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She Comes First (OCR).pdf

She Comes First (OCR).pdf

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简介:本文档为《She Comes First (OCR)pdf》,可适用于考试资源领域,主题内容包含thethinkingman’sguideSHECOMESFIRSTPLEASURINGAWOMANINSTRUCTOR:IANKERNER,PHD符等。

thethinkingman’sguideSHECOMESFIRSTPLEASURINGAWOMANINSTRUCTOR:IANKERNER,PHDSHORTANSWER–POINTS(pleaseprovideanswerinessayform)WhyisthetonguemightierthentheswordExplainthe“JacksonPollock”lickCompareandcontrastwiththe“ElvisPresley”snarlTRUEORFALSE–POINTSTheclitorishaseighteenparts,allofwhichplayaroleintheproductionofpleasureBONUSQUESTION–POINTSAreyoureadytogetdowntobusinessand“thinkoutsideherbox”topleasuringawomanIANKERNER,PhDSHECOMESFIRSTPOPQUIZAreyouSexuallyCliterateIntroduction:ConfessionsofaPrematureEjaculatorHEPREMISEofthisbookissimple:whenitcomestopleasuringwomenandconversinginthelanguageoflove,cunnilingusshouldbeeveryman'snativetongueAsbestsellingsexauthorLouPagethaswritten,“Askmostwomen,andifthey'rebeinghonest,theywilladmitthatwhatmakesthemhottestandcomehardestiswhenamancanusehistonguewell”Butaswithanylanguage,inordertoexpressyourselffluently,inordertomakeyoursubjectsingandsoar,youmustbethoroughlyacquaintedwiththerulesofgrammarandstyleOneofmyfavoritebooksonthesubjectistheindispensableclassicElementsofStyleIdon'tthinkIwouldhavemadeitthroughfreshmancomp,orsurvivedcollegeasanEnglishmajor,withoutthatslim,dogearedpaperbacktuckedawayinmybackpocketIntheablehandsofauthorsStrunkandWhite,grammarwasnotsimplymadeunderstandableandmeaningfulitwasmadebeautifulElementsofStyleexhortedreadersto“writeboldlyandmakedefiniteassertions”Andinthespiritofthattimelessclassic,SheComesFirstwillcondenseawealthofexperienceandexpertiseintoasimple,essentialrulebookitwillelaborateontheprinciplesandphilosophythatunderliethoserulesand,indoingso,offernothinglessthanthedefinitiveguidetothegrammaroforalsexIfyouwanttolearnhowtogiveawomanmindblowing,bodyripplingorgasmswithyourtongueeverytime,thisisthebookforyouAlthoughIhaveaPhDinclinicalsexology,thisbookisprincipallywrittenfromapractitioner'sperspectivebysomeonewhoknowsandlovescunnilingus,appreciatesitsroleinstimulatingfemalesexualresponse,andhasdevelopedamethodologyforconsistentlyleadingwomentoorgasm:onethatstemsfromtheconvictionthatcunnilingusismuchmorethanjustasexualactivity,butratherthecenterpieceofaphilosophyofsexualcontentmentCallitthe“wayofthetongueButdon'tgetmewrong:I'mnotsomeCasanovaorDonJuan,vainlyputtingwordsdownonpaperinordertoboastandstrutfarfromitThroughmuchofmylifeI'vesufferedterriblyfromsexualdysfunction,andIknowalltoowellthehumiliation,anxiety,anddespairofnotbeingabletosatisfyawomanIfanything,thisbookwaswritteninthesincerehopethatothermenmightdevelopeffective“sexualhabits”onesthatwillenablethem,alongwiththeirpartners,tosufferlessthanIhave,orperhapsnotatallAsTennesseeWilliamswroteofthemarriagebedinhisplayCatonaHotTinRoof,“Whenamarriagegoesontherocks,therocksarethere,rightthere!”Well,here'stogettingridoftherocksandsmoothingoutthesheetsMyinitialforaysintooralsexwereacrutch,awayofcompensatingformysexualinadequacies,andtheywereapproachedwiththeassumptionthatcunnilinguswasapoorman'ssecondtothejoysandsplendorsof“realsex”likemany,Itookitforgrantedthatintercoursewasthe“rightway”forcouplestoexperienceorgasmsBut,tomysurprise,Idiscoveredthatthe“wayofthetongue”wasbyTnomeansinferiortointercourseifanything,itwassuperior,inmanycasestheonlywayinwhichwomenwereabletoreceivethepersistent,rhythmicstimulation,outsideofmasturbation,necessarytoachieveanorgasmIquicklylearnedthatoralsexisrealsex,andlaterinlife,whenIhappenedtocomeacrossacopyoftheseminalHiteReportonFemaleSexuality,Iwasreassuredtofindthatwomenconsideroralsextobe“oneoftheirmostfavoriteandexcitingactivitieswomenmentionedoverandoverhowmuchtheylovedit”Whenitcomestopleasure,thereisnorightorwrongwaytohaveanorgasmtheonlythingthat'swrongistoassumethatwomenneedorvaluethemanylessthanmendoInherarticle“JustBeaMan:SixSimpleSuggestions,”sexcolumnistAmySohn'sveryfirstpieceofadviceis,“AmangoesdownNoexcusesNohesitation”Butoncedownthere,what'samantodoThevastmajorityofwomencomplainaboutguyswhodon'tliketodoit,don'tknowhowtodoit,orsimplydon'tdoitnearlyenoughFlanneryO'Connorwasright:agoodmanishardtofind,especiallyonewho'sgoodattakingaleisurelystrolldowntownButoncefound,askilledcunnilinguistrarelygoesunappreciatedInheressay“LipService:OnBeingaCunningLinguist,”authorandsexcolumnistAnkaRadakovichsingsthepraisesofaboyfriendwhospecializedinoralsex:“Ibecametonguewhipped(thefemaleequivalentofpussywhipped)andevenofferedtodohislaundryifhewouldcomeoverandsatisfymeAftertwomonths,Iputaframedphotoofhistongueonmydesk”It'stimeto“thinkoutsideherbox”Whenitcomestotheoralcaress,everymanshouldmakeamantraofRhettButler'sinfamouslinetoScarlettO'HarainGonewiththeWind:“Youshouldbekissed,andoften,andbysomeonewhoknowshow”ThosewhoknowmeknowI'maprivatepersonIwouldn'tdreamofconfidingmybattleswithsexualdysfunctiontotheworldifIdidn'twholeheartedlybelievethattherewasacompellingneedforthisbookIknowthisbasedonwhatI'veread,whatI'vebeentold,and,mostimportant,whatI'veexperiencedfirsthandasaclinicalsexologist:notonlydowomencraveandenjoycunnilingustheyrequireitAnysextherapistwilltellyouthatthenumberonecomplainttheyhearoverandoverfromwomenisofaninabilitytoexperienceorgasmduringpenisvaginaintercourseThesolutionisnotsimply“moreforeplay,”asmagazinesoftenchideus,butrathertheskillfulextensionofthoseactivitiesweassociatewithforeplay,namelyoralstimulation,intocomplete,fullyrealizedactsoflovemakingthetransformationofforeplayintonothinglessthancoreplayThisbookisnotantiintercourse,butratherpro”outercourse”aconceptionofsexthatgoesbeyondpenetration,embracesmutualpleasure,andisbettersuitedtostimulatingthefemalesexualanatomytoorgasmThismodeldoesn'texcludeintercourse,butinsteadpromotesthepostponementofmalegratificationuntilafterawomanhasachievedherfirst(buthopefullynotlast)orgasmduringasessionofsexualactivityadefermentthathasthedoublebenefitofvouchsafingfemalesatisfactionwhilealsosignificantlyenhancingthequalityofthemaleclimaxThisbookespousesthepostponementofgratification,notthepostponementofenjoymentSheComesFirstoffersmenandwomenasurefire“birdinthehand”approachtogoodsex,asopposedtothehighstakes“allornothing”propositionofintercourseIt'stimetoclosethesexgapandcreatealevelplayingfieldintheexchangeofpleasure,andcunnilingusisfarmorethanjustameansforachievingthisnobleendit'sthecornerstoneofanewsexualparadigm,onethatexuberantlyextolsasharedexperienceofpleasure,intimacy,respectandcontentmentIt'salsooneofthegreatestgiftsofloveamancanbestowuponawomanHowtoReadthisBookInPartI,TheElementsofSexualStyle,youwillbeintroducedtoapowerfulphilosophythatwillinform,ifnotdramaticallyalter,thewayyouapproachsexandrelationshipsYouwilllearnto:•Dispensewith“disinformation”andcultivateatrueunderstandingoffemalesexuality•Thinkclitorally,ratherthanvaginallytofocusonstimulationasopposedtopenetration•Postponegratificationwithoutsacrificingpleasure•Turnforeplayintocoreplay•Skillfullynavigatetheprocessoffemalesexualresponseandappreciatetheroleoftheclitorisasthepowerhouseofpleasure•DevelopasenseofawarenessthatwillrendertheoftenelusivefemaleorgasmknowableandtangiblebeyondtheshadowofadoubtWewillalsodiscussimportant,oftenmisunderstood,topicssuchasthe“real”anatomyofthefemalegenitalia,hygiene,safesex,aswellasthesocialandculturalcontextthatinformsthewaywethinkandactregardingcunnilingusIfPartIisthe“why”ofcunnilingus,thenPartII,RulesofUsage,isthe“how”Hereyouwillbeintroducedtoprovenoraltechniquesthatwillenableyoutosuccessfullytakeawomanthroughtheentireprocessofsexualresponse,orwhatI'vedubbedthe“playprocess”foreplay,coreplay,andmoreplayWhereasmanysexbooksarecontenttomerelytellthereader“what”todo,it'sthisauthor'sconvictionthatthe“when”isjustasimportantIt'sallinthetiming,andtothatend,PartIII,PuttingitTogether,delineatesclearroutinesforseamlesslyintegratingthetechniquesintoaunifiedexperiencethatwillenableyouandyourpartnertoreachneweroticheightsPepperedthroughoutthebookyouwillalsofindillustrations,tips,exercises,interestingfacts,frequentlyaskedquestions,aswellascandidresponsesfromsomeofthemanymenandwomenIinterviewedregardingsex,relationships,cunnilingus,aswellastheirownpersonaldo'sanddon'tsFinally,attheendofthebookyouwillfindaseriesofappendicesthataddressmanyrelevanttopicsandspecificsituationsTakenasawhole,SheComesFirstrepresentsthemostthoroughtreatmentoftheartofcunnilinguscurrentlyavailable,andwillnotonlyteachyoueverythingyouneedtoknowinordertomasterthegrammaroforalsex,butwillalsoansweranyquestionsyoumighthavealongthewayBythetimeyoufinishthisbook,you'llnotonlybethinkingaboutsexfromanewperspective,buttherewillalsobenothingyouwon'tknowabouthowtoleadawomantoorgasmwithyourtonguetimeandtimeagainPopQuizFeelfreetoreadSheComesFirstinwhatevermanneryoufindcomfortable,butifyou'reinclinedtoskipPartIandgostraighttothetechniquesinPartII,thenIwouldaskyoufirsttoconsiderafewsimplequestions:•Didyouknowthattheclitorishaseighteenparts,allofwhichplayaroleintheproductionofpleasureCanyouidentifythem•Didyouknowthatthevastmajorityofnerveendingsthatcontributetothefemaleorgasmareconcentratedonthesurfaceofthevulvaanddonotrequireanypenetrationwhatsoeverinordertobestimulatedtoorgasm•Howmanydifferenttypesoforgasmsisawomancapableofexperiencing•CanyousaywithcompleteconfidencethatyouknowhowtolocatetheGspotCanyounameanyotherhiddenzonesofpleasure•Doyouknowwhycunnilingusisthebestmeansofstimulatingawomantomultipleorgasms•Doyouknowwhyamanispartiallyresponsibleforhispartner'sgenitalscent•Areyouentirelysurethatyourpartnerhasneverfakedanorgasm,andcanyouunequivocallyrecognizethedifferencebetweentherealthingandascreamingphonyIfyouanswerednotoanyoftheseimportantquestions,thenIwouldencourageyoutoreadthebookfromstarttofinishButnomatterhowyouchoosetoperuseSheComesFirstIhopethat,likeElementsofStyle,itprovestobeabookyoucancomebacktotimeandtimeagain,regardlessofyourlevelofexpertiseATasteofWhat'stoComeInthespiritofElementsofStyle,hereareafewbasicrulestogetyoustarted:LearntoAppreciateIrony:becausewhenitcomestohumansexuality,lifeaboundswithitJustforstarters,takethefactthatmenandwomen'sgenitalsareformedfromthesameembryonictissue,yetourrespectiveprocessesofarousalcouldn'tbemoredifferentAsthefoundingeditorsofMen'sHealthmagazine,StefanBechtelandLaurenceRoyStains,sosuccinctlyputitintheirbookSex:AMan'sGuide,“StudiesshowthatthreefourthsofmenarefinishedwithsexwithinafewminutesofstartingButwomenoftenneedminutesormoretobecomesufficientlyarousedfororgasmAndthereinliesaworldofrage,grief,andairbornepotsandpans”Toputitingrammaticalterms,mostwomenareleftfrustratedwith“incompletesentences”inthefaceoftheirpartners'prematurely“danglingparticiples”Hencethisbook'semphasisonthepostponementofmalegratificationandthefirstpartofitstitle:SheComesFirstAsjournalistPaulaKamendocumentsinHerWay,aSurveyofContemporaryYoungWomen,“Women'sorgasmsarenolongerconsideredaluckybonusoranafterthought,whichmarksashiftawayfromsexualguiltandtowardwomen'spursuingtheirowndesires,asmenalwayshave”Whenitcomestopleasuringwomen,keepinmindtheancientwordsofTaoistmasterWuHsien,“Themanmustkeepthesituationincontrolandbenefitfromthecommunionwithoutunduehaste”Don'tMistakeHerSubjectforanObject:namely,theclitorisWithitseightthousandnerveendings(twiceasmanyasthepenis),enviableabilitytoproducemultipleorgasmsduringasinglesessionofsex,andnoknownpurposeotherthanpleasure,isitanywonderthatMastersandJohnsonproclaimedtheclitoris“auniqueorganinthetotalofhumanity”Theclitorishasovereighteenparts,bothvisibleandhidden,thatparticipateintheproductionofpleasure(Keepreading,andyou'lllearnhowtomastereachandeveryoneofthem)Contrarytoconventionalwisdomatleastthekindthat'sascommonasBenGayandmildewinthemen'slockerroomtheclitorisismuchmorethanjusta“lovebutton,”it'sasophisticatednetworkofarousalthathasmorehotspotsthanalatentvolcanoTheTongueIsMightierthantheSword:especiallywhenitcomestoclitoralstimulationEvenpornstarRonJeremy,inpossessionofthefamousteninchmember,observed,“Morewomenhavegottenoffwithmytonguethanwithmypenis”ShereHite,authoroftheHiteReportonSexuality,wentsofarastosuggest,“Intercoursewasnevermeanttostimulatewomentoorgasm”Oneofthereasonsforthisisthattheclitorisisabouttocmclosertothefrontofthewoman'sbodythanthevaginalopeningDuringintercourse,thepenisoftenmissestheclitorisaltogetherInSex:AMan'sGuide,theauthorsciteastudyinwhichninetyeightwivesinhappy,stablemarriageskeptasexdiarythatnotedthefrequencyofsexualactivityandthelevelofsatisfactionOfalltheactivitiestheymentioned,cunnilingusrankedasthemostsatisfyingEightytwopercentsaidhavingtheirhusbandspleasurethemorallywasverysatisfyingthenexthighestactivity,intercourse,wasratedverysatisfyingbyonlypercentThewomenreportedthatduringintercoursetheyreachedorgasmaboutpercentofthetimeButtheyreachedorgasmpercentofthetimeduringoralsexAsDrAlexComfortwroteofcunnilingusinTheNewJoyofSex,“Onecangivethewomandozensoforgasmsinthiswayandshemaystillwanttogoonfromthere”LearnfromYourMistakes:UnliketheadolescentboysoftheCookIslandofMangaia,who,accordingtoauthorShaneMooney,arctrainedinthefinerpointsofbreaststimulation,cunnilingus,anddelayedejaculationinordertoguaranteethepleasureoftheirfuturepartners,ourWesterneducationis,alas,anincompleteoneWhensurveyedbyShereHiteregardingtheirpartners'oraltechniques,thevastmajorityofwomencomplainedthatguysweretoorough,tooimpatienttoofast,tooslowofftarget,ortheychangedrhythmatthewrongtimeOnewomanevenexclaimed,“Itseemslikeheistryingtoerasemyclitoris”Yikes!Butwhatmanywomendon'tknowisthatmenyearnforfeedhackandguidanceTheycraveinstruction,butcommunicatingaboutsexisfarfromeasy,andwordsoftenfailusintheheatofthemomentAsauthorSallyTisdaleputitinherbookTalkDirtytoMe:AnIntimatePhilosophyofSex,“Wecan'treallyexplainhowarousalfeels,whatanorgasmis,andthecloserwegettoone,thelessvaluewordshave,thelesswecanuselanguageatall”Soweturntosexbooksandmagazinesor,worse,cheesypornoflicks,andlockerroombanterMostbookstakeanencyclopedicapproachtosexualityalittleofeverything,notawholelotofanythingTheyemphasizebreadthratherthandepthand,atbest,cunnilingusisgivenequalattentionwithothersubjectsWhenitcomestodetailingtechnique,mostofferafewscantypagesatmost,andalmostallwriteaboutcunnilingusasanaspectofforeplayratherthanasacompleteprocessinitsownrightThey'relikebigfatcookbooksthatarelimitedtoafewrecipesineachcategoryButcunnilingusisarepastinandofitself,andtherearehundreds,ifnotthousands,ofuniquewaystopartakeAttentionMenWhileSheComesFirstwillbenefitanyonestraightorgay,maleorfemalewhohasaninterestinlearningaboutfemaleorgasmsandproducingthemconsistentlythroughinspiredoraltechniques,thebookwaswrittenprimarilyforthoseguysoftheworldwhocravetheknowledgetobecomebetter,moresensitivelovers,andforthewomenintheirliveswhoareeagertobenefitfromtheireducationThetruthisthatmenandwomendiffermarkedlyinhowtheylearnaboutsexTheKinseyReport,awellknownsurveyofhumansexuality,observedin,“Itisobviousthatneitheryoungergirlsnorolderwomendiscusstheirsexualexperiencesintheopeninthewaysthatmalesdo”AlothaschangedsincethenInanupdatedKinseyReportonSexualLiteracy,theauthorsnotethatwomenagedeighteentotwentyninefaredbetterthantheirmalepeersintermsoftheirknowledgeofsexualityandattributedthedifferencestowomen's“growingbeliefthattheyhavearighttosexinformationandaccessiblepublicationsaboutwomen'shealth”Soitwouldappearthatboththewomen'smovementandthesafesexmovement,withtheiremphasesonclarityandcandor,havedonemuchtoeducatewomenabouttheirbodiesandsexualityinthelasthalfcenturyButwhataboutguysInbothmyresearchandinterviewsIobservedthatthewomenwere,ingeneral,moreknowledgeableaboutsexandtendedtobemuchmorewillingtodiscusssexualissuesfreelyandcandidlyIndescribingsexualactivities,principallycunnilingus,womenweresignificantlymoreawareofthequalitativeaspects,aswellasthetechnicaldetails,relatedtotheirsexualresponseWhileemphasizingtheimportanceofpersonalexperienceinacquiringknowledge,womenalsoconfirmedthatmuchoftheirinformationonsexualitycamefromfriendsandparents,aswellasbooks,magazines,andtheInternetMen,ontheotherhand,werenotasknowledgeableaboutsexuality,andtendedtodescribeactivitiessuchascunnilingusinmoregraphic,objectifyingdetailMenalsoacknowledgedthattheyrelie

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