台湾著名教育家许宜铭演讲（Speech by Xu Yiming, a famous educator in Taiwan）

台湾著名教育家许宜铭演讲（Speech by Xu Yiming, a famous educator in Taiwan） 台湾著名教育家许宜铭演讲(Speech by Xu Yiming, a famous educator in Taiwan) Speech by Xu Yiming, a famous educator in Taiwan Speech by Xu Yiming, a famous educator of the Bay Topic: selected speeches by Mr. Xu Yiming, a famous educator in Taiwan (ZT) Copyright: time for submitting original works: 10:55:01 October 22nd In November 2002, I went to New Zealand because my two daughters were studying in new zealand. When I went to know she has something important to tell me, because she and her boyfriend has been talked about for six years, so when I go, her boyfriend is very formal entertain me to eat dinner, my mother, my sister went to the. At dinner, he told me about a good meal, said he said there is a very important thing to me alone to talk about, then I drink coffee, I think he is very well prepared, so I said: Okay, I'll go to drink coffee. We ordered coffee, and he said, "he's going to go through my consent and get engaged to my daughter.". I asked, "so you asked me out for coffee, what would you like to ask me?" He said, he has three questions to ask me, the first question, if I were your son-in-law, you satisfied with me, not satisfied? I've had dinner with him, and I haven't seen the principle of being a man, of course, I don't know him, but that's a good question. I said, don't say you are a man of striking appearance today, a few meters in height, looks good, is a dentist, you are all aspects of the conditions is also very good, even if you are a tramp, when my daughter and I love you, I will be satisfied on this son-in-law. He asked me why? I say that because I trust my daughter, she is a really loves her, she knows is responsible for their own needs, from small to large, I told him it was a supporter behind, so she knew very well, whatever he chooses is what person, I will be satisfied. I don't have much contact with you, but I'm sure you're satisfied because you picked her. The second question, what do you hope for me if I become your son in law? My son-in-law is the only hope you have any dissatisfaction with my daughter, you can tell him now, don't wait until after the engagement told her to be more fair to her; if you became engaged to her are not satisfied with what is before marriage, tell him to be more fair to her; if you get married after she is not satisfied with what, in children before telling him this to her, a little more fair. I said the only hope I had for my son-in-law was to be honest with her. And this honesty is for her individual to get along with you, you have any dissatisfaction negative things, not because of love, in order to achieve the purpose of marriage, there is any concealment. He said, "well, I'm trying to do it.". The last question, if I were your son-in-law, what would you expect from me? I said I have a look that is looking forward to when the wedding, when I put my daughter's hand to your hands, at that time, my position in the minds of my daughter, I hope you can replace, I told him to know in his mind with such a father, no matter what does she do things that would support him, let her in the outside world in her own life experience to adventure, until she had any setback, the father will teach her, will share their experience with her, then she is from the experience of their own learning, absorb lessons, and then choose again so, for the daughter, the father is whether she was what hurt on the outside, what was wrong, she must return to this place is safe. I hope that when I put my daughter's hand to your hand, you can also replace her dad, because Dad can not be with her for a lifetime, the future to accompany her to walk longer life is you. How many of you have already been parents? (hands up) more than 80%. Do you love your children? Love. I believe that the parents of the world love their children, how much do you know about love? Parents love children, love itself, that force hidden inside what, what is that connotation?, Of course, it involves how to love. It's not enough to love yourself. For example, six or seven years ago, one thing happened in France, a Japanese student he told the local French girl fall in love, he loves the girl very much, two people love inseparable, love to hate her with an air almost of idiocy, together, never separated. Finally one day, there is one thing, because he loves his girlfriend, the moment can not be separated, so he made a decision, is to kill his girlfriend, and then cut into pieces and put it in the fridge, cook a piece to eat, wait to be the police found, only a head has not finished. It's also a form of love, so is there enough light and power to love? Are you qualified to be a parent? No people do not love their children, there are some love from having children, protect children growth instinct, raising children, care for children to grow up, to protect his safety, this is just only belongs to the animal level, to raise the child, take care of him, any animal will. So if you think that this is human love for children is not enough, so that love can only multiply offspring, protect children grow up. And then there's the social values in love that demand the role. A parent must love his children, because it is in line with social standards. It is a force, is the external force rather than from the inner strength, I believe your inner child sometimes to be bored to death, really do not want to ignore him or want to beat him up, but parents feel the love of anxiety, can not do so. As a result, the pain is the parents, the internal struggle, do not know what to do. So this love there is a kind of social theory, traditional culture and morality in the inside, there are many parents love his child so much pain, inner struggle so many contradictions, because the requirements of his inner life quality with the external social theory of parents uncoordinated and inconsistent, because he was not the internal reorganization of their own good, in addition to the biological instinct with