绝望主妇第一季第4集剧本

第四集 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 1X04: WHO'S THAT WOMAN? Original Airdate on ABC: 24-OCT-2004 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on Desperate Housewives- [INT-Britt House -Living Room -Night] (Shots of Susan sneaking into Edie's house, carrying a measuring jug. She sits down on the sofa and is distraught, seeing the romantic setting with all the candles. She throws the bra she picked up over her shoulder. It catches fire, which spreads to the curtains and much further. We see Susan run out, running past the now forgotten measuring jug on the floor.) Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan played with fire- [EXT -Wisteria Lane -Night] (shots of Edie's house in flames, sirens are going off and firemen are trying to put out the blaze) [EXT -Britt House -Day] (Edie and Mrs Huber go through the wreckage of the house looking to see if anything can be salvaged. Mrs Huber holds up the charred measuring jug) Edie: That's not my cup. (Mrs Huber's brain kicks into gear and she gets a look on her face as if she's got a plan) Mary Alice Voiceover:And could get burned . [INT -Solis House-Living Room -Day] Carlos: Go to a spa, go shopping. Find a way to relax . (Gabrielle gets a wicked little look on her face, as if she knows exactly what she's going to do) [INT (split screen shot) -Solis House and John's apartment-Day] Gabrielle (to John on the phone): Just get here as fast as you can Mary Alice Voiceover: Gabrielle found herself a playmate. (shots of Gabrielle and John kissing, he's not wearing a top) [EXT -Scavo Car -Day] (Lynette is driving while the kids are jumping up and down and screaming in the back seat. She hangs her head as if she's given up trying to control the boys) Mary Alice voiceover: Whilst Lynette couldn't get her kids to stop playing. (Lynette sees a policeman on a motorbike in her rear view mirror) Policeman: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? (shots of the boys pulling faces at the policeman through the window) Lynette: I have a theory. [INT-Van Der Kamp House -Living Room - Night] (shots of Rex trying to sleep on the sofa-bed) [INT-Van Derk Kamp House -Living Room -Day] Rex: If I don't start getting any sleep soon I'll be forced to move back upstairs out of sheer exhaustion. (Bree is alone in the living room, she has a pair of pliers in her hands) Mary Alice Voiceover: And Bree played hardball. (Bree pulls back the mattress of the sofa-bed and used the pliers to cut the wire frame. She bends the spokes upwards, presses her finger against one to test how sharp it is and puts the mattress back) Mary Alice Voiceover: Everyone has a little dirty laundry. End of Recap -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Scavo House -Living room -Day] (shots of a very messy house. The shot pans over children's toys) Mary Alice Voiceover: When I was alive I maintained many different identities. (shot pans over a coffee table filled with magazines on a range of different topics. One of which is a newspaper "the national informer",which has a front page with a picture of Mary Alice and the headline inside: the suburban suicide mom.) Mary Alice Voiceover: Lover, wife and ultimately victim. (we see Lynette bending down to pick up some of the mess, attempting to tidy up) Mary Alice Voiceover: Yes, labels are important to the living, they dictate how people see themselves, like my friend Lynette. She used to see herself as a career woman, and a hugely successful one at that. (shot switches to-) [INT-Scavo House -Kitchen - Day] (shot of one of the twins passing Lynette a bottle. She yawns, brushes her hair back and starts to feed the baby) Mary Alice Voiceover: She was known for her power lunches. (shot switches to-) [INT -Scavo House -Kitchen-Day] (Lynette attaches another of the kids drawings to the fridge and slaps a magnet on top to hold it in place) Mary Alice Voiceover: Her eye catching presentations. (shot switches to-) [INT -Scavo House-Living Room-Day] (Lynette sprays cleaning products on the dirty windows and wipes them clean. She looks incredibly fed up) Mary Alice Voiceover: And her ruthlessness at wiping out the competition. (Shot switches to-) [INT-Scavo House-Kitchen-Day] (Lynette is washing the dishes) Mary Alice Voiceover: But Lynette gave up all that to assume a new label. (The phone rings) Mary Alice Voiceover: The incredibly satisfying role of full time mother. (Lynette wipes her hands and answers the phone) Lynette (on the phone): Scavo residence, this is me.(her face drops and she sighs as she listens to what the person on the other end of the phone is saying.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT-The Boys-School-Day] (Lynette is walking towards the boy's classroom) Mary Alice Voiceover: But unfortunately for Lynette this new label frequently fell short of what was advertised. (She stops when she sees the twins sat outside their classroom. When they see their mom they both give a wave at her, which reveals blue paint on their hands) [INT-The Boys-Classroom -Day] (Lynette enters, looks at the art supplies cupboard and looks perplexed) Lynette: How in the world did they? Teacher: I left the door to the art supply cupboard open for five minutes, that's all. Five minutes. Lynette: Well, the little girl. (Lynette sits down opposite the teacher on one of the children's small chairs) Lynette: Why didn't she say anything? Teacher: Your boys work quickly. Lynette: Well, obviously they will be punished for this. Severely. Teacher: I hesitate in brining this up, seeing as you got so ugly about it the last time. Lynette: They don't have attention-deficit disorder, and I'm not going to drug my boys just to make your job easier. I'd rather change teachers. Teacher: The boys are in my class because I'm the only teacher that can handle them Lynette: What if we separate the twins? Put them in different classes? They're much calmer when they're not bouncing off one another. Teacher: We can try that. But if it doesn't work, we may no longer be able to accommodate them. (Lynette is resigned to that fact and nods slightly. She leaves and collects the boys from outside the classroom. They all head off) Mary Alice Voiceover: It suddenly occurred to Lynette that her label was about to change again. And that for the next few years she would be known as the mother of the boys who painted Tiffany Astelrod blue. (they walk past another mother and little girl, who she protectively moves behind her as the Scavos walk past. Because this is the girl that is covered from head to foot in blue paint, Lynette looks shocked, she can抰believe what her boys did!!