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首页 老友记剧本

老友记剧本.doc

老友记剧本

POPO
2009-09-27 0人阅读 举报 0 0 暂无简介

简介:本文档为《老友记剧本doc》,可适用于外语资料领域

六人行剧本第一集回复举报TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilotTheUncutVersion)Writtenby:MartaKauffmanDavidCraneTranscribedby:guineapigAdditionaltranscribingby:EricAasen(Note:Thepreviouslyunseenpartsofthisepisodeareshowninbluetext)Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethereMonica:There'snothingtotell!He'sjustsomeguyIworkwith!Joey:C'mon,you'regoingoutwiththeguy!There'sgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!Chandler:AllrightJoey,benice SodoeshehaveahumpAhumpandahairpiecePhoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk(Theyallstare,bemused)Phoebe:Just,'cause,Idon'twanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarloh!Monica:Okay,everybodyrelaxThisisnotevenadateIt'sjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerandnothaving***Chandler:SoundslikeadatetomeTimeLapseChandler:Alright,soI'mbackinhighschool,I'mstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,andIrealizeIamtotallynakedAll:Oh,yeahHadthatdreamChandler:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizethere'saphonethereJoey:InsteadofChandler:That'srightJoey:NeverhadthatdreamPhoebe:NoChandler:Allofasudden,thephonestartstoringNowIdon'tknowwhattodo,everybodystartslookingatmeMonica:Andtheyweren'tlookingatyoubefore!Chandler:Finally,IfigureI'dbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutit'smymother,whichisveryveryweird,becauseshenevercallsme!TimeLapse,RosshasenteredRoss:(mortified)HiJoey:Thisguysayshello,IwannakillmyselfMonica:Areyouokay,sweetieRoss:Ijustfeellikesomeonereacheddownmythroat,grabbedmysmallintestine,pulleditoutofmymouthandtieditaroundmyneckChandler:CookieMonica:(explainingtotheothers)CarolmovedherstuffouttodayJoey:OhhMonica:(toRoss)LetmegetyousomecoffeeRoss:ThanksPhoebe:Ooh!Oh!(ShestartstopluckattheairjustinfrontofRoss)Ross:No,nodon't!Stopcleansingmyaura!No,justleavemyauraalone,okayPhoebe:Fine! Bemurky!Ross:I'llbefine,alrightReally,everyoneIhopeshe'llbeveryhappyMonica:Noyoudon'tRoss:NoIdon't,tohellwithher,sheleftme!Joey:AndyouneverknewshewasalesbianRoss:No!!Okay!WhydoeseveryonekeepfixatingonthatShedidn'tknow,howshouldIknowChandler:SometimesIwishIwasalesbian(Theyallstareathim)DidIsaythatoutloudRoss:Itoldmomanddadlastnight,theyseemedtotakeitprettywellMonica:Ohreally,sothathystericalphonecallIgotfromawomanatsobbing:AM,"I'llneverhavegrandchildren,I'llneverhavegrandchildren"waswhat AwrongnumberRoss:SorryJoey:AlrightRoss,lookYou'refeelingalotofpainrightnowYou'reangryYou'rehurtingCanItellyouwhattheansweris(Rossgestureshisconsent)Joey:Stripjoint!C'mon,you'resingle!Havesomehormones!Ross:Idon'twanttobesingle,okayIjustIjustIjustwannabemarriedagain!(Rachelentersinawetweddingdressandstartstosearchtheroom)Chandler:AndIjustwantamilliondollars!(Heextendshishandhopefully)Monica:Rachel!Rachel:OhGodMonicahi!ThankGod!Ijustwenttoyourbuildingandyouweren'tthereandthenthisguywithabighammersaidyoumightbehereandyouare,youare!Waitress:CanIgetyousomecoffeeMonica:(pointingatRachel)Decaff(toAll)Okay,everybody,thisisRachel,anotherLincolnHighsurvivor(toRachel)Thisiseverybody,thisisChandler,andPhoebe,andJoey,andyouremembermybrotherRossRachel:Hi,sure!Ross:Hi(TheygotohugbutRoss'sumbrellaopens Hesitsbackdowndefeatedagain AmomentofsilencefollowsasRachelsitsandtheothersexpecthertoexplain)Monica:Soyouwannatellusnow,orarewewaitingforfourwetbridesmaidsRachel:OhGodwell,itstartedaboutahalfhourbeforetheweddingIwasintheroomwherewewerekeepingallthepresents,andIwaslookingatthisgravyboatThisreallygorgeousLamaugegravyboatWhenallofasudden(tothewaitressthatbroughthercoffee)Sweet'n'LoIrealizedthatIwasmoreturnedonbythisgravyboatthanbyBarry!AndthenIgotreallyfreakedout,andthat'swhenithitme:howmuchBarrylookslikeMrPotatoHeadY'know,Imean,Ialwaysknewlookedfamiliar,butAnyway,Ijusthadtogetoutofthere,andIstartedwondering'WhyamIdoingthis,andwhoamIdoingthisfor'(toMonica)SoanywayIjustdidn'tknowwheretogo,andIknowthatyouandIhavekindadriftedapart,butyou'retheonlypersonIknewwholivedhereinthecityMonica:Whowasn'tinvitedtotheweddingRachel:Ooh,Iwaskindahopingthatwouldn'tbeanissueScene:Monica'sApartment,everyoneisthereandwatchingaSpanishSoaponTVandaretryingtofigureoutwhatisgoingonMonica:NowI'mguessingthatheboughtherthebigpipeorgan,andshe'sreallynothappyaboutitChandler:(imitatingthecharacters)Tunaoreggsalad Decide!Ross:(inadeepvoice)I'llhavewhateverChristineishavingRachel:(onphone)Daddy,IjustIcan'tmarryhim!I'msorryIjustdon'tlovehimWell,itmatterstome!(ThesceneonTVhaschangedtoshowtwowomen,oneisholdingherhair)Phoebe: IfIletgoofmyhair,myheadwillfalloffChandler:(reTV)Ooh,sheshouldnotbewearingthosepantsJoey:IsaypushherdownthestairsPhoebe,Ross,Chandler,andJoey: Pushherdownthestairs!Pushherdownthestairs!Pushherdownthestairs!(Sheispusheddownthestairsandeveryonecheers)Rachel:C'monDaddy,listentome!It'slike,it'slike,allofmylife,everyonehasalwaystoldme,'You'reashoe!You'reashoe,you'reashoe,you'reashoe!'AndtodayIjuststoppedandIsaid,'WhatifIdon'twannabeashoeWhatifIwannabeaapurse,y'knowOraorahat!No,I'mnotsayingIwantyoutobuymeahat,I'msayingIamahaIt'sametaphor,Daddy!Ross:Youcanseewherehe'dhavetroubleRachel:LookDaddy,it'smylifeWellmaybeI'lljuststayherewithMonicaMonica:Well,Iguesswe'veestablishedwho'sstayingherewithMonicaRachel:Well,maybethat'smydecisionWell,maybeIdon'tneedyourmoneyWait!!Wait,Isaidmaybe!!TimeLapse,RachelisbreatingintoapaperbagMonica:Justbreathe,breathethat'sitJusttrytothinkofnicecalmthingsPhoebe:(sings)Raindropsonrosesandrabbitsandkittens,(RachelandMonicaturntolookather)bluebellsandsleighbellsandsomethingwithmittensLalalalasomethingandnoodleswithstring TheseareafewRachel:I'mallbetternowPhoebe:(grinsandwalkstothekitchenandsaystoChandlerandJoey)Ihelped!Monica:Okay,look,thisisprobablyforthebest,y'knowIndependenceTakingcontrolofyourlife Thewhole,'hat'thingJoey:(comfortingher)Andhey,youneedanything,youcanalwayscometoJoeyMeandChandlerliveacrossthehallAndhe'sawayalotMonica:Joey,stophittingonher!It'sherweddingday!Joey:What,likethere'saruleorsomething(ThedoorbuzzersoundsandChandlergetsit)Chandler:Pleasedon'tdothatagain,it'sahorriblesoundPaul:(overtheintercom)It's,uh,it'sPaulMonica:OhGod,isit: Buzzhimin!Joey:Who'sPaulRoss:PaultheWineGuy,PaulMonica:MaybeJoey:WaitYour'notarealdate'tonightiswithPaultheWineGuyRoss:HefinallyaskedyououtMonica:Yes!Chandler:Ooh,thisisaDearDiarymomentMonica:Rach,wait,IcancancelRachel:Please,no,go,that'dbefine!Monica:(toRoss)Are,areyouokayImean,doyouwantmetostayRoss:(chokedvoice)That'dbegoodMonica:(horrified)ReallyRoss:(normalvoice)No,goon!It'sPaultheWineGuy!Phoebe:Whatdoesthatmean  Doeshesellit,drinkit,orjustcomplainalot(Chandlerdoesn'tknow)(There'saknockonthedoorandit'sPaul)Monica:Hi,comein!Paul,thisis(Theyarealllinedupnexttothedoor)everybody,everybody,thisisPaulAll:Hey!Paul!Hi!TheWineGuy!Hey!Chandler:I'msorry,Ididn'tcatchyournamePaul,wasitMonica:Okay,ummumm,I'lljustI'llberightback,Ijustgottagoah,goahRoss:AwanderingMonica:Change! Okay,sitdown(ShowsPaulin)TwosecondsPhoebe:Ooh,IjustpulledoutfoureyelashesThatcan'tbegood(Monicagoestochange)Joey: Hey,Paul!Paul:YeahJoey:Here'salittletip,shereallylikesitwhenyourubherneckinthesamespotoverandoverandoveragainuntilitstartstogetalittleredMonica:(yellingfromthebedroom)Shutup,Joey!Ross:SoRachel,what'reyou,uhwhat'reyouuptotonightRachel:Well,IwaskindasupposedtobeheadedforArubaonmyhoneymoon,sonothing!Ross:Right,you'renotevengettingyourhoneymoon,GodNo,no,although,Aruba,thistimeofyeartalkaboutyour(thinks)biglizardsAnyway,ifyoudon'tfeellikebeingalonetonight,JoeyandChandlerarecomingovertohelpmeputtogethermynewfurnitureChandler:(deadpan)Yes,andwe'reveryexcitedaboutitRachel:Wellactuallythanks,butIthinkI'mjustgonnahangoutheretonight It'sbeenkindaalongdayRoss:Okay,sureJoey:HeyPheebs,youwannahelpPhoebe:Oh,IwishIcould,butIdon'twanttoCommercialBreakScene:TheSubway,PhoebeissingingforchangePhoebe:(singing)Loveissweetassummershowers,loveisawondrousworkofart,butyourloveohyourlove,yourloveislikeagiantpigeoncrappingonmyheart Lalalalala(someguygiveshersomechangeandtothatguy)Thankyou(sings)Lalalalaohhh!Scene:Ross'sApartment,theguysarethereassemblingfurnitureRoss:(squattingandreadingtheinstructions)I'msupposedtoattachabracketythingtothesidethings,usingabunchoftheselittlewormguysIhavenobracketything,IseenowhimguyswhatsoeverandIcannotfeelmylegs(JoeyandChandlerarefinishingassemblingthebookcase)Joey:I'mthinkingwe'vegotabookcasehereChandler:It'sabeautifulthingJoey:(pickingupaleftoverpart)What'sthisChandler:Iwouldhavetosaythatisan'L'shapedbracketJoey:WhichgoeswhereChandler:Ihavenoidea(JoeychecksthatRossisnotlookinganddumpsitinaplant)Joey:Donewiththebookcase!Chandler:Allfinished!Ross:(clutchingabeercanandsniffing)ThiswasCarol'sfavoritebeerShealwaysdrankitoutofthecan,IshouldhaveknownJoey:Heyheyheyhey,ifyou'regonnastartwiththatstuffwe'reouttahereChandler:Yes,pleasedon'tspoilallthisfunJoey:Ross,letmeaskyouaquestionShegotthefurniture,thestereo,thegoodTVwhatdidyougetRoss:YouguysChandler:Oh,GodJoey:YougotscrewedChandler:OhmyGod!Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaandPaulareeatingMonica:OhmyGod!Paul:Iknow,Iknow,I'msuchanidiotIguessIshouldhavecaughtonwhenshestartedgoingtothedentistfourandfivetimesaweekImean,howcleancanteethgetMonica:Mybrother'sgoingthroughthatrightnow,he'ssuchamessHowdidyougetthroughitPaul:Well,youmighttryaccidentallybreakingsomethingvaluableofhers,sayherMonica:legPaul:(laughing)That'soneway!Me,IIwentforthewatchMonica:Youactuallybrokeherwatch