Writing a Winning Personal
Statement For Graduate School
October 23rd, 2009
Geanncarlo Lugo-Villarino
Outline:
Personal
Statement
• Overall
view
• Break
• Detailed
view
• Ques2ons
• Overall
view:
– What
is
it?
– What
is
the
purpose?
– Ge;ng
Ready
– The
Overall
Structure
– Do’s
and
Don’ts
Outline:
Personal
Statement
What
is
a
Personal
Statement?
The
applica7on
packet
for
graduate
school
• Applica2on
form
(on‐line)
• All
undergraduate
and
graduate
transcripts
• Graduate
Record
Examina2on
(GRE)
scores
• LeLers
of
recommenda2on
• Personal
statement
What
is
a
Personal
Statement?
• Defini2on
(Wikipedia):
a
brief
and
focused
essay
about
one's
career
or
research
goals
• Your
“intellectual
autobiography”
• It
explains
the
experiences
that
have
led
you
to
want
to
purse
a
career
• Your
opportunity
to
highlight
cri2cal
informa2on,
emphasize
your
strengths
• Turn
academic
weaknesses
into
strengths
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What
is
a
Personal
Statement?
My
take
on
it
• It
represents
the
first
non‐numerical
introduc2on
or
exposure
to
you!
• A
wonderful
opportunity
to
“humanize”
your
applica2on
package
• A
window
into
the
way
you
think
and
the
way
you
express
yourself
• It
must
“sell”
yourself
just
as
you
would
aLempt
to
do
in
a
job
interview
• It
is
a
“living”
document
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Purpose
• To
present
yourself
in
a
favorable
light
• To
link
your
experiences
to
your
goals
• TO
get
THEM
excited
about
YOU
• To
show
off
your
wri2ng
• To
help
them
determine
match
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Remember
the
Audience
(them!)
• Assume
that
the
admission
commiLee
consists
of
professors
in
your
area
of
study
• DO
NOT
to
define
basic
terminology
• DO
NOT
talk
down
to
your
audience
• S2ck
to
what
you
are
an
EXPERT
in—
your
life
and
experiences
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What Faculty Look For
in a Statement
• A story! A mental picture of who
you are as a person as it relates to
graduate school and your future
profession
• Maturity, self-knowledge, purpose
• Evidence you’ve done your
homework
• Writing skills and articulateness
Kinds of Personal Statements
1) General, Comprehensive
Statements
• Allows you latitude in what
you write.
2) Response to a specific
question
• Less latitude, but still
important to be
thoughtful and persuasive.
Sample Questions
“The unexamined life is not worth
living.” -Plato.
• In light of this quotation, please
discuss a decision you have
made which has had a
profound influence on your
present circumstances. In
hindsight, would you have
made a different decision?
Please explain. (Haas School/
Berkeley)
• How would you characterize
the effects of your
contributions to the groups or
organizations in which you
have participated? (Yale)
Ge;ng
Ready
• DO
YOUR
HOMEWORK
• Confirm
that
the
degree
program
offered
matches
your
career
goals
• Get
the
names
of
specific
faculty
members
with
whom
you
want
to
study
GeGng
Ready
• Review
your
accomplishments
• Update
your
CV
• Think
about
your
goals
• Who
are
you?
(research
iden2ty)
• Create
an
outline
Opening
paragraph:
Generally
the
most
important
• ATTENTION
GRABBER:
Here
is
where
you
catch
the
reader’s
aLen2on—or
lose
it!
– Fresh
+
lively
+
different
=
Memorable
“One
of
the
worst
things
you
can
do
with
your
personal
statement
is
to
bore
the
admissions
commiLee,
yet
that
is
exactly
what
most
applicants
do”
– It
establishes
the
framework
for
the
en2re
document;
elements
of
a
story
are
introduce
in
this
paragraph
• In
a
general
sense,
why
you
are
applying
to
the
program.
• Begin
in
a
direct
manner
• End
with
your
Thesis
Statement
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• Define
your
thesis
statement
“…a
sentence
that
explicitly
iden2fies
the
purpose
of
the
essay
and
previews
its
main
ideas.”
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Suppor2ng
Paragraphs
(past,
present,
future)
• Past
– What
made
you
decide
to
pursue
this
path?
(thesis
statement)
• Significant role models and influences?