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Opening Credits -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT-Wisteria Lane -Outside Solis House-Day] (opening shots of the street, focusing in on a tape player. It pulls back out to show Gabrielle,Bree, Lynette and Susan sat outside about to switch on the tape player) Mary Alice Voiceover: It looked to be an interesting afternoon on wisteria lane. A mysterious cassette tape had been discovered by my friend Bree. She had stolen it from her marriage counsellor, a counsellor I had once spoken to in strictest confidence. Counsellor (on the tape): So how have you been? Mary Alice (on the tape): I had the nightmare again. Gabrielle: It's so weird to hear Mary Alice. Counsellor (on the tape): Still the same one? Mary Alice (on the tape): Yes. But this time I was standing in a river and I saw the girl under the water and she kept screaming "Angela"over and over again. Counsellor (on the tape): So what do you think the significance of the name "Angela" is? Mary Alice (on the tape): Actually, it's my real name. Gabrielle: (really shocked) Her real name? (Bree nods) Gabrielle: That doesn't make any sense. I've seen her driver's licence, it does not say Angela. Susan: Bree, what does it say on the rest of the tape? Bree: Just some more about her nightmares and this girl she was afraid of. Gabrielle: So what the hell do we do now? (shots of the women sitting and thinking. Susan looks up across the street at Paul watering his garden. The rest of the women turn and look too. Paul waves at them, and they all give nervous waves back.) Susan: I think we should show Paul the note. Lynette: Are you sure? He's gonna freak. Bree: Well, it's now or never. I saw what he's asking for the place it's going to sell really quickly. (Gabrielle gets up and stares at Paul- feeling uncomfortable) Gabrielle: Can I say something? I'm glad Paul's moving. Bree: (can't believe her friend would say such a thing) Gabby!! Gabrielle: I'm sorry, he's just always given me the creeps. Haven't you guys notices that he's got this "dark thing" going on? There's something about him that just feels-(Searches for the word) Lynette: Malignant? Gabrielle: Yes! Susan: We've all sort of felt it. (more shots of Paul working on the garden) Bree: That being said, I do love what he've done with that lawn. (Lynette, Gabrielle and Susan turn to look at Bree as if she's crazy) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Mayer House-Kitchen-Day] (Susan is absentmindedly washing dishes as she stares out the window. She's been scrubbing the same one for quite some time. Julie comes up behind her and cranes her neck to see what her mother is looking at. She sees that its Mike Delfino working in his garden-without a shirt on. Julie laughs at her mother) Julie: Mom, the dish is clean. Susan: Huh? Julie: I still don't understand why you don't just ask him out on an "official date" date. Susan: I'm trying a new strategy. I'm playing hard to get. Julie: How long do you think you can keep that up? Susan: Oh, maybe until noon. Then I'm going to have to run over there and beg him to love me . (Julie laughs at her mother'sjoke) Julie: Uh mom? (indecipherable) (shots of Edie washing her car. There's lots of soap suds and she isn't wearing very much at all) Susan: You've got to be kidding me! She washed her car yesterday. (Shots of Edie with her hose, showing off her breasts in her top. Mike definitely notices her. Shots of Susan and Julie watching from the kitchen window.Edie gets a sponge from one of the buckets of water and dabs it to her chest to cool down.) Susan: Oh, no, she did not! (shot of Mike pausing his raking to watch Edie) Susan: Well, she's bringing out the big guns. (shot of Edie squeezing out all the water over the front of her top, and Mike's appreciative glances) Julie: You'd better get over there. She's wearing cotton. (Julie goes to a drawer in the table and takes out a letter) Susan: What am I supposed to say to Mike, "I saw you half naked so I thought I'd drop by?" (Julie offers the letter to her mother) Susan: What's that? Julie: A piece of Mike's junk mail we got by mistake. I held on to it in case of an emergency. Susan: God bless you! (Susan kisses Julie's cheek. And heads out the door) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT -Wisteria Lane -Day] (Susan leaves her house heading for Mike's. She and Edie exchange stinking looks as she goes past.) Susan: Hi. Mike: Oh, hey Susan. Susan: We, uh, got this by mistake. (offers him the letter) Mike: Thanks. (opens the letter) Susan: I hope it's not important. Mike: No, it's just a promotion from the Realto. They're having a film festival. Susan: Oh. (shots of Edie watching Susan and Mike from behind her car) Susan: Well, I guess I've done my good deed for the day. (tries to make a joke of this -but it doesn't work.) Mike: Huh. Susan: So I guess I'll just head back home.(practically begging for an invitation to stay). Bye. (Susan turns to leave) Mike: Hey, do you like old movies? Susan: (turns around really quickly) I love old movies!! (Edie, upon hearing this, throws her sponge into the bucket "giving up".We see shots of Mike and Susan laughing as Edie storms off into Mrs Huber's house.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Mrs Huber- House -Day] (Mrs Huber is cutting out coupons in the kitchen when Edie storms in and slams the door shut after her.) Edie: I hate Susan Mayer! Every time I see those big doe eyes of hers, I swear to god I just want to go out and shoot a dear. (As she vents to Mrs Huber, she takes a beer out of the fridge. Mrs Huber: What has she done this time? Edie: She is out there throwing herself at Mike Delfino. Again! Mrs Huber: Susan likes Mike? (Mrs Huber is shocked by this information. Edie looks at her like she's an idiot and pops the lid off her beer.) Edie: Where the hell have you been, Martha? She's been lusting after him since he moved in. (Mrs Huber figures out that it was probably Susan who burnt down Edie's house. She looks like she's making a plan) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT -The Scavo Boy- School- Day] (Lynette comes rushing up to the teacher who is having lunch outside the boys' classroom) Lynette: Hi, I got your message. What's going on? Teacher: The boys refused to be separated. Lynette: They refused? They're six years old.Make them. Teacher: (sarcastically) Well, school regulations are pretty strict about me wrestling with the boys. (she had taken a bite of something that didn't agree with her and