Bullying among young children

Bullying among young children A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s AN AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT INITIATIVE This booklet is one element of a project funded by the Australian Government’s National Crime Prevention Program. Thanks are due to the following for their comments on the text: Andrea Rankin, Jean Rigby, Ros Shute, Phillip Slee, Gill Westhop, Victoria Whitington and Alison Wotherspoon. The description of bullying at preschool on page 2 is from Main, N. 1999, ‘Children’s perpetration of violence in early childhood: beyond conflict’. Paper presented at the ‘Children and Crime: Victims and Offenders Conference’. Australian Institute of Criminology, Brisbane, 17-18 June 1999. The recollection described on page 2 is from Mellor, A. 1993, ‘Bullying and how to fight it’. The Scottish Council for Research in Education, Glasgow, page 4. Author: Ken Rigby Adjunct Associate Professor School of Education University of South Australia To order any National Crime Prevention publications please contact: Crime Prevention Branch Australian Government Attorney-General’s Department Robert Garran Offices National Circuit BARTON ACT 2600 Ph: +61 2 6250 6711 Fax: +61 2 6273 0913 Publications are also available at www.crimeprevention.gov.au Bullying among young children: A guide for parents Australian Government Attorney-General’s Department, Canberra © Commonwealth of Australia December 2003 ISBN 0 642 21029 2 Bullying among young children: A guide for parents The views expressed in this publication are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the view of the Australian Government. Whilst all reasonable care has been taken in the preparation of this publication, no liability is assumed for any errors or omissions. See also: ISBN 0 642 21030 6 Bullying among young children: A guide for teachers and carers ISBN 0 642 21040 3 A meta-evaluation of methods and approaches to reducing bullying in pre-schools and primary schools in Australia Design: She Creative Pty Ltd, Adelaide Print: Finsbury Printing, Adelaide Publisher: Australian Government Attorney-General’s Department Acknowledgments B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s Bullying in schools is an area of considerable concern to the community and the Australian Government. Most work on this issue relates to older children — very little has been done in relation to children aged 4-8 years. However, research indicates that the early years of life are a crucial time for the development of an individual’s health and wellbeing. This means we must learn how to address problem behaviours such as bullying as early in a young person’s life as possible, to reduce the risk of long-term damage. A child who has been the victim of bullying can experience problems with their physical and psychological health, educational attainment and social development. Of equal concern, a child who bullies another child is at risk of becoming involved in criminal or anti-social behaviour later in life. As many as one child in six in Australia is bullied by another child or group of children on a weekly basis — an alarming statistic given the possible consequences. It is important that teachers, carers and parents recognise bullying behaviours and work together to help children who bully and children who are bullied learn to live and play together in a healthy, positive way. The Australian Government is committed to helping children get off to the best start possible, and is developing a National Agenda for Early Childhood to support this goal. The Government has also provided national leadership in producing the ‘National Safe Schools Framework’ with the support of the States and Territories. The Framework provides an agreed national approach to help schools and their communities address issues of bullying, harassment, violence and child abuse and neglect. It emphasises the importance of parents and teachers working together to create safer, more supportive learning environments. The Government has committed $4.5 million to fund specific teacher professional development, school grants and resources in support of the Framework. Bullying is a significant issue and resources to address it are a very practical and important place to begin. Every child deserves to grow up in a safe, healthy, well-balanced and supportive environment. We are all responsible for ensuring this happens. The National Crime Prevention Program has funded this information booklet and another for teachers, as well as a 30-minute video featuring early childhood educators and parents who have had to deal with bullying among young children, to help you handle bullying among the children in your care. Chris Ellison Minister for Justice and Customs Senator for Western Australia Foreword Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s 1 Introduction 2 Bullying in early educational settings 3 What exactly is bullying? 4 Identifying bullying 5 Children watching bullying 6 Parents encouraging children to help the bullied child 7 The child who is victimised 8 How parents can help the bullied child 9 The child who bullies others 10 How parents can help the child who bullies 11 Parents working with teachers 12 Resources to help parents Contents In every setting where children come together, whether it is school, preschool, kindergarten or childcare, bullying can be observed. It has always been so. The difference is that these days we are seeing that for some children bullying is a serious problem that needs to be addressed not only by teachers and carers but by the whole community. Parents of young children have an especially important part to play. In Australia, on average one child in six is bullied by another child or a group of children on a weekly basis. Sometimes the bullying is not very severe and may consist mainly of mild teasing and non-inclusion in some activities. Some children take it in their stride and are not unduly bothered. But if the bullying goes on, as it sometimes does, for months and even years, then even the most resilient children may become miserable, angry and hate being at preschool or school. On occasions children are assaulted by a stronger child or by groups of children, or utterly excluded, and this can be profoundly upsetting. It is of deep concern to many parents when children are treated badly by their peers and become depressed, sometimes ill or even suicidal. There is also concern about children who bully others. Introduction1 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s Among children who bully, some are very unhappy. Unless someone helps, the risk is that they may grow up to do further harm to others as well as themselves. This booklet is intended to help parents who are worried because their child is being bullied or because their child is bullying others. The booklet also seeks to encourage every parent to help make their child’s school or centre a happier and safer place. 