美剧Boston_Legal波士顿法律第5季第10集剧本(英语)

1 Boston Legal Thanksgiving Season 5, Episode 10 Broadcast: Nov 24, 2008 Written By: David E. Kelley Directed By: Mike Listo © 2008 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved. Transcribed by Imamess for Boston-Legal.org; Thanks to olucy for proofreading & Dana for pictures. Shirley Schmidt is pushing a grocery cart through a parking lot at night. The trunk of her car opens and she starts piling in her groceries. Turnip Graves: Appears suddenly, pressing a knife against Shirley’s buttocks. Drop the bag and I’ll let you live! Do it, bitch! Don’t make me cap you! Shirley Schmidt: Nervously. Ah, son, of all the places you could stick me, you may have already stuck me, I’d probably be the last to know. Turnip Graves: Drop the bag! Edwin Poole: He comes running. Turnip! For God's sake! What the hell are you….? Shirley turns. They look at each other in surprise. Shirley? Shirley Schmidt: Edwin? Edwin Poole: To Turnip. Put that down, what is wrong with you? To Shirley. I am so sorry, Shirley. Of all the people to mug! I’ll deal with him. To Turnip. This woman is a dear friend of mine, not to mention a partner. Still looking at Turnip, he motions his head towards Shirley. Turnip Graves: Contritely. Oh. I’m sorry, ma’am. Edwin chuckles. Shirley Schmidt: Edwin, who is this… adorable child? Edwin Poole: He’s my foster… give me that! He takes the knife from Turnip. He’s my foster son. I am so sorry, Shirley. To Turnip. God! What is wrong with you? Shirley Schmidt: You adopted a son? Edwin Poole: Yeah. It was either that or take up fly fishing. Shame, Turnip! Shame! Turnip Graves: Look how full your cart is. No wonder your bottom is so… Edwin Poole: Turnip! Turnip Graves: Full and plump! Shirley Schmidt: Yeah! He gets cuter by the second! Edwin Poole: Isn’t that the truth? Well, that’s enough now. Turnip Graves, Shirley Schmidt! Turnip Graves: He shakes Shirley’s hand. Very nice to meet you, ma’am. Shirley Schmidt: A true pleasure, sir. Edwin Poole: Well, it's, it's nice to see you again. You look great! And ah… I'll deal with him. Come here, you. He herds Turnip away. Why would you embarrass me like that? Turnip Graves: How was I supposed to know you know the lady? Edwin Poole: I know you're not supposed to walk around parking lots sticking people in the buttocks with a knife! Denny Crane's office. Alan Shore: What do you mean you've got plans? Denny Crane: You said you were going outta town. Alan Shore: I said, "I might go out of town." 2 Denny Crane: You didn't invite me, did you? Alan Shore: I think, because I never made official plans! Denny is silent. Who are you spending Thanksgiving with? Denny Crane: A friend. Uh, you wouldn't like him. Alan Shore: Who? Denny Crane: It's personal. Alan Shore: Personal? Denny Crane: Uh, you could come too. I'll ask him… Alan Shore: Who? Denny Crane: He hedges. Alan waits. Technically… it would be… He hedges. Alan still waits. Melvin Palmer. Alan Shore: He is stunned. You must be joking! Denny Crane: He's a good guy. Alan Shore: You're spending Thanksgiving with Melvin Palmer? Denny Crane: He's a hoot. Alan Shore: No, no. You're putting me on! Denny Crane: I had no place else to go! And he called and… Alan Shore: When did you become friends with that bobo-head…? Denny Crane: When he saved our asses! Alan Shore: He did not save our asses! Denny Crane: He saved our asses in Utah! Alan shakes his head, Denny gives Alan a stern look. Alan Shore: He looks speechlessly at Denny. Are you being serious? Denny Crane: He's a decent guy! Alan Shore: No, he is not! He's nothing of the sort! Denny Crane: Look… Alan Shore: And you're not having dinner with him! He chuckles. We'll find somewhere else to go! But you will not--will not--be spending Thanksgiving with that vile…! Denny Crane: I like him! Alan Shore: I don't care! No! Forget it! No! Denny looks wordlessly at Alan. Alan shakes his head. No. The