society, he needs for his own life naturally to love their children. I created a forest school in Taiwan Yilan, I have a daughter and a dozen children, playing all day, when they were only seven or eight years old, the parents and the forest next to a lot of school teacher Xu said, your daughter is so patient, I told him, no, my my daughter just naturally love to play with the kids, they get along with the kids don't need patience, because they really love the children, they naturally have inherent like children in the world, this is my world with more than ten years time made her the world not destroyed, so in addition to their world the mature adults, and the innocence of children inside. The word "love" is formed by two characters, the heart and the receiving. It is a psychological feeling. Do you think you are in love children, and love itself is a region, even if you love itself area inside, it is from some content from instinct, in the society, or from the depths of our hearts are not clear, that how to love children? Human parents are different from ordinary creatures. In addition to parenting, he has another responsibility: education. What is the purpose of education? Because of human civilization, a society, a country, a nation and tribe, have common interests and the common interests of our society is referred to as a child, so if he was just like a primitive man, if only to let him according to animal rearing instinct let him grow up, so he grew up you will not be able to become a useful person. "Magic earth" tells a couple, they go to the Amazon River, Africa, South America and many marshes, seaside photography, photography animal ecology, very beautiful, see very shocking. There is a fish that lays eggs in the mouth, and then raises and protects its little fish in the mouth, and opens the mouth when the fish is out, It opens the mouth when the fish comes back, that picture is very beautiful. But there is also a fish, it is called blenny, eggs attached to its body, then grew up in its mouth blenny, become its food, it is to eat their own children, but it does not know, also have their own children. The key lies in the two children, the couple rearing, every time they are put on the exploration of their children, live together with animal, to contact with the outside world, with the ostrich playing football, grew up in this environment. But every year, they take their children back to Britain to receive two months of social education, to help them understand the society, that is, socialization. When they send their children to school, the children feel very terrible, in an enclosed room, awful, everyone wants to sit there, children cannot imagine education is such an environment, but they still have to return to receive education. In this process, we see a child in education, our children can not only in the original inside with a variety of life to contact, the two children are very lucky, because will return to human society. Human society must be socialized, children will be natural self socialization, in this process, the child's self is nourished and supported to the socialization of children or ego is derogatory, oppressed and fettered, was tied up and the completion of socialization. The purpose of socialization is the same, but the process that life experiences may be completely different. But when the process to achieve socialization in produce a parents' occupation, education, in addition to raising, the nature of the wild animal on the child rearing can only need, but human to children in addition to parenting and education, the education of children adapt to the society, the purpose of education is to let the children grow up in the community, is a there is a positive contribution to the country and the society, rather than a negative burden and burden, only this is the purpose of education. And in the process of education, the foundation is by parents at home. I believe that you have taught kindergarten or run a school, the most troublesome is that parents and schools have good cooperation. So I had a family education in Taiwan, education idea, is the parents as an occupation, how many industries, have professional occupation training, such as the management of professional training, professional training, professional training, accounting and so on, but if the parents as an occupation of words, the most difficult the world's occupation should be the parents, this is the most difficult to do. God gave us a precious gift, when the children come to the world, will become complete with all possibilities and potentials, and the child in the future, is determined by the parents, including his personal health, mental health, so I believe that the world is not an industry can be more difficult than the industry parents and more great works, and more far-reaching influence. Because your child by you, he will affect his children, so your current study, change and improve the effect to your descendants, when there are a lot of people want to do good deeds, donate money, I told them that the greatest merit is the world to improve their quality of life because of you, life quality improvement, you give your child a better parents. Children are a raw material, God gives you the best material, this is God's grace. Parents have no ownership of children, children are the children of God, every life is God's children. Parents just take the place of God, and they don't have ownership. Parents can not take care of their children as God takes care of all life as good as God for all life is sunny, moist earth, what they need is to give what, never because these life what kind of behavior, not to the sun, do not give him moisture. Family is factory, Parents are the technical personnel on the production line, the child is God gives you the greatest grace, the best material, the product is bad, whose responsibility is it? What should I do to make the product better? The only way is to improve the quality of the technical personnel themselves, the factory building equipment better. I