820 The One With The Baby Shower

820 The One With The Baby Shower [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachel’s baby shower.] Rachel: (entering) Hi! Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: So what’s the final head count on my baby shower? Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do. Monica: Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it. Rachel: What?! You mean they’re not coming to a social event where there’s no men and there’s no booze?! That’s shocking! I don’t care, as long as my mom’s here. Monica: Oh my God, your mother! Rachel: What?! My mom’s not gonna be here?! Monica: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was. Rachel: My God! Monica: Well it wasn’t my fault, Phoebe was in charge of the invitations! Phoebe: Well I don’t, I don’t have a mother so often I forget that other people… Monica: (interrupting her) Oh give it a rest! Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?! Phoebe: No. (Pause) Neither is mine. Monica: Okay, y’know what? Don’t worry, okay? We’ll take care of it. We’ll call her. Just go home and get ready. Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. It’s really important to me, I mean it’s my mom! Phoebe: I know. I know, what’s her number? Rachel: I don’t know. Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If you’re in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call her—Hello Mrs. Green! Hi, it’s Monica Geller. Mrs. Green: Oh, hello Monica. Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but we’ve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today. Mrs. Green: I know, my daughter’s told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago. Monica: Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m-I’m so sorry. Mrs. Green: For what dear? For not inviting me or lying about it? Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? It’s today at four. Mrs. Green: Well all right. I’ll see you at four. Monica: Thank you. (Hangs up.) Phoebe: Isn’t it at three? Monica: Son of a bitch! (Calls Mrs. Green again.) Opening Credits [Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.] Chandler: Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops? Joey: Oh no, I can’t go. I’m practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show. Ross: Oh cool! Chandler: That’s great. Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day I’ll (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night I’ll be (In an announcer’s voice) Joey Trrrribbiani! Chandler: You’ll be perfect for this! That’s already your name! Joey: But the audition’s in a couple hours and I don’t even understand the game. Ross: Well do you want some help? Joey: Oh really? That’d be great! You guys can be the contestants! Ross: Awesome! Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time. Joey: (announcer voice) All right! Let’s play Bamboozled! Chandler: Bamboozled? Joey: Yeah, isn’t that a cool name? Ross: (simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah! Chandler: (simultaneously with Ross) No! Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why don’t you tell us a little something about you Ross? Ross: Well uh, I-I’m a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh… Joey: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler? Chandler: Well Joey, I’m a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin! (Waves.) Joey: Excellent! Let’s play Bamboozled! Chandler, you’ll go first. What is the capital of Columbia? Chandler: Bogota. Joey: It’s Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card. Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango card do? Joey: I should know that. Let’s see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower. Chandler: Higher or lower than what? Joey: This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.) Chandler: (To Ross) Can you believe how lame this is? Ross: I’m sorry, I don’t believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel’s baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.] Phoebe: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. That’s good right? Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate! Phoebe: What? He’s gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green! Monica: Hi! Phoebe: I’m so glad you could make it. Monica: Yes, thank you so much. And again, we’re so sorry. We could not feel worse about it. Mrs. Green: Try. There’s my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.) Monica: She’s still mad. Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isn’t it great? One less person we have to make small talk with. Monica: Phoebe, Sandra’s mad at you too. It-it doesn’t bother you? Phoebe: No look, we’ve apologized twice! I can’t do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it. Monica: Okay. I can do that. (Pause) I gotta go powder my ass. [Cut to Rachel and Mrs. Green.] Mrs. Green: Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didn’t know better I’d say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, let’s get some tea. Rachel: Okay. (Mrs. Green helps her up and they walk over and get some tea.) Mrs. Green: Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I don’t want you to use your housekeeper ‘cause it would just split her focus. Rachel: Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I don’t even have a housekeeper. Mrs. Green: It’s like you’re a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You don’t know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay. Rachel: Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. (I think that’s your mother’s crazy.) Mrs. Green: Such a sweet woman. Rachel: Well, however great she was I just can’t afford that. Mrs. Green: Oh Rachel! Rachel: What? Mrs. Green: I just had the greatest idea! I’m gonna come live with you! Rachel: Wh-wh-what? What? Mrs. Green: Oh, I’m so happy I’m gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes. Rachel: Yes. Yes I do. [Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing Bamboozled.] Joey: All right Ross you’re in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem? Ross: The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, I’ll take another question. Joey: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath. Ross: It’s okay, I’m ready. Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until you’re ready to answer the question. Chandler: This is ridiculous, he’s not gonna hold his breath… (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.) Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris…Holy cow, that’s a big word. Trisc… Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that? Chandler: Let me see that. Joey: This one right here. (Ross whines.) Chandler: Triscadecaphobia. Ross: (exhaling) The fear of Triscuts! Joey: No! No, fear of the number 13. Chandler: Fear of Triscuts? Ross: It’s possible, they have really sharp edges. Joey: All right Chandler, you’re up. Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe I’m entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn? Chandler: This game makes no sense! Ross: Y’know what? You’re just upset because you’re losing. Chandler: Oh come on Ross, I think we’re all losers here. Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card. Chandler: Let me think. Let me think—Oh! I don’t care. Joey: You-you must choose Mr. Bing. Chandler: Either, it makes no difference. Joey: Choose, you jackass! Chandler: I’ll take a card. Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Ross’s points! Ross: What?! Chandler: This game is kinda fun. Ross: (To Chandler) You don’t think it’s a little crazy that you get all my points just ‘cause you… Chandler: I don’t think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.] Rachel: Why did you invite my mother?! Monica: What? Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby. Phoebe: For how long? Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing. Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me. Phoebe: She can’t hear you. Rachel: What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do? Phoebe: Well, if you don’t want your mother to move in with you, just tell her. Rachel: You’re right. You’re right. I mean I’m about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I don’t want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! She’s gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen! Monica: That’s right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you don’t want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer! Rachel: Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.) Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now she’s gonna be mad at Rachel! Y’know what? And I’m just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had. Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! It’s time to open the presents! Monica: Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because you’re the most important person in this room. And in the world! Mrs. Green: Well uh, I don’t have a gift because I wasn’t invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyone’s attention. Phoebe: How about you less important people, let’s open your presents! (Mrs. Green goes into the kitchen and Rachel follows her.) Rachel: Mom that’s okay that you didn’t get you a gift! Mrs. Green: Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me. Rachel: Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own. Mrs. Green: Sweetheart I know you’re gonna be terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning. Rachel: But mom, I really know what I’m doing. I can handle this. Mrs. Green: Really? Remember Twinkles? Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby! Phoebe: Okay, come on Rach it’s present time! Y’know you’re the glue that’s holding this whole party together. It’s kinda falling apart here. Mrs. Green: Oh look. Rachel: Wow! Phoebe: Okay, this is from your friend at work. Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (She’s holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That can’t be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby? Mrs. Green: Darling, that’s a breast pump! Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! What’s this? Woman: It’s a diaper genie. Rachel: Oh, it dispenses clean diapers! Woman: No! It’s where you put the dirty ones! Rachel: Well that’s gross, why don’t you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster? Mrs. Green: Oh you’re gonna do that ten times a day? Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?! Mrs. Green: No dear, that’s what babies do. Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart. Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while you’re trotting out to the garbage ten times a day? Rachel: I don’t know, I’d leave it on the changing table? (Everyone gasps.) What?! What’d I do? What’d I do?! Mrs. Green: You can’t leave a baby alone! Rachel: Oh come—(Stutters)—Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who would—she wouldn’t be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Y’know what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, I’m just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful. Woman: It’s actually a bassinet. Rachel: Okay mommy, don’t ever leave me. (Hugs her.) Commercial Break [Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing the game only everyone is really into it.] Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!" Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre! Joey: Correct! There’s a possible backwards bonus! Chandler: Madre Sierra the of Treasure! Joey: Yes! Chandler: I’d like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please. Joey: Wise choice, how many rungs? Chandler: Six! Joey: (makes a sound like a monkey) That noise can only me one thing. Chandler: (disappointed and simultaneously as Ross) Hungry monkey. Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) I’d like a Wicked Wango card! Joey: Okay, it’s an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.) Ross: (thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second! Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle! Ross: Shut up! I Dream of Genie! Joey: Yes! Yes, you’re back in the lead! Ross: I’d like to spin the wheel! (Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.) Chandler: (annoyed) Oh come on!! Joey: All right! All right! Uh, umm, Super-Speedy Speed round! Ross: Is there a hopping bonus? Joey: Of course! (Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.) Joey: Who invented bifocals? Ross: Ben Franklin. Joey: Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest? Ross: Queen Victoria. Joey: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus! Ross: Noooo!!! Every time!!! Joey: Now, over to Chandler. Chandler: I’d like a Google Card. Joey: Are you sure? Chandler: Yes! (Pause) No! (Pause) Google! Joey: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, you’ve been Bamboozled! Chandler: Nooo!! Ross: Yeah!! Chandler: This is the best game ever!!! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.] Rachel: So umm, you’re gonna stay with me as long as I need you? Mrs. Green: Of course I am! Rachel: Oh mom, I swear I’m not an idiot. I’ve read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didn’t think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The baby’s coming and I don’t know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie? Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, you’re gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.) Rachel: Wait-wait where are you going? Where are you going? Mrs. Green: I’m going to the bathroom. Rachel: Okay. Mrs. Green: Now don’t worry! Everything’s gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.) Monica: It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot. Ross: (entering, out of breath) Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty? Ross: I just Bamboozled Chandler! (Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him.) Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower. Phoebe: Not if you were here. Ross: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff. Rachel: Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all. Ross: (excited) A Play-Dough Barber Shop? Rachel: No. She’s going to live with us for eight weeks. Ross: Uh, what? Rachel: Yes! She’s gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isn’t happy.) Ross: What—You’re not serious. I mean she’s a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. She’ll drive us totally crazy. Mrs. Green: (entering from bathroom) Hi Ross! Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.) [Scene: Joey’s Audition, Joey is being shown in.] Man: Hey Joey, hi! I’m Ray; I’m the producer of the show. Joey: (announcer voice) It’s a pleasure to meet you Ray. Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, they’re gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, let’s get the camera rolling. Joey: (announcer voice) Rightie-O Ray! Ray: Whenever you’re ready. Joey: (to the camera) Hello, I’m Joey Tribbiani! Let’s play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One? Erin: Wayne Gretzky. Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem? Ray: Uh Joey, didn’t your agents give you the revised rules? We’ve eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards. Joey: What—Why?! Ray: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn’t follow it. Joey: Well what’s complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! You’re in Paradise Pond! Ray: Yeah all that’s gone. It’s basically just a simple question and answer game now. Joey: Well what’s fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that’s just people standing around answering questions? Ray: Well, there’ll be women in bikinis holding up the scores. Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Let’s play Bamboozled! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.] Mrs. Green: …and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage. Ross: Well we…we don’t have a garage. Mrs. Green: Did I say garage? I meant garbage. Ross: Y’know what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, it’s not absolutely vital that you live with us. Mrs. Green: Well Rachel needs help with the baby. Rachel: I do. I really do. I don’t know anything. Ross: I’m-I’m sure that’s not true. Rachel: Oh no? Pheebs? Monica? Do I know anything about babies? Phoebe: No, not a thing. Monica: It’s frightening. Ross: Well uh, y’know what? Even if she doesn’t know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didn’t live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself. Mrs. Green: That’s true. You do have another child. Ross: Yeah. Mrs. Green: With another woman. Have you no control Ross? Ross: That’s a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to…to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things. Mrs. Green: Well then you really don’t need me to live with you. Ross: Yes! Yes, you’re gonna be so missed. Mrs. Green: You’re gonna be a great father. Ross: Well you’re gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.) Rachel: Hello?! I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing! Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. You’ll—you’re gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesn’t believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, y’know when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddy’s credit card. Do you remember? Rachel: I hope you’re going somewhere with this. Ross: Look at you! What—You’re-you’re this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt you’re gonna be an incredible mother. Rachel: Really? Ross: I’m telling you. Rachel: Thank you. (Hugs him.) Mrs. Green: All right you two, I’m gonna get going. Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.) Mrs. Green: Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. I’ll let myself out. It’s like I’m not here, which I almost wasn’t. Monica: (laughs) You’re still so funny. You’re so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do? Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and she’s been nothing but terrible to you. And don’t forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasn’t even thanked you for it. Monica: Y’know what? You’re-you’re right. Phoebe: Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, I’d tell her off. Monica: Really? Phoebe: Uh-huh! Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasn’t on purpose! But what you’re during to me now is just plain spiteful! Mrs. Green: Spiteful?! Monica: That’s right! Maybe it’s time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady…old lady…lady! Phoebe: (To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up… Monica: So whenever you’re ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I can’t feel my legs! Phoebe: You were fantastic! I’m so proud of you! Monica: Yeah? I’m proud of me too. Phoebe: You should be! Monica: Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink? Phoebe: You got it! Monica: Okay. (When Phoebe turns around Monica runs out into the hall after Mrs. Green.) Mrs. Green! Okay I’m really sorry!! I’m apologizing for the—(She trips and falls down the stairs.) (Pause) Okay, I bit my tongue, but I’m still really sorry! Closing Credits [Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.] Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! I’m ready. Ross: You sure? Rachel: Yes, I’ve done my studying and I really know my stuff. Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcer’s voice) Rachel Green! Let’s play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the baby’s bath water? Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it. Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap? Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers. Ross: That’s correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.) Rachel: Check if it’s wet, check if it’s hungry, burp it! Ross: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card? Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card! Ross: Oh, I’m sorry you’ve been Bamboozled! You’re gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) I’ve lost sight of why we’re doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.) End 820 新生儿派对 嗨 嘿 嘿 我的婴儿祝福会有多少人参加? 大约20个吧? 你的有些同事有事不能来 还有你的两个妹打过电话来 说她们也不能来 什么? 她们连这种没有男人和酒的 聚会都不来参加！ 我太震惊了! 早就知道啦 只要我妈来就好了 噢, 天啊 你的母亲 什么? 我妈不能来吗? 假如我们忘记通知她了, 那她自己跑来了的机率实在太小了 天啊! 那不是我的错啊 菲比负责邀请嘉宾的 我没有... 我没有母亲啊 所以我经常会忘记.. 噢, 省着点吧 我母亲不能参加我的孩子的祝福会? 不是 我的母亲也是 你知道吗? 不用担心的. 我们会处理的 我们会打电话给她的 你只管回家做好准备就行了 拜托一定要确保她会来 这对我真的很重要的 我想说, 她是我的母亲啊 我知道, 我知道啦. 她的电话号码是多少? 我不知道 走吧. 我有电话本 走吧 等一下 是你负责邀请嘉宾的 那为什么要我来打电话给她? 你好, 格林夫人 嗨 我是莫尼卡.盖勒 噢, 你好 莫尼卡 嗨 我知道是有点迟了, 但我们准备要举行 一个重要的婴儿祝福会 给瑞秋的孩子 我知道 我的女儿已经告诉过我了 她们俩大约一个月前就收到通知了 对不起 真是很对不起 为了什么啊, 亲爱的? 为了忘记邀请我, 还是因为你为此说谎? 噢 天啊! 我的屁股都在出汗了 拜托, 拜托 你能出席吗? 是今天的四点 那, 好吧 我四点会到的了 谢谢 不是三点吗? 杂种! 嘿, 乔! 要打篮球吗? 不行 我在练习啊 我有一个关于游戏节目主持人的试镜 爽啊. 太棒了 没错, 如果我成功的话, 那早上 我是Drake Ramoray医生, 但到晚上, 我就是乔伊.崔比昂尼了 太好了. 你最适合演这个人了 至少他名字已经和你一样了 几个小时以后试镜就开始了 但我还不明白这个游戏 要帮忙吗? 真的吗? 太好了 嘿, 你们两个可以扮演玩家啊 遵命 好了, 我想我们可以以后再泡高中妹的 好了 我们来玩Bamboozled Bamboozled? 是啊, 这名字不错吧? 是啊. 不是 好吧 好 我们的第一个挑战者是罗斯.盖勒 可以向我们介绍一下自己吗,罗斯? 那, 我是一个古生物学家 我在纽约居住 我有一个儿子, Ben 嗨, Ben 还有.. 我只是说介绍一下 那, 钱德你呢? 好的, 乔伊, 我在猎头公司工作 我引诱那些落后国家的苏维埃科学家 辞去他们的工作 嗨, Rasputin 正点! 我们开始玩Bamboozled吧 钱德, 你先来 哥伦比亚的首都是哪里? 波哥达 应该是波哥大, 但很接近了 现在, 你可以选择把机会给罗斯, 或选择邪恶的作弊卡 作弊卡用来干吗的? 我应该知道的 让我想想 一下下就好 哦 这里 邪恶的作弊卡可以使用. 于你是较高还是较低的时候 比什么东西要高要低啊? 这真是尴尬啊 你能相信这游戏如此儿戏吗? 不好意思 我相信对手之间是不允许交谈的 哦, 我通知了脱衣舞男5点钟到 不错吧, 是吗? 你给祝福会请脱衣舞男? 那太离谱了吧 什么啊? 他会穿的象婴儿一样的 嗨, 格林夫人 很高兴你能到来 是的, 太感谢你了 还有 再一次, 我们很抱歉 我觉得没有其他事会更差劲了 找找看 原来我的小女孩在那里啊 她还是讨厌我啊 我知道 那不是很好吗? 我们又可以少应酬一个人了 菲比 Sandra也讨厌你的 你心里不觉得不舒服的么? 你看, 我们已经道歉两次了, 我再也不能去道歉了 我知道你不喜欢别人讨厌你, 但你还是要去接受它 好吧 我能做得到的 我先给我的屁股上点粉 看看你的脸 跟高中时没两样 如果不知情, 我会以为 你是未婚先孕的拉拉队长呢 来吧, 过来喝点茶 天啊, 看看这个 只剩三个月了 你找了保姆没有? 我不想你就请你的管家带孩子 因为她无法分神照顾好一切的 那个,其实,我不打算请保姆 而且 我也没有管家 怎么你好象洞穴人一样生活啊 瑞秋 你一定要请一个保姆的 你不知道带孩子有多么可怕 我指, 当你还是个孩子的时候, 我有个全职的帮手 那是K女士 K女士 是啊, 她很体贴了 她教过我西班牙文 我还记得一点 Tu madre es loca 她真是好人啊 是啊 不管她有多体贴, 但我也请不起 噢, 瑞秋! 什么? 我有一个很好的主意 我要搬来和你住 什-什么? 噢, 我太高兴了 我要为我的小女孩这样做 噢 你看你 你眼里都有泪光了 是啊,是啊 好了, 罗斯. 你现在领先 你要再回答下去吗, 或者你可以转“伤害轮盘” 那轮盘今晚还未是我的朋友, 乔伊 我要回答下一题 好吧, 这一道会很难呢 屏息闭气听好了 好了, 我准备好了 不, 老兄. 你要闭气 一直到你准备好了为止 这是游戏的一部分 这个太荒谬了. 他是没必要闭.. 好了 这种恐惧症会有什么症状呢 十... 恐.. 天啊, 这是个大单词呢 十.. 说真的 你看看, 钱德 应该怎样读啊? 让我看看 这个这个 （Triskadekaphobia）. 数字十三恐惧症 对三角形的恐惧 不是. 是对13恐惧 害怕三角形? 有可能啊 它们有很锋利的边角呢 好了, 钱德, 轮到你了 等一下 我相信我可以用我的天使卡再来一次 这个游戏没意义的 你知道吗? 你觉得很烦, 因为你很失败 噢, 是吗, 罗斯 我倒觉得我们两个都是失败者 好啦. 钱德 你可以选择转轮或一张goo-goo卡 让我想一想 噢, 随便,不管 你一定要选择的, 宾先生 随便, 反正没有分别的 快选.你这笨蛋 我选卡 好的, 你选择游戏卡 你得到罗斯的所有分数 什么?! 这个游戏很好玩嘛 你不觉得这有点怪异吗 你拿去我所有分数就只因为.. 我相信对手之间是不允许交谈的 你干嘛要邀请我的母亲来啊? 什么? 她想搬来跟我和罗斯住 来帮忙照顾孩子 住多久? 八个星期啊 我很爱我的母亲, 但天啊,和她吃顿饭都难受的要命 但我倒觉得 如果她和我住的话 我会觉得很荣幸 太远她听不到 来吧,想想 我应该怎么办? 好, 如果你不想你母亲搬来和你住, 就直接告诉她好啦 你说的对 没错 我都快有孩子了 我可以告诉我母亲 我不想她睡到我的沙发上 噢 天啊. 她肯定想和我一块睡到床上 没有的 没有错 没有错 你要过去,告诉她 你不想她和你一块住 不要被拒绝就跑回来啊 好 太好了 现在她就会迁怒于瑞秋了 你知道吗? 过会我就插入调解 就象我才是她的亲生女儿一样 我开始鄙视钱德了 好了, 各位 是拆礼物的时间了! 没错, 而我想瑞秋应该拆的第一份礼物 应该是婴儿的外婆送的那一份了 因为你是全房间里最重要的人 甚至 全世界 那个.. 我没有买礼物 因为我是最后一刻才被通知要来的, 但很感谢你把所有人 的注意力都吸引过来了 哪个是第二重要的人啊? 