Filial Piety between China and Western Countries

中 西 孝 文 化 浅 谈 Filial Piety between China and Western Countries Contents Abstract …………………………………………………..……………....1 Key words ………………………………………………..……………....1 I. Introduction…………………………………………..……………...1 II. Filial Piety and Friendship……………………………..……………...3 2.1 Filial Piety…………………………………………………………...3 2.2 Friendship……………………………………………………………..4 2.2.1 Parents' Responsibility to Children………...…………………….…4 2.2.2 Children’s Responsibility to Parents…………………. ………….…6 III. Reasons for the Differences………………………………………....7 IV. How to Treat the Differences…………………………………..…..9 4.1 Individual……………………………………………………..……...10 4.2 Society…………………………………………………………….….12 V. Conclusion…………………………………………………………….14 References………………………………………………………………...15 摘 要：众所周知，中国主要的家庭亲子关系就是孝敬。孝即孝顺老人，并且强调“无违”。几个世纪以来，孝都是中国善事父母的行为准则。而在西方，儿女或多或少对自己的父母心存敬爱，但家庭关系更看重的是友谊。孝是中国在亲子关系上区别于西方国家的主要特点。孝文化能够很好的安置老人，让他们得到社会的尊重和照顾；然而在某方面来说，他制约了年轻一代的发展。西方国家不同代际之间的友谊关系能够很好地维护年轻一代的权利。在当今社会，我们中国人应该继续发扬传统的孝文化,与此同时，学习西方亲子关系中先进的东西，为我所用，使我们的社会更具人性化。 关键词：孝；无违；孝顺；友谊; 尊敬 Abstract: As everyone knows, the main Chinese family relationship is Xiao (filial piety). Filial piety means "being courteous and obedient to elders"，and stress “no disobey”. For centuries, filial piety has guided the attitude and actions of parental care in China. In western countries, sons and daughters love and respect their parents more or less. It is the main characteristics from western countries, which stress friendship, on relationships between parents and children. Filial piety culture finds a good place for the elder, having the society respect and care of them; but it limits the youth’s development in a certain aspect. Friendship of different generations in western countries maintains youth’s rights well. In nowadays society, we Chinese should continue develop our traditional filial piety culture and absorb good things of western friendship so that our society be more feeling and reasonable. Key words: filial piety; no disobey; courteous and obedient; friendship;respect I．Introduction As everyone knows, the main Chinese family relationship is Xiao (filial piety). In modern time, as for this traditional relationship, there has been partly changed in contrast to old times. Friendship in Western family affected much Chinese family in some aspects. Is it good or bad for a family? Some people said that our family relationship is new. All the members are friends, and we talk freely. Some said that it is necessary for parents and children to respect each other. While most parents said that we should pay more attention to Chinese traditional Xiao (filial piety) .In this communicative world, what should we do to build a new family relationship? To solve this problem, we should make it clear that of the two cultures’ main differences and background. Then we may know how to treat the communication. In a certain sense, traditional Chinese culture is a culture of Xiao (filial piety). Traditional Chinese society is laying foundation on filial piety. So filial piety is one of the most important cultural phenomenons, which distinguishes Chinese culture from Roman culture. Filial piety plays an important role in traditional Chinese society and culture. Hegel said that, China is based on such kind of morality. Dr. Sun Yat-sen pointed out that, in his The Three Principles Of The People, Nationalism，the filial piety in Filial Piety Classic is all-inclusive. The most civilized country now is not as complete as China when talking about the two words. What he said shows that filial piety is not only a moral conception but also a kind of culture connoted in religion, philosophy, politics, law, education, folk custom, art, etc. In western countries, sons and daughters love and respect their parents more or less. But strictly speaking, that is not real filial piety. Because filial piety, as we said above, is one of the most important characteristics, which distinguish Chinese culture from western culture. It has plentiful synthetic cultural meaning, not just as simple as loving and respecting parents. American Arthur Henderson Smith said, “When talk about Chinese characteristics; we have to talk about Xiao (filial piety). And expounding Xiao is very difficult. This word in Chinese is so different form anything we are used to that we cannot translate it correctly in English.”([美] 阿瑟·亨德森·史密斯：《中国人的性格》延边大学出版社) He also said, “ Relationships in western families tend to desalinate. So we westerners should pay more attention to Chinese filial piety. Respecting the elder is good general mood of society, but we westerners haven’t been changed by it .In western countries, children choose their own way on which they can develop themselves very well, without worrying about their parents. Social habits like this are unmoral in China.” ([美] 阿瑟·亨德森·史密斯：《中国人的性格》延边大学出版社) Mr. Smith told people to pay attention to filial piety, he also pointed out that there is no filial piety in western culture, there even are something contrary. For example grown-up children will leave their family to live their own life. That is contrary to Chinese filial piety in which people are told that they shouldn’t go out to live without their parents. II．Filial piety and friendship 2.1 Filial piety Filial piety was an integral part of Chinese culture and therefore was embraced by three of China's main religions: Confucianism, Buddhism, and Daoism. Among the three, Confucianism, with its well-documented social hierarchy, supported the ideals of filial piety the most. Buddhism and Daoism also supported filial piety in some of their texts, but had monastic systems that prevented monks and nuns from being filial children. The term filial piety refers to the extreme respect that Chinese children are supposed to show their parents. It involves many different things including taking care of the parents, burying them properly after death, bringing honor to the family, and having a male heir to carry on the family name. Practicing these ideals is a very important part of Chinese culture. Therefore, one would expect that filial piety would be incorporated into the major religions of China as it has been. According to Confucius, respect to one's father while he is alive is a given - something that even animals do. But, to be a filial child, one must respect his parents even after their death. Confucius goes on to cite further specific examples of what a filial son should do for his parents. Among them, children should never offend their parents, never speak badly of them, not travel far away