spat it out into her hand) But if you want to give it a shot? (Lynette looks at her as if she can't believe that the woman is teaching her sons) Lynette: Fine. (stops on her way inside) Lynette: Oh.. which one goes and which one stays? Teacher: (shrugs) You pick. (Lynette heads inside. As she opens the door we hear the noise that the boys were making inside. The teacher goes to the doorway and eavesdrops on what is being said inside) There's lots of screaming but I can't quite make out what is said. (the teacher opens the door, and we see one of the twins is lying on top of a table, holding on for dear life as his mother tries to pull him off. The other twin is on the floor hugging the table leg, trying to stop his mother making his brother leave. The teacher smiles at the sight) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Solis House-Bathroom-Night] (It's dark in the bathroom, the only light coming from the many candles in the room. We pan across and see Gabrielle and John in the bath with lots of bubbles) Gabrielle: I love taking baths. Especially with you. It's like taking a vacation from the world. John: I hated taking baths when I was a kid. Of course, back then all I had to play with was my rubber ducky. (Gabrielle thinks this is sweet and they kiss. The doorbell rings) John: Who's that? (panics) It's Mr Solis. (gets out of the tub-water goes everywhere) Gabrielle: (not at all worried) Relax! Carlos is at work and he doesn't ring the doorbell. (Gabrielle gets out and dons a robe. She opens a window to see who it is. There's a purple van outside that says Cliffside Cable) Gabrielle: It's the cable guy. He's three hours late. (closes the window) Gabrielle: (Calls out to John, who is frantically getting dressed in the bedroom) Use the side entrance. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Solis House -Bedroom- Night] Mary Alice Voiceover: Gabrielle knew her vacation from the world had ended. (John grabs his shoes and leaves) Mary Alice Voiceover: What she didn't know was that John had left behind a souvenir. (the shot pans down and we see one of John's socks left under the bed) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Van Der Kamp House -Kitchen-Night] (Danielle and Andrew enter the house) Danielle: I'm telling you. Dad didn't come home last night. They had a fight. A bad one. Andrew: How bad? Danielle: Like divorce court bad. (They both look up at the sound of humming from the next room, and see their mother placing and replacing a candle in the middle of the dining table) Danielle: Listen to her! She always overcompensates when she's worried. Andrew: If dad moves out and leaves us with her, I'm going to lose my mind. (Bree opens the sliding doors to the dining room and smiles) Bree: Dinner is on the table. Andrew: Mom, where did dad go last night? Bree: He got a last minute call to speak at a medical conference in Philadelphia. T ake your seats. (Danielle and Andrew enter the dining room and see the feast laid out for them there, it's like Christmas dinner in there!! They're both shocked by what they see) Danielle: This marriage is so over. (Andrew can't stand what he sees and walks out the back door) Bree: Andrew?! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Solis House -Bathroom -Night] (Gabrielle blows out the candles in the bathroom) Cable Guy: Sorry I'm late. The scheduler overbooked me. Gabrielle: How long are you going to be? Cable Guy: Almost done. What is that scent? Is it the sage of citrus? It's amazing. Gabrielle: Try to hurry. I have stuff to do. (Gabrielle leaves the room, letting the cable guy get on with what he's doing. He packs up a roll of wire, then turns to another wire coming out of the wall. He pulls at it, but it won't budge. So he braces himself to pull harder, but slips on the water that John split when he got out of the tub. He goes down hard, flat on his back. Gabrielle pokes her head around the corner and gasps at what she sees) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Solis House -Bathroom - Night] (we see the cable guy being loaded onto a paramedic's trolley. He's on a back board, with a neck brace on. A paramedic shines a light in his eyes whilst Gabrielle looks on, worried. Carlos enters, confused) Carlos: What is happening? Gabrielle: The cable guy fell. He hit his head on the tub. He may have a concussion. Carlos: (suspicious) It's almost 8. Gabrielle: He was late. (The paramedics wheel the cable guy out, Gabrielle follows them, whilst Carlos looks on, suspicious. He sniffs and smells the scented candles that Gabrielle had been burning with John earlier, and sees the remaining candles burning. He takes in the full scene around him and is even more suspicious) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT -Mayer House -Night] (Mrs Huber is at Susan's door, carrying a pie. Susan opens the door) Susan: Mrs Huber. Mrs Huber: Hello Susan. I made you a pie. Susan: Oh, wow. Why? Mrs Huber: Do I need a motive to do something nice? (Susan kind of shrugs, not knowing what to say) [INT -Mayer House -Night] (Mrs Huber cuts a slice of the pie) Mrs Huber: I can't wait for you to try this, it's mincemeat. Susan: Actually, I just had dinner. Mrs Huber: That's okay, you can save it for later. (Mrs Huber licks her finger and laughs) Susan: What's so funny? Mrs Huber: I was just thinking of that expression.I'll make mincemeat out of you. (Susan looks confused) Mrs Huber: Mincemeat. It used to be an entrap mostly made up of chopped meat. So it was like saying "I'll chop you up into little bits. (Susan stares at Mrs Huber like she's nuts. Mrs Huber is still laughing as she goes to the sink to wash her hands.) Mrs Huber: But that was centuries ago. Today mincemeat is mostly made up of fruit, spices and rum. There's no meat in it, and still people say I'll make mincemeat out of you. Susan: I don't know that people really say that anymore. Mrs Huber: I do. (she carelessly throws away the towel she was using to dry her hands) Mrs Huber: So, Susan. How are you? (opens up Susan's cookie jar and looks inside) Susan: I'm fine. Mrs Huber: Good. You know, I have a confession to make.I always wish I had been more supportive when Carl left you. Susan: Oh, you don't have to apologise about Carl. Really, Carl and I are over. I've moved on. Mrs Huber: Yes, I know. You've moved on to that nice Mike Delfino. He's quite a catch,isn't he? You like him, don't you? (Mrs Huber winks at Susan. Then goes into her cupboard to take out a plate.) Susan: Um, sure. As a friend. Mrs Huber: Oh, Susan, being coy is a strategy best employed by virgins at