Wow! TheworstthingIeverdidwas,IIshreddedbyboyfriend'sfavoritebathtowelPaul:Ooh,steerclearofyouMonica:That'srightScene:Monica'sApartment,RachelistalkingonthephoneandpacingRachel:Barry,I'msorryIamsosorryIknowyouprobablythinkthatthisisallaboutwhatIsaidtheotherdayaboutyoumakinglovewithyoursockson,butitisn'titisn't,it'saboutme,andIju(Shestopstalkinganddialsthephone)Hi,machinecutmeoffagainanywaylook,look,IknowthatsomegirlisgoingtobeincrediblyluckytobecomeMrsBarryFinkel,butitisn'tme,it'snotme AndnotthatIhaveanyideawhomeisrightnow,butyoujusthavetogivemeachancetoo(Themachingcutsheroffagainandsheredials)Scene:Ross'sApartmentRossispacingwhileJoeyandChandlerareworkingonsomemorefurnitureRoss:I'mdivorced! I'monlyandI'mdivorced!Joey:Shutup!Chandler:Youmuststop!(Chandlerhitswhatheisworkingonwithahammeranditcollapses)Ross:ThatonlytookmeanhourChandler:Look,Ross,yougottaunderstand,betweenuswehaven'thadarelationshipthathaslastedlongerthanaMento  You,howeverhavehadtheloveofawomanforfouryears  Fouryearsofclosenessandsharingattheendofwhichsherippedyourheartout,andthatiswhywedon'tdoit! Idon'tthinkthatwasmypoint!Ross:YouknowwhatthescariestpartisWhatifthere'sonlyonewomanforeverybody,y'knowImeanwhatifyougetonewomanandthat'sitUnfortunatelyinmycase,therewasonlyonewomanforherJoey:Whatareyoutalkingabout'Onewoman'That'slikesayingthere'sonlyoneflavoroficecreamforyouLemmetellyousomething,RossThere'slotsofflavorsoutthereThere'sRockyRoad,andCookieDough,andBing!CherryVanillaYoucouldget'emwithJimmies,ornuts,orwhippedcream!Thisisthebestthingthateverhappenedtoyou!Yougotmarried,youwere,like,what,eightWelcomebacktotheworld!Grabaspoon!Ross:Ihonestlydon'tknowifI'mhungryorhornyChandler:Stayoutofmyfreezer!Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaandPaularestilleatingPaul:Eversinceshewalkedoutonme,I,uhMonica:WhatWhat,youwannaspellitoutwithnoodlesPaul:No,it's,it'smoreofafifthdatekindarevelationMonica:Oh,sothereisgonnabeafifthdatePaul:Isn'tthereMonica:Yeahyeah,IthinkthereisWhatwereyougonnasayPaul:Well,evereveversincesheleftme,um,Ihaven'tbeenableto,uh,perform(Monicatakesasipofherdrink)SexuallyMonica:(spittingoutherdrinkinshock)OhGod,ohGod,IamsorryIamsosorryPaul:It'sokayMonica:IknowbeingspitonisprobablynotwhatyouneedrightnowUmhowlongPaul:TwoyearsMonica:Wow!I'mI'mI'mgladyousmashedherwatch!Paul:Soyoustillthinkyou,ummightwantthatfifthdateMonica:(pause)YeahYeah,IdoScene:Monica'sApartment,RacheliswatchingJoanneLovesChaciPriestonTV:WearegatheredheretodaytojoinJoanneLouiseCunninghamandCharles,ChachiChachiChachi,ArcolaintheboundofholymatrimonyRachel:OhseebutJoannelovedChachi!That'sthedifference!Scene:Ross'sApartment,they'reallsittingaroundandtalkingRoss:(scornful)GrabaspoonDoyouknowhowlongit'sbeensinceI'vegrabbedaspoonDothewords'Billy,don'tbeahero'meananythingtoyouJoey:Greatstory! But,Iuh,Igottago,IgotadatewithAndreaAngelaAndrea Ohman,(lookstoChandler)Chandler:Angela'sthescreamer,AndreahascatsJoey:Right Thanks It'sJune