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首页 6 Faux Friend

6 Faux Friend.doc

6 Faux Friend

不思之我
2014-01-19 0人阅读 举报 0 0 暂无简介

简介:本文档为《6 Faux Frienddoc》,可适用于外语资料领域

FauxFriendTheriseofChristianityputtheclassicalidealineclipseChristianthoughtdiscouragedintensepersonalbonds,fortheheartshouldbeturnedtoGodWithinmonasticcommunities,particularattachmentswereseenasthreatstogroupcohesionInmedievalsociety,friendshipentailedspecificexpectationsandobligations,oftenformalizedinoathsLordsandvassalsemployedthelanguageoffriendship"Standingsurety"guaranteeingaloan,asinTheMerchantofVenicewasachiefinstitutionofearlymodernfriendshipGodparenthoodfunctionedinRomanCatholicsociety(and,inmanyplaces,stillfunctions)asaformofalliancebetweenfamilies,arelationshipnotbetweengodparentandgodchild,butgodparentandparentInmedievalEngland,godparentswere"godsibs"inLatinAmerica,theyare"compadres,"cofathers,awordwehavetakenassynonymouswithfriendshipitselfTheclassicalnotionoffriendshipwasrevived,alongwithotherancientmodesoffeeling,bytheRenaissanceTruthandvirtue,again,aboveall:"Thosewhoventuretocriticizeusperformaremarkableactoffriendship,"wroteMontaigne,"fortoundertaketowoundandoffendamanforhisowngoodistohaveahealthyloveforhim"HisbondwithÉtienne,heavowed,stoodhighernotonlythanmarriageanderoticattachment,butalsothanfilial,fraternal,andhomosexuallove"Somanycoincidencesareneededtobuildupsuchafriendship,thatitisalotiffortunecandoitonceinthreecenturies"Thehighlystructuredand,asitwere,economicnatureofmedievalfriendshipexplainswhytruefriendshipwasheldtobesorareinclassicalandneoclassicalthought:preciselybecauserelationsintraditionalsocietiesweredominatedbyinterestThusthe"truefriend"stoodagainsttheselfinterested"flatterer"or"falsefriend,"asShakespearesetsHoratio"moreanantiqueRomanthanaDane"againstRosencrantzandGuildensternSanchoPanzabeginsasDonQuixote'sdependentandendsashisfriendbythecloseoftheirjourney,hehascometounderstandthatfriendshipitselfhasbecometherewardhewasalwaysseekingClassicalfriendship,nowcalledromanticfriendship,persistedthroughthethandthcenturies,givingusthegreatfriendshipsofGoetheandSchiller,ByronandShelley,EmersonandThoreauWords​worthaddressedhismagnumopustohis"dearFriend"ColeridgeTennysonlamentedHallam"Myfriend…MyArthur…Dearasthemothertotheson"inthepoemthatbecamehismasterpieceSpeakingofhisfirstencounterwithHawthorne,Melvillewasunashamedtowritethat"amanofdeepandnoblenaturehasseizedme"Butmeanwhile,thegrowthofcommercialsocietywasshiftingtheverygroundsofpersonallifetowardtheconditionsessentialfortheemergenceofmodernfriendshipCapitalism,saidHumeandSmith,bymakingeconomicrelationsimpersonal,allowedforprivaterelationshipsbasedonnothingotherthanaffectionandaffinityWedon'tknowthepeoplewhomakethethingswebuyanddon'tneedtoknowthepeoplewhosellthemTheoneswedoknowneighbors,fellowparishioners,peopleweknewinhighschoolorcollege,parentsofourchildren'sfriendshavenobearingonoureconomiclifeOneteachesataschoolinthesuburbs,anotherworksforabusinessacrosstown,athirdlivesontheoppositesideofthecountryWearenothingtooneanotherbutwhatwechoosetobecome,andwecanunbecomeitwheneverwewantAddtothisthegrowthofdemocracy,anideologyofuniversalequalityandinterinvolvementWearecitizensnow,notsubjects,boundtogetherdirectlyratherthanthroughallegiancetoamonarchButwhatistobindusemotionally,makeussomethingmorethananaggregateofpoliticalmonadsOneanswerwasnationalism,butanothergrewoutofthethcenturynotionofsocialsympathy:friendship,oratleast,friendliness,astheaffectivesubstructureofmodernsocietyItisnoaccidentthat"fraternity"madeathirdwithlibertyandequalityasthewatchwordsoftheFrenchRevolutionWordsworthinBritainandWhitmaninAmericamadevisionsofuniversalfriendshipcentraltotheirdemocraticvistasForMaryWollstonecraft,themotheroffeminism,friendshipwastobethekeytermofarenegotiatedsexualcontract,anewdomesticdemocracyNowwecanseewhyfriendshiphasbecomethecharacteristicallymodernrelationshipModernitybelievesinequality,andfriendships,unliketraditionalrelationships,areegalitarianModernitybelievesinindividualismFriendshipsservenopublicpurposeandexistindependentofallotherbondsModernitybelievesinchoiceFriendships,unlikebloodties,areelectiveindeed,theriseoffriendshipcoincidedwiththeshiftawayfromarrangedmarriageModernitybelievesinselfexpressionFriends,becausewechoosethem,giveusbackanimageofourselvesModernitybelievesinfreedomEvenmodernmarriageentailscontractualobligations,butfriendshipinvolvesnofixedcommitmentsThemoderntemperrunstowardunrestrictedfluidityandflexibility,theendlessplayofpossibility,andsoisperfectlysuitedtotheinformal,improvisationalnatureoffriendshipWecanbefriendswithwhomeverwewant,howeverwewant,foraslongaswewantSocialchangesplayintothequestionaswellAsindustrializationuprootedpeoplefromextendedfamiliesandtraditionalcommunitiesandpackedthemintourbancenters,friendshipemergedtosalvetheanonymityandrootlessnessofmodernlifeTheprocessisvirtuallyinstinctivenow:Yougraduatefromcollege,movetoNewYorkorLA,andassemblethegangthattakesyouthroughyoursOnlyit'snotjustyoursanymoreThetransformationsoffamilylifeoverthelastfewdecadeshavemadefriendshipmoreimportantstillBetweentheriseofdivorceandthegrowthofsingleparenthood,adultsincontemporaryhouseholdsoftennolongerhavespouses,letaloneatraditionalextendedfamily,toturntoforsupportChildren,letloosebytheweakeningofparentalauthorityandsupervision,spinoutoforbitateverearlieragesBothlooktofriendstoreplacetheolderstructuresFriendsmaybe"thefamilywechoose,"asthemodernproverbhasit,butformanyofusthereisnochoicebuttomakeourfriendsourfamily,sinceourotherfamiliestheoneswecomefromortheoneswetrytostarthavefallenapartWhenallthemarriagesareover,friendsarethepeoplewecomebacktoAndeventhosewhogrowupinastablefamilyandendupcreatinganotheronepassmoreandmoretimebetweenthetwoWehaveyettofindasatisfactorynameforthatperiodoflife,nowtypicallyadecadebutoftenagreatdeallonger,betweentheendofadolescenceandthemakingofdefinitivelifechoicesButtheonethingweknowisthatfriendshipisabsolutelycentraltoitInevitably,theclassicalidealhasfadedTheimageoftheonetruefriend,asoulmateraretofindbutdearlybeloved,hascompletelydisappearedfromourcultureWehaveourbetterorlesserfriends,evenourbestfriends,butnooneinaverylongtimehastalkedaboutfriendshipthewayMontaigneandTennysondidThatglibneologism"bff,"whichplaysatalifelongavowal,bespeaksanironicawarenessofthemobilityofourconnections:BestfriendsforevermaynotbeonspeakingtermsbythistimenextmonthWesaveourfiercestenergiesforsexIndeed,betweentheriseofFreudianismandthecontemporaneousemergenceofhomosexualitytosocialvisibility,we'vetaughtourselvestoshunexpressionsofintenseaffectionbetweenfriendsmalefriendsinparticular,thoughevenOprahwasforcedtodefendherrelationshipwithherclosestfriendandhaverewrittenhistoricalfriendships,likeAchilles'withPatroclus,assexualForallthetalkof"bromance"lately(or"mandates"),thetermisyetanotherdevicetomanagethesexualanxietykickedupbystraightmalefriendshipswhetherinthefriendsthemselvesorinthepeoplearoundthemandthetypicalbromanceplotinstructsthecallowbondsofyouthtogivewaytomatureheterosexualrelationshipsAtbest,intensefriendshipsaresomethingwe'reexpectedtogrowoutofAsforthemoralcontentofclassicalfriendship,itscommitmenttovirtueandmutualimprovement,that,too,hasbeenlostWehaveceasedtobelievethatafriend'shighestpurposeistosummonustothegoodbyofferingmoraladviceandcorrectionWepractice,instead,thenonjudgmentalfriendshipofunconditionalacceptanceandsupport"therapeutic"friendship,inRobertNBellah'sscornfultermWeseemtobeterriblyfragilenowAfriendfulfillsherduty,wesuppose,bytakingoursidevalidatingourfeelings,supportingourdecisions,helpingustofeelgoodaboutourselvesWetellwhitelies,makeexcuseswhenafrienddoessomethingwrong,dowhatwecantokeeptheboatsteadyWe'rebusypeoplewewantourfriendshipsfunandfrictionfreeYetevenasfriendshipbecameuniversalandtheclassicalideallostitsforce,anewkindofidealismarose,anewrepositoryforsomeoffriendship'sdeepestneeds:thegroupfriendshiporfriendshipcircleCompaniesofsuperiorspiritsgobackatleastasfarasPythagorasandPlatoandachievednewimportanceinthesalonsandcoffeehousesofthethandthcenturies,buttheRomanticagegavethemafreshimpetusandemphasisTheideaoffriendshipbecamecentraltotheirselfconception,whetherinWords​worth'scircleorthe"smallbandoftruefriends"whowitnessEmma'smarriageinAustenAndthenotionofsuperiorityacquiredautopiancast,sothatthecirclewasseennotleastbecauseofitsveryemphasisonfriendshipastheharbingerofamoreadvancedageThesamewastrue,acenturylater,oftheBloomsburyGroup,twoofwhosemembers,WoolfandForster,producednoveluponnovelaboutfriendshipItwasthelatterwhofamouslyenunciatedthegroup'spoliticalcreed"IfIhadtochoosebetweenbetrayingmycountryandbetrayingmyfriend,"hewrote,"IhopeIshouldhavethegutstobetraymycountry"Modernismwasthegreatageofthecoterie,andlikethelegendaryfriendshipsofantiquity,modernistfriendshipcirclesbohemian,artistic,transgressivesettheirfaceagainstexistingstructuresandnormsFriendshipbecomes,onthisaccount,akindofalternativesociety,arefugefromthevaluesofthelarger,fallenworldThebeliefthatthemostsignificantpartofanindividual'semotionallifeproperlytakesplacenotwithinthefamilybutwithinagroupoffriendsbegantoexpandbeyondtheartisticcoterieandbecomegeneralduringthelasthalfofthethcenturyTheRomanticBloomsburyanprophecyofsocietyasasetoffriendshipcircleswas,toagreatextent,realizedMaryMcCarthyofferedanearlyandtartviewofthedesirabilityofsuchasituationinTheGroupBarryLevinson,alater,kinderoneinDinerBothworksremindusthattheubiquityofgroupfriendshipowesagreatdealtotheriseofyouthcultureIndeed,modernityassociatesfriendshipitselfwithyouth,atimeoflifeitlikewiseregardsasstandingapartfromfalseadultvalues"Thedearpeculiarbondofyouth,"Byroncalledfriendship,invertingtheclassicalbeliefthatitstruepracticedemandsmaturityandwisdomWithmodernity'selevationofyouthtosupremestatusasthemostvitalandauthenticperiodoflife,friendshipbecametheobjectofintenseemotionintwocontradictorybutoftensimultaneousdirectionsWehavesoughttoprolongyouthindefinitelybyholdingfasttoouryouthfulfriendships,andwehavemournedthelossofyouththroughanunremittingnostalgiaforthosefriendshipsOneofthemoststrikingthingsaboutthewaythethcenturyunderstoodfriendshipwasthetendencytoviewitthroughthefilterofmemory,asifitcouldberecognizedonlyafteritsloss,andasifthatlosswereinevitableThecultureofgroupfriendshipreacheditsapogeeinthesTwoofthecounterculture'smostsalientandideologicallychargedsocialformswerethecommuneacommunityoffriendsinselfimaginedretreatfromaheartlesslycorporatizedsocietyandtherock'n'roll"band"(not"group"or"combo"),itsnameevokingShakespeare's"bandofbrothers"andRobinHood'sbandofMerryMen,itsgreatexemplartheBeatlesCommunes,bands,andothersfriendshipgroups(includingWoodstock,theapotheosisofboththecommuneandtherockconcert)werecelebratedasjoyous,creativeplacesofeternalyouthhavensfromtheadultworldTogothroughlifewithinonewastheera'sutopiandreamitisnowondertheBeatles'breakupwasreceivedasagenerationaltragedyItisalsonowonderthatsgroupfriendshipbegantogenerateitsownnostalgiaasthebabyboombegantohititssTheBigChill,in,depictedboomersattemptingtorecapturethemagicofalatesfriendshipcircle("Inacoldworld,"themovie'staglinereads,"youneedyourfriendstokeepyouwarm")Thirtysomething,takingastepfurther,certifiedgroupfriendshipasthenewadultnormMostofthecharactersinthoseproductions,though,weremarriedItwasonlyinthesthatanewgeneration,remainingsinglewellpast,founditsownimagesofgroupfriendshipinSeinfeld,SexandtheCity,and,ofcourse,FriendsBythatpoint,however,thenotionoffriendshipasaredoubtofmoralresistance,ashelterfromnormativepressuresandincubatorofsocialideals,haddisappearedYourfriendsdidn'tshieldyoufromthemainstream,theywerethemainstreamAndsowereturntoFacebookWiththesocialnetworkingsitesofthenewcenturyFriendsterandMySpacewerelaunchedin,Facebookinthefriendshipcirclehasexpandedtoengulfthewholeofthesocialworld,andinsodoing,destroyedbothitsownnatureandthatoftheindividualfriendshipitselfFacebook'sverypremiseandpromiseisthatitmakesourfriendshipcirclesvisibleTheretheyare,myfriends,allinthesameplaceExcept,ofcourse,they'renotinthesameplace,or,rather,they'renotmyfriendsThey'resimulacraofmyfriends,littledehydratedpacketsofimagesandinformation,nomoremyfriendsthanasetofbaseballcardsistheNewYorkMetsIrememberrealizingafewyearsagothatmostofthemembersofwhatIthoughtofasmy"circle"didn'tactuallyknowoneanotherOneI'dmetingraduateschool,anotheratajob,oneinBoston,anotherinBrooklyn,onelivedinMinneapolisnow,anotherinIsrael,sothatIwasultimatelyabletoenumeratesomepeople,noneofwhomhadevermetanyoftheothersToimaginethattheyaddeduptoacircle,anembracingandencirclingstructure,wasabelief,Irealized,thatviolatedthelawsoffeelingaswellasgeometryTheywereasetofpoints,andIwaswanderingsomewhereamongthemFacebookseducesus,however,intoexactlythatillusion,invitingustobelievethatbyassemblingalist,wehaveconjuredagroupVisualjuxtapositioncreatesthemirageofemotionalproximity"It'slikethey'reallhavingaconversation,"awomanIknowoncesaidaboutherFacebookpage,fullofpostsandcommentsfromfriendsandfriendsoffriends"Exceptthey'renot"Friendshipisdevolving,inotherwords,fromarelationshiptoafeelingfromsomethingpeoplesharetosomethingeachofushugsprivatelytoourselvesinthelonelinessofourelectroniccaves,rearrangingthetokensofconnectionlikealonelychildplayingwithdollsThesamepathwaslongagotroddenbycommunityAsthetraditionalfacetofacecommunitydisappeared,weheldontowhatwehadlostthecloseness,therootednessbyclingingtotheword,nomatterhowmuchwehadtowaterdownitsmeaningNowwespeakoftheJewish"community"andthemedical"community"andthe"community"ofreaders,eventhoughnoneofthemactuallyisoneWhatwehave,insteadofcommunity,is,ifwe'relucky,a"sense"ofcommunitythefeelingwithoutthestructureaprivateemotion,notacollectiveexperienceAndnowfriendship,whicharosetoitspresentimportanceasareplacementforcommunity,isgoingthesamewayWehave"friends,"justaswebelongto"communities"ScanningmyFacebookpagegivesme,precisely,a"sense"ofconnectionNotanactualconnection,justasenseWhatpurposedoallthosewallpostsandstatusupdatesserveOnthefirstbeautifulweekendofspringthisyear,afriendpostedthisupdatefromCentralPark:"SoandsoisintheParkwiththerestoftheCity"Thefirstquestionthatcomestomindis,ifyou'reenjoyingabeautifuldayinthepark,whydon'tyougiveyouriPhonearestButthemoreimportantoneis,whydidyouneedtotellusthatWehavealwayssharedourlittleprivateobservationsandmomentsoffeelingit'spartofwhatfriendship'sabout,partofthewayweremainpresentinoneanother'slivesbutthingsaredifferentnowUntilafewyearsago,youcouldshareyourthoughtswithonlyonefriendatatime(onthephone,say),ormaybewithasmallgroup,later,inpersonAndwhenyoudid,youweretalkingtospecificpeople,andyoutailoredwhatyousaid,andhowyousaidit,towhotheyweretheirinterests,theirpersonalities,mostofall,yourdegreeofmutualintimacy"Reachoutandtouchsomeone"meantsomeoneinparticular,someoneyouwereactuallythinkingaboutItmeanthavingaconversationNowwe'rejustbroadcastingourstreamofconsciousness,livefromCentralPark,toallofourfriendsatonce,hopingthatsomeone,anyone,willconfirmourexistencebyansweringbackWehaven'tjuststoppedtalkingtoourfriendsasindividuals,atsuchmoments,wehavestoppedthinkingofthemasindividualsWehaveturnedthemintoanindiscriminatemass,akindofaudienceorfacelesspublicWeaddressourselvesnottoacircle,buttoacloudIt'samazinghowfastthingshavechangedNotonlydon'twehaveWordsworthandColeridgeanymore,wedon'tevenhaveJerryandGeorgeToday,RossandChandlerwouldbewritingoneachother'swallsCarrieandthegirlswouldbepostingstatusupdates,andiftheydidmanagetofindthetimeforlunch,they'dbetoobusycheckingtheirBlackBerrystohavearealconversationSexandFriendswentofftheairjustfiveyearsago,andalreadyweliveinadifferentworldFriendship(likeactivism)hasbeensmoothlyintegratedintoournewelectroniclifestylesWe'retoobusytospareourfriendsmoretimethanittakestosendatextWe'retoobusy,sendingtextsAndwhathappenswhenwedofindthetimetogettogetherIaskedawomanIknowwhetherherteenagedaughtersandtheirfriendsstillhavethekindofintensefriendshipsthatkidsoncedidYes,shesaid,buttheygoaboutthemdifferentlyTheystillstayuptalkingintheirrooms,butthey'realsoonlinewiththreeotherfriends,andtextingwithanotherthreeVideochattingismoreintimate,intheory,thanspeakingonthephone,butnotifyou'redoingitwithfourpeopleatonceAndteenagersarejustanearlyversionoftherestofusAstudyfoundthatoneAmericaninfourreportedhavingnocloseconfidants,upfromoneininThefiguresdatefrom,andthere'slittledoubtthatFacebookandtextingandalltherestofithavealreadyexacerbatedthesituationThemorepeopleweknow,thelonelierwegetThenewgroupfriendship,alreadyvitiateditself,iscannibalizingourindividualfriendshipsastheboundariesbetweenthetwoblurThemostdisturbingthingaboutFacebookistheextenttowhichpeoplearewillingareeagertoconducttheirprivatelivesinpublic"holacutiepie!i'mintownonwednesdaylunch""Julie,I'msogladwe'rebackintouchxoxox""Sorryfornotcalling,amgoingthroughat

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