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首页 Emily Post_s Etiquette.pdf

Emily Post_s Etiquette.pdf

Emily Post_s Etiquette.pdf

上传者: xiaoxiang9989 2014-04-07 评分 5 0 110 15 499 暂无简介 简介 举报

简介:本文档为《Emily Post_s Etiquettepdf》,可适用于高等教育领域,主题内容包含ETIQUETTEthEditionPEGGYPOSTWithgratitude,Idedicatethisbooktothethousandsof符等。

ETIQUETTEthEditionPEGGYPOSTWithgratitude,Idedicatethisbooktothethousandsofindividualswhohavesharedtheiretiquettedilemmaswithme,demonstratingthattheytrulycareaboutbeingconsiderateandrespectfulandtoEmilyPost,mygreatgrandmotherinlaw,whosecompassionatespiritandtimelessadviceserveassolidfoundationsforcourtesyintoday’sbusyworldContentsAcknowledgmentsANotetoReadersxiiiPartOneEverydayEtiquetteWhatetiquetteis(andisn’t)andthepillarsonwhichitisbuiltGreetingsandintroductionsmadeeasyYourpublicpersonaasdriver,pedestrian,passenger,andshopperRudenessinitsmyriadguisesandadozenoftoday’srudestbehaviorsAppropriateclothingchoicesinanincreasinglycasualworldChapterOneGuidelinesforLivingChapterTwoGreetingsandIntroductionsixChapterThreeWhenOutandAboutChapterFourDealingwithRudenessChapterFiveDressandGroomingPartTwoRelationshipsNewplustriedandtrueapproachestodatingGettingthroughaseparationordivorcewithgraceKeepingfamilylife,initsmanyforms,runningsmoothlyBuildingstressfreerelationshipswithyourneighborsHowtobehavewhenyouorsomeoneelseisill,pluscourtesiesforthosewithdisabilitiesConsiderationforpeoplewhoworkinyourhomeChapterSixDatingChapterSevenSeparationandDivorceChapterEightToday’sFamiliesChapterNineTheThoughtfulFamilyMemberChapterTenTheGoodNeighborChapterElevenIllnessesandDisabilitiesChapterTwelvePeopleWhoWorkinYourHomeContentsPartThreeChildrenandTeensGettingchildrenoffontheright(andmannerly)footGreetings,introductions,andothermannersfortheyoungDressingandgroomingchoicesHostandguestetiquette,frombirthdaypartiestosleepoversSportsmanship,tablemanners,andmallmannersDevelopingandhoningspeakingandwritingskillsTeendatingfromeveryangleChapterThirteenTeachingEverydayMannersChapterFourteenTableandPartyMannersChapterFifteenYoungCommunicatorsChapterSixteenTeenDatesandSpecialOccasionsPartFourCommunicationandProtocolProofthattheartofletterwritinglivesonShouldyouhandwritethatnoteThereturnofsocialcardsWaystobecomewellspokenConversationalblunderstoavoidRespondingtonosyquestionsTheexemplaryemailerMannersinxcyberspaceOurlovehaterelationshipwiththecellphoneTitles,formsofaddress,officialprotocol,anddisplayingtheflagChapterSeventeenCorrespondenceChapterEighteenInvitationsandAnnouncementsChapterNineteenTheGoodConversationalistChapterTwentyEmailEtceteraChapterTwentyoneTelephoneMannersChapterTwentytwoNames,Titles,andOfficialProtocolPartFiveDiningandEntertainingThetruthabouttablemannersEatingdifficultfoodswitheaseKeepingthefunineatingoutSixmajorfauxpasatrestaurantsRelaxeddinnerpartiesandcocktailpartiesSmartadviceforhostsandhouseguestsSurvivingthesocialwhirl,fromcasualgettogetherstoformaldancesTroublefreetoasting,withsampletoastsaplentyChapterTwentythreeTableMannersChapterTwentyfourEatingOutChapterTwentyfiveTheDinnerPartyChapterTwentysixHostsandHouseguestsChapterTwentysevenPartiesGaloreChapterTwentyeightToastsandToastingPartSixCelebrationsandCeremoniesDo’