112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes

112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.] Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.] Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape. (Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room) Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books? Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers) Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces) Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table) Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone) Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth? (Camera pans back to group in living room) Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy! Ross: (waves) Hello! Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross) (Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed) Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable) Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her) Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah (Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen) Monica: So, did I hear Poconos? Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend. Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together! Monica: Yeah, that's a big step. Rachel: I know... (Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected) Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal! Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now? (Camera pans back to Rachel) Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally... (Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach) Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration! [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.] Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands... Chandler: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever! (Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over) Joey: Need a new table. Chandler: You think? [Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.] Carol: Hey hey, come on in! (Ross enters, carrying lasagna) Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna. Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat. Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is... Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today. Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....? Carol: Totally and completely healthy! Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame) Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis? Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya. Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly) Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex? Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw... Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross. Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh! Carol: Do you want to know? Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't... (Susan enters) Susan: Oh, hello Ross! Ross: Susan... Susan: So, so, did you hear? Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK! Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...? Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be... Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here! Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be? Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder) Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be? Carol and Susan: It's a... Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go. Carol: Well, thanks for the books. Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.) Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings) Carol: Hello? Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's,  Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.] Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one? Joey: That's the rule. Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table! Joey: How'd you get to that? Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio Joey: You knew about that? Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination. Joey: Ok, ok, How about if we split it? Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together? Joey: Yeah Chandler: You think we're ready for something like that? Joey: Why not? Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out? Joey: Why, are you moving out? Chandler: I'm not moving out. Joey: You'd tell me if you were moving out right Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip... Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip! Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly. Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me? Chandler: Aw, don't do that [Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule.] Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu. Phoebe: Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks back in) Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters) Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe! Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here? Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh? Phoebe: Well, Racquela's right, yeah! (Paolo speaks Italian) Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started. Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked? Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked! [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.] Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows.... Monica: And Monica knows... Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know! Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me. Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest) Ross: Wait—oh—hey—huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know! Monica: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt! Joey: Or an uncle... (Phoebe enters) Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe! Ross: Hi Pheebs! Rachel: Pheebs! Phoebe: Fine! Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter? Phoebe: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts. Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here? Rachel: Oh, right, that's me! Joey: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on. Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door) Monica: Phoebe, what is it? Phoebe: All right, you know Paolo? Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes... Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me. (Joey and Chandler come back) Joey: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow! Chandler: More coffee over here, please! Commercial Break [Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.] Monica: Well, what happened? Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.) [Cut back to Central Perk.] Joey and Chandler:  Ooooohh! Ross: My God. Monica: Are you sure? (The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.) [Cut back to Central Perk.] Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head) Monica: Was it...? Phoebe: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there. Guys: Oooooo.... (Rachel runs over) Rachel: "Ooo," what? Phoebe: Uma Thurman. Monica: Oh! Ross: The actress! (all talking indistinctly, high-fiving) Ross: Thanks Rach. (Rachel walks away) Chandler: So what are you gonna do? Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in) Chandler: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her. Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went! Phoebe: She is gonna hate me. Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well... [Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.] Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a table) Chandler: That's patio furniture! Joey: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course! Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds? Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something." Chandler: You pick one. Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs? Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining! Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds! Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: Hi Pheebs! Phoebe: Are you moving out? Rachel: No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks up small blue suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's. Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec? Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over. Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um, Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs... Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie) Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?! Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had. Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie. Rachel: I guess you don't. Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me. (Rachel looks stunned) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new table.] Chandler: So, what do you think? Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen. Chandler: I know! (The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.) Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads? Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play! Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck! (Chandler looks at Joey in amazement) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.] Phoebe: Are you okay? Rachel: I need some milk. Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better? Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed! Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on! (Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap) Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened! Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about? Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig! Phoebe: Such a pig! Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig, Phoebe: Oh he's like a... Rachel: He's like a big disgusting... Phoebe: ...like a... Rachel: ...pig...pig man! Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok... Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this? Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you... Rachel: Ok, Ok, Pheebs... Phoebe: The end. Rachel: Oh, God... Phoebe: Should I not have told you? Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better... (Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.] Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so... Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave) Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts. Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team. Ross: Come on, two on one. Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in! Ross: What, now? Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo! Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.] Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's... [Cut to inside the apartment.] Ross: (entering) How's it going? Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes! Phoebe: Ooh! (Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter) Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye. Phoebe: Oh, ok bye-bye. Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles. Paolo: Grazie. Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away) Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony) Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed... Monica: Oh, you're right. Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me. [Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.] Ross: Hey. Rachel: Hey. Ross: You all right? Rachel: Ooh, I've been better... Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you. Rachel: Oh, Ross... Ross: What? Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms) Ross: Huh. Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great! Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs) [Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.] Monica: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right? Rachel: Oh... Phoebe: You ok? Rachel: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left? Phoebe: Yep! Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process. Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo. Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one. Ross: (astonished) What? Rachel: What? Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy? Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy. Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy? Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross) Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy! (Joey and Chandler run in) Chandler: Wha- Joey: Wha- Joey and Chandler: What is it? Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy! Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug) Ross: I'm having a son. Um... (Ross looks scared) Closing Credits [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.] Monica: Yes! And that would be a shut-down! Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their rooms.) Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game! Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning! Chandler: Yeah, get out! Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone. Chandler: (to Joey) One more game? Joey: Oh yeah! End 112 十二碗面条 不-不-不-不,够了. Syl婶婶,别喊了!如果你告诉过我 你要素面条,我就会给你做素的了. 好吧,肉都在第三层, 也许你能把它们刮下来. 罗斯,你真的把所有婴儿书都读了? 恩!你可以把我塞到子宫里的 任何地方,用不着指南针, 我都能从里面爬出来,就像~~! 噢,太棒了...