英语幽默小短文2

英语幽默小短文2 But the teacher cried可是老师哭了 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:1041 Text(正文): The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms. When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?" "Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!" 可是老师哭了 六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸 步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。 约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道:“学校怎么样,你过的好吗,哭了没有,” “哭,”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。” The mean mans party.吝啬鬼请客 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:1542 Text(正文): The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说: “你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推 开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢,” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧,”吝啬鬼回答。 Which woman?哪一位女人, 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:850 Text(正文): One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人, 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物， 回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱 你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说:“妈妈来了, The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:808 Text(正文): "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说:“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需 要减少大约50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三， 我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” One Engine Left只剩一个引擎 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:355 Text(正文): A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意，我们的四 个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小 时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ,我们刚又掉了第 三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时， 一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在 天上了。” Smart Housewife精明的家庭主妇 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:506 Text(正文): A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!" 精明的家庭主妇 一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听 了大为兴奋，说:“那太好了～一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就 可以把煤全都省下来了吗,” Logic Reasoning逻辑推理 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:475 Text(正文): A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 逻辑推理 小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况， 一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的 妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么,” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款,” [注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。 Only cash and credit cards只算现金和信用卡 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:334 Text(正文):When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people. " Do you take children?" the man asked. "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards." 只算现金和信用卡 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于 房间的大小和住客的人数。 “小孩儿算不算呢,”那人问道。 “不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。” Where is the father?父亲在哪儿, 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:505 Text(正文):Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿, 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀～” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢,” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道:“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” Does the dog know the proverb, too? 狗也知道这个谚语吗, 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:163 Text(正文):The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?" 狗也知道这个谚语吗, 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。 “没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗:‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗,” dating 约会 作者:英语幽默短文 来源:英语幽默短文 文章点击数:199 Text(正文):When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?" "Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly. "So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?" 约会 在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受 宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于 是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗,” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我 母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她,” Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去， 对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了,” Big Head “All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head” “Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I haven't got one,use your hat.” 大脑袋 “所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆 来。” “购物袋在哪,” “我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了,” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两 分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢,” “她是个卖糖果的。” Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?" 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。 母老鼠向着猫叫道:“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。 母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说:“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。However mean your life is,meet it and live it ;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. 英语小短文译文:不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂 它。它不像你那样坏。你最富有的时候，倒是看似最穷。爱找缺点的人就是到天堂里也能找 到缺点。你要爱你的生活，尽管它贫穷。甚至在一个济贫院里，你也还有愉快、高兴、光荣 的时候。夕阳反射在济贫院的窗上，像身在富户人家窗上一样光亮;在那门前，积雪同在早 春融化。我只看到，一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快 的思想。城镇中的穷人，我看，倒往往是过着最独立不羁的生活。也许因为他们很伟大，所 以受之无愧。大多数人以为他们是超然的，不靠城镇来支援他们;可是事实上他们是往往利 用了不正当的手段来对付生活，他们是毫不超脱的，毋宁是不体面的。视贫穷如园中之花而 像圣人一样耕植它吧～不要找新的花样，无论是新的朋友或新的衣服，来麻烦你自己。找旧 的，回到那里去。万物不变，是我们在变。你的衣服可以卖掉，但要保留你的思想。 Text(正文): The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. My son is a monsignor, said the first proud woman. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor.' The second mother went on, My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency.' My son is a cardinal. continued the next one. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence.' The fourth mother thought for a moment. My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, she said, When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God.' 谁的儿子最伟大 四个神职人员的母亲聚在一起谈论自己的儿子。我儿子是个牧师，第一个骄傲的母亲 说，当他走进一个房间时，人们会说，‘您好，牧师。 第二个母亲接着说，我儿子是个主教，当他走进一个房间时，人们会说，‘您好，主教阁 下。 我儿子是红衣主教，第三个母亲继续，当他走进一个房间时，人们会说，‘您好，尊敬的红 衣主教。 第四个母亲想了一会儿，说:我儿子身高6尺10吋，体重300磅，当他走进一个房间时， 人们都说，‘哦，我的上帝～