stare at each other. Nope. He continues shaking his head. Shirley Schmidt's office. Carl Sack: Mugged? Shirley Schmidt: You should have seen the size of the knife. Carl Sack: Are you okay? Shirley Schmidt: No, I'm fine! I, I just can't believe it happened! Carl Sack: Shirley, you have to tell the police. Shirley Schmidt: No, I don't want to do that. Carl Sack: Shirley, it was an attempted armed robbery! Shirley Schmidt: Well, he's nine years old, Carl. Edwin Poole: Enters. Oh my God! Now the homecoming is complete! Carl Sack, how are you, my friend? They shake hands. I never liked you, but what the hey! I can be courteous. Shirl! Hi doll! Sorry, I'm late, I hit some traffic, not to mention a few pedestrians. He laughs. Just mowed 'em right… He catches Carl's look. I can see I've lost you. Shirley, I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry. Shirley Schmidt: Edwin, how long have you had that boy? Edwin Poole: Six months. I've enrolled him in finishing school. Not to worry. What the hell is this? He plunks a thick envelope down on the desk. You've sued me? Already? Shirley Schmidt: Did you read it? Edwin Poole: Why would I? It's marked "Privileged and confidential"! Shirley Schmidt: Edwin, it was hand-delivered to you because you were meant to read it. Edwin Poole: Ah! Well that's different. What does it say? Edwin Poole: It says the firm is going broke. Edwin Poole: Funny! He laughs. Love her sense of… The firm is going broke? 3 Shirley Schmidt: But that was two days ago. Things have changed. Edwin Poole: Oh. He sighs in relief. How? Shirley Schmidt: We are broke. Edwin Poole: When you say broke…? Edwin Poole: Crane, Poole and Schmidt is bankrupt. We have no money. Nada. Zilch. We're busted. Edwin Poole: He takes out his cell phone. I'll call Congress, they'll bail us out. After all, we're rich! I know Hank Poulson. Nutty guy. Carl takes the phone out of Edwin's hand. Hey! That's mine! Carl Sack: It's over, Edwin! Edwin is speechless. We're done. In Shirley's office, she and Edwin are alone. Shirley Schmidt: I don't know what else to tell you, Edwin, other than… Edwin Poole: You can tell me how it happened! Shirley Schmidt: We had investments in the market, we had massive receivables from banking industries, we had to take write-offs. Edwin Poole: You just beat the tobacco company! For millions of dollars! Shirley Schmidt: She scoffs. You think we'll ever see a penny from that? After all the appeals, that victory's going to end up costing us! Edwin lets this sink in. Edwin, we may have to shut our doors. A beat. Edwin Poole: Do people know? Shirley Schmidt: Only a certain few at this point. Edwin Poole: So we're really done then? Canceled? Shirley Schmidt: Carl may have overstated that. There are some possibilities. I still have hope. Edwin Poole: He thinks about this for a moment. I really thought I'd make it back. I was getting better and ah... He rises. Listen, I bought a turkey. I would love to have you over for Thanksgiving on Thursday. Maybe talk about old times and ah… Shirley Schmidt: Edwin, thank you, um, I have plans, I'm hosting a little thing at my house. Edwin Poole: So I'll come to your house then? Shirley looks up in surprise. Edwin winks and leaves. CP&S corridor. Carl Sack: Edwin Poole? Shirley Schmidt: Well, he kind of invited himself. Carl Sack: We were supposed to have a quiet dinner. Shirley Schmidt: I know, I'm sorry! Carl Sack: And his little fellow? Shirley Schmidt: Well, he could be joining. Carl Sack: He grimaces. Oh Shirley! Shirley Schmidt: I know, I wanted a quiet evening too, but somehow… he had no place to go… What was I going to say? Carl Sack: “No”, comes to mind. How about, "No."