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首页 几则英语小笑话

几则英语小笑话.doc

几则英语小笑话

lisiqi5711
2019-06-04 0人阅读 举报 0 0 暂无简介

简介:本文档为《几则英语小笑话doc》,可适用于综合领域

几则英语小笑话FineforParking"Tellmeagain,"askedthejudge,"whyyouparkedthere"Thedriverroseandansweredrespectfully(尊敬地),"Because,YourHonor,itsaid'FineforParking'"(note:"fine"hastwomeanings)good)paysomemoneyfordoingsomethingwrong可以停车“再跟我说一遍,”法官问道,“你为什么在那里停车”司机站起身,恭敬地说,“因为,法官大人,那上面写着…fineforparking可以停车”(注:fine有两个意思,⒈好的⒉为做错事而交钱)。SelfhelpIwentintoabookstoretheotherdayandaskedthewomanbehindthecounterwheretheselfhelpsectionwasShesaid,"IfItoldyou,thatwoulddefeatthewholepurpose"(note:"selfhelp"hastwomeanings)youtakewithoutpaying)youcanchooseasyoulike)自己动手一天我走进一家书店,问柜台后面的女子,selfhelp自助区在哪里。她说,“如果我告诉你,那还卖书干什么”(注:selfhelp有两个意思,⒈拿东西不给钱⒉随意挑选)。ICouldn'tDigestSoManyApplesDoctorgravely(严肃地):"Ifyouwanttoenjoyalonglife,eachtimeyoufeellikeadrinkEatanappleinstead"Patient:"Sorry,Icouldn'tdigest(消化)somanyapples"我吃不了那么多苹果医生严肃地说,“如果你想活得长久,每次想喝酒时,就吃个苹果。”病人回答,“对不起,我吃不了那么多苹果。”IsThisaQuestionAcollegestudentinaphilosophyclasswastakinghisfirstexaminationOnthepapertherewasasinglelinewhichsimplysaid:"Isthisaquestion"Astudentwrote:"Ifthatisaquestion,thenthisisananswer"Thestudentsreceivedan"A"ontheexam这是个问题吗一位大学生在哲学课上参加第一次考试。卷子上写着一行字,“这是一个问题吗”学生写道,“如果那是一个问题,那么这就是一个答案。”学生考试得了优。ADollarPerPointAprofessorwasgivingabigtestonedaytohisstudentsHehandedoutallofthetestsandwentbacktohisdesktowaitOncethetestwasover,thestudentsallhandedthetestsbackinTheprofessornoticedthatoneofthestudentshadattacheda$billtohistestwithanotesaying,"Adollarperpoint"ThenextclasstheprofessorhandedthetestsbackoutThisstudentgotbackhistestand$change每分一美元一天,教授正在让学生进行一次大测验。他把测验题都发了下去,回到桌子后等着。测验一结束,学生们把题目都交了回来。教授注意到一位学生的测验题后附了美元,还有一张字条,“每分一美元。”下一堂课时,教授把题目都发回来了,那位学生拿回了自己的测验题和美元零钱。MyFather'sAshesAguygoestoagirl'shouseforthefirsttime,andsheshowshimintothelivingroomSheexcusesherselftogotothekitchentomakethemafewdrinks,andashe'sstandingtherealone,henoticesacutelittlevaseonthemantelHepicksitup,andashe'slookingatitShewalksbackinHesays:"What'sthis"Shesays,"Oh,myfather'sashesareinthere"Hegoes,"GeezooohI"Shesays,"Yeah,he'stoolazytogotothekitchentogetanashtray(烟灰缸)"(note:"ashes"hastwomeanings)acontainerforholdingtheburnedcigarette)aboxforholdingtheburneddeadbody)我父亲的烟灰一个男子第一次去女朋友家,被带进了客厅。女朋友去厨房弄点喝的饮料,他就一个人站在那里。他看见在壁炉架上有一个漂亮的小花瓶,他把花瓶拿了起来,正看着,女友进来了。男子说,“这是什么”女友回答,“哦,是我父亲的ashes烟灰。“他说,”嘿,啊,我……”女友又说,“是,他太懒了,都懒得到厨房去拿个烟灰缸。”(注:ashes有两个意思,⒈盛烧香烟的容器⒉装死人灰烬的盒子)IDropmyWeightFromSkippingMrSmithwasterriblyoverweight,sohisdoctorputhimonadiet"Iwantyoutoeatregularlyfordays,thenskipaday,andrepeatthisprocedureforweeksThenexttimeIseeyou,you'llhavelostpounds"WhenMrSmithreturned,hehadlostnearlypounds"Why,that'samazing!"thedoctorsaid,"Didyoufollowmyinstructions"MrSmithnodded"I'lltellyou'though,IthoughtIwasgoingtodropdeadbytheendofthatrdday""Fromhunger,youmean""No,fromskipping!(note:"skip"hastwomeanings)jump)stopdoingsomething)跳跃减肥史密斯先生极端肥胖,医生让他节食。“我让你连续两天正常吃饭,然后skip跳过一天。重复这个过程两周的时间。下一次我见到你,你能瘦磅。”史密斯先生再回到医生那里时,他瘦了差不多磅。“呦,太让人惊讶了!“医生说,”你按我的医嘱做的“史密斯先生点点头,“可是,我得跟你说,我以为到第三天的时候,我就要死了。”“你是说,因为饿吗”“不是,因为蹦的!”(注:skip有两个意思,⒈跳、蹦⒉不做某事)NowWeRunApriestiswalkingdownthestreetonedaywhenhenoticesaverysmallboytryingtopressadoorbellonahouseacrossthestreetHowever,theboyisverysmallandthedoorbellistoohighforhimtoreachAfterwatchingtheboyseffortsforsometime,thepriestmovesclosertotheboy'spositionHestepssmartlyacrossthestreet,walksupbehindthelittlefellowand,placinghishandkindlyonthechild'sshoulderleansoverandgivesthedoorbellasoldringCrouchingdowntothechild'slevel,thepriestsmilesbenevolentlyandasks,"Andnowwhat,mylittleman"Towhichtheboyreplies,"Nowwerun!"现在我们跑吧一天,一位牧师在街上走着。这时,他看到一个很小的小男孩正努力地要按街对面一所房子的门铃。可是,小男孩太矮了,门铃又太高了,他怎么也够不着。看着小男孩费了半天的劲,牧师就向男孩待的地方走过去。他敏捷地过了马路,走到小家伙背后,轻轻地把手放到男孩的肩头,探过身子,使劲地按了一下门铃。牧师蹲下身子,和蔼地笑着问男孩,“小家伙,现在怎么样呢“男孩回答说,”现在我们跑吧!“PigorWitchAmanisdrivingupasteep,narrowmountainroadAwomanisdrivingdownthesameroadAstheypasseachother,thewomanleansoutofthewindowandyells"PIG!!"Themanimmediatelyleansoutofhiswindowandreplies,"WITCH(女巫)!!"Theyeachcontinueontheirway,andasthemanroundsthenextcorner,hecrashesintoapiginthemiddleoftheroadIfonlymenwouldlisten猪还是巫婆一个男子开车走在狭窄、陡峭的山路上,一名女子在同一条路上开车下山。两车相遇的时候,女子从车窗探头出来大喊“猪!”男人马上也从车窗探出头回敬到,“巫婆!”他们各自接着赶路。当男子的车转过下一个拐角时,他撞在了路中央一头猪身上。要是那个男人能听劝的话就好了。继续阅读

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