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首页 Bridget Jones's Diary.pdf

Bridget Jones's Diary.pdf

Bridget Jones's Diary.pdf

上传者: slgfrank 2012-03-03 评分 0 0 0 0 0 0 暂无简介 简介 举报

简介:本文档为《Bridget Jones's Diarypdf》,可适用于人文社科领域,主题内容包含ContentsNewYear'sResolutionsJANUARYAnExceptionallyBadStartFEBRUARYValentin符等。

ContentsNewYear'sResolutionsJANUARYAnExceptionallyBadStartFEBRUARYValentine'sDayMassacreMARCHSevereBirthdayRelatedThirtiesPanic第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网APRILInnerPoiseMAYMotherToBeJUNEHah!BoyfriendJULYHuhAUGUSTDisintegrationSEPTEMBERUpTheFireman'sPoleOCTOBERDateWithDarcyNOVEMBERACriminalintheFamilyDECEMBEROh,ChristNewYear'sResolutionsIWILLNOTDrinkmorethanfourteenalcoholunitsaweekSmokeWastemoneyon:pastamakers,icecreammachinesorotherculinarydeviceswhichwillneverusebooksbyunreadableliteraryauthorstoputimpressivelyonshelvesexoticunderwear,sincepointlessashavenoboyfriendBehavesluttishlyaroundthehouse,butinsteadimagineothersarewatchingSpendmorethanearnAllowintraytorageoutofcontrolFallforanyoffollowing:alcoholics,workaholics,commitmentphobics,peoplewithgirlfriendsorwives,misogynists,megalomaniacs,chauvinists,emotionalfuckwitsorfreeloaders,pervertsGetannoyedwithMum,UnaAlconburyorPerpetua第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网Getupsetovermen,butinsteadbepoisedandcoolicequeenHavecrushesonmen,butinsteadformrelationshipsbasedonmatureassessmentofcharacterBitchaboutanyonebehindtheirbacks,butbepositiveabouteveryoneObsessaboutDanielCleaveraspathetictohaveacrushonbossinmannerofMissMoneypennyorsimilarSulkabouthavingnoboyfriend,butdevelopinnerpoiseandauthorityandsenseofselfaswomanofsubstance,completewithoutboyfriend,asbestwaytoobtainboyfriendIWILLStopsmokingDrinknomorethanfourteenalcoholunitsaweekReducecircumferenceofthighsbyinches(ieincheseach),usinganticellulitedietPurgeflatofallextraneousmatterGiveallclotheswhichhavenotwornfortwoyearsormoretohomelessImprovecareerandfindnewjobwithpotentialSaveupmoneyinformofsavingsPossstartpensionalsoBemoreconfidentBemoreassertiveMakebetteruseoftimeNotgoouteverynightbutstayinandreadbooksandlistentoclassicalmusicGiveproportionofearningstocharityBekinderandhelpothersmoreEatmorepulses第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网GetupstraightawaywhenwakeupmmorningsGotogymthreetimesaweeknotmerelytobuysandwichPutphotographsinphotographalbumsMakeupcompilation'mood'tapessocanhavetapesreadywithallfavouriteromanticdancingrousingfeministetc,tracksassembledinsteadofturningintodrinksoddenDJstylepersonwithtapesscatteredalloverfloorFormfunctionalrelationshipwithresponsibleadultLearntoprogrammevideoJANUARYAnExceptionallyBadStartSundayJanuaryst(butpostChristmas),alcoholunits(buteffectivelycoversdaysashoursofpartywasonNewYear'sDay),cigarettes,caloriesFoodconsumedtoday:pktsEmmenthalcheeseslicescoldnewpotatoesBloodyMarys(countasfoodascontainWorcestersauceandtomatoes)CiabattaloafwithBrieCorianderleavespacketMilkTray(besttogetridofallChristmasconfectioneryinonegoandmakefreshstarttomorrow)cocktailstickssecuringcheeseandpineapplePortionUnaAlconbury'sturkeycurry,peasandbananasPortionUnaAlconbury'sRaspberrySurprisemadewithBourbonbiscuits,tinnedraspberries,eightgallonsofwhippedcream,decoratedwithglacécherriesandangelicaNoonLondon:myflatUghThelastthingonearthIfeelphysically,emotionallyormentallyequippedtodoisdrivetoUnaandGeoffreyAlconbury'sNewYear'sDayTurkeyCurryBuffetinGraftonUnderwoodGeoffreyandUnaAlconburyaremyparents'bestfriendsand,asUncleGeoffreynevertiresofremindingme,haveknownmesinceIwasrunningroundthelawn第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网withnoclothesonMymotherrangupatinthemorninglastAugustBankHolidayandforcedmetopromisetogoSheapproacheditviaacunninglycircuitousroute'Oh,hello,darlingIwasjustringingtoseewhatyouwantedforChristmas''Christmas,'Wouldyoulikeasurprise,darling''No!'Ibellowed'SorryImean''Iwonderedifyou'dlikeasetofwheelsforyoursuitcase''ButIhaven'tgotasuitcase'Whydon'tIgetyoualittlesuitcasewithwheelsattachedYouknow,likeairhostesseshave''I'vealreadygotabag''Oh,darling,youcan'tgoaroundwiththattattygreencanvasthingYoulooklikesomesortofMaryPoppinspersonwho'sfallenonhardtimesJustalittlecompactcasewithapullouthandleIt'samazinghowmuchyoucangetinDoyouwantitinnavyonredorredonnavy''MumIt'seightthirtyinthemorningIt'ssummerIt'sveryhotIdon'twantanairhostessbag''JulieEnderby'sgotoneShesayssheneverusesanythingelse''Who'sJulieEnderby''YouknowJulie,darling,MavisEnderby'sdaughterJulie!Theonethat'sgotthatsuperdooperjobatArthurAndersen''Mum''Alwaystakesitonhertrips''Idon'twantalittlebagwithwheelson''I'lltellyouwhatWhydon'tJamie,DaddyandIallclubtogetherandgetyouapropernewbigsuitcaseandasetofwheels'Exhausted,Iheldthephoneawayfrommyear,puzzlingaboutwherethemissionaryluggageChristmasgiftzealhadstemmedfromWhenIputthephonebackshewassaying:'inactualfact,youcangetthemwithacompartmentwithbottlesforyourbubblebathandthingsTheotherthingIthoughtofwasashoppingtrolley''Isthereanythingyou'dlikeforChristmas'Isaiddesperately,blinkinginthedazzlingBankHolidaysunlight'No,no,'shesaidairily'I'vegoteverythingIneedNow,darling,'shesuddenlyhissed,'youwillbecomingtoGeoffreyandUna'sNewYear'sDayTurkeyCurryBuffetthisyear,won'tyou''AhActually,IIpanickedwildlyWhatcouldIpretendtobedoing'thinkImighthavetoworkonNewYear'sDay''Thatdoesn'tmatterYoucandriveupafterworkOh,didImentionMalcolmandElaineDarcyarecomingandbringingMarkwiththemDoyourememberMark,darlingHe'soneofthosetopnotchbarristersMassesofmoneyDivorcedItdoesn'tstarttilleight'OhGodNotanotherstrangelydressedoperafreakwithbushyhairburgeoningfromasideparting'Mum,I'vetoldyouIdon'tneedtobefixedupwith''Nowcomealong,darlingUnaandGeoffreyhavebeenholdingtheNewYearBuffetsinceyouwererunningroundthelawnwithnoclotheson!Ofcourseyou'regoingtocomeAndyou'llbeabletouseyournewsuitcase'第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网pmUghFirstdayofNewYearhasbeendayofhorrorCannotquitebelieveIamonceagainstartingtheyearinasinglebedinmyparents'houseItistoohumiliatingatmyageIwonderifthey'llsmellitifIhaveafagoutofthewindowHavingskulkedathomeallday,hopinghangoverwouldclear,IeventuallygaveupandsetofffortheTurkeyCurryBuffetfartoolateWhenIgottotheAlconburys'andrangtheirentiretuneoftownhallclockstyledoorbellIwasstillinastrangeworldofmyownnauseous,vileheaded,acidicIwasalsosufferingfromroadrageresidueafterinadvertentlygettingontotheMinsteadoftheMandhavingtodrivehalfwaytoBirminghambeforeIcouldfindanywheretoturnroundIwassofuriousIkeptjammingmyfootdowntothefloorontheacceleratorpedaltogiveventtomyfeelings,whichisverydangerousIwatchedresignedlyasUnaAlconbury'sformintriguinglydeformedthroughtheripplyglassdoorboredownonmeinafuchsiatwopiece'Bridget!We'dalmostgivenyouupforlost!HappyNewYear!Justabouttostartwithoutyou'Sheseemedtomanagetokissme,getmycoatoff,hangitoverthebanister,wipeherlipstickoffmycheekandmakemefeelincrediblyguiltyallinonemovement,whileIleanedagainsttheornamentshelfforsupport'SorryIgotlost''LostDurr!WhatarewegoingtodowithyouComeonin!'Sheledmethroughthefrostedglassdoorsintothelounge,shouting,'Shegotlost,everyone!''Bridget!HappyNewYear!saidGeoffreyAlconbury,cladinayellowdiamondpatternedsweaterHedidajokeyBruceForsythstepthengavemethesortofhugwhichBootswouldsendstraighttothepolicestation'Hahumph,'hesaid,goingredinthefaceandpullinghistrousersupbythewaistband'Whichjunctiondidyoucomeoffat''Junctionnineteen,buttherewasadiversion'Junctionnineteen!Una,shecameoffatJunctionnineteen!You'veaddedanhourtoyourjourneybeforeyouevenstartedComeon,let'sgetyouadrinkHow'syourlovelife,anyway'OhGodWhycan'tmarriedpeopleunderstandthatthisisnolongerapolitequestiontoaskWewouldn'trushuptothemandroar,'How'syourmarriagegoingStillhavingsex'Everyoneknowsthatdatinginyourthirtiesisnotthehappygoluckyfreeforallitwaswhenyouweretwentytwoandthatthehonestanswerismorelikelytobe,'Actually,lastnightmymarriedloverappearedwearingsuspendersandadarlinglittleAngoracroptop,toldmehewasgayasexaddictanarcoticaddictacommitmentphobicandbeatmeupwithadildo,'than,'Super,thanks'Notbeinganaturalliar,IendedupmumblingshamefacedlytoGeoffrey,'Fine,'atwhichpointheboomed,'Soyoustillhaven'tgotafeller!''Bridget!Whatarewegoingtodowithyou!'saidUna'Youcareergirls!Idon'tknow!Can'tputitoffforever,youknowTicktockticktock''YesHowdoesawomanmanagetogettoyouragewithoutbeingmarried'roaredBrianEnderby(marriedtoMavis,usedtobepresidentoftheRotaryinKettering),wavinghissherryintheairFortunatelymydadrescuedme'I'mverypleasedtoseeyou,Bridget,'hesaid,takingmyarm'YourmotherhastheentireNorthamptonshireconstabularypoisedtocombthecountywithtoothbrushesforyourdismemberedremainsComeanddemonstrateyourpresencesoIcanstartenjoyingmyselfHow'sthebewheeledsuitcase'第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网'BigbeyondallsenseHowaretheearhairclippers''Oh,marvellouslyyouknowclippy'Itwasallright,IsupposeIwouldhavefeltabitmeanifIhadn'tturnedup,butMarkDarcyYukEverytimemymother'srungupforweeksit'sbeen,'OfcourseyouremembertheDarcys,darlingTheycameoverwhenwewerelivinginBuckinghamandyouandMarkplayedinthepaddlingpool!'or,'Oh!DidImentionMalcolmandElainearebringingMarkwiththemtoUna'sNewYear'sDayTurkeyCurryBuffetHe'sjustbackfromAmerica,apparentlyDivorcedHe'slookingforahouseinHollandParkApparentlyhehadthemostterribletimewithhiswifeJapaneseVerycruelrace'Thennexttime,asifoutoftheblue,'DoyourememberMarkDarcy,darlingMalcolmandElaine'ssonHe'soneofthesesuperdoopertopnotchlawyersDivorcedElainesaysheworksallthetimeandhe'sterriblylonelyIthinkhemightbecomingtoUna'sNewYear'sDayTurkeyCurryBuffet,actually'Idon'tknowwhyshedidn'tjustcomeoutwithitandsay,'Darling,doshagMarkDarcyovertheturkeycurry,won'tyouHe'sveryrich''ComealongandmeetMark,'UnaAlconburysingsongedbeforeI'devenhadtimetogetadrinkdownmeBeingsetupwithamanagainstyourwillisonelevelofhumiliation,butbeingliterallydraggedintoitbyUnaAlconburywhilecaringforanacidichangover,watchedbyanentireroomfuloffriendsofyourparents,isonanotherplanealtogetherTherich,divorcedbycruelwifeMarkquitetallwasstandingwithhisbacktotheroom,scrutinizingthecontentsoftheAlconburys'bookshelves:mainlyleatherboundseriesofbooksabouttheThirdReich,whichGeoffreysendsoffforfromReader'sDigestItstruckmeasprettyridiculoustobecalledMrDarcyandtostandonyourownlookingsnootyatapartyIt'slikebeingcalledHeathcliffandinsistingonspendingtheentireeveninginthegarden,shouting'Cathy'andbangingyourheadagainstatree'Mark,'saidUna,asifshewasoneofSantaClaus'sfairies'I'vegotsomeoneniceforyoutomeet'Heturnedround,revealingthatwhathadseemedfromthebacklikeaharmlessnavysweaterwasactuallyaVneckdiamondpatterninshadesofyellowandblueasfavouredbythemoreelderlyofthenation'ssportsreportersAsmyfriendTomoftenremarks,it'samazinghowmuchtimeandmoneycanbesavedintheworldofdatingbycloseattentiontodetailAwhitesockhere,apairofredbracesthere,agreysliponshoe,aswastika,areasoftenasnotalloneneedstotellyouthere'snopointwritingdownphonenumbersandforkingoutforexpensivelunchesbecauseit'snevergoingtobearunner'Mark,thisisColinandPam'sdaughter,Bridget,'saidUna,goingallpinkandfluttery'Bridgetworksinpublishing,don'tyou,Bridget''Idoindeed,'Iforsomereasonsaid,asifIweretakingpartinaCapitalradiophoneinandwasabouttoaskUnaifIcould'sayhello'tomyfriendsJude,SharonandTom,mybrotherJamie,everyoneintheoffice,mymumanddad,andlastofallallthepeopleattheTurkeyCurryBuffet'Well,I'llleaveyoutwoyoungpeopletogether',saidUna'Durr!Iexpectyou'resicktodeathofusoldfuddyduddies''Notatall,'saidMarkDarcyawkwardlywitharatherunsuccessfulattemptatasmile,atwhich第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网Una,afterrollinghereyes,puttingahandtoherbosomandgivingagaytinklinglaugh,abandoneduswithatossofherheadtoahideoussilence'IUmAreyoureadingany'ahHaveyoureadanygoodbookslately'hesaidOh,forGod'ssakeIrackedmybrainfranticallytothinkwhenIlastreadaproperbookThetroublewithworkinginpublishingisthatreadinginyoursparetimeisabitlikebeingadustmanandsnufflingthroughthepigbinintheeveningI'mhalfwaythroughMenarefromMars,WomenarefromVenus,whichJudelentme,butIdidn'tthinkMarkDarcy,thoughclearlyodd,wasreadytoaccepthimselfasaMartianquiteyetThenIhadabrainwave'Backlash,actually,bySusanFaludi,'IsaidtriumphantlyHah!Ihaven'texactlyreaditassuch,butfeelIhaveasSharonhasbeenrantingaboutitsomuchAnyway,completelysafeoptionasnowaydiamondpatternjumperedgoodygoodywouldhavereadfivehundredpagefeministtreatise'AhReally'hesaid'IreadthatwhenitfirstcameoutDidn'tyoufindtherewasratheralotofspecialpleading''Oh,well,nottoomuch'Isaidwildly,rackingmybrainsforawaytogetoffthesubject'HaveyoubeenstayingwithyourparentsoverNewYear''Yes,'hesaideagerly'Youtoo''YesNoIwasatapartyinLondonlastnightBithungover,actually'IgabblednervouslysothatUnaandMumwouldn'tthinkIwassouselesswithmenIwasfailingtotalktoevenMarkDarcy'ButthenIdothinkNewYear'sresolutionscan'ttechnicallybeexpectedtobeginonNewYear'sDay,don'tyouSince,becauseit'sanextensionofNewYear'sEve,smokersarealreadyonasmokingrollandcannotbeexpectedtostopabruptlyonthestrokeofmidnightwithsomuchnicotineinthesystemAlsodietingonNewYear'sDayisn'tagoodideaasyoucan'teatrationallybutreallyneedtobefreetoconsumewhateverisnecessary,momentbymoment,inordertoeaseyourhangoverIthinkitwouldbemuchmoresensibleifresolutionsbegangenerallyonJanuarythesecond''Maybeyoushouldgetsomethingtoeat,'hesaid,thensuddenlyboltedofftowardsthebuffet,leavingmestandingonmyownbythebookshelfwhileeverybodystaredatme,thinking,'Sothat'swhyBridgetisn'tmarriedSherepulsesmen'TheworstofitwasthatUnaAlconburyandMumwouldn'tleaveitatthatTheykeptmakingmewalkroundwithtraysofgherkinsandglassesofcreamsherryinadesperatebidtothrowmeintoMarkDarcy'spathyetagainIntheendtheyweresocrazedwithfrustrationthatthesecondIgotwithinfourfeetofhimwiththegherkinsUnathrewherselfacrosstheroomlikeWillCarlingandsaid,'Mark,youmusttakeBridget'stelephonenumberbeforeyougo,thenyoucangetintouchwhenyou'reinLondon'Icouldn'tstopmyselfturningbrightredIcouldfeelitclimbingupmyneckNowMarkwouldthinkI'dputheruptoit'I'msureBridget'slifeinLondonisquitefullenoughalready,MrsAlconbury,'hesaidHumphIt'snotthatIwantedhimtotakemyphonenumberoranything,butIdidn'twanthimtomakeitperfectlyobvioustoeveryonethathedidn'twanttoAsIlookeddownIsawthathewaswearingwhitesockswithayellowbumblebeemotif'Can'tItemptyouwithagherkin'Isaid,toshowIhadhadagenuinereasonforcomingover,第页共页http:wwwencomcn原版英语阅读网whichwasquitedefinitelygherkinbasedratherthanphonenumberrelated'Thankyou,no,'hesaid,lookingatmewithsomealarm'SureStuffedolive'Ipressedon'No,really''Silverskinonion'Iencouraged'Beetrootcube''Thankyou,'hesaiddesperately,takinganolive'Hopeyouenjoyit,'IsaidtriumphantlyTowardstheendIsawhimbeingharanguedbyhismotherandUna,whomarchedhimovertowardsmeandstoodjustbehindwhilehesaidstiffly,'DoyouneeddrivingbacktoLondonI'mstayingherebutIcouldgetmycartotakeyou''What,allonitsown'IsaidHeblinkedatme'Durr!Markhasacompanycarandadriver,silly,'saidUna'Thankyou,that'sverykind,,Isaid'ButIshallbetakingoneofmytrainsinthemorning'amOh,whyamIsounattractiveWhyEvenamanwhowearsbumblebeesocksthinksIamhorribleHatetheNewYearHateeveryoneExceptDanielCleaverAnyway,havegotgianttraysizedbarofCadbury'sDairyMilkleftoverfromChristmasondressingtable,alsoamusingjokeginandtonicminiatureAmgoingtoconsumethemandhavefagTuesdayJanuaryst(terrifyingslideintoobesitywhywhy),alcoholunits(excellent),cigarettes(vg),caloriesamUghCannotfacethoughtofgotoworkOnlythingwhichmakesittolerableisthoughtofseeingDanielagain,buteventhatisinadvisablesinceamfat,havespotonchin,anddesireonlytositoncushioneatingchocolateandwatchingXmasspecialsItseemswrongandunfairthatChristmas,withitsstressfulandunmanageablefinancialandemotionalchallenges,shouldfirstbeforcedupononewhollyagainstone'swill,thenrudelysnatchedawayjustwhenoneisstartingtogetintoitWasreallybeginningtoenjoythefeelingthatnormalservicewassuspendedanditwasOKtolieinbedaslongasyouwant,putanythingyoufancyintoyourmouth,anddrinkalcoholwheneveritshouldchancetopassyourway,eveninthemorningsNowsuddenlyweareallsupposedtosnapintoselfdisciplinelikeleanteenagegreyhoundspmUghPerpetua,slightlyseniorandthereforethinkingsheisinchargeofme,wasathermostobnoxiousandbossy,goingonandontothepointofutterboredomaboutlatesthalfmillionpoundpropertysheisplanningtobu

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