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首页 Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro (別讓我走-石黑一雄).pdf

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro (別讓我走-石黑一雄).pdf

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro…

上传者: 4evertvxq 2011-09-11 评分5 评论0 下载2883 收藏4 阅读量3076 暂无简介 简介 举报

简介:本文档为《Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro (別讓我走-石黑一雄)pdf》,可适用于文学艺术领域,主题内容包含NEVERLETMEGOKAZUOISHIGUROTOLORNAANDNAOMIEngland,latesPARTONECHAPTERONEMyna符等。

NEVERLETMEGOKAZUOISHIGUROTOLORNAANDNAOMIEngland,latesPARTONECHAPTERONEMynameisKathyHI’mthirtyoneyearsold,andI’vebeenacarernowforoverelevenyearsThatsoundslongenough,Iknow,butactuallytheywantmetogoonforanothereightmonths,untiltheendofthisyearThat’llmakeitalmostexactlytwelveyearsNowIknowmybeingacarersolongisn’tnecessarilybecausetheythinkI’mfantasticatwhatIdoTherearesomereallygoodcarerswho’vebeentoldtostopafterjusttwoorthreeyearsAndIcanthinkofonecareratleastwhowentonforalloffourteenyearsdespitebeingacompletewasteofspaceSoI’mnottryingtoboastButthenIdoknowforafactthey’vebeenpleasedwithmywork,andbyandlarge,IhavetooMydonorshavealwaystendedtodomuchbetterthanexpectedTheirrecoverytimeshavebeenimpressive,andhardlyanyofthemhavebeenclassifiedas“agitated,”evenbeforefourthdonationOkay,maybeIamboastingnowButitmeansalottome,beingabletodomyworkwell,especiallythatbitaboutmydonorsstaying“calm”I’vedevelopedakindofinstinctarounddonorsIknowwhentohangaroundandcomfortthem,whentoleavethemtothemselveswhentolistentoeverythingtheyhavetosay,andwhenjusttoshrugandtellthemtosnapoutofitAnyway,I’mnotmakinganybigclaimsformyselfIknowcarers,workingnow,whoarejustasgoodanddon’tgethalfthecreditIfyou’reoneofthem,Icanunderstandhowyoumightgetresentfulaboutmybedsit,mycar,aboveall,thewayIgettopickandchoosewhoIlookafterAndI’maHailshamstudentwhichisenoughbyitselfsometimestogetpeople’sbacksupKathyH,theysay,shegetstopickandchoose,andshealwayschoosesherownkind:peoplefromHailsham,oroneoftheotherprivilegedestatesNowondershehasagreatrecordI’vehearditsaidenough,soI’msureyou’vehearditplentymore,andmaybethere’ssomethinginitButI’mnotthefirsttobeallowedtopickandchoose,andIdoubtifI’llbethelastAndanyway,I’vedonemyshareoflookingafterdonorsbroughtupineverykindofplaceBythetimeIfinish,remember,I’llhavedonetwelveyearsofthis,andit’sonlyforthelastsixthey’veletmechooseAndwhyshouldn’ttheyCarersaren’tmachinesYoutryanddoyourbestforeverydonor,butintheend,itwearsyoudownYoudon’thaveunlimitedpatienceandenergySowhenyougetachancetochoose,ofcourse,youchooseyourownkindThat’snaturalThere’snowayIcouldhavegoneonforaslongasIhaveifI’dstoppedfeelingformydonorseverystepofthewayAndanyway,ifI’dneverstartedchoosing,howwouldIeverhavegotcloseagaintoRuthandTommyafterallthoseyearsButthesedays,ofcourse,therearefewerandfewerdonorsleftwhoIremember,andsoinpractice,Ihaven’tbeenchoosingthatmuchAsIsay,theworkgetsalotharderwhenyoudon’thavethatdeeperlinkwiththedonor,andthoughI’llmissbeingacarer,itfeelsjustaboutrighttobefinishingatlastcometheendoftheyearRuth,incidentally,wasonlythethirdorfourthdonorIgottochooseShealreadyhadacarerassignedtoheratthetime,andIrememberittakingabitofnerveonmypartButintheendImanagedit,andtheinstantIsawheragain,atthatrecoverycentreinDover,allourdifferenceswhiletheydidn’texactlyvanishseemednotnearlyasimportantasalltheotherthings:likethefactthatwe’dgrownuptogetheratHailsham,thefactthatweknewandrememberedthingsnooneelsedidIt’seversincethen,Isuppose,Istartedseekingoutformydonorspeoplefromthepast,andwheneverIcould,peoplefromHailshamTherehavebeentimesovertheyearswhenI’vetriedtoleaveHailshambehind,whenI’vetoldmyselfIshouldn’tlookbacksomuchButthentherecameapointwhenIjuststoppedresistingIthadtodowiththisparticulardonorIhadonce,inmythirdyearasacareritwashisreactionwhenImentionedIwasfromHailshamHe’djustcomethroughhisthirddonation,ithadn’tgonewell,andhemusthaveknownhewasn’tgoingtomakeitHecouldhardlybreathe,buthelookedtowardsmeandsaid:“HailshamIbetthatwasabeautifulplace”Thenthenextmorning,whenIwasmakingconversationtokeephismindoffitall,andIaskedwherehe’dgrownup,hementionedsomeplaceinDorsetandhisfacebeneaththeblotcheswentintoacompletelynewkindofgrimaceAndIrealisedthenhowdesperatelyhedidn’twantremindedInstead,hewantedtohearaboutHailshamSooverthenextfiveorsixdays,Itoldhimwhateverhewantedtoknow,andhe’dliethere,allhookedup,agentlesmilebreakingthroughHe’daskmeaboutthebigthingsandthelittlethingsAboutourguardians,abouthowweeachhadourowncollectionchestsunderourbeds,thefootball,therounders,thelittlepaththattookyouallroundtheoutsideofthemainhouse,roundallitsnooksandcrannies,theduckpond,thefood,theviewfromtheArtRoomoverthefieldsonafoggymorningSometimeshe’dmakemesaythingsoverandoverthingsI’dtoldhimonlythedaybefore,he’daskaboutlikeI’dnevertoldhim“Didyouhaveasportspavilion”“Whichguardianwasyourspecialfavourite”AtfirstIthoughtthiswasjustthedrugs,butthenIrealisedhismindwasclearenoughWhathewantedwasnotjusttohearaboutHailsham,buttorememberHailsham,justlikeithadbeenhisownchildhoodHeknewhewasclosetocompletingandsothat’swhathewasdoing:gettingmetodescribethingstohim,sothey’dreallysinkin,sothatmaybeduringthosesleeplessnights,withthedrugsandthepainandtheexhaustion,thelinewouldblurbetweenwhatweremymemoriesandwhatwerehisThatwaswhenIfirstunderstood,reallyunderstood,justhowluckywe’dbeenTommy,Ruth,me,alltherestofusDRIVINGAROUNDTHECOUNTRYNOW,IstillseethingsthatwillremindmeofHailshamImightpassthecornerofamistyfield,orseepartofalargehouseinthedistanceasIcomedownthesideofavalley,evenaparticulararrangementofpoplartreesuponahillside,andI’llthink:“Maybethat’sit!I’vefoundit!ThisactuallyisHailsham!”ThenIseeit’simpossibleandIgoondriving,mythoughtsdriftingonelsewhereInparticular,therearethosepavilionsIspotthemalloverthecountry,standingonthefarsideofplayingfields,littlewhiteprefabbuildingswitharowofwindowsunnaturallyhighup,tuckedalmostundertheeavesIthinktheybuiltawholelotlikethatinthefiftiesandsixties,whichisprobablywhenourswasputupIfIdrivepastoneIkeeplookingovertoitforaslongaspossible,andonedayI’llcrashthecarlikethat,butIkeepdoingitNotlongagoIwasdrivingthroughanemptystretchofWorcestershireandsawonebesideacricketgroundsolikeoursatHailshamIactuallyturnedthecarandwentbackforasecondlookWelovedoursportspavilion,maybebecauseitremindedusofthosesweetlittlecottagespeoplealwayshadinpicturebookswhenwewereyoungIcanrememberusbackintheJuniors,pleadingwithguardianstoholdthenextlessoninthepavilioninsteadoftheusualroomThenbythetimewewereinSeniorwhenweweretwelve,goingonthirteenthepavilionhadbecometheplacetohideoutwithyourbestfriendswhenyouwantedtogetawayfromtherestofHailshamThepavilionwasbigenoughtotaketwoseparategroupswithoutthembotheringeachotherinthesummer,athirdgroupcouldhangaboutoutontheverandaButideallyyouandyourfriendswantedtheplacejusttoyourselves,sotherewasoftenjockeyingandarguingTheguardianswerealwaystellingustobecivilisedaboutit,butinpractice,youneededtohavesomestrongpersonalitiesinyourgrouptostandachanceofgettingthepavilionduringabreakorfreeperiodIwasn’texactlythewiltingtypemyself,butIsupposeitwasreallybecauseofRuthwegotinthereasoftenaswedidUsuallywejustspreadourselvesaroundthechairsandbenchesthere’dbefiveofus,sixifJennyBcamealongandhadagoodgossipTherewasakindofconversationthatcouldonlyhappenwhenyouwerehiddenawayinthepavilionwemightdiscusssomethingthatwasworryingus,orwemightendupscreamingwithlaughter,orinafuriousrowMostly,itwasawaytounwindforawhilewithyourclosestfriendsOntheparticularafternoonI’mnowthinkingof,wewerestandinguponstoolsandbenches,crowdingaroundthehighwindowsThatgaveusaclearviewoftheNorthPlayingFieldwhereaboutadozenboysfromouryearandSeniorhadgatheredtoplayfootballTherewasbrightsunshine,butitmusthavebeenrainingearlierthatdaybecauseIcanrememberhowthesunwasglintingonthemuddysurfaceofthegrassSomeonesaidweshouldn’tbesoobviousaboutwatching,butwehardlymovedbackatallThenRuthsaid:“Hedoesn’tsuspectathingLookathimHereallydoesn’tsuspectathing”Whenshesaidthis,IlookedatherandsearchedforsignsofdisapprovalaboutwhattheboysweregoingtodotoTommyButthenextsecondRuthgavealittlelaughandsaid:“Theidiot!”AndIrealisedthatforRuthandtheothers,whatevertheboyschosetodowasprettyremotefromuswhetherweapprovedornotdidn’tcomeintoitWeweregatheredaroundthewindowsatthatmomentnotbecausewerelishedtheprospectofseeingTommygethumiliatedyetagain,butjustbecausewe’dheardaboutthislatestplotandwerevaguelycurioustowatchitunfoldInthosedays,Idon’tthinkwhattheboysdidamongstthemselveswentmuchdeeperthanthatForRuth,fortheothers,itwasthatdetached,andthechancesarethat’showitwasformetooOrmaybeI’mrememberingitwrongMaybeeventhen,whenIsawTommyrushingaboutthatfield,undisguiseddelightonhisfacetobeacceptedbackinthefoldagain,abouttoplaythegameatwhichhesoexcelled,maybeIdidfeelalittlestabofpainWhatIdorememberisthatInoticedTommywaswearingthelightbluepoloshirthe’dgotintheSalesthepreviousmonththeonehewassoproudofIrememberthinking:“He’sreallystupid,playingfootballinthatIt’llgetruined,thenhow’shegoingtofeel”Outloud,Isaid,tonooneinparticular:“Tommy’sgothisshirtonHisfavouritepoloshirt”Idon’tthinkanyoneheardme,becausetheywerealllaughingatLaurathebigclowninourgroupmimickingoneaftertheothertheexpressionsthatappearedonTommy’sfaceasheran,waved,called,tackledTheotherboyswereallmovingaroundthefieldinthatdeliberatelylanguorouswaytheyhavewhenthey’rewarmingup,butTommy,inhisexcitement,seemedalreadytobegoingfullpeltIsaid,louderthistime:“He’sgoingtobesosickifheruinsthatshirt”ThistimeRuthheardme,butshemusthavethoughtI’dmeantitassomekindofjoke,becauseshelaughedhalfheartedly,thenmadesomequipofherownThentheboyshadstoppedkickingtheballabout,andwerestandinginapackinthemud,theirchestsgentlyrisingandfallingastheywaitedfortheteampickingtostartThetwocaptainswhoemergedwerefromSenior,thougheveryoneknewTommywasabetterplayerthananyofthatyearTheytossedforfirstpick,thentheonewho’dwonstaredatthegroup“Lookathim,”someonebehindmesaid“He’scompletelyconvincedhe’sgoingtobefirstpickJustlookathim!”TherewassomethingcomicalaboutTommyatthatmoment,somethingthatmadeyouthink,well,yes,ifhe’sgoingtobethatdaft,hedeserveswhat’scomingTheotherboyswereallpretendingtoignorethepickingprocess,pretendingtheydidn’tcarewheretheycameintheorderSomeweretalkingquietlytoeachother,someretyingtheirlaces,othersjuststaringdownattheirfeetastheytrammelledthemudButTommywaslookingeagerlyattheSeniorboy,asthoughhisnamehadalreadybeencalledLaurakeptupherperformanceallthroughtheteampicking,doingallthedifferentexpressionsthatwentacrossTommy’sface:thebrighteageroneatthestartthepuzzledconcernwhenfourpickshadgonebyandhestillhadn’tbeenchosenthehurtandpanicasitbegantodawnonhimwhatwasreallygoingonIdidn’tkeepglancingroundatLaura,though,becauseIwaswatchingTommyIonlyknewwhatshewasdoingbecausetheotherskeptlaughingandeggingheronThenwhenTommywasleftstandingalone,andtheboysallbegansniggering,IheardRuthsay:“It’scomingHolditSevensecondsSeven,six,five”ShenevergotthereTommyburstintothunderousbellowing,andtheboys,nowlaughingopenly,startedtorunofftowardstheSouthPlayingFieldTommytookafewstridesafterthemitwashardtosaywhetherhisinstinctwastogiveangrychaseorifhewaspanickedatbeingleftbehindInanycasehesoonstoppedandstoodthere,glaringafterthem,hisfacescarletThenhebegantoscreamandshout,anonsensicaljumbleofswearwordsandinsultsWe’dallseenplentyofTommy’stantrumsbythen,sowecamedownoffourstoolsandspreadourselvesaroundtheroomWetriedtostartupaconversationaboutsomethingelse,buttherewasTommygoingonandoninthebackground,andalthoughatfirstwejustrolledoureyesandtriedtoignoreit,intheendprobablyafulltenminutesafterwe’dfirstmovedawaywewerebackupatthewindowsagainTheotherboyswerenowcompletelyoutofview,andTommywasnolongertryingtodirecthiscommentsinanyparticulardirectionHewasjustraving,flinginghislimbsabout,atthesky,atthewind,atthenearestfencepostLaurasaidhewasmaybe“rehearsinghisShakespeare”Someoneelsepointedouthoweachtimehescreamedsomethinghe’draiseonefootofftheground,pointingitoutwards,“likeadogdoingapee”Actually,I’dnoticedthesamefootmovementmyself,butwhathadstruckmewasthateachtimehestampedthefootbackdownagain,flecksofmudflewuparoundhisshinsIthoughtagainabouthispreciousshirt,buthewastoofarawayformetoseeifhe’dgotmuchmudonit“Isupposeitisabitcruel,”Ruthsaid,“thewaytheyalwaysworkhimuplikethatButit’shisownfaultIfhelearnttokeephiscool,they’dleavehimalone”“They’dstillkeeponathim,”Hannahsaid“GrahamK’stemper’sjustasbad,butthatonlymakesthemallthemorecarefulwithhimThereasontheygoforTommy’sbecausehe’salayabout”Theneveryonewastalkingatonce,abouthowTommynevereventriedtobecreative,abouthowhehadn’tevenputanythinginfortheSpringExchangeIsupposethetruthwas,bythatstage,eachofuswassecretlywishingaguardianwouldcomefromthehouseandtakehimawayAndalthoughwehadn’thadanypartinthislatestplantorileTommy,wehadtakenoutringsideseats,andwewerestartingtofeelguiltyButtherewasnosignofaguardian,sowejustkeptswappingreasonswhyTommydeservedeverythinghegotThenwhenRuthlookedatherwatchandsaideventhoughwestillhadtime,weshouldgetbacktothemainhouse,nobodyarguedTommywasstillgoingstrongaswecameoutofthepavilionThehousewasovertoourleft,andsinceTommywasstandinginthefieldstraightaheadofus,therewasnoneedtogoanywherenearhimInanycase,hewasfacingtheotherwayanddidn’tseemtoregisterusatallAllthesame,asmyfriendssetoffalongtheedgeofthefield,IstartedtodriftovertowardshimIknewthiswouldpuzzletheothers,butIkeptgoingevenwhenIheardRuth’surgentwhispertometocomebackIsupposeTommywasn’tusedtobeingdisturbedduringhisrages,becausehisfirstresponsewhenIcameuptohimwastostareatmeforasecond,thencarryonasbeforeItwaslikehewasdoingShakespeareandI’dcomeupontothestageinthemiddleofhisperformanceEvenwhenIsaid:“Tommy,yourniceshirtYou’llgetitallmessedup,”therewasnosignofhimhavingheardmeSoIreachedforwardandputahandonhisarmAfterwards,theothersthoughthe’dmeanttodoit,butIwasprettysureitwasunintentionalHisarmswerestillflailingabout,andhewasn’ttoknowIwasabouttoputoutmyhandAnyway,ashethrewuphisarm,heknockedmyhandasideandhitthesideofmyfaceItdidn’thurtatall,butIletoutagasp,andsodidmostofthegirlsbehindmeThat’swhenatlastTommyseemedtobecomeawareofme,oftheothers,ofhimself,ofthefactthathewasthereinthatfield,behavingthewayhehadbeen,andstaredatmeabitstupidly“Tommy,”Isaid,quitesternly“There’smudalloveryourshirt”“Sowhat”hemumbledButevenashesaidthis,helookeddownandnoticedthebrownspecks,andonlyjuststoppedhimselfcryingoutinalarmThenIsawthesurpriseregisteronhisfacethatIshouldknowabouthisfeelingsforthepoloshirt“It’snothingtoworryabout,”Isaid,beforethesilencegothumiliatingforhim“It’llcomeoffIfyoucan’tgetitoffyourself,justtakeittoMissJody”Hewentonexamininghisshirt,thensaidgrumpily:“It’snothingtodowithyouanyway”Heseemedtoregretimmediatelythislastremarkandlookedatmesheepishly,asthoughexpectingmetosaysomethingcomfortingbacktohimButI’dhadenoughofhimbynow,particularlywiththegirlswatchingandforallIknew,anynumberofothersfromthewindowsofthemainhouseSoIturnedawaywithashrugandrejoinedmyfriendsRuthputanarmaroundmyshouldersaswewalkedaway“Atleastyougothimtopipedown,”shesaid“AreyouokayMadanimal”CHAPTERTWOThiswasallalongtimeagosoImighthavesomeofitwrongbutmymemoryofitisthatmyapproachingTommythatafternoonwaspartofaphaseIwasgoingthrougharoundthattimesomethingtodowithcompulsivelysettingmyselfchallengesandI’dmoreorlessforgottenallaboutitwhenTommystoppedmeafewdayslaterIdon’tknowhowitwaswhereyouwere,butatHailshamwehadtohavesomeformofmedicalalmosteveryweekusuallyupinRoomattheverytopofthehousewithsternNurseTrisha,orCrowFace,aswecalledherThatsunnymorningacrowdofuswasgoingupthecentralstaircasetobeexaminedbyher,whileanotherlotshe’djustfinishedwithwasonitswaydownSothestairwellwasfilledwithechoingnoise,andIwasclimbingthestepsheaddown,justfollowingtheheelsofthepersoninfront,whenavoicenearmewent:“Kath!”Tommy,whowasinthestreamcomingdown,hadstoppeddeadonthestairswithabigopensmilethatimmediatelyirritatedmeAfewyearsearliermaybe,ifweranintosomeonewewerepleasedtosee,we’dputonthatsortoflookButwewerethirteenbythen,andthiswasaboyrunningintoagirlinareallypublicsituationIfeltlikesaying:“Tommy,whydon’tyougrowup”ButIstoppedmyself,andsaidinstead:“Tommy,you’reholdingeveryoneupAndsoamI”HeglancedupwardsandsureenoughtheflightabovewasalreadygrindingtoahaltForasecondhelookedpanicked,thenhesqueezedhimselfrightintothewallnexttome,soitwasjustaboutpossibleforpeopletopushpastThenhesaid:“Kath,I’vebeenlookingalloverforyouImeanttosaysorryImean,I’mr

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