I'mouttahere(Exits)Ross:Y'know,here'sthethingEvenifIcouldgetittogetherenoughtotoaskawomanout,whoamIgonnaask(Hegazesoutofthewindow)CuttoRachelstaringoutofherwindowCommercialBreakScene:Monica'sApartment,RachelismakingcoffeeforJoeyandChandlerRachel:Isn'tthisamazingImean,IhavenevermadecoffeebeforeinmyentirelifeChandler:ThatisamazingJoey:CongratulationsRachel:Y'know,IfigureifIcanmakecoffee,thereisn'tanythingIcan'tdoChandler:IfcaninvadePoland,thereisn'tanythingIcan'tdoJoey:Listen,whileyou'reonaroll,ifyoufeellikeyougottamakelikeaWesternomeletorsomething(JoeyandChandlertastethecoffee,grimace,andpouritintoaplantpot)AlthoughactuallyI'mreallynotthathungryMonica:(entering,toherself)Ohgood,LennyandSquigyarehereAll:MorningGoodmorningPaul:(enteringfromMonica'sroom)MorningJoey:Morning,PaulRachel:Hello,PaulChandler:Hi,Paul,isit(MonicaandPaulwalktothedoorandtalkinalowvoicesotheotherscan'thear TheothersmoveMonica'stableclosertothedoorsothattheycan)Paul:Thankyou! Thankyousomuch!Monica:Stop!Paul:No,I'mtellingyoulastnightwaslikeumm,allmybirthdays,bothgraduations,plusthebarnraisingsceneinWitnessMonica:We'lltalklaterPaul:Yeah(Theykiss)Thankyou(Exits)Joey:Thatwasn'tarealdate!WhatthehelldoyoudoonarealdateMonica:Shutup,andputmytablebackAll:Okayyy!(Theydoso)Chandler:Allright,kids,IgottagettoworkIfIdon'tinputthosenumbers,itdoesn'tmakemuchofadifferenceRachel:So,like,youguysallhavejobsMonica:Yeah,weallhavejobsSee,that'showwebuystuffJoey:Yeah,I'manactorRachel:Wow!WouldIhaveseenyouinanythingJoey:IdoubtitMostlyregionalworkMonica:Ohwait,wait,unlessyouhappenedtocatchtheReruns'productionofPinocchio,atthelittletheaterintheparkJoey:Look,itwasajoballrightChandler:'Look,Gippetto,I'marealliveboy'Joey:Iwillnottakethisabuse(Walkstothedoorandopensittoleave)Chandler:You'reright,I'msorry(Burstintosonganddancesoutofthedoor)"OnceIwasawoodenboy,alittlewoodenboy"Joey:Youshouldbothknow,thathe'sadeadman Oh,Chandler(StartsafterChandler)Monica:SohowyoudoingtodayDidyousleepokayTalktoBarryIcan'tstopsmilingRachel:IcanseethatYoulooklikeyousleptwithahangerinyourmouthMonica:Iknow,he'sjustso,soDoyourememberyouandTonyDeMarcoRachel:Oh,yeahMonica:Well,it'slikethatWithfeelingsRachel:OhwowAreyouintroubleMonica:Bigtime!Rachel:Wantaweddingdress  HardlyusedMonica:IthinkwearegettingalittleaheadofselveshereOkayOkayIamjustgoingtogetup,gotoworkandnotthinkabouthimalldayOrelseI'mjustgonnagetupandgotoworkRachel:Oh,look,wishmeluck!Monica:WhatforRachel:I'mgonnagogetoneofthose(Thinks)jobthings(Monicaexits)Scene:Iridium,MonicaisworkingasFrannieentersFrannie:Hey,Monica!Monica:HeyFrannie,welcomeback!HowwasFloridaFrannie:Youhad***,didn'tyouMonica:HowdoyoudothatFrannie:Oh,Ihateyou,I'mpushingmyAuntRozthroughParrotJungleandyou'rehaving***! SoWhoMonica:YouknowPaulFrannie:PaultheWineGuyOhyeah,IknowPaulMonica:YoumeanyouknowPaullikeIknowPaulFrannie:AreyoukiddingItakecreditforPaulY'knowbeforeme,therewasnosnapinhisturtlefortwoyearsScene:CentralPerk,everyonebutRachelisthereJoey:(sittingonthearmofthecouch)Ofcourseitwasaline!Monica:Why!WhyWhy,whywouldanybodydosomethinglikethatRoss:Iassumewe'relookingforananswermoresophisticatedthan'togetyouintobed'Monica:Ihatemen! Ihatemen!Phoebe:Ohno,don'thate,youdon'twanttoputthatoutintotheuniverseMonica:IsitmeIsitlikeIhavesomesortofbeaconthatonlydogsandmenwithsevereemotionalproblemscanhearPhoebe:Allright,c'mere,gimmeyourfeet(Shestartsmassagingthem)Monica:Ijustthoughthewasnice,y'knowJoey:(burstsoutlaughingagain)Ican

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