once saw a mother, is also one of our Chinese people, she went to Taiwan on my class to share with me, I was very moved, she for her children to come to the world, the whole family she spent $100 thousand to re decoration. Any place may cause the child to hurt her all, dangerous things must be changed, her purpose is to give the child to create a child in the family can be completely free, need not have any fear. But many of our parents lay carpets at home because they want to, and they like it. When the child is small, the parents start to stop. Why do not believe that God will give children a certain, enough time, the child will naturally shrink, will naturally control. Why should man replace God to stop as soon as possible? We are doing a lot of heart treatment practice work, found that every time facing the "control" this scar, all the main case will not be free to tighten up, this is the result of training. The life of the first, is from a child is the size of training began, but you just to let him on the carpet in the toilet when you don't, but the carpet without children's consent. Love, heart and heart are called love. This behavior is not called love. It is determined by the accepted person, not by the giver. Have a husband to me complaining, said how much he paid at home, work hard every day, pay to wife, and on time every day to go home from work, and then together with my family, except occasionally playing a few night mahjong, everything else is the contribution to the family. And her wife didn't thank him, and he kept nagging him. He thought that behavior was called love. Married women I ask you a question: if your husband said to you, wife ah, last week when you return home, the three or four day, at home I have never felt so lonely, I think the home without you is not the same, the kind of warm feeling is not, I think of this is really not you, you are at home, let me feel very warm, very practical. How do you feel? Very moved, and felt warm inside. Because the recipient feels like love. Some wife also complained to me every morning, busy breakfast, busy to hurry to work, then go home after busy housework, tired, her husband for her or inconsiderate. The gentlemen here, if one day your wife said to you: I think you like a tree, standing in the door of our shelter, I know you're out there very hard, in the face of leadership is also very wronged, so I appreciate what you pay for a cut of the family. How would you feel? It was also touched. I had received a card from two New Zealand a few years ago, and looked at that card, and I was in tears for more than twenty minutes. Which reads: Dad, today is not what special day, but suddenly my sister and I owe you many thanks, no matter how busy you at work, tired, you do not forget to bring a warm, loving and caring for us, as if you never defeated God, to protect us, let we grew up in a very safe environment. The father heard these incredibly moved, many years of hard work are worth. So what is love? Love is determined by the people who accept it. Do you think your behavior is loving you, sir, your wife and your children? The question is whether they have received it, is it love for them? Love is not the same as private, but relative. A lot of fatherly love and maternal love, only the kind of internal virtual father and mother love, for children is not called love, that is called private. The one who thinks that it is love, accepts the side not to think, is thinks is private. Because there is no other existence that love, love is the most important to each other as the theme, and selfish in their own theme and give love, this behavior is called the father and mother of private private, rather than father and mother. I don't deny that all parents love children. The question is, are you a person who can give love?. Love and ability to give love are two different things, want to love and can love is two things, can give love and give high quality love is two different things. Where is the quality of love given? And where is all of this? It's all about parenthood. Because you are the one who gives, and the child, in addition to breathing, one hundred percent of all depend on you. What is the power structure? People who have resources have power over those who need them. The boss has the power to the employees because the employees need the company's salary. The biggest power structure in the world is parents and children. When a child comes into the world, only one hundred percent of his parents depend on his parents to support his breathing, so that he can survive. Every person's life there are a driving force, in addition to survive, he must strive to live better in the environment, when he doesn't have the ability to exercise control when the environment changes, his only choice is to control their change. In my own book "Dancing" in life wrote, I eat at a Chinese restaurant in New Zealand, saw a mother baby picture, the baby is about three or four years old, milk 30ml left when I observe a child or eat, the mother picked up a bottle, I believe this mother have to listen to the doctor's instructions, that is the children in this period a milk to drink 60ml best, then the mother he didn't drink, and put the bottle into the child's mouth, then spit out the child, mother to child tottered and put them in his mouth, but his head the ability of children head, took two, and then the nipple slip out some milk flow to the mouth, the mother took the handkerchief two, then continue, and shake the two children, and spit out more milk, then the mother rubbed Next, this process about 56 minutes, finally the child quietly began sucking. I believe this mother loves her children. Just be forced to pain compared to babies suck a little let myself a little, he made a choice for life, and this choice is a price to pay, is to sacrifice your awareness, you have the power to decide whether to eat, he began to put the power to the people. How many people don't have the right to be responsible for themselves in life?. I don't feel good today, because