中学生英语校园幽默 12则

中学生英语校园幽默 12则 趣味英语: 1. Who's More Polite? A fat man and a thin man were arguing about who was more polite. The thin man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man thought he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌, 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。 但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。 2. Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢,你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就 是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧, 3. 关于圣诞节的英语小笑话 If you have not received my Christmas present, it has to be because of - your socks have a big hole! Bu Bu it fast! 如果你今天没收到我的圣诞礼物，那一定是因为--你的袜子有个大洞～ 快补补吧～～ A few days later I heard that you want to have eggs, that true? That I wish you lay eggs (Christmas) Happy! In a few days you have to Egg's full moon, I also wish you a round ahead of eggs (New Year's Day) Happy! 听说你过几天要生个蛋,真的吗?那我得祝你生蛋(圣诞)快乐!再过几天你的蛋蛋又要满月,那 么我就也提前祝你圆蛋(元旦)快乐! I wish to Santa Claus on Christmas Eve: I hope that no matter how bad your feet, wear socks when tomorrow morning, I'll give you receive the full blessing, the warmth of your heart and feet! 中文:平安夜我向圣诞老人许愿:希望不管你脚多么臭，明早当穿起袜子时，能收到我给你 的满满的祝福，温暖你的心和脚ㄚ子～ 4. Q: How can you make a farmer angriest? 你怎样是一个农夫最生气, A: By treading on his corn? 踩了他脚底的鸡眼。(Corn既可以 表 关于同志近三年现实表现材料材料类招标技术评分表图表与交易pdf视力表打印pdf用图表说话 pdf 示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。) 5. Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? 世界上最强壮的生物是什么, A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 蜗牛。它的的后背上总是背着一所房子。 6. Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? 怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢, A: Keep him awake. 不让他睡觉。 7. He is really somebody 1 -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的, -- 墓地守墓人。 8. They are directly from America. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台， 银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。 这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 9. My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人:哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了～ 史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊～ 布朗夫人:没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 10. Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 11. The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 2 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢,” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧,”吝啬鬼回答。 12. Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell," Get the kid." 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 3