321 The One With A Chick. And A Duck

321 The One With A Chick. And A Duck [Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are helping Monica learn how to roller skate by rolling her between themselves.] Rachel: So who's idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates? Monica: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box. Phoebe: Oh my God, they took my idea! Monica: That was you?! Phoebe: Yeah! Okay, here you go. (rolls her back to Rachel) Gunther: (bringing Rachel a mug) Rachel, I made you a cocoa. [He distracts her from catching Monica and Monica slams into her, knocking her down. Monica then falls on top of her.] Phoebe: Oh my God, are you guys okay? Gunther: Are you all right? Joey: (leaving Central Perk and seeing Monica laying on top of Rachel who is moaning in pain.) Oh my. (They both turn and give him a dirty look.) Opening Credits [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Quincy M.E. as Chandler is walking into the living room from his bedroom.] Chandler: (sporting a goatee) Hey. Joey: Hey. Y'know with that goatee you kinda look like Satan. Chandler: Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me. (there's no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate. Joey: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincy's theory. Okay? Ross: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey. Ross: (triumphantly) I'm gonna be on TV!! Chandler: No way! Ross: Yeah! They're putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channel's gonna film it! Chandler: Oh my God! Who's gonna watch that?! Ross: Thanks. You ready to go? Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave) Joey: Saw a girl with that vest. Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.) Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys won't live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead. Joey: (on phone) Yeah, hi. You guys got any of those baby chicks? 'Cause I was watching this ah, commercial on TV and man, those guys are cute! [Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is entering, Monica is on roller skates.] Pete: Hi! Monica: Hi! Hey, Pete you're back! Hey, check this out. (She starts to skate over to him) Pete: Wow! Skates! (She gets just about all the way over to him and falls into his arms.) Monica: Wow! You're a lot sturdier that Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper. So how was you're trip? Pete: Well... (he holds up a gift he brought her) Monica: Oh, what'd ya bring me?! (She opens the gift) Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee? Pete: Yeah, sure, that'd be great. (She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.) Monica: (popping back up) Regular or decaf? Pete: Ah, which ever is closest. Monica: Okay. (hands him a cup) Pete: So ask me what I did today. Monica: So what did you do today Pete? Pete: I bought a restaurant and I would like you to be the head chef. Monica: What?! Oh. (She turns around quickly and falls) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is telling Rachel about Pete's offer.] Monica: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant? Rachel: What a jerk! You want me to kick his ass? Monica: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. (She removes her fake breasts) But Pete's just doing this because he has a crush on me. Rachel: And you're still not attracted to him at all? Monica: Hmm, no. I mean how can I accept a restaurant from hi-? I-I-I-I can't. I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade. Rachel: Yeah, but Mon that's totally different. He was you're health teacher. Monica: Oh, please. (She slaps Rachel's side and Rachel screams in pain.) Monica: What? Honey. Rachel: Oh, I am, my side still hurts from when you crashed into me yesterday. Monica: Oh God, I'm so sorry. Rachel: I know. (Monica hugs her goes and hugs her) Rachel: Ow!! Monica: Oh God! Ross: (entering, wearing a white suit with a little red bow tie) Hey, you guys! Guess what? Rachel: (looking at the outfit) Got a job on a river boat? Ross: Y'know what I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? You're not my girlfriend anymore so... Rachel: Oh I see, so this suit is making a point. Ross: Right. Rachel: Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like. Ross: (to Monica) You like it right? Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! I'm kidding! Rachel: Yeah, come here! Monica: What-what was it you were gonna tell us? Rachel: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?! Ross: Okay, good bye! (leaves) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about her suggestion.] Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen. Phoebe: Umm, oh, about three months. Chandler: Okay, so I guess that's about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in. Joey: (entering carrying a box) Hey!! Chandler: Hey! Joey: I got you something! Open it! Open it! Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and it's a baby chick) It's a chicken. Joey: It's cute, huh? Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks? Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo. Phoebe: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lot's and lot's of love. Joey: Oh, well no problem there. (He picks up the chick, hugs it really tight, and talks to it like it's a little baby.) Chandler: Easy Lenny. [Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is talking to Monica about the restaurant.] Pete: So? I mean have you thought about it? Monica: Okay. Here's the thing. Pete: Oh no, not the thing. I hate the thing. What's the thing? Monica: I can't do it. I'm sorry, I wish I could, but umm, see you have these feelings for me.... Pete: Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's-that's what you're worried about? If that's the problem, we've got no problem. Monica: Huh? Pete: No! Look, I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but I met somebody else. On my trip. Monica: Oh? Pete: Her name's Ann, she's a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting. Monica: Oh, that's great! I mean I'm-I'm sorry, but I'm so happy for you. And now I can work for you! Pete: I guess you can. Monica: Oh my God! Oh, this is incredible! Ohh! (she rolls over and kisses him on the cheek) All right, y'know what? I'm just gonna roll right into that office and-and quit! Pete: All right. Monica: Okay. (she gets ready to go) Can you give me a little push? Pete: Yeah, sure. Good luck! Monica: (rolling towards the office) I'm quitting!! Woo-hoo! (She rolls through a doorway and out of sight. We then hear a big crash, and see Monica roll past the door the other way.) I'm okay!! I'm all right!! Phoebe: (to Pete) Wow! That's exciting, you went to Japan, made up a woman. Pete: What? Phoebe: I'm just saying, this woman, I mean she's fictitious. No? Pete: Why would you say that? Phoebe: 'Cause you're still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so 'cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and... Pete: You're good. You're good! Phoebe: Yeah, no, I'm fairly intuitive and psychic. It's a substantial gift. Pete: Listen, can you promise me that you won't tell her though? Phoebe: Absolutely, oh I promise. Tell her what? Pete: Thanks a lot. Phoebe: No I'm serious. I mean I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is baby-chick sitting.] Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick- (Joey enters) -chickeeeen. Joey: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Joey: How's she doing? Chandler: She? Joey: Well yeah, don't-don't you think it's a she? Chandler: I don't know. (He picks the chick up and turns it over, trying to determine the sex of the chick, and blows on it.) I can't tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly. Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, I'm ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks. Chandler: Excuse me? Joey: What? Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick! Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep? Chandler: You don't think I get up when you get up? Joey: Ohhh, here it comes. Chandler: Yes, here it comes! I'm stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I don't think so mister! Joey: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day! Chandler: And you don't think taking care of our chick is work? Joey: That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant... Chandler: I know what you meant!! (pause) You notice that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used too? Joey: I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick. Chandler: I'll take her back tomorrow. Joey: Do you think we'll get our three bucks back? Ross: (entering carrying a garment bag) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: (sees the chick) Ohhh, hey! All right, listen, I-I have that TV thing in like two hours, and I need your help, okay? What do you think? (takes out two suits) This blue suit, or this brown one? Joey: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes, but your butt looks great in the blue one. Ross: Really? (Joey gives him a 'Like I would know' look) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to take some aspirin.] Rachel: (she reaches for the bottle) Oww! (She grabs the bottle, but has trouble opening it. She pops the top off and aspirins fly all over the place as Ross enters.) Ross: Wow! That aspirin dance really works! Rachel: (She bends over to try and pick up the aspirin) Oww! Ross: Oh my God, is that still... Rachel: I'm fine, I'm fine. Ross: No you're not. Rachel: Yes I am! Ross: Rach! Rachel: Look, I'm fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa! Ross: (stopping her from falling) Okay, okay. Look, you have got to go to a doctor! Okay? Rachel: No. I have got to get ready and go to a dinner at my bosses house. It's a very big deal, there's a lot of people there I have to meet. Ross: And I'm sure you're gonna make a big impression. Hi! I'm Rachel Green. It's nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib! Rachel: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, it'll still be broken then. Ross: Rach... Rachel: But y'know, I could use a hand getting ready. Ross: Rachel... Rachel: Look, either help me or go. Ross: Fine. I'll go. Rachel: (with a hurt expression on her face) Okay, but before you go, could you help me first? Ross: (He checks his watch) Sure. I'll help you. Chandler: (rushing in) Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?! Commercial Break [Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel is trying to put on eye liner with her left hand, as Ross is setting out her shoes.] Rachel: (She drops the brush) Y'know what? I cannot do this with my left hand! Would you please, help me with this too? Ross: Ohh. (He drops the shoes, takes the brush from her, and licks the tip. He doesn't like how it tastes.) Rachel: (taking the brush back) Okay. Let's use this brush. (Hands him another one.) Ross: Okay. This stuff? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: All right. Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it. Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.) Rachel: Oh-ho! Ross: Sorry. Rachel: Hey! That's just poking me in the eye! Ross: Sorry, I'm sorry. Close, close, close... Rachel: Okay, just sweep it. Ross: I'm sweeping... Rachel: Right. Ross: Sweep, sweep.... (He starts to paint it on her eye, making it look like she has a black eye.) Rachel: Okay, now make it even, 'cause we don't... Ross: What? What? Rachel: We don't want it-it to be too much, we want it to be subtle. (Of course it's too late for that.) Ross: No. No, y'know you don't, you don't wear enough of this. (Rachel is shocked) What? Rachel: Since when, since when do you think I don't wear enough of this? Ross: Well I, close your eyes, I just think you're gonna like this a little better, 'cause, close-close... (He gets some more on the brush) Rachel: Blow it. Ross: (blows it) Sorry. 'Cause umm, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated. Rachel: Sophisticated like a hooker? [Scene: Central Perk, Monica is entering, Phoebe is already there.] Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey, guess what I'm doing tonight. Phoebe: What? Monica: I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete. Phoebe: Ohh, Monica, I am so excited for you. Monica: I know. Phoebe: Ooh, I have to tell you something. Monica: What? Phoebe: But I can't tell you. Monica: Okay, but wouldn't it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me. Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to like all my gods. Monica: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel? Phoebe: No. Monica: Does it have to do with Joey? Phoebe: No. Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed? Phoebe: No, but let's come back to that later! [Scene: Rachel's Bedroom, Ross is finishing up her make-up.] Ross: There you go! Good enough for your party, huh? (She turns and looks in the mirror, and it's way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.) Rachel: Sure. Ross: Yep? Rachel: Sure, I'll just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing. Ross: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay? Rachel: Oh wait, Ross, would you just stay and help me get dressed? Ross: (checks his watch) Sure, okay. Rachel: Okay. Okay, great! Umm, okay, just turn around. Ross: What? Rachel: I don't want you to see me naked! Ross: Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Remember, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button? Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. Y'know? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think it's weird. Ross: Rach, y'know I can see you naked any time I want. Rachel: What? Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!! Rachel: Ross! Stop that! Ross: Ah, I'm sorry. Rachel: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that any more! Ross: Ahh, sorry, nothing you can do about it. It's one of my ah, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (closes his eyes again) Oop, oh yeah! Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out! Ross: Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it will never happen... (closes eyes) Uh-oh! Wait a minute! Wait-wait, now there are a hundred of you and I'm the king. Rachel: Rosss... Ross: Come on, would you grow up? It's no big deal. Rachel: All right. (She starts to take off her robe) Fine. Ross: Yowzah!!! Rachel: O-kay!! See what you did, I'm gonna be doing it by myself now. Okay? Ross: Aww, come on. Rachel: That's it. (She crawls onto the bed) Ow!!! Ross: Oh my God! Rachel: Oh-ow! Ross: All right. Rachel: Ow! Ross: Look... Rachel: Ow! Ross: Okay. Rachel: Ow! Ross: Rach? Rachel: Ow! Ow! Ross: Easy. Easy. You have to go to the hospital. Okay? Rachel: Okay, I do. Ross: Okay. Rachel: I really do. Ross: Okay, I'm gonna get your coat and then I'll-I'll put you in a cab. Rachel: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, you're not gonna come with me? Ross: (He thinks about it) Of course I am. I just have to make a call. Rachel: Okay. Ross: Okay? (goes into the living room) Rachel: Thank you. (She goes to take off her make-up and screams in pain) Oww!!!! God! Ross: (rushing back in) What?! I wh-, what's wrong? Rachel: I'm sorry, I just can't go to the hospital lookin' like this. [Scene: Central Perk, Monica is trying to find out what Phoebe won't tell her.] Monica: Does it involve travel? Phoebe: Noo! Monica: Does it involve clogs? Phoebe: Oh, wait, wait. Clogs, or claws? Monica: Clogs. Phoebe: No. Monica: Claws?! Phoebe: No. Monica: Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete? Phoebe: (Shaking her head yes) No! Monica: What is it?! What about Pete? Phoebe: I don't know! (frantically points at Monica) Monica: Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie. All right, Phoebe would you just tell me! Phoebe: I can't!! Monica: Okay, I gotta go. (gets up) Phoebe: I, but you're so close! No! Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Pete's computer company? Phoebe: Oh, just go. You're never gonna get it! [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. He's on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. It's watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.] Chandler: I know. See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth, she's a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways. Joey: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey: (sees he's watching Baywatch) Ohhh. (sees he still has the chick) Ahh! What are you doing?! I thought you were gonna take her back to the store today. Chandler: I did! But the store wouldn't take her back! So then I took her to the shelter, and you know what I found out? (Joey wants to know, but Chandler doesn't want to discuss it by the chick, so he and Joey move over to the windows and away from the chick.) Chandler: If they can't find a home for her, they kill her! And I'm not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine! Joey: Okay, good, good, good, 'cause, good, 'cause I was kinda having second thoughts too. Chandler: Okay. And it's not just chicks y'know? It's all kinds of other animals! Joey: That's horrible! Well, you did the right thing man. Chandler: Thanks, I'm glad you see it that way. (He hear a duck start quacking, and see it waddle into the living room from the bathroom. Joey wants to know what's with the duck.) Chandler: Ohhh-hoo, funny story! [Scene: Pete's Restaurant's Kitchen, Pete is showing Monica around the kitchen.] Monica: I don't believe this! Wow, look at this refrigerator! It's gigantic! I mean I could live in this thing! I'd be cold, but I'm always cold. Oh my God, look at these spider burners! I love spider burners. Pete: So you like it? Monica: Oh, it is sooo perfect. Thank you so much. (runs over and hugs him) Pete: Oh, you're welcome. (He takes a deep breath) Monica: Did you just smell my hair? Pete: Nooo. Uh-huh, no way. What? No. Monica: Oh God. Pete: What? Monica: You still have feelings for me don't you? Pete: Now, nooo! I'm just excited about the restaurant, that's all. Monica: Pete. Pete: Okay, I love you. Is that so bad? Monica: No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all. It's-it's really nice. Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And I'm okay with that. Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. That's why I can't take this job. Pete: What? Monica: And well, we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sorry. Pete: Okay, yeah. I mean... If that's, if that's really what you want, okay. Monica: Okay, bye. (She kisses him on the cheek, and he kisses her back on the mouth.) Pete: I'm sorry things didn't work out... Monica: All right shut up for a second and let me just see something. (She kisses him back on the lips) Oh, wow! (They then hug and kiss, very passionately.) [Scene: The Hallway Between The Apartments, Ross and Rachel are coming back from the hospital. Ross is helping her up the stairs.] Rachel: Okay, you'd tell me the truth. Right? Ross: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray. Rachel: Okay. (As they approach the door, Chandler comes out carrying his duck.) Chandler: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!! Ross: (to Chandler) That's a duck. Chandler: That's a bad duck!!! (to Ross) How'd the thing go tonight, Ross? Ross: Oh, it was, nah, well.... Rachel: What thing? What thing? Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy. Chandler: (to the duck) Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy! (He goes back into the apartment) [cut to inside Monica and Rachel's] Rachel: What thing? What is this thing? Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel. Rachel: Oh my God! Ross: Yeah. Rachel: Ross, why didn't you tell me that? Ross: Eh, 'cause I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on. Rachel: I cannot believe you. Ross: What? Rachel: That is the sweetest thing, I just.... (They both look at each other for a while) Ross: (breaking the silence) You should get some sleep. Rachel: Okay. Ross: So, I'll umm... Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry I spoiled you're evening. Ross: No, that's, no, as long as you're okay. So I'll ah, I'll see you tomorrow. Rachel: Um-hmm, yeah. (He leaves) Rachel: (After he closes the door) See ya. (In the hallway, Ross all dejected, sits down on the step.) Chandler: (coming out of his apartment and seeing Ross) What did you do? Closing Credits [Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.] Joey: What 'cha doing? Chandler: Having a swim. Joey: What about the chick? Chandler: Chicks don't swim. Joey: Are you sure? Chandler: I don't know. Should we try it? Joey: Sure. (Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.) Chandler: See, I told you they don't swim. (He goes to take it out) Joey: (stopping him) Wait. Give him a minute. Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, it's okay, it's okay, baby, baby, baby. (Joey picks up and turns on a hair dryer.) End 321 小鸡和小鸭 是谁出主意让服务生都穿溜冰鞋的? 某个白痴客人投意见箱的 天哪，他们盗用我的想法 是你? 过去吧 瑞秋，我帮你泡了可可 小心！ 天哪!你们还好吗? 辣喔 你留山羊胡有点像撒旦 所以神父才会对我洒圣水 你得开心一点 你应该跟我和罗斯出门 总比整天坐着为凯特伤心好 我伤心是因为 没有人相信昆西的理论 我要上电视了 不会吧 有一个讨论秘鲁化石的座谈会 探索频道要去拍摄 天哪!谁会看? 谢了，可以走了吗? 我看过一个女生穿那件背心 谢了 大部份的人都视巧克力和篮子 为传统的复活节礼物 有些人坚持送活的小鸡 不幸的是，大部份的小鸡 都活不到国庆日 由于照顾得不妥善 它们马上就会死 你们有小鸡吗? 我看到电视上的广告 那些小鸡好可爱 彼特，你回来了! 你看 溜冰鞋 你比钱德结实，他一撞就倒 旅途顺利吗? 你送什么给我? 日本饭店的化妆品 我要永远保留下来 要喝咖啡吗？ 好啊 普通还是低咖啡因? 最近的就行了 问我今天做了什么 你今天做了什么? 我买下一家餐厅 想请你当主厨 他居然要送我一家餐厅 那个混蛋，你要我踹他吗? 从我拥有好烘烤箱 开了好吃糕饼店起 就在梦想这一天 我死也甘愿，我绝对能胜任 我吃的苦头也够多了 但彼特这么做是因为他喜欢我 你对他还是没兴趣? 我怎么能接下这个餐厅? 我不能 七年级时史都文森送我项链 我也没收 这是两回事 他是你的健康教育老师 怎么了? 被你撞到的地方好痛 天哪，对不起 天哪 嗨，你们猜怎样? 你在邮轮上找到工作? 我一整年没穿这套西装 因为你不喜欢 你不是我的女朋友了，所以… 我懂了，你想要强调 你现在孤家寡人 可以尽情的出丑 你喜欢这套西装吧? 当然，你穿起来 比肯德基爷爷好看 罗斯，开玩笑的，回来 你要说什么? 你发明轧棉机的过程? 你投书到意见箱之后 多久才得到回应? 大约三个月 所以离上空的规定大约还有两星期 我买了一个东西 打开来看 是一只鸡 很可爱吧? 两位，你们了解鸡吗? 家禽?不了解 女人?不了解 养鸡是重责大任 尤其是小鸡需要无微不至的照顾 它们不能吃错东西需要很多关爱 这个没问题 轻一点，大母鸡 你考虑过了吗? 是这样的 我讨厌“是这样的” 是怎样的? 我不能接受 抱歉，我也很想接受 但你对我有特殊感情 你在担心这个? 如果是这个问题那就没问题了 我正打算吃饭时告诉你 我这趟出国认识了一个人 她叫安，是记者 我们在飞机上认识 她想把我的花生吃完 我听成别的（花生音同阴茎） 我们大笑一场 我等烦了 太好了 抱歉，但我好为你高兴 我可以为你工作了 看来可以了 天哪，太棒了 你猜怎样? 我要溜进办公室去辞职 好 推一下，好吗? 祝你好运 我要辞职了 我没事，我很好 真叫人兴奋啊 你去日本，认识一个女人 什么? 我是说这个女人…是虚构的吧? 为什么这么说? 你还是喜欢摩妮卡 你谎称认识别人 好让她为你做事 相处久了，也许就会产生感情 你真行 我只是直觉准，还会通灵 很实在的天赋 请答应我不要告诉她 没问题，我答应你 告诉她什么? 谢谢你 我的直觉很准，但记性很差? 好吧，但这是最后一次 这里吱，那里吱 这里吱，那里吱到处都在吱吱叫… 鸡… 鸡妹妹好吗? 妹妹? 你不觉得是妹妹吗? 我不知道 看不出来，那个东西一下子就缩回去了 我要换衣服 我要去跟其他演员喝酒 什么? 怎么了? 你排练时，我留在家里 好陪着我们的小鸡 是谁从半夜两点撑到五点? 好哄她睡觉? 你以为我没起来吗? 又来了 没错，又来了 我整天困在这里 你才回来陪了我们几秒钟 就要出去跟朋友花天酒地? 这样不行喔，先生 我需要轻松一下 我忙了一整天 照顾我们的小鸡就不忙? 我不是那个意思，我是说… 我知道你想说什么 你有没有发现，自从有了小鸡 我们争吵的次数变多了? 也许我们还不适合养小鸡 我明天送它回去 三块钱会退吗? 我两小时后要录影 请你们帮个忙 怎么样?蓝色还是棕色的好? 棕色可以突显你的眼睛 但蓝色那套让你的屁股很翘 真的？ 祈药舞还真有效 你还是？ 我没事 你有事 我没事 我很好，看我的 你得去看医生，好吗? 我要去我老板家参加晚宴 有几个人非见不可 你一定会令人印象深刻 “你好，我是瑞秋” “很高兴认识你” 你的肋骨可能断了 我明天再去医院， 它还是断的 但我打扮时需要帮忙 你不帮忙就走 好，我走 走之前能不能先帮忙? 好，我帮 你们在 要怎么把小鸡弄出录影机? 你知道吗?我不会用左手化 你能不能也帮我化妆? 用这一支好了 这个？ 小心一点 沾一点 在眼睑上刷一下就好 刷一下 对不起 你是在戳我的眼睛 对不起，闭上… 我在刷 刷、刷—— 刷均匀，不要… 不要太多，隐隐约约就好 你的妆不够浓 你几时觉得我的妆不够浓了? 闭上眼睛，你一定会喜欢 闭眼睛， 吹一下 这样看起来比较世故、成熟 跟妓女一样世故? 你猜我今晚要做什么? 什么? 我要跟彼特去看餐厅 摩妮卡，我好替你兴奋 我有一件事要告诉你 什么事? 我不能告诉你 把不能说的事说出来 不是会比较舒坦? 哪有那么好的事 我答应不说 我对所有神明发过誓 跟罗斯和瑞秋有关吗? 跟乔伊有关吗? 跟钱德和他床边的袜子有关吗? 不是，不过你待会儿要告诉我 好了，够美了吧? 是啊 是啊，我会坐在采购部那个人妖旁边 我得走了，祝你晚宴愉快 再帮我换一下衣服? 当然好 太好了，转过去吧 什么? 我不想让你看到我的身体 我看过几万遍了 我在你身上吃热奶油 我从你的肚脐眼 吸出小软糖 那个不一样，我们那时在交往 现在很奇怪 我随时都能看到你的裸体 什么? 我只需要闭上眼睛，你看 罗斯，别闹了 拜托，别再那样想我了 抱歉，你管不到 这是前任男友的权利 别闹了，够了 对不起，我不会再… 等一下 现在有一百个你，我是国王 成熟一点，这又没什么 好吧 很好，我决定自己换衣服 天哪，听我说 小心，你得去医院，好吗? 我真的得去了 我去帮你拿外套，再送你上车 你不陪我去吗? 当然要 我得先打个电话 谢谢 怎么了? 对不起，我不能这样去医院 跟旅行有关吗? 跟木屐有关吗? 木屐还是爪子? 木屐 爪子? 所以不是罗斯和瑞秋 也不是钱德和乔伊 那彼特呢? 怎么样? 我不知道 我好像在跟灵犬莱西说话 菲比，你就直说好吗? 不行啦 我得走了 跟彼特的电脑公司有关吗? 你走吧，你死也猜不到的 我知道 没错，那就是雅丝敏布丽丝 她是一种完全不同的“鸡” 你们两个我都爱 是非常不一样的爱 你在干什么? 不是要送她走? 我有，但是店里不收 我带她去收容所 你猜我发现什么? 要是找不到人领养就要杀了她 我绝不让小雅丝敏惨遭毒手 很好，其实我也有点反悔 不只小鸡，所有的动物都一样 太可怕了，你做得对 谢了，你这么想就好 说来好笑 真不敢相信 你看这个冰柜，有够大的 我可以住在里面 会冷，不过我本来就很冷 是传统火炉 我最喜欢传统火炉了 你喜欢喽? 太完美了，真谢谢你 不客气 你刚才在闻我的头发? 怎么可能，没有啊 天哪 怎么了？ 你对我还是有感觉 我只是对餐厅的事很兴奋 我爱你，有这么糟吗? 不糟，一点也不糟 其实很好 会受伤的人是我 我都不介意了 你或许不介意受伤 我却不能当那个伤你的人 所以我不能接受这份工作 什么? 我们也不该再见面了 对不起 你如果真的这么想，那好吧 很抱歉事情… 你先闭嘴，让我确认一下 你有说实话吗? X光片看起来怎么会胖 你给我在这里好好反省 那是一只鸭子 一只坏鸭子 今晚的事顺利吗? 什么事? 没什么，博物馆有事走吧 小心 等你回来，请记住 小鸡不是玩具 到底是什么事? 我今晚本来要上探索频道 天哪 罗斯，你为什么不说? 我一说，你就会赶我去 我知道你今晚 需要有人陪着，来吧 我真不敢相信 你对我太好了 你该睡觉了 抱歉搞砸你的 计划 项目进度计划表范例计划下载计划下载计划下载课程教学计划下载 你没事就好 明天见 再见 你犯了什么错? 你们在干什么? 游泳 小鸡呢? 鸡不会游泳 确定? 不晓得 要试试看吗？ 好啊 看吧，我就说它不会游 再等一下 乖，没事了