without purpose, always be conscious of their parents age, and protect them whenever necessary. These things were not all that was required of a filial child. The concept of filial piety was exhibited in other Confucian texts as well, such as the Book of Rewards and Punishments. Although this text was technically a popular religious text, rather than a Confucian one, it highlighted many Confucian ideals, such as filial piety. It describes good, virtuous people seeking immortality as those who "exhibit loyalty to their ruler, filial piety to their parents, true friendship to their older brothers". Contrarily, those who are evil "insult their ruler and their parents behind their backs". According to this text, it is impossible to be a good, virtuous person without showing respect for one's parents. The inclusion of filial piety in this popular religious work also helps to show how widespread the belief in filial piety was in China. Although it received a great deal of support and promotion from Confucianism, filial piety was not limited to Confucians -- it was a widespread part of Chinese culture. Although many Buddhist and Taoist texts support the idea of filial piety, their monastic intuitions lie in direct opposition to one of the main responsibilities of a filial child -- having a male heir in order to carry on the family name. Precepts of a daoist say, "All those who choose to leave their families and homes should join a Taoist monastery, for it is a place where the body may find rest. Both Taoist and Buddhist monks were required to leave their parents behind to live a cloistered life, an action that certainly does not concur with the concept of filial piety. Furthermore, they are required to remain celibate and can therefore not have any children. Without having children, one cannot have a male heir to carry on the family name. Because having a male heir is a core component of filial piety, a Buddhist or Taoist monk cannot be a filial son. 2.2 Friendship 2.2.1 Parents' Responsibility to children When can you adore my family as the Abel type family and at the same time when can your children become one with mine? This is the problem. To do so, you should give them the education of heaven. Teaching them, you should be an example first. You should be a dutiful son first. When you yourselves become devoted sons and daughters following the rules of heaven, the relationship of traditional filial piety of heaven will be established. From that position you have to teach your sons and daughters the moral way to live for the Will and become loyal subjects of the Heavenly Kingdom. You have to become the parents who can get hold of your children's hands letting them drink the tears you shed, teaching them that the country they are living in is not their real nation; rather, that they are a people without a nation, but that there is a nation which they will have to serve. Just as you can hear the breath of a baby in your embrace, you have to come close to them, teaching them from the position where they can shed tears worrying about heaven together with you. You have to teach them to become filial sons and daughters, just as their father is filial, and to be loyal subjects just as their father has written the history of struggle, working for the nation even in the face of great persecution. I have, until now, made it the absolute purpose of my life to worry about how I can leave this tradition to you. Parents cannot force their children to be filial, teaching them to be dutiful. The thought of being filial should come from the heart. Therefore, it cannot come true over night. It should influence them for a long time. What does the word “influence” mean? A father should show a good model of himself in his daily life to his son. You should be a specialist to practice such things. What are you going to tell your children? You should now teach and show your children, husbands and wives, how to take over the tradition in its official aspects, recollecting the past. So children themselves ... This is not something they can learn in school. In order to inherit the tradition they should show off and give the things they learned from school to their parents.If you understand that, the flowers of love will bloom. A family of love will come true. Parents should be a good example following the Will. You should show children a life of faith such as praying, and serving in your house as seriously as other Christians. And you should make them realize how important the pledge ceremony is. During this time you should teach children as parents with the Will as well as perform the ceremony. Parents should practice something first, for the sake of educating the children. As children look at the parents centering on the Will, and the principle, they know their parents ignore what the headquarters directs and don't live as it says. But if they force the children to live following the fundamental truth, their children will laugh at them. Considering that kind of problem, you cannot avoid taking a new took at reality. We should love and harmonize with each other and have to be able to give and sacrifice first, making such love a rule to keep. As the subject of love is Abel, he gives it to the object first. That is the origin of love. We should love and harmonize with each other and have to be able to give and sacrifice first, making such kind of love a rule to keep. As the subject of love is Abel, he gives it to the object first. That is the origin of love. What do babies like most after they were born? Of course they like eating. They like drinking mother's milk. But they aren't always fond of drinking milk. They like not only drinking it but also watching mother. In fact, they are drinking for the purpose of looking at mom. Therefore, a mother doesn't think it is a waste of time to breast her babies. A relation is made like that. A mother misses her baby because she gives to it infinitely. As she gives it her life and earnestness, she treats the baby with an absolute relation so it would obey her as much as she loves it. A great mother educates her children to persist in whatever difficult positions arise in order to be good people who affect the world. Because they know the principle of heaven, the goodness of mothers never fail. Even though a mother stays where she is all of her children come into her arms. It is possible within love. No matter what difficulties parents have, if they embrace their beloved children in their arms, they gain power. They should lose power in such hardships