• Personal background; what distinguishes you as a person?
– What
experiences
have
you
had
that
shaped
your
goal
(thesis
statement).
• How & when your interest developed?
• Special research, academic work, employment, volunteer experience,
etc
– What
have
you
done
to
explore
this
path?
(thesis
statement)
• How you’ve pursued this interest so far?
– What
have
you
accomplished
that
helped
you
along
your
way
to
this
goal
(thesis
statement)
• What insight did you gain about yourself and the way you relate to the
profession?
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Suppor2ng
Paragraphs
(past,
present,
future)
• Present
– What
are
you
doing
now
that
has
helped
you
to
pursue
this
path?
(thesis
statement)
– How
are
your
current
ac2vi2es
shaping
your
goal
(thesis
statement)?
• What do your experiences and choices say about your value
system, interests, and motivators?
– What
is
it
about
you
that
makes
you
well
suited
for
this
path?
(thesis
statement
• What strengths would you bring?
• Unique skills that demonstrate the depth of your experience in the
field?
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Suppor2ng
Paragraphs
(past,
present,
future)
• Future
– What
research
experience,
skills,
or
training
are
you
looking
for
in
a
graduate
school
to
help
you
pursue
this
path?
(thesis
statement)
• Research the program & explain its appeal.
• Refer to specific aspects that match your interests
(philosophy, curriculum, faculty interests, etc.)
• “Flirt” with them without indulgence
– What
is
your
vision
for
career
once
you
complete
graduate
school?
• Future goals within the profession
– Here
is
where
your
research
about
faculty
members
pays
off!
• Area of specialization? Future work setting
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Do’s
• Give yourself plenty of time to
write it
• Give it a theme or thesis
• Use concrete examples of life
experiences to distinguish
yourself
• Write about what excites you!
Do’s
• Edit,
revise,
edit
revise,
get
feedback,
revise…
• Be
honest
and
confident
in
your
statements.
• Make
sure
your
essay
has
absolutely
perfect
spelling
and
mechanics.
• Use
technical
terminology
appropriately.
Don’ts
• Write
what
you
think
the
admissions
commiLee
wants
to
hear.
You
are
probably
wrong.
• Use
[overuse]
empty,
vague,
over‐used
words
like
"meaningful,"
"beau2ful,"
"challenging,"
"invaluable,"
or
"rewarding.
• Emphasize
the
nega2ve
• Try
to
be
funny.
Most
people
are
not
as
funny
as
they
think.
• Get
too
personal
• Use
gimmicks
Don’ts
• Generally, references to
experiences or
accomplishments before
college
• Controversial or highly
unconventional topics
• Information from “out of left
field” – i.e., doesn’t fit into the
story you’re telling
• An autobiography or resume
approach
What
not
to
include:
• Do
not
lecture
about
what
quali2es
and
aLributes
you
believe
a
professional
in
the
field
should
have.
• Do
not
spend
a
considerable
amount
of
2me
offering
compliments
about
how
wonderful
and
pres2gious
you
think
the
program
or
ins2tu2on
is.
• Do
not
repeat
informa2on
that
is
already
in
another
part
of
your
applica2on,
such
as
test
scores
or
grades.
Personal
Statement:
Overall
Structure
•
Opening
paragraph
• ALen7on
Grabber
• Thesis
Statement
•
Suppor7ng
paragraphs
(2‐3)
• Suppor7ng
Evidence
• Addressing
weaknesses
• Past,
present
and
future
•
Closing
Paragraph
• Brief
Summary
• What
can
the
Program
do
for
you
• What
can
YOU
do
for
the
program
• Close
the
aLen7on
grabber
loop
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #1
“My parents who have always wanted me to succeed in life and take advantage of all the
opportunities that they did not have growing up. My mother gave up her career in Mexico in order
for me to be born in the United States so that I could have a better education and more
opportunities to succeed and so that she could look after me and make sure that I have someone to
rely on for anything throughout my entire life… My father has always provided the necessary
things to live by always working hard and never failing to bring home a pay check…Seeing my
parents work so hard to maintain a family they love shows me just how much working hard really
pays off. I also owe my academic success to my determination to make my parents proud of me
and to show them that all the effort they put into me has not been in vain. As a result of their
support I am where I am. It is my way of thanking them for all the sacrifices that they have done
for me…”
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #2
“I
come
from
a
family
of
eight
and
I
am
the
filh
child
out
of
six.