sanddon’tsforbabyshowers,comingofagecelebrations,andbirthdayandanniversarypartiesReaffirmingmarriagevowsTheABC’sofgiftgivingThelastwordongiftregistriesandregiftingOfferingcondolencesintimesofsorrowThechangingfuneralserviceOnlinememorialsBehaviorinyourownhouseofworshipandthoseofotherfaithsChapterTwentynineCelebratingLife’sStagesChapterThirtyGivingandReceivingGiftsChapterThirtyoneGrievingandCondolencesChapterThirtytwoAttendingReligiousServicesPartSevenWeddingsMakingtheengagement“official”KeepingweddingplansfromspinningoutofcontrolIsa“destinationwedding”agoodideaInvitationstylesandtimingSixinvitationmistakestoavoidGiftregistriesandtheiralternativesThepersonalizedceremonyandreception,includingsamesexunionsThegoodxiguestMarryingagain(andagain)BreakingwithtraditionChapterThirtythreeTheEngagementChapterThirtyfourPlanningtheBigEventChapterThirtyfiveTheNutsandBoltsofPreparationChapterThirtysixWeddingInvitationsandAnnouncementsChapterThirtysevenWeddingAttireChapterThirtyeightWeddingGiftsChapterThirtynineYourDayChapterFortyAGuideforWeddingGuestsChapterFortyoneRemarriageChapterFortytwoNewTimes,NewTraditionsPartEightYouandYourJobGettingalongwithcoworkersandsupervisorsDealingwithworkplacedilemmasCubicleetiquetteKeepingmeetingsrunningsmoothlyBusinessmeals,officeparties,andotherentertainmentsRelationshipsbetweenthesexesChapterFortythreeLifeintheWorkplaceChapterFortyfourTheSocialSideContentsPartNineTravelandLeisureThenewairplaneetiquetteRulesoftheroadSmoothsailingoncruisesAdjustingyourculturallensoverseasYourtippingquestionsansweredTheubiquitoustipjarAudienceetiquetteHiking,camping,andboatingdo’sanddon’tsgoodsportsmanshipfortennisplayersandgolfers,skiersandskatersStayingonyourtoesatfitnesscentersandathleticeventsChapterFortyfiveTravelingNearandFarChapterFortysixTheFinerPointsofTippingChapterFortysevenPerformancesinPublicPlacesChapterFortyeightSportsandRecreationSearchableTermsAbouttheAuthorAlsofromtheEmilyPostInstitutexiiCreditsCoverCopyrightAboutthePublisherContentsANotetoReadersWhatapleasureitistobringyouanallnew,completelyrewritteneditionofabookthathasbeenastapleofAmericanlifeforeightytwoyears!Timesarechangingsorapidlyit’sachallengeformostofustokeepup,butI’mhappytoassureyouthathelpingpeopleadapthasbeenamainstayoftheEmilyPostphilosophyfromthebeginningEmilyknewwhenshewroteEtiquette:TheBlueBookofSocialUsage()thatitwastimeforareappraisaloftheVictorianrulesofetiquetteAsaresult,herrevolutionarybookdiscountedmannersasrigidrules,tiedtheminsteadtoethicsandvalues,andsawthemasbelongingtopeoplefromallwalksoflifeShealsostressedthatmannersshouldbefluid,adaptablenotonlytothetimesbuttothesituationathandThesameistruetodayConsideringthestuffinessoftheetiquettebooksthathadgonebefore,mygreatgrandmotherinlawwouldprobablyhavetoldherreadersto“lightenup!”hadthephrasebeenaroundinherdayAsVictorianismgavewaytotheJazzAge,themoreinformalapproachtothingsforeshadowedthecasualnessthatinfusesvirtuallyeveryaspectoflifeinthetwentyfirstcentury,fromthewaywecommunicatetohowwedressWheredoestoday’smore“anythinggoes”attitudeleaveetiquetteGiventhepressuresofmodernlife,moreindemandthanever!ThemanylettersIreceivethroughmymonthlycolumnsinGoodHousekeepingandParentsmagazinesnottomentiontheemailssenttotheEmilyPostInstituteWebsitesuggestthatAmericansareverymuchinterestedinthebasiccourtesiesandwanttodealrespectfullyandcourteouslywithothersTheyclearlywantanswersforwaystogetalongwithoneanother,eveniftheanswersaresometimescomplexThosemanyquestionsaboutetiquettearealsoanindicationthatAmericansareincreasinglyworriedaboutwhattheyseeasdecliningstandardsofcivilityStatisticsbearouttheirconcernsAcomprehensivenationalstudyfromPublicAgendawithsupportfromThePewCharitableTrusts(AggravatingCircumstances:AStatusReportonRudenessinAmerica)foundthatseventyninepercentofAmericansbelievethata“lackofrespectandcourtesyisaseriousproblemforoursociety”fortyonepercentadmittedthattheythemselveshadbehavedinrudeanddisrespectfulwaysOtherstudiessupportthesefindingsOnapurelyanecdotallevel,justmention“courtesy”or“civility”or“etiquette,”andlistentothetalesfilledwithexamplesofbadmannersthatpeoplehaverecentlyseenorexperiencedxiiiANotetoReadersNewCentury,NewBookwhilemanypeopleagreethatgoodmannersmaybeneededmorethanever,justwhatetiquetteisoftenleavesthemscratchingtheirheadsSometimesitseemsthattheworditselfhasmoredefinitionsthanaformalplacesettinghasforksTomanypeople,etiquetteisnothingmorethanatiredsetofnolongerrelevantrulesaftereveryonewisedupandstarted“doingtheirownthing”Toothers,it’sanaffectationoftheuppercrust,withlittlemeaningforanyoneelse(Infact,onetheoryholdsthatthewordderivedfromthesignsetiquettesrequestingthatthecourtiersatLouisXIV’spalaceofVersailleskeepoffthegrassbutthatwasanothertime,anotherplace)AddingtotheconfusionisthefactthatwhatisconsideredgoodmannersoftenvariesfromregiontoregionandfromethnicgrouptoethnicgroupSuchuncertaintiesaboutwhatetiquettemeansandwhyit’simportantexplainwhyI’verethoughtandrewrittenthisbook,theseventeentheditionofEtiquetteThebookdefinesetiquetteintoday’sreallifetermsandbringsitdowntoearthAnallnewsection,“EverydayEtiquette,”featuresawholechapteroncopingwithrudeness,whileotherchapterstakeintoaccountmoderndayconcernsfromconfusionsaboutemailetiquettetohandling“roadrage”tolivingcheekbyjowlwithourneighborsinanincreasinglycrowdedworldInanothernewsection,“ChildrenandTeens,”Iofferadvicetoparentsonhowtoraiserespectfulandselfconfidentyoungmenandxivwomen,eveninthemidstofhecticlivesandchallengesallaroundThe“YouandYourJob”sectionisanuptodateguidetodealingwiththekindofworkplacepressuresthatpreviousgenerationscouldhavehardlyimaginedCanYouMakeaDifferencemyanswertothequestionofwhetherindividualscancontributetoamorecivilsocietyisanemphatic“yes!”Courtesytendstobecontagiousinfact,aseeminglysmallactofconsiderationcanhaveatremendousimpactSmilingandsaying“thankyou”toaharriedwaitressinarestaurantmayremindherthatmostofhercustomersappreciatehereffortsSaying“excuseme”whenbrushingpastastrangeronacrowdedsidewalkmight,injustafractionofasecond,encouragethatpersontobealittlekindertohisfellowworkersthatdayAlittlekindnessgoesalongwayEtiquettemustbeactiveItisn’tenoughtoknowwhattodoCourtesymattersonlywhenitistranslatedintoeverydaybehaviornotjustputonforshowwhenit’sconvenientTherewardsofanactivecommitmenttoeverydaycourtesyaremyriad,thoughnotoftentangible(SeeChapter,“GuidelinesforLiving,”pages–)Therearealsoimportantpersonalrewardsthatsomepeoplemaynotevenbeawareof,includingtheselfconfidencethatcomesfromknowingwhattodoinnewordifficultsituationsapositivereputationwithothersandpersonalrelationshipsthataremorecongenial,evenintimesofstress,becausethepeopleinvolvedtreatoneanotherwithrespectFinally,courteouspeopleenrichtheirownspiritsbymakingotherpeoplefeelgoodThespecialfeelingthatcomesfrombeingkindmaywellbethemostpowerfulincentivetorememberandpracticeeverydaycourtesies,asdelineatedinthisallneweditionofEmilyPost’sAmericanclassicPeggyPostSummerxvANotetoReadersPartOneååååååååååååEverydayååååååååååååEtiquetteååååååååååååååååååååååååååChapterOneGuidelinesforLivingTheworldistoomuchwithus,”Wordsworthwrotein,andhisphrasehastakenonawholenewmeaninginthetwentyfirstcenturyInfact,theoldboywouldprobablyberunningforcoverifatimemachinewhiskedhimtostreetsfullofpeoplerushingaboutasthoughtherewerenotomorrowmanyofthemyellingintosmallmetalobjectsheldtotheirearsItwouldbeeasyforustosympathizewithhimWhilescientificandmedicaladvancementshavemadelifeeasierovertheyears,thestressesandstrainsthathavecomewithpopulationdensity,technologicaladvancements,allpervasivenewsandentertainmentmedia,andaredefinitionofthefamilyhaveresultedinawholenewsetofchallengesPeoplebehavenoworsethantheyusedto(rudenessandothersocialoffensesarenothingnew),butthepressuresofmodernlifemakeitallthemoredifficulttostaycivilWhat’sneededforthisdayandageNewguidelinesforcourteousbehavior,especiallyinatimewhenitoftenseemsthat“anythinggoes”It’struethatamorecasualapproachtodressing,communicating,andentertaininghastakenhold,butthat’shardlysomethingtobeconcernedaboutThehistoryofhumaninteractionisoneofchange,andmannersbytheirverynatureadapttothetimesToday’sguidelineshelpsteerourbehavioraswemovethroughourdailyroutinesnomatterwhatdifficultiesweface,howinformaltheoccasionorevent,orwhichsurprisesaresprungInfact,itcanbesaidthatweneedmannersmorethanevertosmooththewayAlthoughtoday’smannersaremoresituational,tailoredtoparticularcircumstancesandtheexpectationsofthosearoundus,theyremainacombinationofcommonsense,generosityofspirit,andafewspecific“rules”thathelpusinteractthoughtfullyAndasfluidasmannersare(andalwayshavebeen),theyrestonthesamebedrockprinciples:respect,consideration,andhonestyRespectRespectingotherpeoplemeansrecognizingtheirvalueashumanbeings,regardlessoftheirbackground,race,orcreedArespectfulpersonwouldalsonevertreatasalesperson,awaiter,oranofficeassistantassomehowinferiorRespectisdemonstratedinallyourdaytodayrelationsrefrainingfromdemeaningothersfortheirideasandopinions,refusingtolaughatracistorsexistjokes,puttingprejudicesaside,andstayingopenmindedEverydayEtiquetteSelfrespectisjustasimportantasrespectforothersAselfconfidentpersonisn’tboastfulorpushybutissecurewithherselfinawaythatinspiresconfidenceinothersShevaluesherselfregardlessofherphysicalattributesorindividualtalents,understandingthathonorandcharacterarewhatreallymatterConsiderationThoughtfulnessandkindnessarefoldedintoconsiderationforotherpeopleConsiderationalsoencapsulatestheGoldenRule:DountoothersasyouwouldhavethemdountoyouBeingthoughtfulmeansthinkingaboutwhatyoucandotoputpeopleatease,whilekindnessismoreaboutactsTakentogether,thesequalitiesleadustohelpafriendorstrangerinneed,tobestowatokenofappreciation,toofferpraiseHonestyHonestyhasmoretodowithethicsthanetiquette,butthetwoareintertwinedWhatcouldbemoreunmannerlythanbeingdeceptiveHonestyensuresthatweactsincerelyandisalsothebasisoftact:speakingandactinginwaysthatwon’tcauseunnecessaryoffenseAtactfulpersoncansaysomethinghonestaboutanotherpersonwithoutcausinggreatembarrassmentorpainInotherwords,tactcallsforbothempathyandbenevolenthonesty:“Iliketheotherbathingsuitonyoubetter”ishonest,while“Thatbathingsuitmakesyoulookfat”maybeequallytruebutamountstoaninsultTwoOtherEssentialQualitiesgraciousnessanddeferencearealsopartandparcelofmannerlybehaviorGraciousnessistheabilitytohandlesituationswithaplombandflexibility,whileshowingdeferencecanbeaseasyasremovingone’shatinaplaceofworshipThemarkofagraciouspersonishisabilitytoputpeopleateaseandsparethemanyembarrassment(You’rebeinggraciouswhensomeoneforgetsyournameduringanintroductionandyousay,“Oh,pleasedon’tfeelbad!I’malwaysdrawingablankwhenItrytoremembernames”)It’seasytoforgetthat“gracious”istheadjectiveformof“grace,”whichdictionariesvariouslydefineas“goodwillfavor”“thoughtfulnesstowardothers”and“asenseofwhatisrightandproper”Byanydefinition,graceisaqualityanyoneshouldstrivetoachieveDeferenceisprimarilyameansofrecognizingaperson’sexperienceandaccomplishmentsCourtesieslikestandingwhenanolderpersonentersaroom,givingaseniorexecutivetheheadseatataconferencetable,andaddressingauthorityfiguresbytheirtitlesandlastnames(unlesstheyspecificallyrequestotherwise)donotdemeananyoneFarfromitDeferringpolitelyreflectswellonthepersonwhodefersbydemonstratingthathevaluesotherpeoplefortheirachievementsFourThingsEtiquetteIsNotMisconceptionsaboutetiquetteandtheneedforitabound,whichmakesitnecessarytolistfourthingsthatetiquetteismostcertainlynot:AsetofrigidrulesMannerschangewiththetimes(somethingEmilyPostemphasizedfromthebeginning)andtodayaremoreflexiblethaneverbeforeEtiquetteisn’tasetof“prescriptionsforproperness”butmerelyasetofguidelinesfordoingthingsinwaysthatmakepeoplefeelcomfortableSomethingforthewealthyorwellbornEtiquetteisacodeofbehaviorforpeoplefromallwalksoflife,everysocioeconomicgroup,andofallagesNooneisimmunetohavinghislifeenhancedbygoodmannersAthingofthepastSometimesitseemsthatyesterday’sstandardshavegoneoutthewindow,buttoday’smorecasualapproachtothingsissomethingthatsitsonthesurfaceThebedrockprinciplesofetiquetteremainassolidastheyeverwereSnobbishnessLittleviolatesthetenetsofetiquettemorethansnobberywhich,moreoftenthannot,isjustanothernameforpretentiousnessApersonwholooksdownonothersshowshimselfnotassuperiorbutsmallthekindwho’sanythingbutrespectfulandconsiderateActionsExpressAttitudepeoplewhoreallypayattentiontoothershavelittletroubletranslatingwhattheyseeandhearintocourteousbehaviorCourteouspeopleareempatheticabletorelateemotionallytothefeelingsofothersTheylistencloselytowhatpeoplesayGuidelinesforLivingTheyobservewhatisgoingonaroundthemandregisterwhattheyseeAselfcenteredpersonmightsay,“Iknowexactlyhowyoufeel”tosomeoneinatraumaticsituationandthenimmediatelystartdescribinghisownexperiencesAnempatheticpersonismorelikelytosaysomethinglike,“Ican’tknowhowyoufeelrightnow,butIcanunderstandyo

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