书上说在有些地方, 人们真的吃胎盘. 呃..这酸奶算是吃不下去了. 对不起. Syl婶婶,我是为了帮你, 我可不是承包宴席的. 那你让我拿这一打面怎么办? 说话真好听,Syl婶婶. 你用这张嘴亲Freddie叔叔吗? 嘿, 罗斯,你知道么,现在你的宝贝就这么大? 这是你孩子. 嘿, 爸爸! 嘿! 为什么你不和妈咪一起住? 为什么妈咪和另一个女人一起住? 什么是女同性恋? 亲爱的,你能说的,泊科农斯,泊科农斯, 就像 泊科-阿-农斯 (Poc-o-nos) 啊, 戳一下鼻子(poke a nose), 嗯... 么, 么, 么呵 那么,我听见泊科农斯了吗? 是的,我妹妹让我们去她那渡周末. 第一次周末结伴出游! 是啊,进展了一大步. 我知道... 啊, 就是个周末, 没什么! 不是说只是玩玩,不当真的吗,嗯? 这...该玩完了吧,现在? 我想,我们已远远超出玩的范围了, 我现在的感觉只有在 Danielle Steele的书里才找得到. 我是说,当我和他在一起的时候, 我完全,完全地... ...恶心,我本能的恶心. 我该怎么办? 打电话给移民局? 我可以打电话给移民局! 我喜欢孩子, 他们的小鞋, 小脚指头, 小手... 好了, 你别再这样了, 永远不要! 需要新桌子了. 你这么想? 嘿, 进来吧! 嘿! 我把书都拿回来了, 莫妮卡送你这些面条. 太好了! 是素的吗,苏珊不吃肉. 我肯定是素的... 我拿到超声波结果了. 哦,告诉我,告诉我,怎么样....? 完全彻底的健康! 哦, 太棒了, 太棒了! 嗨,你和苏珊什么时候认识的Huey Lewis? 啊,那是我们的朋友Tanya. 原来是你们的朋友Tanya. 你不想知道性别（性）吗? 性? 嗯,光想你和苏珊一起的样子我就够不舒服的, 你要再把Tanya加进来, 呃... 我是说孩子的性别, 罗斯. 噢, 你知道了? 噢... 你想知道吗? 不, 不, 我不想,绝对不想. 我不想现在知道,我认为应该等到那时再低头瞧一瞧, 然后说, 嘿, 带那个的... 或不带的... 你好, 罗斯! 苏珊 那么...你结果怎样? 对, 我们知道了,一切正常! 噢, 那真的是太好了... 知道"那个"了么? 是的, 当然知道了, 它是个... 嘿, 嘿, 这有人不想知道,我就站在这呢! 嗯, 那么,是我们希望的...么? 嗯 什么, 什么...你们希望是男是女? 是... 不, 不, 我不想知道,不想. 好吧, 我还是...先回去了. 好的, 谢谢你的书. 没问题, 嗯 哦, 嗯 苏珊... 好吧,我们该先告诉谁, 你家人,还是Deb和Rona? 喂? 嗯,没事, 我不想知道. 那么就因为这是我的桌子,就得让我买新的? 对, 这是规矩 什么规矩?没有什么规矩, 如果有的话,规矩就是你欠我个桌子! 你从哪得的这个结论? 这个桌子一直很结实直到你开始 在早餐时蹂躏Angela Delvecchio（黄油的牌子）. 你知道这事? 这么说吧,看到那罐黄油的惨相, 根本连想象都省了. 好吧, 那我们合伙买怎么样? 你什么意思, 一起买? 是呀 你认为我们的关系进展到这个的程度了么? 为什么不? 这可是个很大的承诺, 我意思是, 要是有人想搬出去呢? 为什么, 你要搬吗? 我不搬呐. 你要是搬的话得告诉我好吗 好, 好, 只是我上个室友Kip... 噢, 我知道Kip所有的事! 我们一起买了个日式古桌,后来 他要结婚走人,结果事情搞得很糟. 好吧,我问你个问题, 作为室友Kip比我好吗? 噢,别这么问 你的日程有些变化. 你4:00的香蕈按摩推迟到4:30 还有Somerfield太太取消了5:30的日式指压. 好, 谢谢 哦, 你3:00的顾客来了. 我不想表现的不专业,但是,很迷人哦.. Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!(意大利语) 哦, Paolo, 你好, 有何贵干? 嗯, Racquela告诉我你按摩, 是么? Racquela's说得对... 噢...我不知道你刚才说什么, 我们开始吧. 嗯, 需要我裸体么? 嗯,这就是个人喜好了, 我是说,有的人喜欢脱...噢! 你光着身子! 我不能相信你不想知道. 我意思是, 我可不能不知道,如果, 如果医生知道, 卡罗尔知道,还有苏珊知道的话.... 还有莫妮卡知道... 你怎么知道的, 我都不知道! 卡罗尔因为面条打电话道谢, 我问他,她就告诉我了. 那么孩子是? 嘿, 哈, 太好了, 现在他都知道了, 我却不知道! 对不起, 我当了姑姑我太兴奋了! 也可能是叔叔... 嘿, 菲比 嘿, 菲比 很好! 菲比,怎么了? 没什么, 对不起, 我就是, 我不舒服. 嘿, 能给我们上些咖啡么? 哦, 对, 是叫我! 嘿, 钱德, 那个卖桌子的地方 7点就关了, 走吧. 好吧. 菲比, 怎么了? 好吧, 你知道Paolo? 我了解他那点把戏的, 是的... 他调戏我. 别急, 商店明天还会开! 请再来点咖啡! 怎么回事? 他来按摩, 本来挺好的直到... 噢...天那... 你确定? 是的, 我确定. 然后突然间他的手就不算什么问题了. 他那儿...? 童子军都能在那扎营了. 哦... 哦 什么? Uma Thurman. 那个女演员! 谢了, 瑞秋. 那么你打算怎么办? 你必须告诉她! 你必须告诉她! 这是道德上的义务,作为朋友,同是女人, 我认为这涉及到女权问题! 伙计们? 哦, 对, 你必须告诉她. 女权问题. 这是我的观点! 她会恨我的. 是的, 没错. 你挑一个, 挑一个! 那个怎么样? 那是放在院子里用的! 那有什么,难道人们进屋后会想, 哦,我又出去了? 那鸟桌怎么样? 不知道,鸟桌不会对你说, 你好, 坐这, 吃点什么. 那你选吧. 好吧, 那瓢虫桌怎么样? 哦, 且不说鸟, 一只红色的昆虫就能够给人进食的感觉了? 好, 你想要鸟, 就要鸟吧! 不是这样, 我不要! Kip会喜欢鸟桌的! 嘿! 嘿, 菲比! 你要搬出去吗? 不,这不全是我的行李. 这个是Paolo的. 瑞秋,我们能谈一会吗? 当然可以...就一会, 因为,Paolo正过来呢. 哦. 好的. 嗯...嗯... 哦, 菲比 好的, 嗯, 我们认识还不长, 嗯, 我有三件事你应该知道. 一,朋友是我生命中最重要的 二,我从不说谎 三, 我做的提子燕麦饼干是最好的 好的, 谢谢 哦, 太好吃了, 为什么我从来没吃过这些?! 哦, 我不怎么做因为我想 这对别的饼干来说不太公平 好吧, 你是对的, 这是我吃过的最好提子燕麦饼干. 这也证明了我不说谎. 我想是的. Paolo调戏我了. 那么, 你们看怎么样? 我想这是我见过的最漂亮的桌子. 我知道! 那么它怎么用呢, 你得把盘子平衡在这些小人头上吗? 管他呢, 我们在水槽边吃饭! 来吧, 我们开玩! 闪开你的小人罗斯! 得分! 你们真臭! 你没事吧? 我需要牛奶. 好的, 我准备了牛奶 给你杯子... 好点了么? 没有... 哦, 我真太蠢了! 哦, 我回想起来那天我还是 哦, Paolo,他真好, 他让我觉得真... 天哪, 我真为自己难为情! 我才难为情, 我是他调戏的那个! 菲比, 如果我没遇见他 事情就不会发生! 真对不起! 不我对不起你! 不, 等等, 我们为什么要互相道歉? 不知道...对, 他才是猪! 真是猪! 哦, 我的天, 他真是头猪, /对, 他就像一个... 他像个猪, 一个恶心的...猪...猪人! 对, 骂的好 噢, 但他是我的猪人... 为什么我看不出来? 我知道! 是因为... 他太帅了, 他太迷人,当他看你的时候... 别说了, 菲比 不说了. 噢, 天哪... 我应该瞒着你吗? 不,不,相信我, 让我知道是对的. 呃, 我只是把事情想的太好了... 我想她的情绪还算好. Paolo现在就在那边, 所以... 我们应该过去,看看她有没有事. 一会...就好, 得分! 赢了! 走吧. 嗯, 看起来, 呃,我们打得你们屁滚尿流. 不, 不, 她打得我们屁滚尿流. 你可以参加奥林匹克的"站一边看"之队. 得了吧, 二对一. 你还在这干什么? 她刚和 那男的分手,该你趁虚而入啦! 什么, 现在? 是的, 现在正是时候! 你得确保Paolo走出屋子后, 你是瑞秋见到的第一个男人, 得让她知道你是那么好, 而他一无是处! 你就像, 像反-Paolo!(罗马教皇) 我这天主教朋友说的对. 她现在很烦恼. 你就在那陪伴她. 你帮她承担所有烦恼, 然后你就走向了: 罗斯时代! 不, 太残忍了, 太残忍了, 这... 怎么样了? 别盯那看. 现在她刚把他的衣服从阳台上 扔下去,现在是他们比比画画的, 嗯, 这个动作可能表示, "你怎么能?" 也可能表示, "好大的胸脯!" 他过来了! 嗯, 我, 我过来...说声再见. 噢, 行了, 走吧. Paolo, 我非常憎恨你对瑞秋做的事, 但我还有五个没处理掉, 在烤箱里烤到奶酪冒泡就行了. Grazie. (意大利语) Paolo, 我只想告诉你我要代大家说 当我说... 噢, 看她多伤心... 伙计们, 我认为最好我们中的一个过去, 这样她就不会被压垮... 你说的对. ...而且那个人应该是我. 嘿! / 嘿... 你没事吧? 噢, 我好点了... 过来. 听着, 他远远配不上你... 我意思是, 你,你应该找一个能 明白拥有你是多么幸福的人. 哦, 罗斯... 什么? 我讨厌死男人了.我都不想看见男的, 我也不想考虑别的男人, 我甚至不想听男人说话. 哈... 哦, 罗斯, 你真好. 嘿, 亲爱的, 你还好吧? 你没事? ...一般吧...嗯...还有饼干吗? 有! 瑞秋,我认为你不应该把所有男人拒之门外. 我不这么想. 我认为你只不过需要建立一个成熟的筛选程序. 不. 我只想先单身一阵,你知道吗? 我得先弄明白我想要什么样的 不, 不, 你看, 因为不是所有人都会像Paolo那样. 不, 我知道, 我知道, 而且我肯定 你的小儿子不会长成他那样. 什么? / 什么? 我...我...我有了个儿子? 不, 不, 不, 事实上, 不是儿子. 我有, 我有了儿子! 嗯? 我是有了儿子吗? 是, 你有儿子了! 我有儿子了! 哦, 我有儿子了! 什么 / 怎么了? 我有儿子了! 我...我有儿子了! 嘿! / 嘿! 我们已经知道了! 我有儿子了. 嗯... 看! 我又赢了一局! 闭嘴吧!! 你们去哪? 来呀, 再来一局! 嘿, 现在已经凌晨2:30了! 对, 出去! 你们可老是到我那屋去泡着! 来吧, 我就用左手? 来吧, 软蛋! 好吧, 我得走了. 我走了, 我已经走了. 再来一局? 当然!