I
am
the
first
girl
to
aLend
a
college
from
my
family
and
it
has
been
a
challenging
experience
because
I
come
from
a
low
income
family
that
does
not
accept
educa2on
as
a
long
term
goal.
I
am
a
hard
worker
and
I
typically
work
two
jobs
while
being
a
full
2me
student
to
help
pay
for
school
and
olen
am
in
need
for
financial
support
from
varies
means.
My
father
is
a
tradi2onal
Hispanic
male
that
believes
that
women
should
not
pursuit
a
life
in
educa2on
because
women
are
intended
to
be
house
wives
and
carter
children
while
the
male
figure
provides
for
the
family.
I
respect
my
father
tradi2onal
ways
in
life
but
this
is
a
path
I
do
not
choose
for
myself
and
growing
up
I
have
seen
my
mother
living
that
life,
loving
each
one
of
my
brothers
and
sister,
I
know
she
would
have
wanted
to
have
accomplished
more
in
her
life.
It
can
be
difficult
at
2me
for
oneself
to
compete
for
a
life
in
educa2on
because
I
am
a
young
Hispanic
female
determined
to
strive
in
the
field
of
science
which
is
olen
dominated
by
males.
”
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #3
“As
a
La2na,
I
hope
to
obtain
many
goals
and
fulfill
them
through
my
educa2on.
I
am
a
first
genera2on
college
student,
a
sophomore
at
X
College.
At
X;
I
am
a
current
Puente
Project
student
where
I
once
held
a
leadership
posi2on
as
a
spring
2005
Treasurer;
I
am
a
current
Bridges
to
the
Future
scholar,
funded
by
the
Na2onal
Ins2tuted
of
Health
grant
#123;
an
EXPORT
scholar
(EXcellent
Partnership
for
community
Outreach
Research
on
dispari2es
in
health
and
Training),
funded
by
Na2onal
Center
on
Minority
Health
and
Health
Dispari2es
grant
#
123;
I
am
involved
with
Phi
Beta,
a
Psychology
Honors
Society;
and
I
am
an
EOPS
and
STAR
student.
These
programs
which
I
have
been
apart
of
have
expanded
my
educa2onal
experience
and
have
introduced
me
to
greater
opportuni2es.
”
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #4
“Six
years
ago
I
drove
1200
miles
to
enjoy
the
benefit
of
a
college
experience.
It
began
in
front
of
a
caboose,
that
now
ex2nct
tail
end
of
a
train
that
tends
to
be
red
as
a
toy…
Si;ng
massively
in
the
back
yard
of
my
grandparent’s
home,
it
was
to
be
transformed
in
to
my
own
dormitory.
Making
the
transi2on
from
rusty
metal
box
to
comfortably
self‐sufficient
dwelling
was
a
crea2ve
change
that
in
many
ways
paralleled
the
character
changes
that
I
went
through
during
my
undergraduate
career.
Fueled
by
my
grandfather’s
and
my
own
efforts,
we
eagerly
commenced
construc2ng
those
changes.
Challenges
were
not
slow
to
present
themselves.
Each
required
an
imagina2ve
response,
or
rather
many
responses,
as
no
challenge
came
with
a
prescribed
answer.
Structurally
the
caboose
refused
to
remain
level
due
to
a
long
history
of
harsh
treatment
across
the
country
on
unruly
railways…
Six
years
aler
stepping
in
to
that
canvas
of
metal
the
caboose
is
nearly
finished.
Throughout
the
project
my
interest
in
bringing
about
its
comple2on
has
not
waned.
Instead,
in
my
unremi;ng
determina2on
to
find
crea2ve
solu2ons
I
have
gained
many
life
experiences
that
have
brought
me
to
the
realiza2on
that
working
with
ideas
in
inven2ve
ways
towards
a
goal
is
exactly
what
I
desire
in
a
career.
The
precise
nature
of
the
ideas
I
hope
to
work
with
has
revealed
itself
to
me
during
my
academic
and
professional
pursuits
in
science.”
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #5
• “The
ocean
has
always
been
integral
to
my
family’s
life;
our
annual
vaca2ons
to
Baja
California
fostered
a
strong
aLachment
to
the
ocean.