their first dance. For women of our age it's just annoying. (suddenly all nice again) are you sure you don't want pie? Susan: No. Thank you. Mrs Huber:I hope it works out with you and Mike, you've been so desperate to land him. Susan: WHAT? I am not desperate. Mrs Huber: Oh, lord! Susan, you burned you love rival's house down! If that isn't desperate I don't know what is. (Susan stands there opening and closing her mouth, not knowing what to say) Susan: Mrs Huber, with all due respect, you're crazy. (Mrs Huber puts down the fork she was using to eat the pie, reaches into her bag and takes out the charred measuring jug, placing it on the table) Susan: What's that? Mrs Huber: (she's thoroughly enjoying this) I think you recognise it. I found it in the ruins of Edie's home. Susan: Well, that's not- Mrs Huber: sh, sh, sh. My point is this. I wasn't there for you when Carl left you, but I'm here for you now. As far as I'm concerned, this is our little secret and no one need ever know. Oh Susan, you have no idea how good it feels to finally be able to help you. (Susan is shell shocked through all this.) Mrs Huber: You look so pale. Now I insist you try some of my pie. (Mrs Huber gets up and forcibly feeds some of her pie to Susan.) Mrs Huber: Go on. (Susan obligingly opens up.) Mrs Huber: Did I mention it's mincemeat? (Susan gulps and swallows at the same time.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Van Der Kamp House -Andrew's Bedroom -Day] (Bree knocks on Andrew's bedroom door. It's got a sign on it saying Keep Out? There's no answer so she tries again.) Andrew (off screen): What? Bree: Open the door please. Andrew (off screen): Hang on. (Andrew opens his door.) Andrew: What? Bree: Can I come in? Andrew: No. Bree: Well, I want to talk to you. Andrew: Then talk. (Bree folds her arms across her chest.) Bree: Where were you last night? Andrew: Brian's. Bree: I spoke to Brian's mother. Now tell me again where you were last night and this time don't lie to me. Andrew: Where did you say dad was again? In Philadelphia? Bree: Andrew, don't change the subject. Andrew: I'm sorry. I thought the subject was telling lies. I called dad's cell phone and I know he moved out. Bree: Well, it's just temporary and-I thought it would upset you, so I was protecting you. Andrew: Whatever. You lied, so stop pretending like you have some sort of moral authority. Bree: Andrew, just because I chose not to share my marital problems with you does not give you the right to be rude. Andrew: How about driving my father away? Do I get to be rude then? (Andrew closes the door in his mother's face. Bree is left standing there thinking about what he said.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Solis House-Bedroom - Day] (It's morning and Carlos is getting dressed for work. We see Gabrielle in the walk in closet trying to decide what to wear. He drops his tie clip on the floor and bends down to pick it up. As he looks under the bed he sees the sock that John left behind. He picks it up and looks at it. Gabrielle turns around and sees the sock in Carlos' hand. Her eyes widen in shock and she rushes out the other door to the closet. She goes through the laundry basket in the bathroom and pulls out several items. She quickly runs downstairs with them and puts them in the cleaning supplies closet. She's about to head back upstairs when she is greeted by Carlos at the bottom of the stairs.) Gabrielle: (nervous) Hi. Carlos: What's this? (Carlos holds up the sock) Gabrielle: (sarcastically) That's a sock. Carlos: It's a man's sock. I found it under our bed. It's not mine. Gabrielle: For god's sake, Carlos, it's Yeolin's. Carlos: Our maid wears size 13 gym socks? Gabrielle: No, she dusts with them. (Carlos looks confused, so Gabrielle beckons for him to follow her. She leads him to the cleaning supplies closet) Gabrielle: See? Socks. She uses them as rags. (Carlos doesn't look like he quite believes her. But Gabrielle thinks she's dodged a bullet. She closes the doors, leans back against them and sighs) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Supermarket -Day] (Susan puts eggs and orange juice on the conveyer belt at the checkout. She picks up a magazine to flick through as she waits to be served. Mrs Huber pulls up behind her, with a full trolley load of purchases) Mrs Huber: Susan, hello. (Mrs Huber is all smiles, but Susan's face drops when she hears her voice.) Susan: Mrs Huber .(trying to be nice) Mrs Huber: Did you and Mike come together? I saw him over in the fresh produce aisle. Susan: No, like I told you before, we're just friends. (Mrs Huber puts down the block to separate her goods from Susan's items.) Susan: By the way, if I didn't make it clear yesterday, I absolutely did not do that thing that you accused me of doing. (Mike comes up behind them.) Mike: Hey Susan. Hi Mrs Huber. Mrs Huber: Nice to see you Mike. Mike (flirting with Susan): Hey, you like Alfred Hitchcock? They're doing a retrospective down at the realto. (Susan looks at Mrs Huber who is listening to everything that they say. She looks back at her suggestively) Susan: Um, I'm not really a fan. Mike: Oh, come on. How can you not like Hitchcock? Susan: I just, ah, don't. Mike: (shocked at being knocked down) oh, uh, okay. (Mike backs up to walk away) Mike: Well uh, nice to see you. You too, Mrs Huber. Mrs Huber: You're so silly. Pretending not to like him on my account, really! Susan: Will you please just drop it? Mrs Huber: You shouldn't be rude to me, Susan. Your secret is not an easy burden to bare. That insurance company is putting Edie through hell, but still I've said nothing. Susan: (fed up with Mrs Huber's snide remarks) Well th- Mrs Huber: And the longer it takes for her to get payment, the longer she'll be staying with me. Eating me out of house and home. Using up my hot water. Susan: What exactly is it you want from me, Mrs Huber? (Mrs Huber takes away the block separating their goods, implying she wants Susan to pay for her food) Check out girl: Are these together? (Mrs Huber looks challengingly at Susan, as if tempting her to refuse what she wants) Susan: (resigned to what she has to do) Ring it up. (Mrs Huber keeps adding goods to the conveyer belt, all the while smiling sickly at Susan) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Scavo House -Kitchen-Day] (Lynette is pouring Bree a cup of coffee as they talk at the kitchen table.) Bree: If the school and the paediatrician both think that the twins could stand to be medicated-then what's the problem? Lynette: I used to run a company with 85 people and now I can't