我们来拆你的礼物了 妈, 你没有礼物没关系的 那, 其实也有啊 我 八个星期的我啊 好啊 好的 嘿, 妈妈 其实我可以自己应付的了 宝贝 我知道你不会搞得定的 我只是觉得你需要帮助, 特别是开始的时候 但 妈妈, 我知道我自己在做什么 我能处理好的 宝贝, 你还记得Twinkles? 那是一只仓鼠 我不会用吸尘机吸掉我的孩子的 好吧, 过来, 瑞 礼物时间 你是整个聚会的粘合剂啊 好象这里掉下一块来了 噢, 你们看 哇 这是你的同事送来的 噢, 天啊 噢, 哇 噢, 我知道这是什么 等一下 不是真的吧? 这是婴儿的奶瓶吗? 宝贝 这是吸奶用的泵 我有说我猜完了么? 好吧 谢谢 噢, 哇 这是什么? 这是尿布精灵 噢. 用来装干净的尿布 不是, 这是用来装脏尿布的 噢, 太多余了 直接把它们拿出去, 丢进垃圾桶里去就可以啦? 噢, 你要每天跑出去十次吗? 什么? 每天有十次? 你喂孩子吃什么了啊? 印度菜? 不是, 亲爱的. 婴儿都是这样的 瑞秋 听你妈说 她很聪明的 那, 如果你要每天跑出去十次, 那孩子怎么办? 我不知道 我可以把他先搁到桌子上 什么? 我干了什么? 我干了什么? 你不能留下孩子一个人 当然. 我知道的 当然是不能留下孩子一个啊 我是说.. 她会有危险的 至少没有和我一起这么安全啦, 我-婴儿傀儡 你们知道吗? 拆礼物让我有点受不了, 所以我想过一阵再打开它们, 但谢谢你们的到来, 还有你们的礼物 这个篮子很好看 其实这是一个摇篮来的 妈妈, 不要离开我 在哪部John Houston的电影里, 你有听过这样的对白? Badges? we don't need no stinking badges. （徽章？ 我不要什么臭徽章） Treasures of the Sierra Madre. 《马德雷山的宝藏》 答对 倒过来念一遍 藏宝..的..山雷..德马 没错! 什么? 我要爬楼梯到金色泥巴小屋里去 明智, 你要选几级? 六级 这种声音只意味着一个可能 饥饿猴子 我要一张邪恶的作弊卡 好的 这是一道声音题 说出这首电视剧主题曲的名字 噢 天啊 我知道 给我点时间 跟时间乌龟说吧 闭嘴 I Dream of Jeannie. （歌名：我梦见珍妮） 没错, 没错! 你又领先了 我要转轮盘 快点! 快速问答题 有额外奖金吗? 当然 谁发明双聚焦的? 本 富兰克林 正确 哪个君主统治英国最长时间? 维多利亚女王 正确 但你忘记了在答第二题时换脚 不要! 所以，没有奖金 不要. 每次都这样! 轮到钱德了 我要一张goo-goo卡 你肯定? 是的! 不! Goo-goo! 噢 天啊 恭喜你, 罗斯 因为 钱德, 你已经被Bamboozled掉了 不要! 这是我玩过最好的游戏了! 那, 呃, 我需要你的时候你都会在吗? 当然啦, 我会在的 妈, 我发誓我不是个白痴 我读过所有关于怀孕和分娩的书了 但我就是不想读 婴儿生下以后的部分 还有, 还有.. 你猜还有什么? 那孩子要出来了, 而我不知道要怎么办 噢, 我可以呕吐在尿布精灵里吗? 甜心 你没问题的 你去哪里? 我要去洗手间 噢, 好吧 记住, 不要担心 一切都会很顺利的 没问题的 值得一试 嘿 嘿 为什么你脸红红的，还满脸汗? 我刚刚bamboozled掉钱德 和性爱无关的 真是一个很快的祝福会呢 你在就不会这么快了 哇, 看来我们收到好多好东西呢 的确, 但我妈给了我们最好的 噢, 玩具理发店? 不是 她准备和我们同住八个星期 什么? 没错, 她准备给我们照顾孩子 你在说笑吧? 没错 她是很好人, 但我们是不可能和她同住八星期的 她会把我们逼疯的 嗨, 罗斯 嘿, 室友 嘿, 乔伊 嗨, 我是Ray. 我是游戏的发明者的 很高兴认识你, Ray 这是Duncan和Erin 他们会帮我们完成这次试镜的 那,我们开始吧 没问题, Ray 随时可以开始啦 你好 我是乔伊.崔比昂尼 我们开始玩Bamboozled吧! Erin, 你先开始 在冰球比赛里, 谁最出名? Wayne Gretzky 正确! 那现在, 你要选一张邪恶作弊卡吗, 还是“伤害轮盘”? 呃, 乔伊 你的经纪人没有给你修正的游戏版本吗? 我们已经除掉那些东西了 没有轮盘, 没有卡片 什么, 为什么啊? 是这样的, 这游戏太复杂了, 而征询观众的意见以后 决定把这些取消掉 一点也不复杂嘛? 你转动伤害轮盘, 来爬上机会之梯, 你通过了泥巴小屋, 通过彩虹竞技场, 然后到金色猴子那里 你猛拉它的尾巴, 便“轰”, 便可以进入天堂彩池了 是啊 那是以前的事了 基本上现在它只是一个问答游戏了 那, 还有什么乐趣可言呢? 你想我做这种无聊游戏的主持人 只有一群人站着回答问题? 那, 会有穿着比基尼的女生 拿着分数板的 我们来玩Bamboozled吧! 你有这么多恐龙化石,罗斯, 我想还有更多在你的车房里吧 我们没有车房啊 我刚才说成车房了吗? 我想说垃圾房 你知道吗, 格林女士? 或许你搬不搬近来并不重要 但瑞秋需要我来照顾婴孩啊 是啊 我真的需要 我什么都不知道 我肯定那不是真的 噢 不是? 菲比, 莫尼卡, 你们知道怎样照顾婴儿吗? 一点都不知道 那太恐怖了 你看 她们不会, 但我会 我有个儿子 他的母亲和我分居了 但他和我在一起的时候, 我都可以独自一人照顾他啊 那倒是真的哦 你真的有个孩子了吗 是啊 和另外一个女人生的 你没有自制力的吗, 罗斯? 那是另外一回事了 重点是, 当婴儿出生后, 我会喂她 给她洗澡,给她换尿布, 其他的一切, 我都能做得到的 那这样说, 我真的可以不搬进来哦 是啊! 是的 我会很挂念你的 你会是个好父亲的 你会是个最好的外婆 有人睬我一下吗? 我还不知道我该干什么 别这样嘛 头一胎是这样的了 你会知道的 嘿! 你真的会的 你看 你记得你头一回来到这个城市来的时候? 你是一个被宠坏了的,无助的小女孩, 整天只会用父亲的信用卡 记得吗? 我希望你和这些话滚一边去 看看你, 瑞秋 你这么独裁 可见你比你想象中 能力更强 我很相信 你会是一个无与伦比的母亲的 真的? 我说的 谢谢 好了, 你们两个 我要走了 噢, 不, 不, 不, 甜心 你留下 我自己走就行了 我不属于这里的, 虽然我差点就来不了 她真没趣 你真有趣 我该怎么办? 什么都不要做 你已经向她道歉了 几乎一百万次了 但她还是没感觉 还这样对你 不要忘记, 你所做的一切都是为了给 她女儿一个温情的, 虽然有点无聊,的祝福会 而她甚至没有感激你 你知道吗?你说的对 是啊, 我是说, 假如你想跟她翻脸的话, 我会撵她走 真的吗? 呃-呵 好的 我真的会哦 格林夫人 格林夫人 要走也不跟主人家说一声 太没礼貌了吧 而且还有, 别人向你道歉, 得体的做法应该是接受道歉的 因为我对你所做的事, 并不是故意的 但你看你怎样对我, 实在太可恶了 可恶? 没错啊 或者你应该照照镜子了, 年轻的女士 老女人 女士 补救 补救.补救 无论你什么时候向我道歉, 我会原谅你的 好走! 我脚都麻了 你太不可思议了 我太佩服你了 是吗 我也很佩服自己啊 你应该佩服自己 能拿我点喝的吗? 没问题! 好的 格林女士! 我真的很抱歉! 我向你道歉! 好了 我咬到舌头了 而我还是觉得很抱歉 好了 我读完了 你肯定吗 是的 我已经明白了, 我已经知道那些东西怎么用了 好吧, 那么 瑞秋.格林, 我们来玩Bamboozled吧 你如何测试婴孩的洗澡水温? 用你的手肘 正确 如何哄小孩子睡觉? 喂饱, 干爽, 轻拍背后, 不要盖得太少 没错 这是一道声音题 婴儿发出这样的声音时你要怎么做? 看看是不是尿湿了 看看是不是饿了 帮她打嗝 正确 太好了 那现在你要另一道题? 还是一张作弊卡? 卡, 卡 我选卡 哦, 对不起 你已经被Bamboozled了 你是一个差劲的母亲 我也不知道为什么会有这样的卡