but they get stronger. As a result, they feel joy in that action. They are weary and exhausted but gain strength made from love. When you see your sons and daughters you should be mothers who can pray to God for them lest they should be unlucky and banished from the parents. "God, I know the grievous heart you felt when you lost Adam and Eve so, please never allow these children to be like them. As those children can't indemnify, if they have to be forgiven please, let me take the responsibility for them." Husbands should tell the children that their mother is a person to be much more respected than any other great men's wives in history. And she is different from other mothers in loving the world and the country. You should also teach them that their mother is living in a small and poor house but that she is the best mother in the world. Every member of the family should give their whole mind to the mother. Children should consider their mother as the greatest woman and sing a song for the mother wishing her the blessing of God. The husband should also offer a fervent prayer for his wife. When those things are done, a new historical tradition will come into being. Do you understand? The husband who has a wife that loves her children should be thankful to her. Who has to take the responsibility to bring them up and shelter them? A father should do that. 2.2.2 Children’s responsibility to parents The New Testament binds a great responsibility on children when it says in Ephesians 6, verses 1-3, "Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth". The key words are "honor" and "obey". There is no time limitation on this. God does not free a child from this responsibility simply because he has now gone to college or is married. A child in the earliest years of adulthood makes a tragic mistake by neglecting his parents. It is necessary that we say something about the word "obey". Children are to obey their parents "in the Lord". One must never forget that his allegiance to God comes before any man. That includes government, companions and parents. The early apostles expressed it well when they were commanded not to preach in the name of Christ. They responded by saying in Acts 5, verse 29, "We ought to obey God rather than men". The term "obey your parents" indicates that the parents have laid down some laws or provided some instruction to guide the children. This is what is meant by the wise man when he said in Proverbs 22, verse 6, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it". It is understood then that the law is to be obeyed by the child is that which will make him a fine, decent, responsible person. Children beyond the parents’ death should revere instructions of parents. No time limit then on "Children obey your parents in the Lord" Ephesians 6:1. The other word that stands out so predominantly in the children's responsibility to their parents is the word "honor". The Bible says in Ephesians 6, verse 2, "Honor thy father and mother". This responsibility deals with the child's attitude and respect toward parents. Webster's New World Dictionary says of the word honor, it is "High regard of great respect given". "Something done or given as a token of respect". The home for centuries has provided an environment for one to learn all of the ABC's of Christian living. It is in the home that seeds of character can be sown and given an opportunity to flourish. The great principles of God are to be taught, practiced and cultivated in the home. The child who has learned to honor parents can then effectively show high regard toward his fellow man. He later can easily show respect for a companion and his own children. It is important that we pause to say that parents have the responsibility to provide the proper atmosphere in the home so that the child can develop an appreciation for law and order given by parents. Such an environment will cause children to rise up and call their parents "blessed". The example of parents set in honoring and loving one another is far-reaching in the heart and life-pattern of the child. Remember, in order to manifest honor towards others, you must respect yourself. Christ provides us with an example in all things. Having returned from the visit to the city of Jerusalem at the age of 12, the Bible says that Christ, "was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man" Luke 2, verses 51,52. Christ was obedient to his parents. His affection and respect for his mother was manifested from the cross. He was concerned about her care and well-being. He gave this responsibility to the beloved Apostle John (John 19:25-27). You shall always be children in the eyes of your parents and in the eyes of the Lord. Your response to the commandment, "Obey your parents" and "Honor thy father and thy mother", will be a pretty good yardstick measuring how well you will obey your Lord and give Him honor through faithful worship. The child's responsibility is a lifetime achievement, an achievement that will be richly blessed in all walks of life. In the words of Ephesians Chapter 6, it is the first commandment with promise. III．Reasons for the differences In Xiao And Chinese Culture, the author explained as follows. Firstly, results from the differences between clan-standard and individual-standard. Chen Duxiu pointed out this during The May 4th Period.(陈独秀：《东西民族根本思想及差异》，《新青年》第1卷 第4号) In China, clan makes the standard of action. Chinese is a patriarchal society. A basic trait of this kind of society is that family has the same structure with the country. Every aspect of the societal life is included in the patriarchal system, such as politics, economy, morality and education. Rulers ruled the whole country by ruling clans. In such a society, rulers paid more attention to maintaining the peace and harmony of clans. That was not only because stable clans were the basis of a stable country, but also because the country was a larger clan. Rulers could run the country well only when the household was managed. So the most important ethic aim was to maintain the clans’ peace and harmony. Filial piety, as the ethic basis of the patriarchal estate system, played a significant role in maintaining clans’ unity and continuance. Western culture came from Aegean Sea area. Greek Peninsula was mountainous. It is dry in summer. It was hard to conduct agricultural produce. Inhabitants there, limited by the living conditions, devoted themselves to developing handicraft industry and business in early days. People gathered in some city-states to live, floatin