wrangle three small boys without doping them. T alk about feeling like a failure. Bree: Lynette, you are a great mother. But let's face it, your kids are (smiles) a challenge. Lynette: (laughs) Thank you. That's the nicest way you could have said that. you know, the truth is, when they're not making me want to pull my hair out they're really, really sweet. I'm afraid that if I change the bad stuff, I'm going to change the good stuff. Bree: It's a tough call. (Lynette nods) Lynette: Like this mug (It's a strange looking, badly painted green mug), I love this mug. If I medicate them, are they still going to make me a mug like this? (Lynette brings it to her lips to have a drink and coffee falls out the bottom) Bree: You know it's leaking. Lynette: Yeah, I know. (Susan and Gabrielle enter the house) Susan: We talked to Paul, told him we need to show him something. Gabrielle: He's on his way over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Scavo House -Kitchen-Later in the Day] (They're all sitting around the kitchen table) Susan: So Paul, we noticed that you're selling the house. Paul: Yes, um, too many painful memories. I'm sure you understand. (Everyone exchanges uncomfortable looks) Susan: Well, before you move, we thought there was something you should know. Lynette: It seems there may be more to Mary Alice's death than you were aware of . Paul: Oh? Gabrielle: Remember when you asked us to pack her things? Well, when we did we found a note. Bree: And we think that you should have it. (Susan holds out the purple letter to Paul.) Susan: You can see from the postmark, Mary Alice probably got it the day she died. (Paul looks confused. He pulls the letter out of the envelope and reads the note (I know what you did. It makes me sick. I'm going to tell). He covers his mouth in shock when he reads it. everyone looks at him expectantly, wondering if he has an explanation for what it says. Paul breaks down and starts crying) Susan: Paul, are you going to be alright? Paul: No. (Paul crumples up the letter and storms out) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Solis House -Day] (Carlos is dressed for work and comes down stairs. He sees Yeolin polishing the stairs using a sock. She does not look impressed at what Gabrielle has made her do. Carlos thinks what she's doing looks strange. Gabrielle is doing yoga in the living room.) Carlos: (to Yeolin)Have you always cleaned with socks? (Gabrielle stops what she's doing to eavesdrop) Yeolin: Yes. Carlos: What, is that a Japanese thing? Yeolin: I am Chinese. (Carlos gives her a look, like "Does it matter".Then leaves.) (Gabrielle dries off and goes upstairs.) Yeolin: I don't like lying. Gabrielle: Yeah? Well I don't like your ironing, so there. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT -Football Field -Day] (John is practicing with his football team, when he sees Gabrielle on the sidelines wearing a big hat and sunglasses, trying to disguise herself. She waves to get his attention to come over to speak to her. He looks back at the team then runs over to her.) John: Mrs Solis, what are you doing here? Gabrielle: Carlos found this (pulls out John's sock) under the bed. John: Oh crap. Gabrielle: It's okay. It was a close call, but I managed to cover. (she reaches in her bag and pulls out a pair of men's sandals) I got you these, so from now on, we can't let Carlos see you around the house wearing anything that resembles a gym sock. John: You want me to wear sandals? (indecipherable) Gabrielle:Mm-hmm. John:I could lose a toe. Gabrielle: Imagine what you would lose if Carlos finds out you're trimming more than the hedges.Why are all your friends staring at me? (she hits him on the shoulder) did you tell them about us? John: No! They're staring because they think you're hot. Gabrielle: Oh! Okay. (she smiles and waves at he boys. She gives John a little smile then leaves) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Van Der Kamp House -Kitchen -Night] (Bree and Danielle are cleaning up after dinner) Bree: It's nine thirty at night. What is your brother thinking? (Danielle scraps leftovers into a Tupperware container for Andrew.) Danielle: You want my advice? Call dad, go tell him to kick Andrew's ass. Bree: I am perfectly capable of handling this without your father. Danielle: Sorry. (Bree goes back to cleaning.) Bree: Where's your cell phone? (Danielle digs it out of her pocket.) Bree: Call Andrew and find out where he is. Danielle: Mom, he's going to know who's behind this. Bree: No, he won't. Just act normal. (Danielle sighs and dials her brother's number.) Danielle (on the phone): Hey, it's me. What's going on? (She listens for a bit, then hands the phone to her mother) Danielle: He knows. (Bree throws down her sponge and takes Danielle's phone.) Bree (on the phone): Andrew, this is your mother. I am rapidly reaching the end of my patience with you. where are you? Are you at a bar? Andrew? Andrew? (Bree takes the phone away from her ear and looks at it, shocked.) Danielle: Mom? Bree: (can't believe it) He hung up on me. Danielle: What are you going to do? (Bree is mad now, she takes off her pink marigolds and throws them on the table. She storms upstairs, rips the "Keep Out"sign from Andrew's door. She kicks the door in, Charlies Angel style. She goes through his trouser pocket and school bag, searching for clues to his location. In one of his drawers, she finds a box. When she opens it, she finds a match box from "Topsy Turvey". She holds them up and realises her son is at a strip joint.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Topsy Turvey-Night] (shots of women dancing on the podiums.We see Andrew and some of his friends drinking beer and watching the dancers. One of the dancers is taking off her top in front of Andrew and his friends. The dancer throws the top and we see that Bree is the one who catches it. Andrew looks behind him and sees his mother. He spurts drink all over the place.) Bree: (to Andrew's friends) Keith. Ian. Andrew. Andrew: Mum, how did you even know I was here? (Bree tosses him the match box. Andrew is mad at her.) Andrew: You went in my room? Bree: You think that's bad? Tomorrow morning I'm cleaning it! oh, by the way Keith, I didn't get the chance to tell you, that was a lovely solo last week in church. Keith: (to Bree) Thank you. (To Andrew) we're out of here. (Andrew's friends get up and leave.) Bree: (calls after the boys) I hope it wasn't anything I said. Bree: (to Andrew) So Andrew, shall we? Andrew: You just humiliated me in front of my friends. I'm not going anywhere with you! (he turns