? Shirley Schmidt: Carl. Carl Sack: A nice quiet Thanksgiving dinner, just the two of us, that's how you billed it. Shirley Schmidt: And how I wanted it. Katie Lloyd: She comes up. Shirley, I've got the research on that… Shirley Schmidt: I thought you'd gone to London? Katie Lloyd: Oh, yes. I was planning to but the airline screwed up with the tickets. It’s a long story. So, suffice it to say I'll be staying put. Shirley Schmidt: Well that's too bad. Katie nods. I'm having a few people over, why don't you come to my house? Katie Lloyd: Oh! I wouldn't wanna put you out. Shirley Schmidt: It wouldn't be any trouble. Katie Lloyd: Oh well, sure. I'd quite love that. Shirley Schmidt: Great! One o'clock then. Katie Lloyd: Splendid. Oh! Would it be possible for me to bring Jerry? I sort of… when I thought that I didn't have plans… Shirley Schmidt: Jerry would be more than welcome. 4 Katie Lloyd: Thank you. I'll go tell him. She leaves. Shirley Schmidt: To Carl. Sorry! Carl Sack: The idea of spending a day alone with me, you just can't bear it, can you? Shirley Schmidt: Oh, you know that's not true! Can't we just look at this as a… gathering of a big dysfunctional family? Can we do that? Carl smiles. They turn. Denny Crane: Suddenly he and Alan are there. What about us? Alan Shore: We can be dysfunctional! Carl and Shirley look at each other in resignation. In Shirley's living room, she is there alone taking a deep breath. Carl Sack: He brings her a glass of wine. There. Shirley Schmidt: Thank you. Carl Sack: Are you okay? Shirley Schmidt: Yeah, I'm fine, I just tend to get a little stressed when I host parties. Do you not remember? Carl Sack: It's just a dinner. Shirley Schmidt: It is a Thanksgiving dinner and let's face it, with this particular group the possibilities for catastrophe... She sees Turnip's face pressed against the window. Oh! Carl Sack: Wha…? He turns to the window and sees Turnip running away. Hey! What? He turns to Shirley. We're off to a good start. Shirley Schmidt: Yeah. Carl Sack: Come on. They both go to the front door. Ah! He opens the door. Edwin Poole: Surprise!! Shirley Schmidt: Hey, Turnip beat you to it. And what are you doing, staring in my window? Turnip Graves: Is this how it's gonna be? Dump on Turnip day? Carl Sack: Hi Turnip! Hi! They shakes hands. I'm Mr. Sack. I've heard a lot about you. Hands on the wall! Turnip Graves: Oh, come on! Carl Sack: Don't worry. I do this to everybody. Turnip Graves: Yeah, try not to enjoy yourself, Pops. Carl Sack: Oh, come on. The doorbell rings, Shirley opens the door. Jerry Espenson: Hello! Welcome! Hello! He and Katie come in, Jerry carrying a huge flower bouquet. Edwin Poole: Ohhh! He claps his hands. Jerry Espenson: Hey, Mr. Poole. Katie hands a wrapped box to Shirley. Carl Sack: May I take that? Jerry Espenson: Thank you, Carl. I'll take that. He closes the door. Katie Lloyd: What a beautiful home. Shirley Schmidt: Thank you very much. Turnip Graves: Is it all paid for? Edwin Poole: Turnip! Everybody chuckles. Not a bad question actually! Considering… Shirley Schmidt: Edwin! To Jerry. Here, give me your coats. Jerry Espenson: Thank you. Carl Sack: Ah ha. Here let me take that. Denny Crane: Hey! He and Alan come in. Denny has a football under his arm and Alan is carrying a gift bag. Are we late? Shirley Schmidt: No, you are just perfectly on time. Alan Shore: Happy Thanksgiving! Shirley Schmidt: Alan hands her his gift bag and kisses her on the cheek. Thank you so much, Alan. Denny Crane: Edwin! They shake hands. When did they let you out? Shirley Schmidt: At the first moment of silence. Uh, well, shall we just go to the table? Denny Crane: Already? We just got here… Katie Lloyd: Now? 5 Alan Shore: …small-talk and mingling and picking at the turkey when nobody's looking. Edwin Poole: Cautioning Turnip. Just please be quiet. Okay? Shirley Schmidt: To Carl. I don't think I can get through this. Carl Sack: You will get through this. Turnip Graves: What if I'm not spoken to? Which I'm thinkin' there's a pretty good chance. There is the din of several people talking at once. Shirley Schmidt: Time out! She sighs. Ah, She chuckles