Community_1x04_-_Social_Psychology

“Social Psychology” Episode #104 Written by Liz Cackowski Directed by Anthony Russo Production Draft – 8/07/09 Blue Rev. Prod. Draft – 8/23/09 Pink Rev. Prod. Draft – 8/24/09 SONY PICTURES TELEVISION INC. © 2009. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this script may be performed, or reproduced by any means, or quoted, or published in any medium without prior written consent of SONY PICTURES TELEVISION INC. 10202 West Washington Boulevard, Culver City, CA 90232 COMMUNITY EPISODE #104 CAST LIST JEFF………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………JOEL MCHALE PIERCE…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………CHEVY CHASE BRITTA…………………………………………………………………………………………………………GILLIAN JACOBS SHIRLEY…………………………………………………………………………………………YVETTE NICOLE BROWN ABED…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………DANNY PUDI ANNIE……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………ALISON BRIE TROY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………DONALD GLOVER SENOR CHANG…………………………………………………………………………………………………………KEN JEONG PROFESSOR DUNCAN………………………………………………………………………………………JOHN OLIVER VAUGHN…………………………………………………………………………………………ERIC CHRISTIAN OLSEN RESEARCH ASSISTANT #1………………………………………………………………………………………………TBD STONER FRIEND…………………………………………………………………………………………………MATT JONES COLD OPEN FADE IN: INT. SPANISH CLASSROOM - MORNING (DAY 1)1 1 SR. CHANG is at the white board, finishing up a Spanish * lesson. * SR. CHANG ...hablamos hablar. Okay, before * we wrap up, I’d like to thank you * for filling out your anonymous * evaluation cards. I found your * suggestions to be largely * constructive and flattering. But * there was one of you whose * evaluation was so harsh, I took the * time to analyze the person’s * handwriting against past exams. * (leaning into Annie) * And I noticed that this coward dots * her I’s with hearts. Who’s * “erratic and unstable” now, * princess gringo?! * (then, sweet) * Okay, see you tomorrow. * Everyone in our STUDY GROUP exits the classroom with the rest * of the students. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS2 2 JEFF and SHIRLEY walk in the same direction down the hall. SHIRLEY Nice day out today, isn’t it? JEFF (like he forgot something) Yeah. Oh. Damn. Jeff starts back towards the classroom as Shirley walks off. He runs into BRITTA. BRITTA Forget something? JEFF Yeah, I forgot to stagger the timing of my exit with Shirley’s. (MORE) We both have an eleven o’clock all * the way across campus and I can’t go that kind of distance with “Ooh, that’s nice.” BRITTA That’s mean. JEFF No... (doing Shirley) That’s not nice. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 1A. CONTINUED:2 2 JEFF (CONT'D) EXT. QUAD - SECONDS LATERA3 A3 Jeff and Britta walk together, out of the school building and onto the quad. * BRITTA I find Shirley very easy to talk to. And aren’t you supposed to have, like, an olympic gold medal in jibber jabber? JEFF Yeah, but I’m a sprinter, I’m at my best during high speed bursts of wit. You lock me into Shirley’s stride for a marathon banter about her brownies? The awkward silence is going to set in before we pass the stoner tree. We see a tree where stoners are hanging out. VAUGHN, a hot, laid-back guy, plays hackey sack with no socks on and his * shirt in his back pocket. VAUGHN Hey, Britta. Hi. ‘Sup? BRITTA Hey, Vaughn. How’s it going? VAUGHN No worries. JEFF (to Britta) Interesting. Cause I might worry if I played hackey sack a decade * too late. BRITTA My class is this way. * JEFF * Alright, but I just wanted to point * out that we easily walked more than * a hundred yards without a single * awkward pause, and that’s the mark * of a true friend. So, nice walking * with you, friend. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 2. BRITTA * (sincere) * I’m glad you’re not hitting on me * anymore. * JEFF * ...and there is the awkward pause. * FADE OUT. * END OF COLD OPEN "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 2A. CONTINUED:A3 A3 ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. CAFETERIA - DAY3 3 ANNIE runs up to PROFESSOR DUNCAN who is in line to pay. ANNIE Professor Duncan. Annie Edison, * I’m in your 101 lecture, I’ve heard * about your special psych lab -- * PROF. DUNCAN * Ah. The Duncan Principle. ANNIE * Yes, and I know it’s limited to * second year students, but I had a * 4.0 at Riverside High, and I’m not * looking down on this school at all, * but I’m only here because of a * brief addiction to pills that I was * told would help me focus but they * actually made me lose my * scholarship and virginity. If I * could take your lab early, it would * be a real feather in my transcript. * PROF. DUNCAN I’ve been in this situation many times, so I’m going to be up front. I’m not allowed to date students. * Even though you are an eight, a * British ten. If, in spite of that, * you’re still interested, you may join the lab. Annie jumps. