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首页 [江湖骗子自白].(美)米切尔.英文文字版

[江湖骗子自白].(美)米切尔.英文文字版.pdf

[江湖骗子自白].(美)米切尔.英文文字版

平林
2010-09-19 0人阅读 举报 0 0 暂无简介

简介:本文档为《[江湖骗子自白].(美)米切尔.英文文字版pdf》,可适用于哲学、历史领域

THEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWBYSWEIRMITCHELL,MD,LLDHARVARDANDEDINBURGHTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWINTRODUCTIONBothofthetalesinthislittlevolumeappearedoriginallyinthe``AtlanticMonthly''asanonymouscontributionsIowetothepresentownersofthatjournalpermissiontousethem``TheAutobiographyofaQuack''hasbeenrecastwithlargeadditions``TheCaseofGeorgeDedlow''wasnotwrittenwithanyintentionthatitshouldappearinprintIlentthemanuscripttotheRevDrFurnessandforgotitThisgentlemansentittotheRevEdwardEverettHaleHe,presuming,Ifancy,thateveryonedesiredtoappearinthe``Atlantic,''offeredittothatjournalTomysurprise,soonafterwardsIreceivedaproofandacheckThestorywasinsertedasaleadingarticlewithoutmynameItwasatonceacceptedbymanyasthedescriptionofarealcaseMoneywascollectedinseveralplacestoassisttheunfortunateman,andbenevolentpersonswenttothe``StumpHospital,''inPhiladelphia,toseethesuffererandtoofferhimaidThespiritualincidentattheendofthestorywasreceivedwithjoybythespiritualistsasavaluableproofofthetruthoftheirbeliefsSWEIRMITCHELLTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKAtthispresentmomentoftimeIamwhatthedoctorscallaninterestingcase,andamtobefoundinbedNo,Ward,MassachusettsGeneralHospitalIamtoldthatIhavewhatiscalledAddison'sdisease,andthatitisthispleasingmaladywhichcausesmetobecoveredwithlargeblotchesofadarkmulattotintHowever,itisarathergrimsubjecttojokeabout,because,ifIbelievedthedoctorwhocomesaroundeveryday,andthumpsme,andlistenstomychestwithasmuchpleasureasifIweremusicallthroughIsay,ifIreallybelievedhim,IshouldsupposeIwasgoingtodieThefactis,Idon'tbelievehimatallSomeofthesedaysIshalltakeaturnandgetaboutagainbutmeanwhileitisratherdullforastirring,activepersonlikemetohavetoliestillandwatchmyselfgettingbigbrownandyellowspotsalloverme,likeamapthathastakentogrowingThemanonmyrighthasconsumptionsmellsofcodliveroil,andcoughsallnightThemanonmyleftisadowneasterwithaliverwhichhasstruckworklookslikeahumanpumpkinandhowhecontrivestowhittlejackstrawsallday,andeatashedoes,Ican'tunderstandIhavetriedreadingandtriedwhittling,buttheydon'teitherofthemsatisfyme,sothatyesterdayIconcludedtoaskthedoctorifhecouldn'tsuggestsomeotheramusementIwaiteduntilhehadgonethroughtheward,andthenseizedmychance,andaskedhimtostopamoment``Well,myman,''saidhe,``whatdoyouwant!''Ithoughthimratherdisrespectful,butIreplied,``Somethingtodo,doctor''Hethoughtalittle,andthensaid:``I'lltellyouwhattodoIthinkifyouweretowriteoutaplainaccountofyourlifeitwouldbeprettywellworthreadingIfhalfofwhatyoutoldmelastweekbetrue,youmustbeaboutascleverascampasthereistobemetwithIsupposeyouwouldTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWjustasliefputitonpaperastalkit''``Prettynearly,''saidI``IthinkIwilltryit,doctor''AfterheleftIlayawhilethinkingoverthematterIknewwellthatIwaswhattheworldcallsascamp,andIknewalsothatIhadgotlittlegoodoutofthefactIfamaniswhatpeoplecallvirtuous,andfailsinlife,hegetscreditatleastforthevirtuebutwhenamanisaiswell,oneofliberalviews,andbreaksdown,somehoworotherpeopledon'tcredithimwitheventheintelligencehehasputintothebusinessThisIcallhardIfIdidnotrecallwithsatisfactiontheenergyandskillwithwhichIdidmywork,IshouldbenothingbutdisgustedatthemelancholyspectacleofmyfailureIsupposethatIshallatleastfindoccupationinreviewingallthis,andIthink,therefore,formyownsatisfaction,Ishalltrytoamusemyconvalescencebywritingaplain,straightforwardaccountofthelifeIhaveled,andthevariousdevicesbywhichIhavesoughttogetmyshareofthemoneyofmycountrymenItdoesappeartomethatIhavehadnoendofbadluckAsnoonewilleverseethesepages,IfinditpleasanttorecallformyownsatisfactionthefactthatIamreallyaveryremarkablemanIam,orratherIwas,verygoodlooking,fivefeeteleven,withalotofcurlyredhair,andblueeyesIamlefthanded,whichisanotherunusualthingMyhandshaveoftenbeennoticedIgetthemfrommymother,whowasaFishbourne,andaladyAsformyfather,hewasrathercommonHewasalittleman,redandroundlikeanapple,butverystrong,forareasonIshallcometopresentlyThefamilymusthavehadapiouslikingforBiblenames,becausehewascalledZebulon,mysisterPeninnah,andIEzra,whichisnotanameforagentlemanAtonetimeIthoughtofchangingit,butIgotoveritbysigningmyself``ESanderaft''WheremyfatherwasbornIdonotknow,exceptthatitwassomewhereinNewJersey,forIrememberthathewasonceangrybecauseamancalledhimaJerseySpaniardIamnotmuchconcernedtowriteaboutmypeople,becauseIsoongotabovetheirlevelandastomymother,shediedwhenIwasaninfantIgetmymanners,whichareratherremarkable,fromherMyaunt,RachelSanderaft,whokepthouseforus,wasaqueerTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWcharacterShehadasnuglittleproperty,aboutseventhousanddollarsAnoldauntleftherthemoneybecauseshewasstonedeafAsthisdefectcameuponheraftershegrewup,shestillkepthervoiceThiswomanwasthecauseofsomeofmyillluckinlife,andIhopesheisuncomfortable,whereversheisIthinkwithsatisfactionthatIhelpedtomakeherlifeuneasywhenIwasyoung,andworselateronShegaveawaytotheidlepoorsomeofhersmallincome,andhidtherest,likeamagpie,inherBibleorrolledinherstockings,orinevenqueererplacesTheworstofherwasthatshecouldtellwhatpeoplesaidbylookingattheirlipsthisIhatedButasIgrewandbecameintelligent,herwaysofhidinghermoneyproveduseful,tomeatleastAstoPeninnah,shewasnothingspecialuntilshesuddenlybloomedoutintoaratherstout,prettygirl,tooktoribbons,andlikedwhatshecalled``keepingcompany''Sheranerrandsforeveryone,waitedonmyaunt,andthoughtIwasawonderfulpersonasindeedIwasInevercouldunderstandherfondnessforhelpingeverybodyAfellowhasgothimselftothinkabout,andthatisquiteenoughIwastoldprettyoftenthatIwasthemostselfishboyaliveBut,then,Iamanunusualperson,andthereareseveralnamesforthingsMyfatherkeptasmallshopforthesaleoflegalstationeryandthelike,onFifthstreetnorthofChestnutButhischiefinterestinlifelayinthebellringingofChristChurchHewasleader,orNo,andthewholebusinesswasinthehandsofakindofguildwhichisnearlyasoldasthechurchIusedtohearmoreofitthanIliked,becausemyfathertalkedofnothingelseButIdonotmeantoboremyselfwritingofbellsIheardtoomuchabout``backshake,''``raisinginpeal,''``scales,''and``touches,''andtheLordknowswhatMyearliestremembranceisofsittingonmyfather'sshoulderwhenheledofftheringersHewasverystrong,asIsaid,byreasonofthisexerciseWithonefootcaughtinaloopofleathernailedtothefloor,hewouldbegintopullNo,andbyandbythewholepealwouldbeswinging,andhegoingupanddown,tomyjoyIusedtofeelasifitwasIthatwasmakingthegreatnoisethatrangoutalloverthetownMyfamiliaracquaintancewiththeoldchurchanditslumberrooms,wherewerestoredthedustyarmsofWilliamandMaryandGeorgeII,provedofuseinmyTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWlaterdaysMyfatherhadastrongbeliefinmytalents,andIdonotthinkhewasmistakenAshewasquiteuneducated,hedeterminedthatIshouldnotbeHehadsavedenoughtosendmetoPrincetonCollege,andwhenIwasaboutfifteenIwassetfreefromthepublicschoolsIneverlikedthemThelastIwasatwasthehighschoolAsIhadtocomedowntowntogethome,weusedtomeetonArchstreettheboysfromthegrammarschooloftheuniversity,andtherewerefightseveryweekInwintertheseweremostfrequent,becauseofthesnowballingAfellowhadtotakehisshareorbemarkedasadeserterIneversawanypersonalgoodtobehadoutofafight,butitwasbettertofightthantobecobbedThatmeansthattwofellowsholdyou,andtheotherfellowskickyouwiththeirbentkneesIthurtsIfindjustherethatIamdescribingathingasifIwerewritingforsomeotherpeopletoseeImayaswellgoonthatwayAfterall,amannevercanquitestandoffandlookathimselfasifhewastheonlypersonconcernedHemusthaveanaudience,ormakebelievetohaveone,evenifitisonlyhimselfNor,onthewhole,shouldIbeunwilling,ifitweresafe,toletpeopleseehowgreatabilitymaybedefeatedbythecrankinessoffortuneImayaddherethatastoneinsideofasnowballdiscouragesthefellowithitsButneitherourfellowsnorthegrammarschoolusedstonesinsnowballsIratherlikeditIfwehadarowinthespringtimeweallthrewstones,andherewasoneofthosebitsofstupidcustomnomancanunderstandbecausereallyastoneoutsideofasnowballismuchmoreseriousthanifitismercifullypaddedwithsnowIfeltittobeariseinlifewhenIgotoutofthesocietyofthecommonboyswhoattendedthehighschoolWhenIwasthereamanbythenameofDallasBachewastheheadmasterHehadawayoflettingtheboysattendtowhathecalledthecharacteroftheschoolOnceIhadtolietohimabouttakinganotherboy'sballHetoldmyclassthatIhaddeniedthecharge,andthathealwaystookitforgrantedthataboyspokethetruthHeknewwellenoughwhatwouldhappenItdidAfterthatIwascarefulTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWPrincetonwasthenalittlecollege,notexpensive,whichwasverywell,asmyfatherhadsomedifficultytoprovideeventhemoderateamountneededIsoonfoundthatifIwastoassociatewiththeuppersetofyoungmenIneededmoneyForsometimeIwaitedinvainButinmysecondyearIdiscoveredasmallgoldmine,onwhichIdrewwithamoderationwhichshowseventhusearlythestrengthofmycharacterIusedtogohomeonceamonthforaSundayvisit,andontheseoccasionsIwasoftenabletoremovefrommyaunt'sbigBibleafiveortendollarnote,whichotherwisewouldhavebeenlonguselessNowandthenIutilizedmyopportunitiesatPrincetonIverymuchdesiredcertainthingslikewellmadeclothes,andfortheseIhadtorunindebttoatailorWhenhewantedpay,andthreatenedtosendthebilltomyfather,IborrowedfromtwoorthreeyoungSouthernersbutatlast,whentheybecamehardup,myaunt'suncountedhoardprovedalastresource,orsomerarechanceinaneighboringroomhelpedmeoutIneverdidlookonthismethodasofpermanentusefulness,anditwasonlythetemporaryfollyofyouthWhateverelsethepiratenecessityappropriated,Itooknolargeamountofeducation,althoughIwasfondofreading,andespeciallyofnovels,whichare,Ithink,veryinstructivetotheyoung,especiallythenovelsofSmollettandFieldingThereis,however,littleneedtodwellonthispartofmylifeCollegestudentsinthosedayswereonlyboys,andboysareverystrangeanimalsTheyhaveinstinctsTheysomehowgettoknowifafellowdoesnotrelatefactsastheytookplaceIliketoputitthatway,because,afterall,themodeofputtingthingsisonlyoneoftheformsofselfdefense,andislesssillythantheordinarywrigglingmethodswhichboysemploy,andwhicharegenerallyuselessIwasrathergiventotellinglargestoriesjustforthefunofitand,Ithink,toldthemwellButsomehowIgotthereputationofnotbeingstrictlydefinite,andwhenitwasmeanttoindicatethisbelieftheyhadanillmanneredwayofinformingyouThisconsistedintwoorthreefellowsstandingupandshufflingnoisilywiththeirfeetonthefloorWhenfirstIheardthisIaskedinnocentlywhatitmeant,andwastolditTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWwasthenoiseofthebearers'feetcomingtotakeawayAnaniasThiswasconsideredafinejokeDuringmyjunioryearIbecameunpopular,andasIwasverycautious,IcannotseewhyAtlast,beinghardup,IgottobefoolishlyrecklessButwhydwellonthefailuresofimmaturityThecauseswhichledtomyleavingNassauHallwerenot,afterall,themischievousoutbreaksinwhichcollegeladsindulgeIndeed,IhaveneverbeenguiltyofanyofthosepiecesofwantonwickednesswhichinjurethefeelingsofotherswhiletheyleadtonousefulresultWhenIlefttoreturnhome,Isetmyselfseriouslytoreflectuponthenecessityofgreatercareinfollowingoutmyinclinations,andfromthattimeforwardIhavesteadilyavoided,wheneveritwaspossible,thevulgarviceofdirectlypossessingmyselfofobjectstowhichIcouldshownolegaltitleMyfatherwasindignantattheresultsofmycollegecareerand,accordingtomyaunt,hisshameandsorrowhadsomeeffectinshorteninghislifeMysisterbelievedmyaccountofthematterItendedinmybeingusedforayearasanassistantintheshop,andinbeingtaughttoringbellsafineexercise,butnotproperworkforamanofrefinementMyfatherdiedwhiletraininghisbellringersintheOxfordtriplebobbrokeabloodvesselsomewhereHowIcouldhavecausedthatIdonotseeIwasnowaboutnineteenyearsold,and,asIremember,amiddlesized,wellbuiltyoungfellow,withlargeeyes,aslightmustache,and,Ihavebeentold,withverygoodmannersandasomewhathumorousturnBesidestheseadvantages,myguardianheldintrustformeabouttwothousanddollarsAftersomeconsultationbetweenus,itwasresolvedthatIshouldstudymedicineThisconclusionwasreachednineyearsbeforetheRebellionbrokeout,andafterwehadsettled,forthesakeofeconomy,inWoodbury,NewJerseyFromthistimeIsawverylittleofmydeafauntorofPeninnahIwasresolutetoriseintheworld,andnottobeweightedbyrelativeswhowerewithoutmytastesandmymannersIsetoutforPhiladelphia,withmanygoodcounselsfrommyauntandguardianIlookbackuponthisperiodasaturningpointofmylifeIhadseenenoughoftheworldalreadytoknowthatifyoucansucceedwithoutexcitingsuspicion,itisbyfarthepleasantestwayandIreallybelievethatTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWifIhadnotbeenendowedwithsofatalalikingforallthegoodthingsoflifeImighthavelivedalongasreputablyasmostmenThis,however,is,andalwayshasbeen,mydifficulty,andIsupposethatIamnotresponsiblefortheincidentstowhichitgaveriseMostmenhavesometiesinlife,butIhavesaidIhadnonewhichheldmePeninnahcriedagooddealwhenweparted,andthis,Ithink,asIwasstillyoung,hadaverygoodeffectinstrengtheningmyresolutiontodonothingwhichcouldgetmeintotroubleThejanitorofthecollegetowhichIwentdirectedmetoaboardinghouse,whereIengagedasmallthirdstoryroom,whichIafterwardssharedwithMrChaucerofGeorgiaHepronouncedit,asIremember,``Jawjah''InthisveryremarkableabodeIspentthenexttwowinters,andfinallygraduated,alongwithtwohundredmore,atthecloseofmytwoyearsofstudyIshouldpreviouslyhavebeenoneyearinaphysician'sofficeasastudent,butthisregulationwasveryeasilyevadedAstomystudies,thelesssaidthebetterIattendedthequizzes,astheycallthem,prettyclosely,and,beingofaquickandretentivememory,wasthusenabledtodispensewithsomeofthesixorsevenlecturesadaywhichdullermenfounditnecessarytofollowDissectingstruckmeasarathernastybusinessforagentleman,andonthisaccountIdidjustaslittleaswasabsolutelyessentialInfact,ifamantookhisticketsandpaidthedissectionfees,nobodytroubledhimselfastowhetherornothedidanymorethanthisAlikeevilexistedatthegraduation:whetheryousqueezedthroughorpassedwithcreditwasathingwhichwasnotmadepublic,sothatIhadabsolutelynothingtostimulatemyambitionIamtoldthatitisallverydifferenttodayTheastonishmentwithwhichIlearnedofmysuccesswassharedbythenumerousSoutherngentlemenwhodarkenedthefloorsandperfumedwithtobaccotheroomsofourboardinghouseInmycompanions,duringthetimeofmystudiessocalled,asinothermattersoflife,IwassomewhatunfortunateAllofthemwereSoutherngentlemen,withmoremoneythanIhadManyofthemcarriedgreatsticks,usuallyswordcanes,andsomebowieknivesorpistolsalso,theydelightedinswallowtailedcoats,longhair,broadbrimmedfelthats,andverytightbootsIoftenthinkofthesegentlemenwithaffectionateinterest,andwonderhowmanyTHEAUTOBIOGRAPHYOFAQUACKANDTHECASEOFGEORGEDEDLOWarelyingunderthewheatfieldsofVirginiaOnecouldseethemanydaysaunteringalongwiththeirarmsovertheircompanions'shoulders,splendidlyindifferenttothewaysofthepeopleaboutthemTheyhatedthe``Nawth''andcursedtheYankees,andhonestlybelievedthattheleanestofthemwasamatchforanyhalfadozenofthebulkiestofNorthernersImustalsodothemthejusticetosaythattheywerequiteasreadytofightastobrag,which,bytheway,isnomeagerstatementWiththesegentryforwhomIretainarespectwhichfilledmewithregretattherecentcourseofeventsIspentagooddealofmylargeleisureThemorestudiousofbothsectionscalledusahardcrowdWhatwedid,orhowwedidit,littleconcernsmehere,exceptthat,owingtomyesteemforchivalricbloodandbreeding,IwasledintomanypracticesandexcesseswhichcostmyguardianandmyselfagooddealofmoneyAtthecloseofmycareerasastudentIfoundmyselfagedtwentyoneyears,andtheownerofsomesevenhundreddollarstherestofmysmallestatehavingdisappearedvariouslywithinthelasttwoyearsAftermyfriendshadgonetotheirhomesintheSouthIbegantolookaboutmeforanoffice,andfinallysettleduponverygoodroomsinoneofthedowntownlocalitiesoftheQuakerCityIamnotspecificastothenumberandstreet,forreasonswhichmayhereafterappearIlikedthesituationonvariousaccountsIthadbeenoccupiedbyadoctorthetermswerereasonableanditlayontheskirtsofagoodneighborhood,whilebelowitlivedamotleypopulation,amongwhichIexpectedtogetmyfirstpatientsandsuchfeesasweretobehadIntothisnewhomeImovedmymedicaltextbooks,afewbones,andmyselfAlso,Idisplayedinthewindowafreshsign,uponwhichwasdistinctlytoberead:DRESANDERAFTOfficehours,toAM,toPMIfeltnowthatIhaddonemyfairsharetowardattainingavirtuoussubsistence,andsoIwaitedtranquilly,andwithoutundueenthusiasm,toseetherestoftheworlddoits

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