nervously. The, the food is hot and uhm the table's set… Melvin Palmer: Thank God for GPS! He comes in. That's the first thing I'm gonna be thankful for. Shirley looks to Carl with a who-is-this-guy look on her face. Melvin Palmer: Hey, how you doin', Jerry. Looks like you've eaten already. He pats Jerry's stomach and makes grunting sounds. Good Buddy! Alan Shore: To Denny. You invited him? Denny Crane: Why not? Alan Shore: You know why not. Melvin Palmer: You must be Shirley Schmidt! I goggled you good, that's what I did. You need to update your headshot. Who's the little guy? Edwin Poole: Edwin Poole. Melvin Palmer: He and Edwin shake hands. Melvin Palmer! How we doin' sport? He mock-punches Turnip. Turnip Graves: Don't touch me! Denny Crane: He and Alan are still arguing. … an extra chair. Shirley marches off. Melvin Palmer: Hey! I didn't get my hug yet, that's what I didn't get! He follows the crowd moving into the dining room. I'll start with you, Al you big hoot! Come here! He jerks Alan into a hug. Alan Shore: Alright. He struggles to get out of the hug. Melvin Palmer: This is like old home week, that's what this is like! Get in here Denny. He puts his arm out and brings Denny into a group hug as Jerry pops. Alan Shore: Motioning to Melvin. Thanks, Denny. Denny grimaces in pain. Shirley's kitchen. Shirley is bracing herself against the counter, shaking her head seeming to be dreading what's to come. Carl Sack: All right, now look, it's probably a good thing, whoever… that person is. Shirley Schmidt: Why is it a good thing? Carl Sack: He seems like a bit of an icebreaker. Shirley Schmidt: Icebreaker? That man could have saved the Titanic! Who the hell is that guy? Carl Sack: Now listen. You said you'd like a little noise and chaos, seems he'll be able to contribute to that. Shirley Schmidt: Oh! She drops her face in her hands. This is gonna be such a disaster! Carl Sack: It's not going to be a disaster! He grips her arms. Now look, I'm gonna go out there, I'll get everybody and I'll get to the table, you take a second to collect yourself and then you come in! Right? Shirlely nods. It's gonna be great. It's going to be a splendid day. He kisses her cheek then leaves. 6 In the dining room, everybody is sitting down. There is a murmur of "Oh my", "Look at the size of it", "Lovely." and other comments of appreciation at the table full of delicious looking plates of food including a large dressed turkey. Shirley Schmidt: She takes her glass of wine. Ah, okay… Denny Crane: Good idea. He lifts his wine glass. Let's drink. Shirley Schmidt: Ah, Denny… She puts her hand out to stop Denny. I just wanted to say how nice it is to have all of you here. Katie Lloyd: The food looks positively delicious. Melvin Palmer: I don't know where to start. Alan Shore: I think you could start with a moment of silence, Melvin. Or maybe an hour! Melvin Palmer: Ha, ha! Double Hoot! That's what you are! Alan Shore: I'm a Double Hoot now. Shirley Schmidt: Perhaps we should pray. Carl Sack: Pray for peace. Shirley Schmidt: Or start with grace. Any volunteers or should I…? Alan Shore: I'll say grace! Denny turns to look at Alan. Alan to looks to Shirley. Shirley Schmidt: Reluctantly. Okay. Everybody bows their head. Alan Shore: Dear God… Denny Crane and Carl Sack: In unison. No, no, no, no, no! Alan Shore: What? Carl Sack: Not a good idea. Shirley Schmidt: Maybe we should skip grace. Denny Crane: You don't even believe in God. Alan Shore: I do too. Denny Crane: A Christian God? Alan Shore: Does it matter? Denny Crane: Well, it does to me! I'm not gonna let you pray to a Muslim God! Now while I… Alan Shore: Why does he have to be either Christian or Muslim? Melvin Palmer: He could be Texan, that's what he could be. Denny Crane: If, if he chooses good over evil He's Christian. Edwin Poole: Why couldn't he be Jewish? Jerry pops. Denny Crane: Are you nuts, a Jewish God? There is a murmur of