back to watch the show.) Bree: Fine. (Bree sits down next to her son.) Andrew: What are you doing? Bree: I'm staying for the show. I'm dying to see what all the fuss is about. (to a passing waitress) excuse me, waitress, I'll have a glass of your house chardonnay. (shots of the girls dancing) Bree: I'm curious, Andrew, as you fantasise about this woman, do you ever stop and think how she came to be on this runway? (Andrew is looking increasingly uncomfortable at what his mother is talking about.) Bree: That's someone's little girl. And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her.Dreams that did not include a thong and a pole. Andrew: It's not going to work ,okay? I'm not budging. Bree: God only knows what she's had to deal with in her life-abject poverty,Drugs, Domestic violence. Maybe even molestation. (The old pervy guy sitting next to Bree looks at her, can't believe what she's saying.) Andrew: MOM! Bree: And-now she treats herself the way that other mean treat her. Like an object, a piece of meat. (The pervy guy looks at the girl dancing around the pole and touching her body, then turns back to Bree and Andrew.) Pervy guy: That's it, kid. Get her out of here. She's killing it for the rest of us. (Andrew is thoroughly ashamed and gets up and leaves. Bree follows. The man raises his glass to the two of them as they leave) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Mayer House-Susan's Bedroom -Night] Susan's answer phone message: We're not here. Leave a message. (we see Susan's just been in the shower. She's in a towel, with her hair up and is brushing her teeth.) Mrs Huber: (leaving Susan a message) This is Mrs Huber, Susan. Are you there? I can see your lights are on. I hope you're not screening. That is so tacky. (Susan can't believe how rude Mrs Huber is, and continues to stare at her phone as her neighbour leaves her a message.) Mrs Huber: (on the phone) Listen, I need to talk to you. My water heater just burst and it's going to cost me $ 600 to get a new one. And I can't afford that. (Susan figures out why Mrs Huber was calling and sits down on her bed in shock.) Mrs Huber: I'm just beside myself. Call me as soon as you get in. [INT -Mayer House -Julie's Bedroom-Night] (Julie is fast asleep in bed when her mother wakes her up.) Susan: Julie? Julie ,honey, wake up. We need to talk.. Julie: Can't this wait until morning? (Susan shakes her head.) Susan: I think I'm being blackmailed. (Julie wakes up at this and looks at her mother quizzically) [INT -Mayer House -Kitchen -Night] (Julie is sitting, drinking coffee to wake herself up whilst her mother tells her her story.) Susan: And when I realised I couldn't put out the fire, I ran. I must have dropped the measuring jug in the process. Julie: (shakes her head at her mother) Why do I even let you out of the house? Susan: Obviously I can't let her get away with this. The only thing to do is to go to the police and tell them everything that happened. Julie: You can't do that! Susan: Julie, I don't think they'll throw me in jail. I mean, it was an accident. Julie: Dad won't care if it was an accident. You know he'll just use this as an excuse to reopen custody. (almost pleading with her mother) Mom, I don't want to live with dad. (Susan hugs her daughter and wonders what they're going to do.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT -Wisteria Lane -Outside the Solis House -Day] (John is mowing the Solis' lawn. He sees Carlos who gives him a gesture of his finger cutting across his throat. John looks incredibly nervous at this, and fumbles with the switches as he switches off the lawn mower) Carlos: Hey, I need to talk to you. John: Cool. Sure. (Carlos smiles at him) Carlos: You were working Tuesday, right? John: Yeah. Carlos: Do you remember the cable guy showing up? (John nods nervously) Carlos: And you usually work until what time? Five? John: Yeah. Carlos: Dammit. That means he was in the house for four hours. (Carlos goes to leave, and John realises what he said) John: Wait. Now that I think about it, I might not have seen him. Carlos: Well, either you saw him or you didn't. Which is it? John: I didn't. (Carlos laughs at him then puts his hand on John' shoulder.) Carlos: John, did my wife ask you to lie for her? John: Mr Solis, I uh don't want to get in the middle of anything. Carlos: Thank you. That's all I needed to know. (Carlos claps John on the shoulder and leaves. John takes several deep breaths.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Mayer House-Kitchen -Day] (Julie is looking out the window, across to Mrs Huber's house, whilst Susan is nervously pacing and fidgeting with a Frisbee.) Susan: OK, let's run through it one more time. Julie: Mom, it's not brain surgery. You'll stand guard while I crawl through Mrs Huber's doggy door. Once inside I'll find the measuring cup. Simple. Susan: Oh god. I hate that I'm turning you into a thief. Julie: It's our measuring cup. We're just taking back what's ours. Susan: Hey, that's right. (she throws the Frisbee to Julie) Susan: Technically we have nothing to be ashamed about. (she goes up to Julie and hugs her. Susan picks up a pair of yellow marigolds) Susan: Wear these. I don't want you to leave any fingerprints. (Julie looks at her mother and rolls her eyes) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT-Wisteria Lane -Outside Mayer House-Day] (shots of Mrs Huber driving down the street. Then we see Susan and Julie hiding behind a tree in their garden.) Susan: There she goes. Okay, move. (The two of them run into the street and start playing with the Frisbee as a cover.) Susan: (slightly louder than needed so that people will hear) Oh, I am so glad to be playing Frisbee again. Here you go, coming atcha. (Julie turns and catches the Frisbee. She throws it back to her mom) Susan: Alright, back up a little more. There you go. Wooo! Alright, here we go. (Susan takes the Frisbee and throws it high over Mrs Huber's house, into her back garden.) Susan: Oh my! Whoops! (Julie looks impressed at her mother's throw.) Susan: You'd better go get that. (Susan keeps watch as Julie heads off to the back of Mrs Huber's house. Mike jogs up behind Susan.) Susan: Mike! Mike: Oh, hey Susan. I thought that was you. Susan: Uh, yeah. Um. Julie and I are just out tossing the Frisbee around and it flew off into Mrs Huber's back yard. Mike: Oh, do you need some help? Susan: NO! no, no, no. Julie's got it. Mike: Okay. Actually I'm glad I ran into you. I just wanted to make sure that things were okay between us. The other day, you seemed kind of distant. Susan (she's checking