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) You need to bring two human subjects. It also wouldn’t hurt * your chances if you could lend me a fiver. (while she gets one) I seem to have left my purse in my duffle, and my duffle in the boot of my lorry. Annie hands him five dollars. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 3. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) Brilliant. See you tomorrow, research assistant. Annie squeals in something akin to ecstasy and hurries off. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 3A. CONTINUED:3 3 INT. CAFETERIA - CONTINUOUSA4 A4 Jeff, ABED, PIERCE, Shirley, and TROY at a table near the coffee stand. Jeff looks on as Britta stands in the coffee line talking with Vaughn. Pierce makes a meal out of opening his express package. PIERCE What could this express package be? Someone needed to get me something fast. SHIRLEY You brought your mail to campus? PIERCE Didn’t have time to open it at home. JEFF Plus, if you opened it at home, we wouldn’t be able to see whatever it is you want us to see. PIERCE (opening package) Oh, yes. My Ear-Noculars. JEFF Perfect. TROY What is that? It looks like your Bluetooth thingie. Pierce turns his head. He has a Bluetooth headset in one ear. PIERCE No no no. This is my cell phone headset. This is Ear-Noculars. It’s for spies and what have you. It gives you sonic hearing. ABED All hearing is sonic. PIERCE (not hearing) What’s that? JEFF You might want to take that ear thing for a spin. Pierce looks through the Ear-Noculars literature. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 4. PIERCE This is great. I’ll be able to hear a violin from the balcony or the doorbell ring when I’m out gardening. JEFF So, it’s a hearing aid. PIERCE (snapping) No! (composes himself) A hearing aid is for people who can’t hear. Ear-Noculars are for people who can’t hear enough. TROY (reading box) Eyes for your ears. That’s freaky. Annie approaches. ANNIE So who wants to be in a psych experiment? Pierce has his Ear-Noculars on, unaware of Annie. PIERCE Guys, guys,... (conspiratorial) Annie’s talking... about some kind of experiment. JEFF She’s behind you. (to Annie) Not interested. ANNIE Come on, this is huge for me. I’d be the first Freshman to sit in on Professor Duncan’s experiment. JEFF Is it the one where he proves that if you drink enough scotch, you forget you’re not driving in England? "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 5. CONTINUED:A4 A4 ANNIE No, Jeff. It’s supposed to be mind- blowing. Pleeeease? You get paid. TROY Do they do stuff to your butt? ANNIE Uh... No. TROY Well, I’ll do it anyway. Everyone but Annie looks at Troy, who minds his lunch, oblivious. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 5A. CONTINUED:A4 A4 ANNIE Yay! How about you, Abed? It’s tomorrow. ABED Oof. Tomorrow? They’re showing all four Indiana Jones’s at The Vista. I was really looking forward to the first three. I bought a whip. She stops walking and turns to face him, with puppy dog eyes. ANNIE This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend. My really good friend? ABED Wow, I didn’t realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe. They never really had stories together. Sure, I’ll do it, Chandler. ANNIE (hugging Abed) Oh, thank you, Abed. SHIRLEY That’s nice. Off Shirley’s “that’s nice,” Jeff looks for Britta and notices she’s still talking with Vaughn. JEFF (getting up) I better save Britta from that dude. SHIRLEY Yeah, she looks like she’s in trouble. I hope he doesn’t “handsome” her to death. Shirley watches Jeff approach Britta and Vaughn. JEFF Hey. VAUGHN Hi, what’s up, hey. I’m Vaughn. Man, those shoes look comfortable. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 6. CONTINUED:A4 A4 JEFF Thanks. You in line? VAUGHN Nah, just chillin. Hey, you’re not gonna order a coffee are you? JEFF No, I was just seeing if Britta... VAUGHN Hey, no judgement at all, brah. I used to do coffee, but then I switched to green tea and it’s like filled with antioxidants and stuff. It’s pretty tight. JEFF (to Britta) Tight, yes. I’ve heard that about green tea. Britta doesn’t look at Jeff. She smiles at Vaughn. BRITTA I like green tea. I should make the change. Back at the table, Pierce observes Britta and speaks studiously while touching his bionic ear. PIERCE Britta’s making the change to green tea. INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM - NEXT MORNING (DAY 2)4 4 Prof. Duncan (now wearing a lab coat) addresses several psych student assistants, including Annie. PROF. DUNCAN Welcome, research assistants. * Annie claps. ANGLE ON the monitor. From a hidden camera perspective, we see Abed, Troy, and other students sitting in a waiting room. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 7. CONTINUED:A4 A4 PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) If you turn your attention to the monitor, you will see our subjects are waiting for the experiment to begin, but... it’s actually happening right now. The students GASP, they are into it. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) You’re welcome. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 7A. CONTINUED:4 4 Prof. Duncan winks. Annie titters excitedly. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) The waiting is the experiment. The * Duncan Principle is simple: The more control lost by - actually, I * should take this down, too. * (takes his own notes) * The more control lost by the ego, * the more gained by the id, resulting in a surprisingly predictable emotional eruption or * breaking point, * (southern accent) * known to ma and pa as a “tantrum.” * (waits for chuckle, gets it) Annie, please let our subjects know * that the experiment will start in five minutes. A smiling Annie crosses to the door. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) (whispering to everyone) But it’s never going to start. * Educated titters. Annie waves her hand over her face, going from a smile to a serious face. She opens the door into the waiting room. INT. WAITING ROOM - CONTINUOUS5 5 ANNIE Hi, everyone. Hi, Troy. Hi, Abed. * Oh, hi, Sr. Chang. * Sr. Chang is seated in the room as well. * SR. CHANG * Yeah, what, you don’t think a * community college Spanish teacher could use the eighty bucks? ANNIE Okay. Well, we are running just a * little bit behind, so it’s going to * be five -- * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 8. CONTINUED:4 4 SR. CHANG No! Unacceptable! You say something is going to start at nine, it starts at nine! Don’t * waste mi tiempo! Sr. Chang kicks over a chair and storms out. INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM - CONTINUOUS6 6 PROF. DUNCAN And we’re off. * The students murmur in fascination. * EXT. QUAD - LATER7 7 Jeff exits the school building with Shirley and some other students. He bends down to tie his shoe, hoping Shirley will keep walking. When he stands, she is right there. SHIRLEY Did you know we walk the same way after class? I’m sure you didn’t or else we would’ve been walking together, unless you’re a jerk, just kidding. JEFF Ha. Let’s do it. Jeff starts walking with her. SHIRLEY Oh hold on now, going a little too fast for these dogs. The walk is even slower. Long, awkward silence. They both * try to break it. JEFF (CONT’D) You have a kid, right? SHIRLEY How do you like Greendale? SHIRLEY (CONT’D) * What’s that? JEFF Nothing. Shirley exhales. This is painful for her too. Long silence. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 9. CONTINUED:5 5 SHIRLEY Pierce is not exactly right in his head, is he? Jeff smiles. This perks him up. JEFF * Oh, I don’t know, he seems like a * pretty normal guy, oh wait, he’s * NUTS. * Shirley giggles. * SHIRLEY You better be careful, he might be listening with his Inspector Gadget hearing aid. You know that show? * JEFF * I do know that show. * SHIRLEY * Oh, and how about that Hackey Sack guy? Always around, flirting with Britta. It’s embarrassing. JEFF * (too loud) I know! He’s the worst! * SHIRLEY * I mean, what is with that hair? JEFF It’s perpetually moist. And the incessant evangelizing of green tea. No offense, but if I want medical advice, I’ll get it from someone wearing socks. Shirley loves that one. They continue gabbing. * INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM - LATER8 8 Prof. Duncan stands in front of the monitor. He checks his watch. PROF. DUNCAN Okay, we’re three hours in, let’s review what we’ve seen. Pay close attention to every subject’s breaking point. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 10. CONTINUED:7 7 ANGLE ON the monitor: Prof. Duncan fast forwards the tape. We start with a room full of subjects. Over time, we see Annie pop in and out of the room. One after another, frustrated subjects get up and leave. (The research assistants take notes.) PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) (commenting on what he sees) Look at this one. He’s a stomper... This one’s a screamer... We got a bulemic... Look at the little one chase the big one, it’s like Benny Hill... Fore!... Ooh, he just hit that girl... On the tape, all that remain now are Abed and Troy. Abed remains motionless while Troy slowly melts down and exits. * Abed is the only one left. He sits patiently, hands folded in his lap. Prof. Duncan leans closer to the screen. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) Ah, I’ve seen this before. The longer they wait, the harder they break. Buckle up, students. (then, noticing) Does he have a whip? EXT. QUAD - LATER9 9 Shirley and Jeff sit on the bench, laughing. SHIRLEY Oh, and have you seen how often Hackey Sack takes his shirt off? * He’d play shirts and skins in a game of checkers. * * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 11. CONTINUED:8 8 JEFF * I am so glad to be able to talk about that guy. I wanted to say something to Britta but we’re * supposed to be friends now and * she’d think I was jealous. * SHIRLEY * I don’t see why you and Britta aren’t together. Two cute white people, going to school together, just seems right. JEFF Shirley, we’re not pandas in a zoo. SHIRLEY (seeing something) Oh dear. Jeff looks. Britta and Vaughn make out on the quad. JEFF That is not what I want to see. Britta looks up, sees Jeff watching her. SHIRLEY And there goes the shirt. FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 12. CONTINUED:9 9 ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. STUDENT LOUNGE - LATER10 10 Britta approaches Jeff at a table. BRITTA Heeeey. JEFF Hi, there. Want me to check you * for grass stains? BRITTA * That was... embarrassing. * JEFF Oh, whatever. Seize the day, man, * life is short. Get up on that. * You know? All aboard the * dreamboat. * BRITTA I wasn’t sure when or how to bring * up that I was hanging out with Vaughn. Figured you’d... make fun of him. And me. JEFF First of all, friends don’t make fun of each other, and secondly, (mustering) * Vaughn seems cool. * Britta is impressed with Jeff. * BRITTA * You guys should hang out. Well, * I gotta go. That was tacky out * there, you’ll never see it again. * JEFF No worries. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 13. EXT. QUAD - NEXT MORNING (DAY 3)11 11 Pierce talks to Shirley as they exit the school building from before. He wears his Ear-Noculars and Bluetooth. PIERCE This thing is amazing. I could finally hear Mr. Chang from the back of the room. Too bad they don’t make one of these for accents. What’s that? What do you * mean you got a hold of some “sweet * weed”? * SHIRLEY Doesn’t it get confusing with the * phone in one ear and that thing in * the other? * PIERCE It’s called living in the modern * world. * His cell phone RINGS in his other ear. It’s very loud for * Pierce and startles him. PIERCE (CONT’D) Hello. Mom? Yes, I’ll visit soon. * What do you mean, “Do I want a * toke?” Wait. Who’s about to bust * you? What pigs? What pigs are * coming? Just put Dad on. * As Pierce walks off contorting in confusion, Jeff hurries up * to Shirley. JEFF Shirley! Did you notice Sr. Chang’s socks today? Tiny bull fighters. SHIRLEY I can top that. Did you see Hacky Sack wears an anklet? Jeff doesn’t react. * SHIRLEY (CONT’D) * Since when won’t you talk about * Vaughn? No fun. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 14. JEFF I’m trying to be a good friend to * Britta. She thought I’d make fun * of him and I want to be * unpredictable. I’m going to show * her I’m not the jerk she thinks I * am and friend the hell out of that * green tea drinking drum circler. * SHIRLEY Okay, but tell me you’ve noticed how small his nipples are. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 14A. CONTINUED:11 11 JEFF Not engaging. SHIRLEY What? It’s not gossip if it’s fact. My kids have had hamsters with bigger nips. INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM/WAITING ROOM - LATER12 12 The room is a complete mess, littered with take-out food containers, crumpled pieces of paper and empty coffee cups. Prof. Duncan, Annie and the other research assistants are bleary eyed, but they continue to watch the monitor. On the monitor, Abed happily sits in the same position. PROF. DUNCAN Is it on pause? ANNIE No, that’s just him. Annie opens the door to the waiting room. ANNIE (CONT’D) Sorry you’ve been waiting... (checks her watch, sighs) twenty-six hours. It will be... five more minutes. ABED Okie doke. Annie closes the door and goes back to the experiment room. Prof. Duncan tugs at his hair. PROF. DUNCAN Why won’t he leave?! * RESEARCH ASSISTANT #1 Professor, I have other classes I have to-- PROF. DUNCAN * Go! Fine! I hate you. Go kill * John Lennon again, you loser. * Research Assistant #1 leaves. Prof. Duncan turns to the monitor. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 15. CONTINUED:11 11 PROF. DUNCAN (CONT’D) He’s ruining my study! He’s warping the Duncan Principle. Damn * you! Damn you, you outlying piece of datum! (punches monitor) Ow! (to Annie) * YOU! This is all your fault! * ANNIE But you told me to bring subjects. PROF. DUNCAN Subjects! Not Rain Man! I should * have never let you in this lab, little Miss know-it-all, Annie Fanny Panties in a bunch! ANNIE Oh, that’s sooo hilaaarious! Did you think of that the last time you skipped a trip to the dentist? PROF. DUNCAN Let me answer that quest