你的心情我能体会。你需要的是“无论如何”……好的准备好了吗?不。不不我没准备好!我怎么会准备好呢?嗨瑞秋!你准备好不用降落伞跳出飞机吗?不行我不行!你能行的,我知道你能行!我不觉得来吧你会泡咖啡!你就什么都可以!来剪剪剪剪……你们知道吗?我认为我们可以把它们留在那里。只做个象征性的姿势就可以了。瑞秋!那是借书卡!剪剪剪剪剪剪剪……知道吗如果你们仔细听你们会听到上千的商家在尖叫。欢迎来到现实的世界。糟透了但你会喜欢的!好就到这。你要睡在沙发上吗?不我要回家。你没事吧?还好。嗨看我在地板上发现什么?什么?那是保罗的手表。放回原地就好了。好。晚安,各位。晚安。嗯……对不起。不不不走开吃吧,我不饿。分开?行。你大概不知道我在高中时肯定能迷死你。我知道。你知道?哦……我总想你认为我不过是莫妮卡的书呆子哥哥。没错。你是否认为如果抛开其他不好的因素我能偶尔约你出去吗?有时?有可能?好或许吧……或许我会的……晚安。晚安。回头见……等等你怎么了?我刚“抓住了勺子”!我真不敢相信我的耳朵。我真不敢相信我的耳朵。我说你有一个……我说你有一个……你有完没完?我的老毛病又犯了?没错!我是说你有一个不错的屁股但不是个了不起的屁股。它又没跳起来咬过你你怎么知道不是了不起。只是想象。谁要喝咖啡?你煮的还只是端过来而已?端来而已。好,好,给我来杯咖啡。孩子们新梦……我在拉斯维加斯。嗨小姐?加点咖啡?嗯劳驾请递给那个人?去啊。谢谢。对不起。好拉斯维加斯。我在拉斯维加斯……我是丽莎明妮莉…
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101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)

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