to look for Julie and is totally not paying attention to him) Distant? What do you mean? Mike: I mean you're not mad at me for some reason, are you? Susan: (finally hearing what he's saying) No. No, no, not at all. Mike: Good. So let me take one more shot at this. I've got tickets for a Billy Wilder retrospect, Wednesday night. I'd love to take you with me. (Susan smiles at this.) Susan: You are so sweet. I would love to go. (laughs) Mike: (Happy) Alright. (They stop talking when they hear Edie's car pull up behind them. Susan looks worried when she sees Edie and realises that Julie hasn't come back yet.) Susan: Edie! I thought you'd be at work. Edie: I'm not feeling well. I got sunburnt the other day washing my car. Susan: Well, don't just run off. Come and hang out with us. Edie: Boy, you are one sick ticket. Susan: What? Edie: It's not bad enough that I have to watch you throw yourself at him everyday, and now you want to make sure that I see it up-close and personal? Susan: No! It's not like that. Mike: (to Susan) I've got to take off, but I'll call you about Wednesday night, okay? (Susan smiles at Mike and whilst she's distracted Edie heads for the door again.) Susan: Edie wait! Um-Mike and I were gonna go see the movies on Wednesday-and I just thought it would be fun if you joined us. Edie: You want me to come with you? Susan: Yeah. Yeah, that's okay ,isn't it, Mike? Mike: Well, it's a limited engagement and it's sold out. I only got two tickets. (Edie puts her hands up and starts to leave. She has her hand on the door as Susan cries out.) Susan: Edie, wait! Um, you should take my ticket. (Susan looks back at Mike and shrugs. Mike doesn't look too amused.) Edie: Really? Is that okay with you, Mike? Mike: (trying to find a polite way to say no) Um...yeah, sure. (Edie takes her coat off, showing off her form fitting top and beginning to flirt with Mike.) Edie: So, what time do you want to pick me up? (Edie walks past Susan on the steps of the house. As Susan realises what she's just done. Edie and Mike talk about arrangements for Wednesday, as we see Julie sneak around the side of the house. She's holding the Frisbee and behind that the charred measuring jug. Susan sees that her daughter's got it and is relieved.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Cable Guy's Apartment -Day] (We see the cable guy, with his arm in a sling and his neck in a brace. He's trying to get the lid off a beer. There's a knock at the door.) Cable guy: Hang on. (He goes to open the door. We see it's Carlos, and he's mad. He doesn't even give the cable guy a chance to speak before he punches him in the face. He goes down after one punch. Carlos forces his way into the house.) Carlos: You think you can have sex with anyone you want? (Carlos kicks the cable guy on the floor several times. He undoes his cuff links as he prepares to carry on beating up the cable guy.) Mary Alice Voiceover: Carlos couldn't help but feel proud of himself. After all he's just defended his honour. Or had he? (Carlos stops for a second and looks around the room. There are posters on the wall of the musical "gypsy" He looks over the fireplace, where there are pictures of naked men's chests. He looks at the coffee table and sees a picture of the cable guy and another man in matching outfits, looking very much a couple. The cable guy is cowering on the floor as Carlos asks.) Carlos: You're gay? Cable guy: Yes. Is that why you're doing this? Carlos: (confused) Yeah. (Carlos sets the picture back down and leaves, shutting the door behind him.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT-Wisteria Lane -Outside Scavo House - Day] (Lynette and Gabrielle are leaving the house, laughing, when Paul approaches them.) Paul: Ladies. Lynette: Hey Paul, what's up? Paul: I wanted to apologise for my outburst the other day. Lynette: Why? We unloaded a lot on you. Paul: I suppose you're wondering why I reacted to violently to that note. (Lynette shakes her head, while Gabrielle says.) Gabrielle: It did cross our minds. Paul: Well, the truth is, Mary Alice was not a well person. She was very troubled. Lynette: Troubled? Paul: At first it was harmless. She would leave herself notes, reminders like "pick up the milk" or "Zach has a dentist appointment". But over time the notes became ugly. Hateful messages started showing up. Mary Alice was writing them to me, to Zach, to herself. (Gabrielle looks shocked at this.) Gabrielle: Really? Paul: That's why I lost it. I was reminded of what Zach and I had been through. Lynette: Paul, I'm so sorry. Gabrielle: We had no idea. Paul: Well, anyway. I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourselves. (Lynette and Gabrielle nod in agreement) Gabrielle: Yeah. Paul: For Zach's sake. Lynette: Of course, of course. (Paul gives them a sad smile and leaves them. Lynette and Gabrielle watch him leave.) Gabrielle: Wow. Lynette: Yeah. Gabrielle: I think he's lying. Lynette: So do I. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Scavo House-Living Room-Day] (shots of newspaper cuttings of Lynette's past achievements. Headlines include "Scavo Promoted to Vice President" with a picture of Lynette, that Next For Whiz Kid Lynette Scavo and "Scavo Awarded Woman of the Year" We hear the baby crying and the boys playing loudly in the background whilst Lynette stares at the evidence of her former glory. The twins run past, playing with aeroplanes. Lynette gets up and goes into the kitchen.) Lynette: Boys, will you come in here please? Porter: He broke my plane! Preston: Did not. Lynette: We'll talk about that later. Right now I need you to take some medicine. Porter: Are we sick? Lynette: Not exactly. This is a special kind of medicine. (Lynette's struggling to get the lid off the medication) Lynette: It's like a vitamin, and you'll take one everyday. (Lynette finally gets the lid off, but the pills spill out, going everywhere. The boys look at the pills and laugh.) Lynette: Stay right there. (She bends to pick up the pills, and when she gets back up the boys are gone. She looks worried, but then she hears laughter from under the kitchen table. She crouches down and offers the nearest twin a pill.) Lynette: Now open up. Preston: (lips sealed) uh-huh. Lynette: (offering the next twin) Here, you. (both boys refuse to take the medication.) Lynette: Guys, this isn't- (she finally gives up) Mary Alice Voiceover: In that moment, Lynette made a decision. When it came to dealing with her children- (Lynette pulls the boys out from under the table and gives them both a big hug) Mary Alice Voiceover: -medication was no longer an option. (Later on) (The boys are still playing loudly, jumping off the arm of the sofa onto a pile of cushions.) Mary Alice Voiceover: Of course, given her continuing bundle of frustration, Lynette also felt that a little "self medication"couldn't hurt. (the shot of the boys playing pulls back, so we see Lynette sat at the kitchen table, she's having a very large glass of wine, with her feet up, watching her boys play. She finishes the glass and pours herself another.