everybody talking at once. Shirley Schmidt: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Denny Crane: Now he wants to make God a Jew. Edwin Poole: He was very Jewish. That's why they threw rocks at him. Denny Crane: Jewish God, a Muslim God, Hindu maybe, because then he loves sheep. Edwin Poole: Jew hater! The murmuring escalates. Shirley Schmidt: Edwin! Edwin! Enough! Enough! Let's skip grace and let's eat, and if it's not too much trouble I'd like to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner with no fights. Can we do that, please? Katie Lloyd: I'm positively famished! Food is passed around the table. Carl Sack: Here. Roll? He passes the basket. Melvin Palmer: Thank you. Denny Crane: The basket has made its way all around the table. Denny takes a roll. So Turnip, tell me, what do little black kids like to eat? There is a murmur of protest. 7 Shirley Schmidt: For God's sake! Denny. Alan Shore: What do black kids like to eat? Denny Crane: Well, I wanna know! Koreans like Korean. Greeks like Greek. Shirley lifts her eyes to heaven as the protesting get louder. Shirley Schmidt: I’ve had it with you two. Melvin Palmer: Feisty bunch! Denny Crane: Racist? Alan Shore: Yes, racist. This is a holiday. Please let's not extend the systemic racism of the firm to the dining room table. Carl is taken aback. As are others. Shirley Schmidt: What systemic racism of the firm? Alan Shore: Oh! Come on, Shirley! Shirley Schmidt: No I'd like to hear this. Alan Shore: Well, look around the table. Or the office! You see any black attorneys? Shirley Schmidt: It doesn't mean we're racist! Alan Shore: Right. Denny Crane: Did you ever think for one second that maybe black attorneys don't wanna work with us? Maybe they wanna be with their own? Alan Shore: Oh God. Shirley Schmidt: Denny! Don't help me please. Turnip Graves: Could you please pass the…? Shirley Schmidt: No! We just had a black man elected president and you still think…? Alan Shore: Oh please. Shirley Schmidt: What "Oh, please."? Alan Shore: Never mind. Shirley Schmidt: No. Say it, I wanna hear this, Alan. Carl Sack: I don't. Edwin Poole: Neither do I. Shirley Schmidt: I do. Say it, Alan. I wanna hear what you have to say. Alan Shore: What? You really think we've turned the corner? Of a hundred senators one is black. One! And that's Barak Obama, come January there'll be none! Of fifty governors two are black and one of those is in New York by default because Elliot Spitzer got caught with his hooker. This country hardly seems willing to elect black leaders on a regular basis. Carl Sack: But the people of this firm are. They voted overwhelmingly for Obama. Alan Shore: How do you know what the hell went on in the privacy of all those voting booths? Shirley Schmidt: Get out of this house! Alan Shore: I haven't even eaten yet! Shirley Schmidt: I don't care! Carl Sack: 'Ho, 'ho, ho. Let's just slow down. Shirley Schmidt: You will not say things like that… Alan Shore: What did I say? Shirley doesn't answer. Jerry Espenson: Maybe since Barak Obama was just elected we could celebrate the progress that blacks have made in this country, instead of… Alan Shore: Celebrate? In America black people are incarcerated almost six times the rate of white people. Turnip here seems already to be well on his way. Turnip Graves: Hey! Alan Shore: Blacks have double the unemployment rate of whites and have for over forty years. Whether it's that or the government's underwhelming response to AIDS among blacks, or racial profiling, the black community continues to get screwed. Denny Crane: Alan! 8 Alan Shore: Let's not even discuss funding for public schools of black neighborhoods. Or the Supreme Court eviscerating Brown versus the Board of Education. We've got that Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland from Georgia who referred to Obama as “uppity”. Not once! Twice! Uppity! Even Obama's own running mate during