my husband, he is not gentle, considerate enough, if one day I change the words of Mr. may be a little happiness; happiness is not me today because my wife nagging, disobedient children, if...... How many people, after growing up, give their own power over their own lives to others, rather than being masters of their own lives?. When I saw the baby sucking in the baby, the mother's face was filled with a bright, contented smile. She really loves her children but I believe her ignorance is very terrible, her life experience, her own dream, to love their children, should be fatherly and motherly love, perhaps she had never seen her children attentively. A child came back from kindergarten to talk about "son of a bitch", what is the reaction of parents? You haven't seen his world yet, and you've used your own experience to judge him. Do you think not, the children swear, your life has much experience and experience this sentence is the curse, how many cultural education is not to tell you this sentence, you have seen how many scenes of each other with these words to attack each other, maybe someone with this words to attack you, maybe you have suffered a lot of damage, and use this sentence to attack the people who hurt you. These experiences in your life create the upside down dreams, You use this upside down dream to see a child who has just learned this sentence, is it private or love? What is the difference between love and privacy? In the relationship that exists in love, love is based on acceptance, and selfishness is given to the person who gives it. In the act of love and the action of love, there is no one, only the one who gives himself love, and dares to call him love. If you go to the child you may know, today the class a play, the teacher did not pay special attention to what a friend, the two children don't know what happened, there is a small friend made a "bastard". He may be from the television to go to school or go to school from their parents, the teacher put all the attention paid to the little friend, squat down to talk to their child, he suddenly feel that this is a special pronunciation, because he did not know how to write the word, he only heard the sound he heard. This voice can change the environment, so that the original can not pay attention to his people began to pay attention to him, then he went home, because you also didn't pay attention to him, so he spoke a word "bastard". The result is that you are exactly the same as the teacher. He thinks this sentence is more and more useful. No matter how you teach him, he will still say this sentence. It's no use. Love can make you more intimate with your children, but this love is not private, first to distinguish clearly, love is not only one kind of feeling that you think of love, what is the true meaning of the force behind this feeling? It's instinctive love, like animals, raising children's love, caring for him growing up, taking care of his safety, not letting his hurt love, that's what every animal will do. Then the values of human society, the role of the requirements of public opinion, to a community's perception of parents views caused the kind of pressure, it is not your own ability, and when this love must be, should be, this kind of love is very dangerous, but also between husband and wife. When a couple gets married, they want to go home from the end of their work, and slowly that desire becomes a habit, slowly becoming home, and then finally being forced to go home. The only thing that's lost is love and warmth, and the only thing that grows is the morality, the theory, the responsibility of society. And the guy who carries it is very hard. When this love goes away, because most people think of romantic passion as love. Love is not love, is a subject in the given object, that called love, is the love object of psychology to accept and feel, and in giving that kind of relationship in the eyes of the people not only accept yourself, of course, this level there is more important, given this people have the ability to see every act of children, or with his life experience is to judge the behavior of children dream. I speak here today, everyone can see different people see me, I'm pretty artistic, someone saw my hair so long the effeminate man or manly woman. And I'm not going to be affected by your eyes, because I know you're looking at me, you're creating me, not me, and nothing to do with me. What do you think of me? How do you turn to me? You respect me, love me, I will be very happy, but I know it wasn't me, I will not because of your appreciation and praise I will become better, because I know I just like this; you cut me, against me, I will be sad, but I won't be affected, because I know that is not me, you created me, it has nothing to do with me, sometimes I may not feel sad. Because if you don't have so much pain in your heart and you don't have so many experiences in your life, you won't look at me like that. So what kind of eye you see your child, is to use your life upside down dream, and you don't know clearly, you see everyone in life is related to the experience of your life. And then did you see that first?, In the past, if life were affecting you, manipulating you, controlling you, you think you are your own master, but not really. You are the life inside past all situations and you get along, intersection, and you in order to adapt to the survival, so far, you have learned these sorts of experience it is your master, you are a slave, you are be governed by it, you have no ability to escape from the cage, as you cannot let your mind quiet for ten minutes without thought, how can you see clearly their children understand their children? So I say, all parenting, theory, technology, skills learning is very important, but the most fundamental is the parents themselves first to improve. A simple logic, one of the most fundamental premise is that first of all have better parents, otherwise there will be no better children. Other things to help you, because of the lack of a theory is absolute, you