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Van Der Kamp House -Andrew's Bedroom-Day] (Bree is tidying Andrew's room while Andrew lies on his bed reading a magazine.) Bree: So what's your strategy? Are you just never going to speak to me again? Andrew: Something like that. (Bree closes the drawer where she was putting away clothes.) Bree: I suppose I do owe you an apology. Andrew: Careful, I wouldn't want you to strain yourself . Bree: I shouldn't have lied to you about your father. You and your sister are old enough to handle the truth and I'm sorry. Andrew: Keep going. I'm mad at you for about seven thousand other things. Bree: If you think I'm going to apologise for taking you out of a strip club, you're wrong! I consider it one of my finest moments. (Andrew snorts and goes back to his reading. Bree sighs and sits down next to him on his bed.) Bree: Andrew, I know you blame me for what's happening with your father, but it's not entirely my fault and I need you to understand that. Andrew: I do. I just don't want him to leave. (Bree takes her son's hand) Bree: Neither do I. (Andrew looks away for a second then asks his mother.) Andrew: Mom? Bree: Yeah? Andrew: When can I have my door back? (Andrew looks over to the entrance to his room. There is a gaping hole where his door should be. Bree picks up her washing basket and leaves the room, calling out behind her.) Bree: Three months. (Andrew cringes at the thought of three months without privacy.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [TV Newscast-Woman Reporter -Day] (The headline reads Gay Rights Advocate Victim of Hate Crime) Reporter: Royal Oaks was the scene of a hate crime today, when Jonathan Lithgow, local gay rights activist and part time female impersonator was brutally attacked in his home. (The shot pans back and we realise we're watching the news report on the TV that the cable guy just installed in the Solis bathroom) [Continuous - INT -Solis House - Bathroom-Day] (The shot continues to pull back, so we see Gabrielle and Carlos enjoying a bubble bath together, with candles throughout the bathroom.) Reporter: Lithgow speculated the attack was in response to his efforts to ensure same sex partner insurance from his employers, Cliffside Cable. (At the mention of the familiar name, Gabrielle is surprised) Reporter: Police are circulating this sketch of the assailant. (A sketch appears in the top left of the screen. It looks suspiciously like Carlos. Gabrielle looks at the screen, her brow is all burrowed up as she pieces together what she thinks happened.) (the news report continues on the tv) Carlos: Do you have something you want to ask me? Gabrielle: No. (Gabrielle goes back to scrubbing her arm, whilst watching the tv report.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [EXT - Wisteria Lane-Outside Mayer House -Night] (Mrs Huber approaches Susan's house. Susan is sat outside, drawing in her sketch book. She looks up when she sees Mrs Huber's feet standing in front of her.) Mrs Huber: You took it, didn't you? Susan: (T akes off her glasses) Good evening, Mrs Huber. Mrs Huber: It's my own fault for not hiding the cup. Obviously if you're capable of arson, I should have known you'r be capable of breaking and entering. Susan: I don't know what you're talking about, Mrs Huber. Mrs Huber: I suppose you destroyed it. Susan: Again, I don't know what you're talking about. But- yeah, I did. Mrs Huber: I was going to keep your secret. It's a shame you couldn't trust me. (Susan laughs at this.) Susan: You're a piece of work (she stands up), you know that? (Susan goes to go inside.) Mrs Huber: Oh, Susan, let's not be unpleasant. We can go back to the same friendly relationship we're always had. (Susan turns at this and takes a step closer to Mrs Huber with each sentence until she is standing right over her.) Susan: I will keep my lawn looking nice. And I will make sure that my music isn't playing too loud and if I get some of your mail. Heck, I'll run it right over, because that's what good neighbours do. But from now on, when I run into you on the street and I say "Good morning, Mrs Huber" or "How are you, Mrs Huber" just know that inside I am quietly but decidedly hating your guts. (Mrs Huber has been looking incredibly nervous throughout this speech. But now she fixes her smile back in place.) Mrs Huber:Careful dear, let's not say things we'll live to regret. Susan: (With fake niceness in her voice) Good evening, Mrs Huber. (Mrs Huber leaves, she knows she's not going to be able to blackmail Susan now.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT-Scavo House-Kitchen-Day] (The four women are sat around Lynette's kitchen table drinking coffee.) Susan: He actually said Mary Alice was crazy? Lynette: Not in so many words, but everything Paul said certainly made it seem like she was schizophrenic. Gabrielle: I think he's hiding something. I know it. Bree: But, wait, what about the tape? She did say that her name was Angela. Lynette: Mary Alice was not crazy. Bree: Well, my father was a prosecutor and he always said that the simplest explanation was usually the right one. Susan: But remember what the note said "I know what you did. It makes me sick. I'm going to tell". That's not the kind of thing that someone writes to themselves. That's a message, sent by an enemy. (As the four women think about this, we cut to) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [INT -Young House-Night] (A private investigator sits at Paul's table reading the note.) PI: So what do you want me to do about this? What is it you hired me to do? Paul: It's very simple really. Someone sent that note to my wife, and I need to know who. [EXT - Young House - shot of Paul looking through his window] Mary Alice Voiceover: What type of person would send such a note? Was it an enemy? Of course. But what kind? [EXT-Shot of the Mayer 's House] Mary Alice Voiceover: An acquaintance? [EXT -Shot of the Delfino House] Mary Alice Voiceover: A stranger? [EXT-Shot of the Huber House] Mary Alice Voiceover: Or how about a neighbour that lives a few feet away? FADE OUT ~ The End ~