1 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 2 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s Many children experience bullying behaviour at an early age. Even at preschools and kindergartens bullying can be observed. Here, for example, is a description of one incident from among hundreds recorded by a research psychologist at preschools in Australia. ‘Jim (a preschool boy) goes over to the corner where Sal is playing with a group of girls on a pile of pillows. He growls at them, puts his face very close to theirs and grimaces. They scream and grab the pillows around them. Jim tells them to share the pillows. He then lies down on the pillows and the girls say “we had them first”. Jim does not respond and the girls move away, going back only to retrieve their shoes. Jim then moves from the pillows and gets a piece of string. He grabs Sybi and puts the string around her neck, pulling it around her neck. Sybi cries. A member of staff comes over and tells him to play with Ian. He turns to Sybi and says “cry baby”. Jim then goes over to Melanie and, while smiling, pulls her hair.’ Such bullying behaviour must be stopped not only for the sake of Sybi and Melanie and all other children who find themselves in similar positions, but also for the good of children like Jim. People often have sad memories of being bullied when they were children at school, as in this recollection: “When I was at primary school I got picked on non-stop for two years. No-one talked to me. I hadn’t done anything to get blamed for and I still don’t know the reason I got picked on. I wasn’t any wealthier or poorer or from a different race. I used to cry myself to sleep every night. I was miserable … I’d hate to think this was happening to anyone else.” Parents of children who attend preschools, kindergartens and primary schools need to work closely with teachers to help recognise and address problems of bullying behaviour as soon as they arise – and before it is too late. Bullying in early educational settings2 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s 3 What exactly is bullying?3 T h e s e a r e s o m e o f t h e w a y s a c h i l d m a y b e b u l l i e d b y p e e r s a t s c h o o l : • A child may be physically bullied by being continually struck or pushed around by another person or group. • There may be repeated threats of what is going to happen next. • Property may frequently be taken away or damaged. • The bullying may be verbal, as in unpleasant name-calling and constant ridicule. • A child may be bullied indirectly as happens when someone is excluded from an activity without reason or nasty rumours are spread about her or him. Bullying may be carried out in any or all of these ways. Parents need to be clear about what bullying is – and what it is not. It is not about children of roughly the same strength or power arguing or quarrelling or getting into the odd fight about something. Bullying occurs when somebody who is less powerful than another person or a group is deliberately and (typically) repeatedly hurt without in any way deserving that treatment. The children doing the bullying enjoy what they are doing and the victim is unable to avoid being bullied. 4 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s It commonly begins when a child is ‘picked on’ by another child or by a group of children, is unable to resist and lacks the support of others. It will continue if the children doing the bullying have little or no sympathy for the child they are hurting, and especially if they are getting some pleasure out of what they are doing – and if nobody stops them. It takes place mostly outside the centre or school building at free play, recess or lunchtime. It may also happen on the way to or from the school or centre, and especially on the school bus if there is not adequate supervision. Bullying may sometimes occur in the classroom. Here it is usually of a more subtle, non-physical kind, such as cruel teasing, making faces at someone or repeatedly making unkind and sarcastic comments. Identifying bullying is sometimes not easy. Carers or teachers are often not present when it happens, and children are often reluctant to tell anyone. Bullying needs to be brought out into the open. Parents should encourage children who are being bullied to tell and get help from people they can trust. Identifying bullying4 5B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s Children watching bullying5 If bystanders acted to discourage bullying when it occurred, much of the bullying would stop. In some circumstances there are risks involved in intervening when someone is being bullied. With the help of parents and teachers children can learn when it is safe to intervene and how they can do so. Bullying usually takes place when other children are present. What do these bystanders do? • Commonly they simply stand there and watch. This may lead the bullies to think that nobody objects to what they are doing. • Sometimes they positively encourage the bully or bullies, either by cheering them on, or in some cases joining in and ridiculing the victim. • In a minority of cases someone may object by calling out to say it is unfair and should be stopped. • Very occasionally, a child may go off and tell a teacher or carer what's happening. B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s6 While it can sometimes be