learn those things but was more of a lot of cognition and knowledge, to learn a lot of methods, then your child has a situation, you must first understand clearly, then you suddenly think you can use the what kind of way, this is a creation. And the theories and skills you've learned are the materials for creation. In parent-child relationships, if you have more material to prepare, the more you can create a better parent. The process of the parent-child relationship is flowing, not a method as how to do what is good, because with all your life experience is different, your children now receive the ideal, you have to create a is between you and your child's special creation, timely timely the performance of the. And a person who wants to act in time and create in time, his heart is soft, open, must be rich, flowing. Love is to let you and your children more intimate, love itself is to accept the object, there are a lot of people think of the children are in observation, and to love, but he ignored his is to observe children, as with his own life experience to observe, to learn to accept the child at any time at any time, relax, and listen to the children of these ridiculous skills at any time, it would have to listen to this people are not ready to listen to the preparation, or just to listen as a skill, further to control his child. A listen to the people have not found what he is listening to the quality, if you pay attention to when others talk to you, you will find too much when you are not listening, because when he talked about half, you suddenly think this sentence is what mean? When you think about it, he's talking now, so you don't hear it. When you disagree with that remark, there is an internal justification and analysis in your heart, and even if you want to wait for a moment how you convince each other, you are not listening to that moment. There are more times when your mind is just blank, and when you find yourself alert and pulling yourself back, you're thinking what he's talking about, and now he's not listening to you. Some students ask me, what do you think is the most successful achievement in your life? I didn't think about it at all, so I told him that my greatest achievement was my two daughter. They are my life's greatest achievements, I was on the road to learn and grow, if I am not in the beginning of 1988 to the Esalen Institute, continuous learning and growth, today is not two daughters have such a high quality of life. I was in the beginning in 1984 before entering the field of the Enlightenment of the day, I at that time is a real estate businessman, in my life completely do not know this world I told you today, I have no idea, I only know that the world is material and physical world, this is I am from age 12 has not shed tears, including my father's illness, death, I have no ability to shed tears, I know I should cry, But I can't feel my own sorrow. When I was 31 years old, I was lucky enough to go on the road of self growth. And then I grew up, I knew myself, I was healing, and I grew up to help others grow up. It was a very hard, long way to go, but I felt I was worth it. Because my child is complete because of my growth. When I enter the society to work hard, not to 3 years I bought the car, less than 4 years I have to buy a house, then I think that home is a house, and then have a wife, have a child, this is a home. I don't know if there is a computer software at the time, but also need a warm, if you want to go back to the place after work you work, where you can rest, can nourish the inside of each person can care for each other, you can talk, listen to others, are allowed to have any feeling the expression, whether positive or negative. 31 years ago and now I, of course, before the age of 31 I learned the ability to make money does not disappear, the material world and the physical world of experience I did not disappear, but I learned in addition to the outside world, there is another world, like a computer, in addition to hard body outside there is a software. But let the software hardware function, like all your past experience, all in dribs and drabs leave your journey all the knock marks, it is poured into the host computer software, the outside world is the object like a computer keyboard, when you call, when someone to touch the keys on the computer, the computer will respond because software design, software design of different have different reaction. So you think that life is a choice, you're your own master, but it's not. From you born to now, your parents' attitude to you, the environmental impact of your course, all your spiritual moment inside under the psychology which is called the subconscious. It is your master, you are just a person presses a key you follow the reaction and the growth of life is to be your own master, go through the dream, their life experience to your cause, and you have to live in this dream, and that has to see the truth yourself, you always have to have your own dream, look at your own children, you thought you saw him. And if a man does not see what the opposite of love is, the opposite of love is not hate, but the opposite of love is indifference. When your husband and wife have a problem, the only thing you learn is to take back love. You look at the children, with his companions play together, on which a person dislike, he will make a choice: "I do not play with you", and then influence and appeal, tell everyone not to play with him. Because he had experienced it from his parents, and that was the most painful thing for him. Because his heart is hurt, so he knows how to use this way to hurt any injured behavior must first have a broken heart, a love of any behavior must have a nourishing heart, not the heart that has evolved behavior, will give this is caused by itself the behavior of pain. Because it has been done by society, by morality, by public opinion, and by what your society has done, so it must be hard for you to be inside. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hainan cockle