When
I
was
thirteen
years
old
one
trip
in
par2cular
had
a
profound
effect
on
me.
We
went
on
vaca2on
to
San2spac,
a
pris2ne
beach
in
southern
Baja
California.
It
had
stretches
of
spectacular
white
sand
and
translucent
blue‐green
waters,
the
hills
overlooking
the
beach
were
covered
with
tall
Saguaros
and
lush
cactus
vegeta2on.
I
submerged
into
the
water
with
makeshil
snorkeling
equipment
and
discovered
a
new
world:
corals
of
every
color
swayed
with
the
gentle
current,
while
schools
of
fish
scaLered
beneath
my
shadow.
Eight
years
later,
I
returned
to
southern
Baja
and
found
San2spac
liLered
with
plas2c
containers
and
beer
cans;
fish
had
become
a
rare
sight
due
to
pollu2on.
My
commitment
to
work
with
threatened
marine
ecosystems
was
born
out
of
experiences
such
as
this
one.
In
fact,
it
is
my
awareness
of
the
need
for
environmental
management
that
fuels
my
dream
to
become
a
marine
biologist.”
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #6
“Imagine
suffering
from
a
mentally
challenged
condi2on
while
living
at
a
homeless
shelter
which
olen
cannot
afford
to
provide
you
with
medica2ons.
This
was
the
case
of
my
friend
Rita,
who
I
met
during
volunteering
at
Cheshire
home
back
in
my
na2ve
country
India.
While
tutoring
her
for
basic
math
I
no2ced
that
she
rarely
had
medica2on
available
to
her,
but
when
she
did,
her
condi2on
would
suddenly
improve.
At
a
young
age,
Rita’s
case
mo2vated
me
to
learn
about
biological
sciences
and
how
drugs
played
such
a
cri2cal
role
in
clinical
diseases.
This
led
me
to
pursue
a
career
in
the
realm
of
pharmacy.
With
the
Doctor
of
Pharmacy
degree
I
will
be
able
to
help
prescribe
and
administer
medica2on
to
people
in
need,
especially
those
unfortunate
souls
who
cannot
afford
it
like
my
friend.”
Personal
Statement:
Overall
Structure
•
Opening
paragraph
• ALen7on
Grabber
• Thesis
Statement
•
Suppor7ng
paragraphs
(2‐3)
• Suppor7ng
Evidence
• Addressing
weaknesses
• Past,
present
and
future
•
Closing
Paragraph
• Brief
Summary
• What
can
the
Program
do
for
you
• What
can
YOU
do
for
the
program
• Close
the
aLen7on
grabber
loop
Supporting paragraphs: Content
• Keep the Thesis Statement in mind at all times
• List the top 3 lines of evidence (strengths)
supporting your thesis statement and that you
would like the admission committee to remember
you by
• Address the main blemish (weakness) on your
record that may contradict your thesis statement
hurting your case with the admission committee
• Define trajectory: Past, Present and Future
• Academic path, Research Experience, and
description of character (Leadership skills,
community service, student clubs, honor societies)
Supporting paragraphs: Basic structure
• Leading Sentence--this one tells the reader what
the paragraph will be all about. In your case, it
would about supporting evidence #1 (Academic
Path)
• Paragraph Content--here you have a chance to
expand your evidence #1 with facts
– Community College
– 4-yr University
– Graduate School
• Transition Sentence—this one connects this
paragraph with the next one, helping the reader
maintain a “flow” of information about you
document (Classroom experience- Laboratory
research)
Attention-Grabbing Leads:
example #7
“Imagine
suffering
from
a
mentally
challenged
condi2on
while
living
at
a
homeless
shelter
which
olen
cannot
afford
to
provide
you
with
medica2ons.
This
was
the
case
of
my
friend
Rita,
who
I
met
during
volunteering
at
Cheshire
home
back
in
my
na2ve
country
India.
While
tutoring
her
for
basic
math
I
no2ced
that
she
rarely
had
medica2on
available
to
her,
but
when
she
did,
her
condi2on
would
suddenly
improve.
At
a
young
age,
Rita’s
case
mo2vated
me
to
learn
about
biological
sciences
and
how
drugs
played
such
a
cri2cal
role
in
clinical
diseases.
This
led
me
to
pursue
a
career
in
the
realm
of
pharmacy.
With
the
Doctor
of
Pharmacy
degree
I
will
be
able
to
help
prescribe
and
administer
medica2on
to
people
in
need,
especially
those
unfortunate
souls
who
cannot
afford
it
like
my
friend.”
Supporting paragraph I:
The “Pharmacologist” & Rita
“Being
the
first
member
of
my
family
to
follow
a
dream
that
embodied
the
pursuit
of
educa2on,
I
overcame
obstacles
that
demonstrate
my
resilience
to
take
both
life
and
scien2fic
challenges
and
succeed.
The
first
step
in
my
journey
through
higher
educa2on
was
perhaps
the
most
difficult
one.
In
2005,
I
migrated
to
America
all
by
myself,
overcoming
the
fear
and
anguish
of
leaving
my
loving
family
back
in
Delhi.
Although
painful,
this
giant
step
was
necessary
because
there
are
fewer
opportuni2es
for
someone
from
a
low
socio‐
economic
background
such
as
myself
to
obtain
a
good
educa2on
in
India.
Similar
to
many
immigrants
who
come
to
this
country
looking
for
a
beLer
life,
I
faced
many
difficul2es
to
learn
English
as
a
second
language
and
assimilate
to
the
American
culture.
Luckily
for
me,
X
Community
College
offered
me
a
nurturing
environment
to
start
my
educa2onal
process
while
I
supported
myself
by
doing
miscellaneous
jobs
varying
from
tutoring
in
math
and
chemistry
to
a
shil
supervisor
at
Starbucks.
It
was
here
where
I
took
my
first
scien2fic
courses
in
order
to
understand
Rita's
mental
condi2on,
and
the
more
I
learned
about
the
poten2al
impact
of
medical
drugs
in
mental
health,
the
more
I
became
fascinated
in
with
the
field
of
pharmacology.
Aler
obtaining
a
basic
general
and
scien2fic
educa2on,
I
made
a
smooth
transi2on
to
the
University
of
Y
in
2007.
Although
University
of
Y
proved
to
be
a
challenging
and
compe22ve
academic
environment,
it
also
offered
me
the
opportunity
to
learn
science
directly
from
the
laboratory
bench,
changing
forever
the
way
I
perceive
the
field
of
pharmacology.”
Supporting paragraph II:
The “Pharmacologist” & Rita
“My
curiosity
and
eagerness
to
conduct
scien2fic
research
led
me
to
obtain
a
scholarship
from
a
program
funded
by
Howard
Hughes
Medical
ins2tute
that
placed
me
in
Dr.
Z’s
laboratory.
Under
his
guidance,
I
got
to
study
the
neuronal
biochemical
pathways
using
the
medicinal
leech
nervous
system.
My
project
dealt
with
assessment
of
the
role
of
receptor
tyrosine
phosphatases
in
the
regenera2on
of
an
injured
nervous
system.
By
performing
real‐2me
PCR,
I
was
able
to
generate
a
strong
sta2s2cal
analysis
that
suggests
a
cri2cal
role
for
the
expression
of
genes
encoding
tyrosine
phosphatase
receptors
during
the
regenera2on
of
the
leech
nervous
system.
These
data
will
be
part
of
a
manuscript
currently
in
prepara2on
that
will
include
me
as
a
co‐author,
demonstra2ng
my
ability
to
engage
and
carry
a
scien2fic
project
in
collabora2on
with
other
members
of
the
laboratory.
My
experience
in
Dr.
Z's
laboratory
was
not
only
limited
to
the
bench.
I
also
got
the
opportunity
to
present
my
project
at
the
2009
Undergraduate
Summer
Research
Symposium,
in
which
I
delivered
a
poster
presenta2on
to
faculty
and
fellow
students
at
University
of
Y.
This
experience
enriched
my
ability
to
speak
in
public
and
convey
scien2fic
knowledge
to
the
community.
Overall,
my
literature
and
research
inves2ga2on
of
the
neuronal
biochemical
pathways
provided
me
with
a
beLer
understanding
of
Rita's
mentally
challenged
condi2on,
and
it
made
appreciate
the
poten2al
of
neuronal
growth
and
regenera2on
could
play
in
finding
a
cure
for
mental
diseases.
Not
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