dangerous to rush in to restrain children who are attacking someone, a child can often do constructive things to counter the bullying and its effects on some children, such as: • Expressing disapproval by refusing to be amused at what is happening; even walking away is better than just standing there. • Informing adults when an incident of bullying occurs. It is not ‘dobbing’ to tell a teacher or carer. Children who are being bullied need to be helped by adults. • Helping to resolve conflicts between children when they arise. Conflicts can sometimes lead to bullying. Some schools now teach children conflict resolution skills. Encourage children to apply what they have learnt. • Offering comfort and support afterwards to a child who has been bullied. Parents encouraging children to help the bullied child6 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 Administrator 高亮 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s 7 Any child can become a victim. Unfortunately the child who is victimised often thinks it is because there is something wrong or unacceptable about himself or herself. And this is not so. It is true that some children are more likely to be bullied than others. Often they are quiet, sensitive children who easily become anxious and find it hard to defend themselves. Sometimes they belong to a group against which there is strong prejudice, for example, a minority ethnic group. Or they may be different from most other children in appearance or interest. If the bullying is severe and prolonged and the targeted child is unable to overcome the problem or get help, the following can happen: The child who is victimised7 • The child may lose confidence and self-esteem. • He or she may lose friends and become isolated. • The child may become seriously depressed, disturbed or ill. • The child may refuse to go to preschool or school. • School work may suffer. • The child may seek revenge and (in extreme cases) may use a weapon to get even. • For years to come the child may distrust others and find it impossible to make friends. Such a child needs support and help, especially from parents. 8 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s Parents can help by being observant and noticing changes in mood and behaviour. For instance, a child may cry more easily, become irritable or experience difficulty sleeping. Younger children may find it difficult to explain what is wrong. Talking it over with a child’s teacher or carer may lead to a better understanding of what is happening. Simply listening sympathetically helps. Such support can reduce the pain and misery. It never helps to say it’s the child’s problem and that he or she must simply stand up to the bullies, whatever the situation. Sometimes this course of action is impractical, especially if a group is involved. Nor does it help the child to be over-protective, for example, by saying: ‘Never mind. I will look after you. You don’t have to go to school’. Here are some suggestions for talking with the child and trying to understand the situation from the child's point of view: • Find out what has been happening and how the child has been reacting and feeling. • Suggest to the child things to do when he or she is picked on. Sometimes by acting How parents can help the bullied child8 assertively or not over-reacting, the bullying can be stopped. It is always much better if children, with a bit of good advice, can do something to help themselves. • Explore with the child what leads up to the bullying. Very occasionally a child may be provoking others by annoying or irritating them, and can learn not to do so. • Sometimes it is wise to discuss with the child what places it might be best to avoid, and, on occasions, whom to stay close to in threatening situations. • Make a realistic assessment of the seriousness of the bullying and plan accordingly. It is serious if the child is being assaulted, is afraid to go to school, kindergarten or the child care centre, is continually emotionally upset, can't sleep, can't concentrate, or is complaining of feeling sick or ill. In these cases, it is necessary to contact the place the child attends and seek help. It is wise to resist any urge to sort out the problem directly with those who are doing the bullying. This usually makes matters worse. Administrator 高亮 9B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s Children who bully are generally unconcerned about the people they hurt. Indeed they may enjoy hurting those they victimise. However, individual children may bully for different reasons, and it is useful for parents to know, if at all possible, why they are doing it. Those who bully in a group often think they are just having fun. They do not seem fully aware of the hurt they are personally responsible for inflicting, because they are just going along with the group. Some children who bully feel hurt themselves, sometimes because of unkind treatment in the home, and seek to take it out on somebody whom they can bully. In some cases, children bully because they are trying to get even with somebody. It could be a person who used to be a friend against whom they now have a grudge. A child may bully because he or she believes that members of some groups or types deserve to be treated badly, because of their race or ethnicity, their interests or their appearance. Such prejudice is at the root of much bullying. Some children may bully because they get admired for bossing people around - and it makes them feel good, and safe from being bullied themselves. The child who bullies others9 Sometimes (but not always) they are impulsive children who find it hard to control their anger. They may lack the social skills to get on with people, although some are clever and manipulative. Among children who bully there are some who are very unhappy. Often they have not learned to be cooperative and responsible individuals. Knowing why a child bullies never excuses the bullying behaviour, but it can sometimes help parents know how best to change the way the child behaves. 10 B u l l y i n g a m o n g y o u n g c h i l d r e n : A g u i d e f o r p a r e n t s When children start preschool or school they experience