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首页 虎妈战歌-我在美国做妈妈:耶鲁法学院教授的育儿经(完整版)

虎妈战歌-我在美国做妈妈:耶鲁法学院教授的育儿经(完整版).doc

虎妈战歌-我在美国做妈妈:耶鲁法学院教授的育儿经(完整版)

caoqian_seu
2011-02-10 0人阅读 举报 0 0 暂无简介

简介:本文档为《虎妈战歌-我在美国做妈妈:耶鲁法学院教授的育儿经(完整版)doc》,可适用于高等教育领域

BattleHymnoftheTigerMotherTableofContentsTitlePageCopyrightPageDedicationPartOneChapterTheChineseMotherChapterSophiaChapterLouisaChapterTheChuasChapterOnGenerationalDeclineChapterTheVirtuousCircleChapterTigerLuckChapterLulu’sInstrumentChapterTheViolinChapterTeethMarksandBubblesChapter“TheLittleWhiteDonkey”ChapterTheCadenzaPartTwoChapterCocoChapterLondon,Athens,Barcelona,BombayChapterPopoChapterTheBirthdayCardChapterCaravantoChautauquaChapterTheSwimmingHoleChapterHowYouGettoCarnegieHallChapterHowYouGettoCarnegieHall,PartChapterTheDebutandtheAuditionChapterBlowoutinBudapestPartThreeChapterPushkinChapterRebellionChapterDarknessChapterRebellion,PartChapterKatrinChapterTheSackofRiceChapterDespairChapter“HebrewMelody”ChapterRedSquareChapterTheSymbolChapterGoingWestChapterTheEndingCodaAcknowledgementsNotesAbouttheAuthorALSOBYAMYCHUADayofEmpire:HowHyperpowersRisetoGlobalDominanceandWhyTheyFallWorldonFire:HowExportingFreeMarketDemocracyBreedsEthnicHatredandGlobalInstabilityTHEPENGUINPRESSPublishedbythePenguinGroupPenguinGroup(USA)Inc,HudsonStreet,NewYork,NewYork,USAPenguinGroup(Canada),EglintonAvenueEast,Suite,Toronto,Ontario,CanadaMPY(adivisionofPearsonPenguinCanadaInc)PenguinBooksLtd,Strand,LondonWCRRL,EnglandPenguinIreland,StStephen’sGreen,Dublin,Ireland(adivisionofPenguinBooksLtd)PenguinBooksAustraliaLtd,CamberwellRoad,Camberwell,Victoria,Australia(adivisionofPearsonAustraliaGroupPtyLtd)PenguinBooksIndiaPvtLtd,CommunityCentre,PanchsheelPark,NewDelhi,IndiaPenguinGroup(NZ),ApolloDrive,Rosedale,NorthShore,NewZealand(adivisionofPearsonNewZealandLtd)PenguinBooks(SouthAfrica)(Pty)Ltd,SturdeeAvenue,Rosebank,Johannesburg,SouthAfricaPenguinBooksLtd,RegisteredOffices:Strand,LondonWCRRL,EnglandFirstpublishedinbyThePenguinPress,amemberofPenguinGroup(USA)IncCopyright©AmyChua,AllrightsreservedPortionsofChapterFourfirstappearedas“OnBecomingAmerican”inDefiningaNation:OurAmericaandtheSourcesofItsStrength,editedbyDavidHalberstam(NationalGeographic,)PhotographcreditsBachrachPhotography:page©SusanBradleyPhotography:PeterZMahakian:,Allotherphotographsfromtheauthor’sfamilycollectionLIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGINGINPUBLICATIONDATAChua,AmyBattlehymnofthetigermotherAmyChuapcmIncludesbibliographicalreferenceseISBN:Chua,AmyMothersUnitedStatesBiographyChineseAmericanwomenBiographyMothersanddaughtersChinaMothersanddaughtersUnitedStatesITitleHQC’dcBWithoutlimitingtherightsundercopyrightreservedabove,nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,storedinorintroducedintoaretrievalsystem,ortransmitted,inanyformorbyanymeans(electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recordingorotherwise),withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofboththecopyrightownerandtheabovepublisherofthisbookThescanning,uploading,anddistributionofthisbookviatheInternetorviaanyothermeanswithoutthepermissionofthepublisherisillegalandpunishablebylawPleasepurchaseonlyauthorizedelectroniceditionsanddonotparticipateinorencourageelectronicpiracyofcopyrightablematerialsYoursupportoftheauthor’srightsisappreciatedhttp:uspenguingroupcomForSophiaandLouisaAndforKatrinThisisastoryaboutamother,twodaughters,andtwodogsIt’salsoaboutMozartandMendelssohn,thepianoandtheviolin,andhowwemadeittoCarnegieHallThiswassupposedtobeastoryofhowChineseparentsarebetteratraisingkidsthanWesternonesButinstead,it’saboutabitterclashofcultures,afleetingtasteofglory,andhowIwashumbledbyathirteenyearoldPartOneTheTiger,thelivingsymbolofstrengthandpower,generallyinspiresfearandrespectTheChineseMotherAlotofpeoplewonderhowChineseparentsraisesuchstereotypicallysuccessfulkidsTheywonderwhattheseparentsdotoproducesomanymathwhizzesandmusicprodigies,whatit’slikeinsidethefamily,andwhethertheycoulddoittooWell,Icantellthem,becauseI’vedoneitHerearesomethingsmydaughters,SophiaandLouisa,wereneverallowedtodo:•attendasleepover•haveaplaydate•beinaschoolplay•complainaboutnotbeinginaschoolplay•watchTVorplaycomputergames•choosetheirownextracurricularactivities•getanygradelessthananA•notbethe#studentineverysubjectexceptgymanddrama•playanyinstrumentotherthanthepianoorviolin•notplaythepianoorviolinI’musingtheterm“Chinesemother”looselyIrecentlymetasupersuccessfulwhiteguyfromSouthDakota(you’veseenhimontelevision),andaftercomparingnoteswedecidedthathisworkingclassfatherhaddefinitelybeenaChinesemotherIknowsomeKorean,Indian,Jamaican,Irish,andGhanaianparentswhoqualifytooConversely,IknowsomemothersofChineseheritage,almostalwaysbornintheWest,whoarenotChinesemothers,bychoiceorotherwiseI’malsousingtheterm“Westernparents”looselyWesternparentscomeinallvarietiesInfact,I’llgooutonalimbandsaythatWesternersarefarmorediverseintheirparentingstylesthantheChineseSomeWesternparentsarestrictothersarelaxTherearesamesexparents,OrthodoxJewishparents,singleparents,exhippieparents,investmentbankerparents,andmilitaryparentsNoneofthese“Western”parentsnecessarilyseeeyetoeye,sowhenIusetheterm“Westernparents,”ofcourseI’mnotreferringtoallWesternparentsjustas“Chinesemother”doesn’trefertoallChinesemothersAllthesame,evenwhenWesternparentsthinkthey’rebeingstrict,theyusuallydon’tcomeclosetobeingChinesemothersForexample,myWesternfriendswhoconsiderthemselvesstrictmaketheirchildrenpracticetheirinstrumentsthirtyminuteseverydayAnhouratmostForaChinesemother,thefirsthouristheeasypartIt’shourstwoandthreethatgettoughDespiteoursqueamishnessaboutculturalstereotypes,therearetonsofstudiesoutthereshowingmarkedandquantifiabledifferencesbetweenChineseandWesternerswhenitcomestoparentingInonestudyofWesternAmericanmothersandChineseimmigrantmothers,almostoftheWesternmotherssaideitherthat“stressingacademicsuccessisnotgoodforchildren”orthat“parentsneedtofostertheideathatlearningisfun”Bycontrast,roughlyoftheChinesemothersfeltthesamewayInstead,thevastmajorityoftheChinesemotherssaidthattheybelievetheirchildrencanbe“thebest”students,that“academicachievementreflectssuccessfulparenting,”andthatifchildrendidnotexcelatschoolthentherewas“aproblem”andparents“werenotdoingtheirjob”OtherstudiesindicatethatcomparedtoWesternparents,ChineseparentsspendapproximatelytentimesaslongeverydaydrillingacademicactivitieswiththeirchildrenBycontrast,WesternkidsaremorelikelytoparticipateinsportsteamsThisbringsmetomyfinalpointSomemightthinkthattheAmericansportsparentisananalogtotheChinesemotherThisissowrongUnlikeyourtypicalWesternoverschedulingsoccermom,theChinesemotherbelievesthat()schoolworkalwayscomesfirst()anAminusisabadgrade()yourchildrenmustbetwoyearsaheadoftheirclassmatesinmath()youmustnevercomplimentyourchildreninpublic()ifyourchildeverdisagreeswithateacherorcoach,youmustalwaystakethesideoftheteacherorcoach()theonlyactivitiesyourchildrenshouldbepermittedtodoarethoseinwhichtheycaneventuallywinamedaland()thatmedalmustbegoldSophiaSophiaSophiaismyfirstborndaughterMyhusband,Jed,isJewish,andI’mChinese,whichmakesourchildrenChineseJewishAmerican,anethnicgroupthatmaysoundexoticbutactuallyformsamajorityincertaincircles,especiallyinuniversitytownsSophia’snameinEnglishmeans“wisdom,”asdoesSiHui,theChinesenamemymothergaveherFromthemomentSophiawasborn,shedisplayedarationaltemperamentandexceptionalpowersofconcentrationShegotthosequalitiesfromherfatherAsaninfantSophiaquicklysleptthroughthenight,andcriedonlyifitachievedapurposeIwasstrugglingtowritealawarticleatthetimeIwasonleavefrommyWallStreetlawfirmanddesperatetogetateachingjobsoIwouldn’thavetogobackandattwomonthsSophiaunderstoodthisCalmandcontemplative,shebasicallyslept,ate,andwatchedmehavewriter’sblockuntilshewasayearoldSophiawasintellectuallyprecocious,andateighteenmonthssheknewthealphabetOurpediatriciandeniedthatthiswasneurologicallypossible,insistingthatshewasonlymimickingsoundsToprovehispoint,hepulledoutabigtrickychart,withthealphabetdisguisedassnakesandunicornsThedoctorlookedatthechart,thenatSophia,andbackatthechartCunningly,hepointedtoatoadwearinganightgownandaberet“Q,”pipedSophiaThedoctorgrunted“Nocoaching,”hesaidtomeIwasrelievedwhenwegottothelastletter:ahydrawithlotsofredtonguesflappingaround,whichSophiacorrectlyidentifiedas“I”Sophiaexcelledinnurseryschool,particularlyinmathWhiletheotherkidswerelearningtocountfromtothecreativeAmericanwaywithrods,beads,andconesItaughtSophiaaddition,subtraction,multiplication,division,fractions,anddecimalstheroteChinesewayThehardpartwasdisplayingtherightanswerusingtherods,beads,andconesThedealJedandIstruckwhenwegotmarriedwasthatourchildrenwouldspeakMandarinChineseandberaisedJewish(IwasbroughtupCatholic,butthatwaseasytogiveupCatholicismhasbarelyanyrootsinmyfamily,butmoreofthatlater)Inretrospect,thiswasafunnydeal,becauseImyselfdon’tspeakMandarinmynativedialectisHokkienChineseandJedisnotreligiousintheleastButthearrangementsomehowworkedIhiredaChinesenannytospeakMandarinconstantlytoSophia,andwecelebratedourfirstHanukkahwhenSophiawastwomonthsoldAsSophiagotolder,itseemedlikeshegotthebestofbothculturesShewasprobingandquestioning,fromtheJewishsideAndfromme,theChineseside,shegotskillslotsofskillsIdon’tmeaninbornskillsoranythinglikethat,justskillslearnedthediligent,disciplined,confidenceexpandingChinesewayBythetimeSophiawasthree,shewasreadingSartre,doingsimplesettheory,andcouldwriteonehundredChinesecharacters(Jed’stranslation:Sherecognizedthewords“NoExit,”coulddrawtwooverlappingcircles,andokaymaybeontheChinesecharacters)AsIwatchedAmericanparentsslatheringpraiseontheirkidsforthelowestoftasksdrawingasquiggleorwavingastickIcametoseethatChineseparentshavetwothingsovertheirWesterncounterparts:()higherdreamsfortheirchildren,and()higherregardfortheirchildreninthesenseofknowinghowmuchtheycantakeOfcourse,IalsowantedSophiatobenefitfromthebestaspectsofAmericansocietyIdidnotwanthertoenduplikeoneofthoseweirdAsianautomatonswhofeelsomuchpressurefromtheirparentsthattheykillthemselvesaftercominginsecondonthenationalcivilserviceexamIwantedhertobewellroundedandtohavehobbiesandactivitiesNotjustanyactivity,like“crafts,”whichcanleadnowhereorevenworse,playingthedrums,whichleadstodrugsbutratherahobbythatwasmeaningfulandhighlydifficultwiththepotentialfordepthandvirtuosityAndthat’swherethepianocameinIn,whenshewasthree,Sophiagottwonewthings:herfirstpianolesson,andalittlesisterLouisaLouisaThere’sacountrymusicsongthatgoes,“She’sawildonewithanangel’sface”That’smyyoungerdaughter,LuluWhenIthinkofher,IthinkoftryingtotameaferalhorseEvenwhenshewasinuteroshekickedsoharditleftvisibleimprintsonmystomachLulu’srealnameisLouisa,whichmeans“famouswarrior”I’mnotsurehowwecalledthatonesoearlyLulu’sChinesenameisSiShan,whichmeans“coral”andconnotesdelicacyThisfitsLulutooFromthedayshewasborn,LuluhadadiscriminatingpalateShedidn’tliketheinfantformulaIfedher,andshewassooutragedbythesoymilkalternativesuggestedbyourpediatricianthatshewentonahungerstrikeButunlikeMahatmaGandhi,whowasselflessandmeditativewhilehestarvedhimself,LuluhadcolicandscreamedandclawedviolentlyforhourseverynightJedandIwereinearplugsandtearingourhairoutwhenfortunatelyourChinesenannyGracecametotherescueShepreparedasilkentofubraisedinalightabaloneandshiitakesaucewithacilantrogarnish,whichLuluendedupquitelikingIt’shardtofindthewordstodescribemyrelationshipwithLulu“Alloutnuclearwarfare”doesn’tquitecaptureitTheironyisthatLuluandIareverymuchalike:Sheinheritedmyhottempered,vipertongued,fastforgivingpersonalitySpeakingofpersonalities,Idon’tbelieveinastrologyandIthinkpeoplewhodohaveseriousproblemsbuttheChineseZodiacdescribesSophiaandLuluperfectlySophiawasbornintheYearoftheMonkey,andMonkeypeoplearecurious,intellectual,and“generallycanaccomplishanygiventaskTheyappreciatedifficultorchallengingworkasitstimulatesthem”Bycontrast,peoplebornintheYearoftheBoarare“willful”and“obstinate”andoften“flyintoarage,”althoughthey“neverharboragrudge,”beingfundamentallyhonestandwarmheartedThat’sLuluexactlyIwasbornintheYearoftheTigerIdon’twanttoboastoranything,butTigerpeoplearenoble,fearless,powerful,authoritative,andmagneticThey’realsosupposedtobeluckyBeethovenandSunYatsenwerebothTigersIhadmyfirstfaceoffwithLuluwhenshewasaboutthreeItwasafreezingwinterafternooninNewHaven,Connecticut,oneofthecoldestdaysoftheyearJedwasatworkhewasaprofessoratYaleLawSchoolandSophiawasatkindergartenIdecidedthatitwouldbeaperfecttimetointroduceLulutothepianoExcitedaboutworkingtogetherwithherbrowncurls,roundeyes,andchinadollface,LuluwasdeceptivelycuteIputheronthepianobench,ontopofsomecomfortablepillowsIthendemonstratedhowtoplayasinglenotewithasinglefinger,evenly,threetimes,andaskedhertodothesameAsmallrequest,butLulurefused,preferringinsteadtosmashatmanynotesatthesametimewithtwoopenpalmsWhenIaskedhertostop,shesmashedharderandfasterWhenItriedtopullherawayfromthepiano,shebeganyelling,crying,andkickingfuriouslyFifteenminuteslater,shewasstillyelling,crying,andkicking,andI’dhaditDodgingherblows,Idraggedthescreechingdemontoourbackporchdoor,andthrewitopenThewindchillwastwentydegrees,andmyownfacehurtfromjustafewseconds’exposuretotheicyairButIwasdeterminedtoraiseanobedientChinesechildintheWest,obedienceisassociatedwithdogsandthecastesystem,butinChineseculture,itisconsideredamongthehighestofvirtuesifitkilledme“Youcan’tstayinthehouseifyoudon’tlistentoMommy,”Isaidsternly“Now,areyoureadytobeagoodgirlOrdoyouwanttogooutside”LulusteppedoutsideShefacedme,defiantAdulldreadbeganseepingthoughmybodyLuluwaswearingonlyasweater,aruffledskirt,andtightsShehadstoppedcryingIndeed,shewaseerilystill“Okaygoodyou’vedecidedtobehave,”Isaidquickly“Youcancomeinnow”Lulushookherhead“Don’tbesilly,Lulu”Iwaspanicking“It’sfreezingYou’regoingtogetsickComeinnow”Lulu’steethwerechattering,butsheshookherheadagainAndrightthenIsawitall,asclearasdayIhadunderestimatedLulu,notunderstoodwhatshewasmadeofShewouldsoonerfreezetodeaththangiveinIhadtochangetacticsimmediatelyIcouldn’twinthisonePlusImightbelockedupbyChildServicesMymindracing,Ireversedcourse,nowbegging,coddling,andbribingLulutocomebackintothehouseWhenJedandSophiaarrivedhome,theyfoundLulucontentedlysoakinginahotbath,dippingabrownieinasteamingcupofhotchocolatewithmarshmallowsButLuluhadunderestimatedmetooIwasjustrearmingThebattlelinesweredrawn,andshedidn’tevenknowitTheChuasMylastnameisChuaCàiinMandarinandIloveitMyfamilycomesfromsouthernChina’sFujianProvince,whichisfamousforproducingscholarsandscientistsOneofmydirectancestorsonmyfather’sside,ChuaWuNeng,wastheroyalastronomertoEmperorShenZongoftheMingDynasty,aswellasaphilosopherandpoetObviouslywideranginginhisskills,WuNengwasappointedbytheemperortobethechiefofmilitarystaffin,whenChinafacedaManchuinvasionMyfamily’smostprizedheirloominfact,ouronlyheirloomisapagetreatise,handwrittenbyWuNeng,interpretingtheIChing,orBookofChanges,oneoftheoldestoftheclassicChinesetextsAleatherboundcopyofWuNeng’streatisewiththecharacterfor“Chua”onthecovernowsitsprominentlyonmylivingroomcoffeetableAllofmygrandparentswereborninFujian,butatdifferentpointsinthesandstheyboardedboatsforthePhilippines,wheretherewassaidtobemoreopportunityMymother’sfatherwasakind,mildmanneredschoolteacherwhobecamearicemerchanttosupporthisfamilyHewasnotreligiousandnotparticularlygoodatbusinessHiswife,mygrandmother,wasagreatbeautyanddevoutBuddhistDespitetheantimaterialisticteachingsoftheBodhisattvaGuanyin,shealwayswishedherhusbandweremoresuccessfulMyfather’sfather,agoodnaturedfishpastemerchant,wasalsonotreligiousandnotparticularlygoodatbusinessHiswife,myDragonLadygrandmother,madeafortuneafterWorldWarIIbygoingintoplastics,theninvestingherprofitsingoldbarsanddiamondsAftershebecamewealthysecuringanaccounttoproducecontainersforJohnsonJohnsonwaskeyshemovedintoagrandhaciendainoneofManila’smostprestigiousneighborhoodsSheandmyunclesstartedbuyingupTiffanyglass,MaryCassatts,Braques,andcondosinHonoluluTheyalsoconvertedtoProtestantismandbeganusingforksandspoonsinsteadofchopsticks,tobemorelikeAmericansBorninChinain,mymotherarrivedinthePhilippineswithherfamilywhenshewastwoDuringtheJapaneseoccupationofthePhilippines,shelostherinfantbrother,andI’llneverforgetherdescriptionofJapanesesoldiersholdingheruncle’sjawsopen,forcingwaterdownhisthroat,andlaughingabouthowhewasgoingtoburstlikeanoverfilledballoonWhenGeneralDouglasMacArthurliberatedthePhilippinesin,mymotherremembersrunningafterAmericanjeeps,cheeringwildly,asUStroopstossedoutfreecansofSpamAfterthewar,mymotherattendedaDominicanhighschool,whereshewasconvertedtoCatholicismSheeventuallygraduatedfromtheUniversityofSantoTomasfirstinherclass,summacumlaude,with

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  • skyaie Thanks a lot.

    2011-11-03 18:57:47

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虎妈战歌-我在美国做妈妈:耶鲁法学院教授的育儿经(完整版)

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